She was pregnant.
Helen stared back at her pale face in the mirror, taking note of the dark circles surrounding red-rimmed eyes. She daintily swiped on hand underneath her nose, inhaling deeply. She couldn't believe her misfortune. She was twenty-five years old, married only a few short months ago, now a mother-to-be.
A sound like something she'd heard from a newborn kitten escaped her lips. Inside and out, she looked and felt every bit as helpless and pathetic as that new kitten had looked.
It had been less than a year ago, just after their engagement that Helen and John had talked of a family some day. John had been an only child, and had always longed for siblings, so it was natural for him to want children.
"As many children as you'll give me Helen, and preferably one that looks just like you. That's all I could ever ask for."
Helen had been giddy with delight, so glad he shared her desire for a family she'd nearly missed what he'd said next.
"First our marriage, then a home for the two of us, our careers… and then everything else." He smiled warmly, his eyes dancing as he squeezed her hand lovingly."
Brought suddenly back to the present, Helen winced at the memory, once so fond, now overcome with dread. John had only just started his new position Professor of English Literature at Christ's College in Finchley; he'd had such plans, such dreams for the foundation he'd build for them… and their future family. A baby threw in an unexpected twist.
Helen had dreamt of a family, long before she was even married, ever since she was still just a girl. In her mind she'd seen something picture perfect, completely flawless. Long ago, she'd seen herself with a faceless, nameless man and four children – she'd always wanted four children. Two boys, and two girls. It would be perfect.
Helen had grown up with a timid father, a loud and overbearing mother and a frail, quiet younger brother. She'd seen their flaws, even from a young age, and had promised herself something different - something better.
But now, her perfect little plans had been turned upside down and stepped on.
They had bills to pay, and a brand new house mortgage to top it off. John's career was just taking off and Helen was only just completing her internship as a secretary. With the purchase of their house still close behind them, Helen and John were struggling to provide for themselves, much less a child. This was real life, and Helen realized her dreams were far from reality.
Dread continuing to creep into her heart, Helen suddenly realized she would have to tell John. The doctor had said she was already three months two months along; it wouldn't be long now before she wouldn't have to tell him, he'd see it for himself.
"No!"
Helen screamed, pounding her balled fist into the sink, wincing at the sharp pain that made its way up her arm. She flexed her hand, shaking it out and walked to the small kitchen where she promptly downed a large glass of water.
Setting the clear glass on the small wooden table, Helen slowly sank into the nearest chair, her head in her hands, her palms rubbing at her closed eyes.
"How could I have let this happen?" She whispered softly.
Two hot tears trailed down her wrist and hit the table simultaneously.
"This isn't how it was supposed to happen."
Her own voice sounded foreign, and dejected to her ears. Relaying the helplessness she felt inside. She'd always hoped the birth of her first child would be a happy thing. But it was turning out just the opposite.
Without knowing it, Helen placed a trembling hand across her abdomen, and suddenly, for the first time, she thought of the life now growing inside her as her own son or daughter. The thought, however brief, changed something and made her stronger.
She was going to be a mother, and although it wasn't turning out how she'd planned it to, in a few short months she'd be the parent of a real child – a precious baby.
Maybe this is how it's supposed to happen.
For the first time since hearing the news, Helen smiled. Not a fake smile, but a true smile that went all the way to her eyes, stretching her face into a wide grin.
"I gave you this child for a reason dear one…"
The voice, almost like a whisper, so soft she nearly missed it made Helen jerk upright. She looked around the room, searching for the source of the voice, but there was no one there.
The hair on her arms stood up, but she wasn't cold – and she wasn't afraid either. There, in that small cottage in Finchley, Helen was given a peace she couldn't understand, she didn't even try.
"Helen!" She heard her husband call as he walked through the front door.
"Helen darling, are you feeling any better?"
Helen turned and stood to face her husband as he stood suddenly before her, his dark hair falling in waves over his forehead, his rich brown eyes filled with concern.
"Yes dear." Helen answered slowly. "Yes, but I have something to tell you."
She didn't know then, but that day was only the beginning of so much more than she could've ever imagined.