Title: Cold, Cold Heart

Summary: Not your average H/A fic…it's not about them having a fairy tale relationship! And it's all Lila's fault (obviously)!

Rating: PG for language.

Disclaimer: I do not own the song "Cold, Cold Heart", in fact, Norah Jones does! It's lovely… and I don't own Hey Arnold! Silly kids…

A/N: Yeah…I know I have another story to work on…but I was bored, and LOVED this song. So it's a songfic…

Arnold and I had a fresh relationship in fall. Being almost eighteen years old, I was really excited to begin this thing with him. For the longest time, I had been looking at him behind the trashcan, from across the room. And now they had a chance – well we had a chance – to feel what it's like to be loved by each other.

Though, at first I was a bit doubtful of whether or not I should be with him. After all, he and Lila had just ended a long relationship. It seemed like the most perfect relationship, but really it began to seem that Lila wasn't the little princess she was before. Near the end of their long relationship, there were very cruel words being spread around the school.

Weird rumors like Lila had been cheating on Arnold with his cousin, Arnie, and how Arnold was clueless about it all. And that Lila was planning to break up with him in front of the whole school.

These things I didn't believe. I mean, come on now. It was Lila they were talking about! The girl who would least likely be caught uttering "crap". But it all made so much more sense one day in the cafeteria when they were having a big fight. No one paid attention to their food. Just their harsh argument. "You know Ernie was right. You're good for nothing, Arnold! You never were. I hate your guts!"

"Oh, you hate my guts? After all I did for you! After all I've tried to do to make this work?"

"YOU?! WHAT ABOUT ME?!" she screamed at the top of her lungs. "Don't think I didn't try to make this work, Arnold. I worked hard to make this thing last as long as it did!"

"You mean you worked hard to keep Arnie with you," he snapped.

"Fuck you Arnold." She cursed. Arnold slammed his lunch tray on the table and began to walk away. "Son of a Bitch," she muttered.

As she uttered those very words, Arnold went storming back at her. His eyes were full of rage and insult. He pointed his finger right in front of her face, he grit his teeth. "Go to Hell," he grumbled. He wanted to say something worse…wanted to so badly, but he just wasn't that kind of person.

This was why I was scared to get into this relationship with him in the first place.  There was only one month between these two relationships. Arnold was kind, and caring, but it didn't seem like he was all there with me. He seemed kind of distant. It felt like he couldn't trust me anymore.

"Arnold, isn't that a gorgeous sunset?" I awed. The two of us were sitting on the park bench, just enjoying each other's company.

"Yeah," he mumbled. "It's a beauty."

I glanced at his face briefly to see him not happy at all. I took his hand in hers, "your hand is cold."

Immediately Arnold took his hand away from mine. "Yeah," he mumbled again.

"Why won't you even let me hold your hand?" I wondered softly.

"This isn't the time," he mumbled. There was a difference between him now and the way he was before. Even when he didn't really like me, he looked into my eyes when he talked to me. And now, he was just looking out into the distance. Into nothing.

"You know," I began, "if you ever need to talk about something, I'm here. I care about you, Arnold." Though I was looking at him, he didn't bother to look back.

He wearily turned his head to me and looked at her with lazy eyes. Not his usual bright eyes which twinkled under the light. These were dark, and had no hint of life. "Thanks." He forced a smile.
I tried so hard, my dear, to show
that you're my every dream
Yet you're afraid each thing I do
Is just some evil scheme

I gave a silent groan and sighed right after. "I guess we should go home."

Arnold got up with me and we walked together out of the park. As we walked through the cold streets, he didn't bother to put his arm around me. In fact, he walked with a rather large space in between us. I was afraid that if I were to walk closer to him, he would walk on the street.

We got to my house first. He watched as I walked up the steps to the door.

"Hey, Helga," he said.

"Yeah?" I replied trying to be as happy as possible. As I turned around, my long blonde hair hit my face, and Arnold actually smiled a happy smile.

"I'm sorry about today. Things will be better…I just don't want you to get the wrong impression."

I smiled and nodded. "Okay." How could I possibly resist that sweet apology? Things would get better, right?

"See you tomorrow," he winked and walked away.

Arnold and I were watching another movie in his house. I laid against his chest, and his arm was around my shoulder. We were watching 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding', and at the funniest part where she said a funny punch line, "I'd brag if I survived a grandma ass-whooping."

I cracked up, but Arnold didn't. He didn't even give a slight chuckle. I looked up at him to see he didn't even smile. Hell, he wasn't even looking at the TV.

"What are you thinking about?" I asked softly.

He shook his head. "Nothing. Really."

I didn't believe it. Who doesn't laugh at 'My Big Fat Greek Wedding'? "C'mon Arnold," I almost whispered. "Are you thinking about Lila?"

Instantly he took his arm away from my body and stared at me coarsely. There was no rapport between us so far. He looked hurt, yet regretful. It was like he wanted to say "yes" and at the same time say "are you crazy?"

"What do you think?" he growled, we both straightened up in our seats on the large sofa. 

My arms flew up in the air. "I'm sorry," I exasperated, not even realizing I was inching away from him.

"Let's just finish watching the movie." He crossed his arms and looked angrily at the TV.

I crossed my arms and watched the TV too. Through the rest of the hour, we didn't even glance at each other, didn't even laugh during the funny moments. Instead we both sat with a bitter anger in our hearts.

Why did this have to happen to me?

A memory from your lonesome past
keeps us so far apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
and melt your cold, cold heart?

Another love, before my time,
made your heart sad an' blue,
and so my heart is paying now
for things I didn't do

After the movie was finished, I didn't waste anymore time and just walked out of the boarding house. I didn't look back. I didn't even think about oh what's his name. Damn, why is it so hard to get him to talk to me? Damn Lila. Damn Arnold. Damn the whole damn world.

I walked out with more anger than I could ever imagine. My head was down the whole way home. I didn't bother to look at the sky. All the people seemed to be staring at me…watching my every mood. Boy was I paranoid.

I thought everything was pretty bad then, until five dates later when I could've sworn I would die…

Arnold and I were eating in a restaurant. Actually, not inside but on the outside patio tables where you can see the people walking past the restaurant and the poor sad people still waiting for a table. Times like this, when he was really romantic, eating a candle-lit dinner, was when I forgot about his problems.

"This is great," I smiled. He was dressed up so nicely. Ever since we first kissed, he seemed to have floated on a little cloud.

"Yeah…" he murmured, and rubbed the back of his neck. "One of my favorite restaurants."

"Have you brought anyone else here?" I wondered innocently.

"Why?" his voice turned icy cold.

"I'm just curious, Arnold, that's all," I said quickly.

"Do you have a problem with the fact that I've taken other people here? Do you?" he growled.

"No, no!" I quickly interjected, I leaned back in my chair.

"Or do you not like being here? Is that it?" his hands slammed on the table angrily, and gave me quick a shock. I didn't realize it but I somehow was standing up with my purse in my hand. "Damn it, Helga…why are you doing this to me?!" he barked.

I shook my head and groaned, "look, I don't have to take this from you anymore!" and I ran out on him with my heels on. I surprised myself that I could run so fast and not trip. I ran out of the street and made my way to the bus stop and was fortunate enough to get there at the right time. I ran into the bus, as my mascara ran down my cheeks.

The bus was empty and freezing. Just then I realized I left my jacket on the back of the chair in the restaurant. Again I asked myself, why is it so hard to love him the way I used to? Everything's getting crazy, and I don't know how to control myself. Helga G. Pataki doesn't cry. Big girls don't cry…

I'm trying not to cry…

I will not cry…

But it's too late. My eyes were filled with tears which did not seize to fall down my cheeks.

I pulled the cord when we approached my house. I ran out of the bus, my hands covering my face. I was too embarrassed to have even complete strangers look at me. I ran into the house and into my room, locking the door behind me.

I flung myself on my pink bed and cried my eyes out. My face was covered by my pillow, but the sound of my wailings and cries were inevitable. No one could understand this…It was all stupid Lila's fault. She deserves this kind of treatment, not me.

In anger, unkind words are said
that make the teardrops start
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
And melt your cold, cold heart?

Soon enough, I fell asleep and had a strange dream. It was very cloudy, and hard to see anything. But I was sure that Arnold was there. There was a large purple heart between us, and as I approached to touch it, it shattered into a million pieces. I looked up to get help from Arnold, but he vanished. Just like that, he disappeared. I woke up in the middle of the night and tried to get back to sleep, but it just couldn't happen.

Wearily, I walked into the closet, and turned on the light to see my shrine of Arnold staring right at me. I pictured him to be so sweet, kind, and charming. But now all he was was a pill. Sometimes good, sometimes bad. This was so not what I expected when I got into this relationship.

I practically forgot what Arnold was like before this Lila trauma. Opening one of my poetry books, I reminisced about those good times we had. As much as I hated to say it, we probably weren't meant to be a couple. And I don't know if it's just because of his post Lila trauma, or if it's because of my unsteady hormones raging; but I'm pretty sure that he should at least be trying to fix things.

Maybe he really was as bad as Lila said he was. But for all the time I knew him, I never figured he would be this bad. Sure, he's entitled to his occasional ups and downs, but this was crazy. It was every day downs and once in a while ups. Besides, our first kiss wasn't all that special. OK, so I lied about that. It was special. I know he felt something too, but he denied to show it. Lila has a bigger hold on him than I thought.

There was a time when I believed
that you belonged to me
but now I know your heart is shackled
to a memory

Now it's hard for me to believe I even found him remotely interesting. I wish I could go into that little dense head of his and probe his inner thoughts. I'd destroy every trace of Lila, and then he'd be able to love me.

Yup…

But who am I kidding? These things never work out. My best bet is to break up with him. No matter how much it's against my heart, how much it's against my formal morals that I will love no one else but Arnold…this is something I have to do.

Then again, I've hardly ever gone against my morals.

I suppose I could give it one last try. Just for the hell of it. Besides, it's not like he was the only guy who was ever bummed out after a harsh break up. I'll just give it some time.

Well, I gave it some time. Like a month's worth of time, and what do I get? The same thing I had before…but worse. He won't let me get near him, let alone talk to him. He was always like "Helga, I'm just not feeling myself today…" "I'm sorry, Helga, I just can't." "Sorry, but it hurts too much."

Excuses, excuses.

It was too hard to even think about going on another day with Arnold. The more I tried to get closer to him, to help him, he pushes me away.

The more I learn to care for you
the more we drift apart
Why can't I free your doubtful mind
and melt your cold, cold heart?

So, with this I conclude that we have broken up. It was pretty awful. He was sad, but wasn't very angry…he knew he had it coming. Just proves to show you that even I, Helga G. Pataki, can be very wrong about true love.

A/N: Please R/R! =D