Title: Firewood
Author: snarkysweetness
Rating: R
Characters: August, Neal, Jefferson, & Emma; Emma/August with a twinge of Emma/Neal
Summary: Neal attempts to pull August back onto the wagon but winds up with a black eye for his troubles.
Warnings: Mentions to addiction, drinking, drunk fighting, language, angst, and fucking feels.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Author's Notes: August and Neal are my new BroTP and I needed to channel my feels over them into something. As always, thanks to my wife for the beta.
He tossed back the remainder of his whiskey before slamming the empty glass down onto the dirty bar. He'd long ago lost count of how many drinks had burned away at his throat and quite frankly, he didn't care.
"Don't you think you've had enough?"
August motioned for Jefferson before giving his old friend Neal a shrug.
"There aren't enough drinks in this world to be considered 'enough' for me, brother."
Neal, who had shown up around drink number five, sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.
"Another?" Jefferson asked warily as he approached with a new bottle of Maker's Mark. Neal and Jefferson met eyes before Neal gave him a small nod and August rolled his eyes. He took his new drink and threw it back in one large gulp. He didn't need the man who had defiled his princess and the man who had kidnapped her teaming up to treat him like a fucking child.
"Fill it up, Jefferson," August commanded as Neal finished the drink he'd been nursing the entire night.
"Come on, August, this is….you're better than this," Neal whispered.
August shook his head as Jefferson pulled up to the bar to join them for a drink.
"Nope, haven't you heard? I'm nothing more than a liar; it's the whole Pinocchio thing." He filled up his own glass and ignored his blurring vision. He planned to drink until it stopped hurting or until he blacked out, whichever came first.
"Is this why you've fallen off the wagon? Because of her?" They never spoke her name aloud, but it didn't take a moron to figure it out and despite his many failings, Jefferson wasn't an idiot. He cleared his throat uncomfortably and reached for a few dirty glasses.
"You know what, I need to clean up the bar," he began as he tried to leave the pair to it, but August stopped him.
"Tell me, how is it that you drugged her, kidnapped her, and threatened to kill her but she lets Henry go over for play dates and this one had sex with her when she was only a minor and she can forgive him, but I'm the fucking bad guy?" August slurred as he took another swig, this time from the bottle.
Both men sighed and August ignored them.
"She tolerates me for her kid, because that crazy sister of his." Jefferson pointed towards Neal, "has every other child in town too scared to play with him. Grace is the only friend Henry has left and spending time with him makes Grace happy, so I'm not going to worry about fucking Regina. I dare her to fuck with my family again." For a moment August caught a flash of the Mad Hatter and he finally understood how Jefferson had managed to overpower both Emma and Snow.
"Don't remind me that we're related," Neal grumbled as he took another drink.
Poor Henry had the family tree from Hell.
"Why? You don't like imagining your dad humping Cora?" Jefferson asked. A moment later they all shuddered in disgust.
August took another drink and for the first time that evening it had nothing to do with her.
Neal frowned. He seemed to be sharing August's thoughts because he swiped the bottle and took a long drink from it as well.
"I fucking hate you both," Neal muttered as he took another drink and then changed the subject back to their original conversation.
"Emma doesn't trust this one, if that's what you're getting at."
"True, she threatens to castrate me every time she drops him off, so there is no forgiveness or trust there, mate. She's scary," Jefferson muttered after a moment before taking a turn with the bottle. They all sat in silence for a moment, thinking about Emma before Neal clapped August on the back.
"Look, she hasn't forgiven me either. Henry refused to forgive her for lying to him until she played nice with me. Her 'forgiveness' is an act for the kid. And well…"
"Fuck the fact that the kid misses me because I'm the one thing she won't budge on?"
"You are her emotional punching bag," Jefferson agreed.
August glared at Jefferson. How in the fuck did Jefferson know about that? He gave the mad man a questioning look and Jefferson shrugged in response.
"Hook runs his mouth after too many. I get that you're lacking friends in this town, but he isn't the most reliable person to bare your soul to."
August took the bottle back from Jefferson and drank while he grumbled about killing himself a pirate.
"Where in the Hell is my good ol' step-father?" Neal asked. One could usually find the Pirate Captain depleting his fellow portal jumper's liquor stock either alone or with Doctor Frankenstein.
"The drunk tank," August and Jefferson said together.
"He told Emma she had a nice ass so she left him even longer than usual." A moment later Jefferson closed his eyes and cursed. "I'm sorry, I forgot…"
Jefferson threw his towel down and gripped the bar as he and Neal met eyes. August did his best to compose himself as the two pairs of eyes slowly turned to watch him. He clutched the whiskey bottle in his hand until his knuckles turned white. He told himself to brush it off but he was drunker than he'd been since coming to this damn sleepy town and his grip was stronger than he remembered because soon the bottle shattered in his hand and he joined the broken glass on the floor as he broke down.
"Everything's my fault. She should hate me. I hate me. I ruined her life," he began babbling. Neal was used to this by now. August had broken his sobriety five days ago and every day since had gone the same: August would fall hard into a bottle, break down at the mention of Emma, and begin his sick cycle of self-loathing until Neal calmed him down long enough to get him back to his room at Granny's where Ruby or Granny would lull him to sleep and then stay with him until morning to make sure he didn't choke on his own vomit during the night.
He was a mess, more of a mess than he'd ever been, even with his years of addiction and loneliness. Emma had ruined him and he deserved no less; he hated himself more than she ever could.
"You didn't ruin anything, you did what you had to do-" Neal tried to take August's face in his hands but August pushed him away.
"No, I left her. She needed me and I left-"
"We all make mistakes-" Neal assured as he attempted to pull him into his arms.
"I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE FOR HER!" August yelled before letting Neal hold him. Until August had lost himself in Asia, they two of them had bonded over their shared guilt. August had never been good at taking care of anyone but for a few short months he'd been able to be Neal's shoulder and now Neal was repaying the favor.
"Jesus Christ, our lives are fucked up," August murmured as he cried into Neal's jacket.
"Yes, yes they are. And they're fucked up because of my asshole father, not because of anything you did. We were all put in a shitty situa-"
"I should have done better," August argued as he tried to pull away but Neal was insistent on keeping him in one place.
"You made up for it-"
August laughed bitterly.
"I didn't make up for jack shit."
"You're being too hard on your-" Neal tried to help August to his feet but August shrugged him off. The alcohol was getting to his head again because he felt his cheeks heat up and soon he was in Neal's face for no reason other than a rage suddenly went through him.
"I FAILED HER OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND WHEN IT CAME TIME TO HELP HER BREAK THE CURSE I WAS TOO BUSY FALLING IN LOVE WITH HER TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT!"
Neal ignored him and reached for August's bloody hand as Jefferson swept up the broken glass.
"I can do it myself," August argued as he pulled his hand away.
"Clearly you're not capable of doing anything right now, you're a drunken mess. Now you either let me clean that up or we're visiting Victor, your call."
August grumbled but eventually, and begrudgingly, allowed Neal to lead him to a stool. Jefferson tossed him a bottle of nearly empty alcohol and a clean rag. Neal grabbed August's hand and without warning, poured the bottle's contents onto August's wound.
On instinct from the pain, August flung his arms out in pain, hitting Neal in the face and knocking him onto ass in the process.
"GODDAMMIT AUGUST!"
Neal stood and nursed his already swollen eye. He began muttering expletives as Jefferson sighed and muttered something about needing to lock up the bar. Jefferson disappeared as August did his best to apologize.
"Shut up," Neal muttered as he grabbed another bottle from the back of the bar and threw himself down into one of the empty booths. August joined him and buried his face into the table. His head was throbbing and he hated himself for being weak enough to fuck up his sobriety.
Even if Emma could forgive him enough to let him see the kid without having to sneak it during his visits to Neal…
It would kill him if Henry ever got wind of this.
"I need to stop," August whispered, tasting the salt from his tears as he looked up to find Neal giving him a 'well no shit' look before he took a drink.
"Yeah, well….I was surprised you were even sober to begin with, to be honest."
August ran his hands over his face and shook his head as he laughed bitterly.
"It was her, I swear, the moment I came into this town…I couldn't care less about my next drink, it all became her. I'm so pathetic," he muttered. "Here I was, hopelessly in love with her, and she couldn't even take five minutes to check on me after I died. I know I didn't deserve it but…" August threw his hands up in resignation.
"You need to win her back," August said after a moment. "She deserves to be happy and so does Henry and I don't think I could stomach her allowing anyone else to love her."
He rested his head on the cool wood of the table while praying he didn't puke while they had a serious conversation.
Neal sighed.
"August…"
"No, I mean it. I know I said all of that stuff but…she loved you. You're Henry's father. And…I want her to be happy."
"Is that why you sent me the postcard?"
August slowly looked up.
"I told you I would." Did his word really mean so little? Even to his only real friend?
"But…you love her. You could have not…" Neal shrugged. "I don't think I could have been that unselfish."
"I sent it because I love her." It had never even occurred to him to not send it. August wanted the choice to be Emma's. "I deprived her of happiness throughout her life, the least I could do was give her the choice to be with you if that's what she wanted. Clearly my feelings for Emma were one-sided; keeping the two of you apart would have accomplished nothing."
Neal toyed with the label of his chosen spirit before taking another swig.
"And speaking of…why didn't you come looking for her? She had to find you, if I recall." Not that it mattered. Jefferson was right; August would always be her emotional punching bag. The person for her to lay all of the blame on. Neal had chosen to leave her and to stay away even after the curse was broken and yet somehow it was August's fault.
He reached for the drink but Neal pulled it away.
"You've had more than enough, brother."
"Are you going to answer my question?"
Neal sighed and finished the bottle before setting it out of August's reach, as a precaution, August supposed.
"Why do you think she would want to be with me after everything I've pulled?"
"Well, she clearly hates me and I'm sure Henry would love it."
"Have you even told her how you feel?"
August shook his head.
"That's not happening."
"Why?"
"Just…because…no. Okay? She doesn't need to know. And besides, she deserves-"
"You don't think you're good enough for her. Is that really what all of this is about?"
"Neal-" August began with a sigh but Neal wasn't going to let him get off that easily.
"You're in love with her, like…enough to give her up to another man and you really don't think you deserve her? August, that's exactly why you're who she needs. She doesn't…
Look. I had feelings for her, I'll admit. And maybe I could have loved her, but…I never did, not really, and even if I had it's nothing close to what you feel. I mean, look at you; you're destroying yourself because of her.
August, you need to tell her how you feel. It may not do any good but if there's anything our soap opera life has taught me is that lying does no good and everything comes out eventually so just…"
"Wait…" August held up his hand in confusion. He wasn't sure if he was just really drunk but if he didn't know any better he'd say Neal had no interest in Emma and that was the craziest thing August could fathom. Who wouldn't want his beautiful, temperamental, and enchanting princess?
"I just encouraged you to pursue the mother of your child and you're telling me you have no plans to do such a thing? Are you insane? Emma's insufferable and maddening and a pain in the ass but she's…she's perfect. You're crazy."
Neal looked past August's shoulder for a moment before meeting his eyes.
"Emma is far from perfect-"
"You're wrong. She's…" August sighed as he recalled their short time together. "She has the most adorable pout; it's like a puppy's, except you want to kiss it off of her face. And when she's concentrating she nibbles on her lower lip and she wrings her hands when she's nervous and she always smells like Cinnamon and she…" He smiled sadly. "Once she gets something into her head it's impossible to talk her out of it. She's the most stubborn person I've ever met and-"
"You love everything about her. Even the bad parts." It wasn't a question.
August nodded before closing his eyes and leaning his head back against his seat.
Throat clearing alerted them that Jefferson had returned. When August turned to look behind him, he nearly fell out of his seat in shock over who stood next to Jefferson.
"I um…Neal, maybe you can help me unload a shipment since the two of you drank half of my supply."
Neal smirked in August's direction before standing and clapping Jefferson on the back.
"No worries, Jefferson, bill my father. He can afford it."
Before Neal could walk away a hand caught him by the arm.
"Try to be sober when you pick our son up in the morning or I'll find a reason to throw you into the cell next to Captain Asshole, got it?"
August buried his face in his hands. He cursed Jefferson, who had no doubt called Emma, his way of being helpful he supposed. How much had she heard? And how much would he have to drink to erase the shame he felt?
"Get up, we're going outside."
"Why, so you can arrest me for public intoxication? I know you hate me princess, but that seems a bit extreme, even for you." August couldn't help himself; it was the only way he knew how to deal with how much she hated him. She'd made her feelings known and he did his best not to let her know how much it hurt him through sarcasm.
"Get up now or I will walk out that door and you will never see me again." She commanded before turning away and storming off towards the back exit without another word.
He groaned and slowly pushed himself out of the booth, with some trouble. He stumbled and knocked over a few chairs on his way out but he eventually made his way outside into the cool salty air.
"You wanted to see me, prince-"
For the second time that night Emma managed to floor him.
Her lips were softer than he'd imagined and she tasted just like she smelled. He'd fantasized about kissing her hundreds of times and not one involved him drunkenly pawing at her in an attempt to pull her closer.
The kiss ended too soon for his tastes but it still left him breathless.
He stared down at her in confusion and shock while she gazed up at him with that adorably hopeful look that he could only describe as 'Emma'.
"Ems…"
"Say it," she whispered.
"What?"
"August…" she replied, already annoyed with him.
He closed his eyes with a small whimper.
"Ems…" He couldn't do this. He couldn't admit his feelings aloud, even if she had already heard him bearing his soul. She'd left him broken and he couldn't handle more rejection from her. He was already killing himself with the drink, one more push and he'd kill himself for real.
"Please," she pleaded.
When he opened his eyes he found that he couldn't resist that face.
"I…" He wanted to do this right. With a shaky hand he lifted her chin and stared into her beautiful emerald eyes. "I love you, Emma. Always have, always will. You can hate me as much as you want but it won't change the fact that I love you." He reached his hand up to brush away a loose strand of her hair as she pulled him down for another kiss.
He held her close this time and moved his fingers into her soft blond curls.
Emma broke away a moment later before pushing him away from her.
His heart sank and he realized this was just another way for her to toy with him.
"Emma-"
"I'm not forgiving you or dating you or…and I have to say I find the fact that you gave someone permission to DATE me completely misogynistic and disgusting but…" She cleared her throat and looked away, as if they hadn't just shared two of the best kisses he'd ever had in life.
Hell, who was he kidding, she was the only woman he'd ever loved; they'd been the best. Booze breath and everything.
"Henry misses you so I guess I should let you two spend time together. Apparently he 'hates' me for not forgiving you. Bullshit if you ask me."
He recognized her walls coming back up and he nodded, knowing that Emma needed more time.
"So…"
"Regina has him Fridays and Neal has him on Saturdays but on Sundays we all get together at Granny's and since you live there…" She shrugged.
"What time?"
"Nine."
"I'll be there."
"Good."
She crossed her arms and he bit his swollen lip before speaking.
"Will you ever forgive me?"
Emma stared at the ground for a long moment and when she glanced up to meet his gaze he saw nothing but pain in her eyes and he instantly hated himself all over again.
"I don't know but…I'm ready to let you try to convince me to."
Even with their shared pain he managed to smile.
"Are you giving me permission to make it up to you?"
"Shut up or I'll go right back to not speaking to you."
Emma pushed past him towards her cruiser, but August caught her by the arm. He considered kissing her goodbye, but thought better of it. Instead he cupped her cheek and did his best to memorize her face, just in case he never saw her again.
"I love you. No matter how much you hate me, just remember that. I will never stop, Ems."
"Yeah, whatever, go cry on my baby daddy some more," she huffed before walking away but he caught the hint of a smile on her face.
He watched her go with a small, hopeful smile before collapsing against the nearest wall.
"I'm never drinking again," he muttered.
"Good to know, because Jefferson said we're not allowed to drink in his bar anymore."
"Fuck off, Neal." August murmured as Neal led him towards the street.
"Do you think the first time you make love to her that she'll be thinking about how much better I am in bed than you are," Neal began and August began to list all of the ways he planned to get Neal back for this later.