The Interview with Chris Harrison on the First Episode (Which I Usually Just Fast Forward Through But)

"Hello, I'm your host, Chris Harrison," Chris smiles, as the camera swoops in from above for a close-up. "And welcome to the newest season of The Bachelorette." With every word that comes out of Chris' mouth, an over-dramatic hand motion follows, whether he's gesturing wildly to the camera, or flailing his wrists about like a giddy school girl.

"Now, many of you have probably been wondering, 'Who is Sharpae?', 'What is this girl's secret?', and 'What are the new twists this season?' Well, I can think of no better girl to tell all than the newest bachelorette herself, Sharpae!"

And that's my cue to walk in, black hair shining, green eyes glittering, looking radiant in a short emerald green dress that covered her wrists to her knees in silk and glitter. Well, that's what my mom told me I looked like, anyway, but I feel like a bedazzled piece of broccoli.

I smile for the camera and wave, though my cheeks ache with soreness. I've been smiling all day in nervous anticipation for tonight – the season premiere of the first all-teen season of The Bachelorette. Not only have I been smiling all day long, but I've felt pretty queasy, which was an interesting combination. I guess that's what TV does to you.

Chris gestures me to sit on the hotel chair opposite of his. That was another twist of the new season. We weren't in the mansion that the series normally took place in, just a fairly nice hotel in Nowhere Town, USA.

"So, Sharpae, how are you feeling tonight?"

"I'm good, Chris. I'm really excited!" I grin, feeling like an idiot. I knew I was going to look stupid on TV…

"That's wonderful, Sharpae. How does it feel to be the first teenage bachelorette? – Let's talk about that, about the whole teenage-aspect of the new season. How do you think the show will be different with all teens?"

I clear my throat and start fidgeting with my hair. "Well, Chris…" Just say what the station told you to say! Don't fuck it up, Sharpae! "Um, it's pretty surreal that I'm only fifteen and I'm being blessed with the opportunity of being the bachelorette.

"Like you said, this is the first all-teenage season of the show, and I think it's gonna be epic!" I continue, relaxing a little. The station definitely never told me to say anything was 'epic', but I just keep talking. "I think some people are a little skeptical about teenage romances, but I really think I can honestly find a person I really like and that I would really like to be high school sweethearts with.

"Now, normally on the show, you end with two final contestants that the Bachelorette is in love with, and she chooses one, and usually they propose and get engaged or whatever. But we obviously can't do that since we're fifteen – yes, I know we're in Kentucky, but I'm not that red-neck," I smile, and I get a small chuckle out of Chris, "So, as an alternative to getting engaged, I'll be going to homecoming of the new school year at the end of the summer – and we'll also be going on a vacation to California before the end of the summer." I smile. The station never mentioned anything about being redneck, either, but I'm just happy with the fact that I haven't totally embarrassed myself yet.

My mind starts to wander as Chris goes through different superficial questions, asking about my hometown and my family. He explains for any new viewers that haven't seen the show before, the process of the show. The main thing is to get a rose – if I give you a rose at the rose ceremony, on a date, or at a "party" (all of the contestants and I in a room while I go and talk with people one-on-one), then you stay. If, by the end of the rose ceremony, you don't have a rose, then you get sent home.

"Now," Chris says. His face is serious but his hands are flying all over the place, like drunk pigeons, "I think that it's finally time we got down to it. Sharpae, would you care to tell us your big secret? The one that REALLY sets this season apart from all others?"

I nod, my palms sweating, even though I knew this moment was coming. My heart beats fasterfasterfaster inside my chest, and I just blurt it out before my heart has a chance to erupt. "I'm bisexual," I blurt. I had this whole speech I was supposed to say before I actually came out with it, about all humans being equal and something about religious aspects, but I already said it. So, I start making things up as I go along. "I know a lot of people might disagree with that, but that's who I am. I like guys and girls, which means that both sexes will be staying in the house together." All the contestants live together, besides me, and in the past, it's been a house full of all guys or all girls. But this season really is different. "My family has been really supportive throughout my life, and me coming out with my sexuality has been no different," I lie, "And I really hope that the girls and guys this season will be, too." I nod.

"And one last difference in the season?" Chris asks.

"Well, usually, the bachelors and bachelorettes get to travel to these amazing, beautiful places to fall in love," I explain, "And that's super amazing – I mean, don't get me wrong, I love to travel – but I don't believe in all that. I don't think that I should need these spectacular, out of this world dates to fall in love. I think, if you really, really like a person, you'll be fine just chillin' in their living room watching The Lion King. You don't need to actually be in the jungle with lions," I joke, smiling. "So this season, we'll be right here in Kentucky, enjoying the place I've loved most for all my life. If it's been good enough for me the past fifteen years, it should be good enough for everyone else, too." I shrug.

Even though I find this totally true, that you don't need crazy dates to fall in love, just a date, my opinions weren't the reason that we're staying in Kentucky this season. It's budget cuts. The show hasn't been doing so well lately, and they can't afford to send anyone on these unreal vacations this season. So, to get more ratings, they needed a gimmick – a bisexual teen. It was cheaper than doing something like flying 25 hopeless romantics to Mars to get people to watch. And it'll cause controversy, drama, tension: everything that gets people to watch TV. At least they're paying for the California vacation.

Chris blathers on for a few more minutes, and finally, it's time. "So, Sharpae, are you ready to meet the 25 hopefuls?"

I smile and nod. "I'm ready."