Anything you recognize isn't mine. I don't own star trek or any of it's characters.

Everyone had met with Spock prime and had amazing stories to tell about their lives. How they lived an intended to live up to their other self. The self that he'd known. But Leonard hadn't gone to him. Jim had explained that in Spock prime's time that they weren't together. That instead Jim had gotten with Spock. Leonard didn't want to admit how much it hurt knowing that Jim was excited about the news. Not that he doubted Jim or their relationship but he was afraid of what he would learn if he went to the older Vulcan. So when he answered the chime at his door he was only mildly surprised to find Spock prime standing there.

"Leonard, my friend," Spock prime greeted.

"Spock," Leonard greeted cautiously.

"I've noticed that you have been avoiding me. Everyone seems to be very excited to hear about themselves from my universe, but I see you are hesitant," the Vulcan assessed.

"I don't see what I have to gain from knowing about someone I'm probably not going to become. Someone who to you is dead," Leonard offered.

"You were a good friend of mine Mr. McCoy. It was a tragic loss for all when you died. But I suspect you died more broken hearted than you let on. After Jim died you gave up being a doctor. I believe you told me, 'there are others who know more and can do more. my heart isn't in it anymore," but I knew it was because you couldn't save Jim," Spock spoke.

"Wait, I killed Jim?" Leonard asked in shock.

"Not exactly. You see after Jim was promoted to admiral and the Enterprise was retired he asked you to be his physician, which of course you accepted. He contracted cancer and although you did everything you could; he died. You kept searching for the answer and eventually found a cure that worked in 66% of recipients. But we both knew Jim never would have survived and you gave up. Your spark and love of saving lives died when you couldn't find the cure fast enough to save your best friend," Spock explained.

"Did I love him?" Leonard asked.

"Not as you do now. You had a wife and a child that you loved and cared for dearly. The love you had for Jim was merely platonic and in friendship," the Vulcan answered.

Leonard felt himself sink to the sofa. He had a child in another life. The thought chilled him to the bone. How could he have gone off to space with a child at home? If he and his ex-wife had a child he would have stayed on earth to care for her. Not gone gallivanting off into space to get away from her.

"I had a child?"

"A daughter. Her name was Joanna, we all called her Jo. Smart as a whip that one. She looked just like you and loved you with a strength that is beyond words," Spock mused.

"How old was she when I went into space? How could I have just left my daughter behind?"

"She was ten when you left and understood what had happened between you and her mother. There was no resentment between the two of you. And she visited the ship often. Jim made her a junior crew member and would often let her sit in his chair when it was appropriate. She had a huge family of everyone on the ship. We all cared for her and loved her," Spock reassured Leonard.

It took a while for everything to sink in after hearing about his life. He'd found a cure for cancer and managed to raise a little girl from space. His other self was an admirable man. Doubt clouded his mind when he realized he could never live up to those kinds of standard.

Then he wondered about children. Amanda and he never wanted kids. That's why he was alright marrying her. When their marriage fell through, Leonard knew it was mostly his fault because he couldn't love her more than she loved him. She was a marriage of convenience. His other self would be ashamed to know that he wasn't a more honorable man. A recovering alcoholic that couldn't get his life together in time to realize he'd been gay the whole time. Only thirty years old and a divorce under his belt, what kind of hero was that. And Leonard realized he hated his other self. He hated that that man could do so much good while he could hardly get himself through the day without turning to the bottle.

"He sounds like a stand-up guy. But I'm not him and I won't ever be him," Leonard shrugged, "So there is no point in knowing anything else. Thank you but I've heard enough."

Spock's face fell as he realized the turmoil in Leonard's face. He hadn't meant to sadden the doctor, just inform him of how his other self had lived. There was no way for him to become the man he was but Spock understood the pressures of hearing about himself and also knew that Leonard would take it the hardest.

"Dr. McCoy, I must admit I didn't tell you this to make you feel like less of a person. You see you can still do everything you had once done, if you choose or desire too. You were in your late 70's when you found your cure. You couldn't alter it because your body failed you. But you are young now and can choose any path you like. No one is expecting you to do what the other you did because no one knows. Don't be so hard on yourself. The only shoes you have to fill are your own," Spock spoke softly.

Leonard smiled trying to figure out how Spock prime became who he was when he started out as the Spock on his ship. He supposed it proved that they are all on different paths and would end up different people. But he had one last question.

"When did Jim an I meet?" Leonard asked.

"He met you many years after graduating from the academy. We were already together and happily considering marriage when you fell onto his ship. But your friendship was great. I'd never seen a stronger bond than the one between the two of you. I often suspected if he'd met you sooner that it would be the two of you together instead of us. Seeing I'm correct leaves me with mixed feelings. I loved my Jim but I see this one is yours and the fact I was correct is quite satisfying as well," Spock answered with a large smile.

They said their farewells and Spock left the room. Leonard sat down to think about everything he'd learned. His other self hadn't thought to cure cancer because he hadn't had a close encounter. But the fact he had a child rubbed him funny. It was something he had considered at one point but then life got in the way. After musing over everything he'd learned, Leonard was glad that Spock prime had searched him out. He was glad that that Spock had known such a great man and vowed to make sure his did as well.

There may be more I haven't decided yet.