"Left." Slice. Block.
"Up." Jab. Parry.
"Right." Cut.
Lirael moved too slowly and Touchstone's blow caught her on the shoulder. Already off balance, she fell. Her chest felt tight and tears pricked her eyes. She felt like a child. She hated that she was unable to control her frustration and disappointment in herself.
The Dog would surely have nipped her and told her to get back up. But the Dog was not there.
Touchstone knelt down beside her. "Are you alright?"
She closed her eyes and tried to will the tears away.
He said nothing, but she could hear him arrange himself into a seated position beside her as she fought to control her emotions.
Once she'd calmed down, she whispered, "I'm sorry."
"For what? You're learning. Don't apologize for learning." He smiled fondly, eyes distant, "your sister told me that."
She didn't want to think about her sister right now. Her sister who was so good at everything she did; shining in the role she was born to and excellent at the one she married into.
She said nothing.
Slowly, she felt like she could breathe normally, and the tears were no longer in danger of falling.
"You aren't used to not being gifted at something." Touchstone commented bluntly.
She looked up sharply. The words felt like a slap, considering she'd never had the gift she'd wanted since childhood. She felt tears rising again.
"The Sight was only one thing, and something you couldn't practice. Everything you practiced, you learned quickly. Everything except this." He continued, guessing at the reason for her reaction.
She felt deflated. He's right. She knew she was a talented mage, she knew much and more about Charter spells and magical beasts of all sorts, and she'd even been able to See something her first time as a Remembrancer. Yet she couldn't land a single blow on anyone. She'd practiced with Sabriel, Sam, Ellimere and now Touchstone, but she still felt useless with a sword. She could not even catch Touchstone when he moved slowly, purposely made mistakes and called out his blows in advance, as he always did with her. She'd seen him sparring with Sabriel, their blows quick, like a dance. In comparison, she moved like a child learning to walk.
"I've only ever felt this useless once before. At the thing I was suppose to be born with," she whispered, not trusting herself to speak at full volume.
"For many years, I felt useless whenever I was in Ancelstierre." Touchstone admitted. "Not matter how much Sabriel told me and I read and observed, I always felt lost there. I didn't speak as well, I wasn't as perceptive as I normally was and I made terrible decisions. I frequently felt like an alarmingly stupid fool. It took a long time for me to be able to be even somewhat competent there. I still frequently make stupid mistakes. It's enormously frustrating."
She looked at her good-brother in shock. He was the king, him being bad at foreign politics was almost as bad as, well, being a Clayr without the Sight.
"Sabriel's always been more at home there. She grew up there and knew their customs and politics, so she leads our efforts there," he continued.
He paused. He cocked his head and looked her searchingly.
"She also had to learn, you know, Sabriel. She knew almost nothing of the Old Kingdom. She knew very little Charter Magic. She didn't even know that Abhorsen was a title; an office."
Lirael was shocked. She could not for the life of her imagine her sister being so ignorant.
"But she's Sabriel. The Abhorsen. She's practically legendary." She exclaimed in disbelief.
"And you're Lirael Goldenhand. You think there are no stories about you?"
She hadn't considered it. She was so used to people not knowing she existed beyond their recognition of her by her unusual appearance.
But now she was curious. "What did Sabriel struggle with?" She asked.
Touchstone thought about it for a moment.
"Planning, dealing with emotions, both of others and her own, dealing with guilt. More concretely, she struggled with flying a paperwing for quite a while. I was scared to fly with her for years." His eyes smiled, and she saw something in them she could not quite identify. She had the strangest feeling that she'd heard him speak of this before…
"Everyone struggles with something. Usually with many things." Touchstone remarked. "And you are getting better. You're a hard worker, and you're smart. We'll all help, and if you keep training, I'm sure one day you'll be an excellent swordswoman."
She smiled, bolstered by his confidence in her and the new knowledge that Sabriel and Touchstone also struggled with practices that were crucial to their offices.
"Thank you." She said sincerely.
They sat in silence or a while more before Touchstone got up and held out a hand to her.
She took it, though her muscles protested that this would only lead to more bruises and she was perfectly fine on the ground, where she would not be further battered.
He squeezed her hand gently. "Ready to try again? We could fit in another few rounds before dinner."
She smiled and realized that not only did she have a sister, a niece and a nephew in this new family, but a brother as well.