The Diary of a Psychopath

Wham. Another blow to the face and the boy cackled with laughter. He spit a mouth full of blood to the white titled floor of the boys restroom.

"had enough faggot?" the bully asked his pry.

"is that all you got?" the boy laughed. Filled with rage the bully griped him and shoved him against the wall, proceeding to punch any inch of the boy he could reach. "There we go! There's that anger I was looking for!" the boy roared with laughter.

About two minutes earlier…

~April 1st

Mr. Watson rambled on and on in the front of the class. It was the most awkward bio lesson I had ever witnessed. Human reproduction. I mean really, at 17 I know full well were babies come from. It was at this very moment that jockstrap numbers one and two decided to strike up convocation with 'Goth Girl.'

"Hey, I heard you'd suck my dick for a nickel." maybe they'll go away. I just wont say anything. "what, you carpet better?" they both beain laughing and I'm not really sure what happen next. I'm not normally a violent person, and it wasn't the first time someone had threw gay jokes in my face. But some sort of rage came over me and I propelled myself over the lab station and begin pounding my fist into jockstrap number one's face. It wasn't till jockstrap number two pulled me off him that I finally stopped. When the red haze of rage left my vision and I settled my feet back on earth, my breath caught in my thought. Had I done that? His face, it was covered in blood.

There was only a second to gaze upon his face before the vise principle and resource officer busted in to the room. The vise principle pointed and me with his index finger and motioned fore me to come to him. I did. And just as I reached him the school nurse came into the room and went over to inspect jockstrap number ones face.

Wordlessly I was hauled out of the room and down the hall toward the principle's office.

Just as we passed the boys restroom there was the distinct sound of laughter. We all halted, the vise principle and officer exchanged a look and the officer entered the restroom. He was only gone but for a few minutes when he resurfaced with two boys. Jockstrap number three and another boy whom I had never seen before. This strangers face was so bloody I could barely tell what he looked like. This stranger was smiling.

We entered the main office and the principle pointed to one of the sofas located in the middle, in full view of the secretary whom watched us very closely. "you two wait here." he pointed to me and the mystery boy, then at jockstrap number three "you come with me." they entered the office leaving the new boy, me, and the secretary which always gave me the impression of a buzzard, with her long neck and thin wispy hair and large round bifocals.

Me and the new boy sat down. It was obvious that he was new, this was a small school, only about 600 students, which pretty much meant everyone new everyone. I had never seen him around before. "I'm Caroline. Caroline Cassway" I told him. "Are you new here?" he was just sitting there, smiling. It was like he was reliving something humorous. Only his smile wasn't quite happy. It was sinister.

"Cassway huh?" he let lose a giggle. "what you in for? Oooo I love saying that, it makes me feel sooo bad." this time he gave a short laugh and continue to give me that sinister smile. He didn't even blink, he just stared at me. Unmoving. I guess it would scare some people, maybe even freak them out. In fact it probably did. It didn't bother me, if anything it made me want to know more about him.

"punched a guy." I told him. There was the sound of a clearing flam and I looked over to see the secretary gazing at us over the tops of her bifocals.

"Oh I've always wanted to punch a guy!" he laughed his sinister sounding laugh again.

"why not punch him?" I jab at the principle's door with my thumb.

"where's the fun in that?"

"But you just-" but before I could finish jockstrap number three came storming out of the principles office and the principle pointed at me and motioned for me to come into his office.

As I started to walk away the new kid grabbed my arm and I turned to look at him. "Nice meeting you Caroline." even the way he said my name had a sinister ring to it. As if it had a double meaning, like he knew something I didn't. "I think this could be the start of something…. craaaazzzy" and as the office door closed behind me I could still hear that laugh ringing in my ears.

"well Caroline, what do you have to say for yourself?" I looked only at me feet and didn't say anything. What was up with this new kid? He never did tell me his name. he seemed interesting… I guess that's the word.

"seeing has how you've never been in trouble before…" I wonder why he hadn't tried to fight back? Why had I? "three days In School Suspension. Here, have your Mother sign this and bring it back tomorrow. don't go to class, go straight to room 42." I took the piece of paper and, with out looking at it, folded it up and crammed it into my pocket. And when your jeans are as tight as mine, that's not an easy task. I had to stand up. The principle opened the door and I was free to go. "stay out of trouble." he told me as I walked by him. I just nodded and walked out.

In the main office the nurses was trying to clean up the new kids face. He wasn't liking it. I just keep walking, and as he saw me pass, he begin laughing again.

As I stepped out of the office Kari ran up to me. "I. am. So. Proud!" she pronounced each word. "its about time you took up for yourself!"

"What's his name?" I asked pointing at the new kid.

"no one knows. It's his first day. But people are calling him Psycho. After what happen in the bathroom earlier."

"how do people know already?"

"it's a small school Caroline. And people talk."

I didn't see Psycho the rest of the day.

~April 7th

I was finally out of my ISS and back in regular classes. The last few days had been boring. I spent most of my weekend contemplating on how to get my mom to sign the sheet the principle gave me. I ended up waiting till my step dad was drunk and having him sign my 'field trip permission form.' while in ISS I read a lot and got caught up in some classes I was lagging in so it wasn't completely horrible.

Mr. Watson's class was uneventful, thank god. Though jockstrap number one did have a few reminders of me. He didn't so much as look at me. And lets face it, I like it better that way. People have always thought I was weird, I guess its because of the all black clothing and the fact I never talk. Kari is the only person I really talk to. I'm not much of a people person. I've known Kari since I was little. She was, after all, the leader of the cheer squad, and home coming queen. People didn't really understand why she talk to me so much. I guess its because she's known me forever, then again maybe I'm just a good charity project.

As I was walking to lunch I saw psycho. He was a few feet in front of me when some guy tried to trip him. As the guy walked by psycho grabbed his back pack and pulled him to the ground. "lets play a game" he said, his face twisting into that sinister smile of his. "its called DIE, DIE, DIE!" which each 'die' psycho lifted his foot as high as he could and dropped his heel hard onto the guys face. Each time his foot make contact he was lifted slightly off the ground. A couple of teacher rushed forward and pulled psycho off the guy. They half dragged him in the direction of the office, he cackled with laughter the whole way. The sound seem to linger in the hall long after he was gone.

I ate lunch alone, like I always do. I picked a spot in the hall just outside the cafeteria. As I ate I thought about Psycho, what was his real name? I wondered how much trouble he was in? probably a lot. It wasn't fair if you ask me, the guy asked for it. Why was people so mean to him? Because he's different? How messed up is that? It didn't seem to bother him though, What people thought or said. I like that. I wish there more people like psycho, how much more interesting would the world be?

After School I was pulling my old black pick-up out of the parking lot when I saw him, Psycho, he was walking down the street. I pulled up beside him, ignoring the honking protest behind me. I leaned across the cab and open the passenger door. He hoped in without a word.

"where to?" I asked

"I'll show you the way Cassway." he said with a giggle. And he did. we didn't talk much, he just pointed out the streets and I made the turns. We pulled into a development, it was the same Development Kari lived in. as that though crossed my mind psycho pointed to her house. I parked out front.

"this is Kari's house. She is my best friend." I said looking at the large white house, so much different from my small little piece of hell.

"She is helping me with math." he said cackling. Math? Kari was a horrible math student, I helped her with math. But psycho was already out of the car and walking up to the house. So without another thought on the subject, I made my way home.

As soon as I killed the engine, I heard my parents shouts. Ugh, there always fighting. So instead of going in the front, I made my way around to the side of the house to the window I always left unlocked. I pushed it open, pushed my school bag through and crawled in behind it.

I plugged my ears with my iPod head phones and laid down. Andy Six helped drown out the sounds of my parents and I was asleep in a matter of minutes. I didn't even bother getting undressed.

~April 8th

I woke to my cell phone vibrating and ringing from the pocket of my skinny jeans which had some how eneded up in the floor, along with my shoes. I looked at my alarm clock, 2:06 am. I guess ten hours is enough sleep. I pulled my cell phone from my pocked mutter a "what?" though my haze of sleep.

"Oak Leaf Park. Now." there was maniacal laugh and the line when dead. Psycho.

As I pulled into Oak Leaf Park, The beam of my head lights fell onto a hooded figure standing in the middle of the parking lot. He was tall and slender, with black hair hanging from beneath his hood. His clothes were coved in mud and leaves, and clutched in his right hand was a black trash bag. He approached my truck. Walking over to the passenger side he dropped the trash into bed of my truck and hoped in, pulling off his hood. Psycho.

"goooodmorning sunshine! Sleep well?" he asked.

"how did you-" he interrupted me with a laugh.

"oooh my, the riddles!" he gave another bout of laughter. "153 Rover Lane my dear."

"Rover Lane… Isn't that close to Mable Grove Church?" I asked. I knew the area well. I had once been to that church with my parents when I was younger. Back on one of there 'lets change and be good people' whims. It never worked. They'd go back to there old ways after a few days and a month or so later pick another random church where no one knew them.

"yes! That it is! You can drop me there! I don't mind a walk!….. Besides, I have some trash to through out." at first his voice sounded carefree, but as he said that last line it turned into something more sinister.

On the short drive to the church Psycho didn't talk. He simply sat there gazing out the window, occasionally laughing at random or smiling and licking his lips. Though as I stopped in front of the church he turned and looked at me. For a moment, this one moment in time, he seemed completely normal. We didn't say anything for a moment. He just looked into my eyes and I looked right back. He leaned a little closer, and I responded, soon we where inches apart… and then his lips, ever so softly, meet my own. The kiss was soft at first but soon became more urgent, and hard. And then, all to soon, it was over. I sat there for a moment, just a moment, and focused on the tingling feeling in my lips. But when I opened my eyes psycho was gone. I looked around but I didn't see him anywhere. I turned and looked into the bed of my Ford and found the trash bag was gone too. It was like he just vanished.

"Kari Undergrove's body was found early this morning by park rangers at Oak Leaf Park. I don't know anything else, please don't ask." my second period Geometry teacher was saying. Kari was… dead. Oak Leaf Park? Dropping Psycho off at her house, picking him up at the park… could he really have murdered her?

Kari's death was the talk of the school. In a small town 'murder' is a word you don't hear often, and when you do its on CSI or the punch line of a bad joke.

At lunch I was just sitting down with my PB&J when someone sat down beside me. "Peanut butter and jelly, such an odd combination! Ah well, each to his own I suppose." Psycho said. I just watched him for a moment, my mouth unhinged and hanging wide open.

"Something on your mind doll face?" he asked me.

I regain my composure, and closed my mouth only to open it again and blurt, stupidly, "you killed her." it was just above a whisper. "Kari, they found her body at the Park."

"In the river, actually. Not as deep as you'd think."

"Son of a bitch" I said under my breath. "what makes you think I'm not going to turn you over to the cops?"

"Because you haven't already. Tell me, why haven't you? Surely you realized what had happen as soon as you heard this morning. Why not run to the police then?" he wasn't laughing, for once, but his face still held the hint of that sinister smile. When I didn't respond he continued "I Know. You see, Caroline Cassway, we are not so different. Tell me, wouldn't the world be a better place if some people just where not in it?"

I had to say, he had a valid point. It was something I though about daily. "That may be but you cant just go around killing people!"

"why not?" he looked at me with a child like wonder. As if he really didn't understand why it was morally wrong to kill people. But then again, neither did I. I knew it was wrong but if I didn't have to worry about getting arrested I would probably do the same thing. Maybe Psycho did have a point. "As long as you know what your doing you don't have to worry about anything."

"And you know what your doing?" I asked. His face twisted into that wide sinister grin of his.

"Tell me, isn't there a old flame you'd like to teach a lesson?" he asked then let lose a little giggle

"maybe"

"Well invite Maybe to the movies, you pick him up, or her I'm not predigest, and enjoy the movie. I'll find you afterward and fill you in on the rest of the plan!" with that he hopped up and skipped off down the hall. Well he wasn't really skipping, just swinging his arms in a care-free lunatic like fashion.

As I made my way to my last class I spotted Danny in the hall way. I had always loved him. He was the only boyfriend I ever had. The only person I had ever talk to besides Kari. He was 6' 1" with shaggy brown hair and pretty brown eyes. He wore a lot of black like me. And he always had a bandanna around his neck. And he seemed a little more then shocked when I said "Hi Danny" he turned and looked at me, confusion plan on his face. "I was wondering if you wanted to go see a movie with me? Tonight? I could pick you up at eight?" I had a swarm of butterflies in my stomach. Did you call them a swarm? Or was it a hard? Fuck Caroline focus! This is why I never talk to people.

"um, sure." when I walked away I was almost as red as he was. Almost.

I went home that after noon and took a quick nap before waking up (relentlessly) at six thirty. I took a shower, dried my hair then went to my closet. I went with something simple. Black skinny jeans, black short sleeve shirt, leather jacket, and straightened my hair. It was while I was putting on my make-up that I finally thought about Danny and what was about to happen. I thought about how he never answered his phone when I called. I thought about the sounds of soft moans as I tip toed closer to his bedroom. I thought about his mom answering the door "oh hi Caroline! Danny and Kari are already up stairs in his room, go on up." I thought about pushing that door open and finding my first boyfriend and my best friend together. About the sweat that clanged to his lean muscles and the jealously of my best friend being the one in those bare arms, and not me. Suddenly the idea of killing him didn't bother me. In fact I couldn't wait for it. And while I was on the topic, Kari got what was coming to her.

I arrived at Danny's at 8:15, he was waiting outside and his house was completely dark. I bet his mom had made him wait outside so she could 'go to bed' and by 'go to bed' I mean smoke weed.

"Hey, what took you so long?" Danny asked, hopping in my truck. The moment I looked at him properly I was suddenly filled with a white hot fit of rage. I gripped the steering wheel hard and drove. but instead of driving to the theater to meet up with Psycho, I drove to a run down little motel just off the interstate. And It wasn't until I killed the engine that Danny spoke again. "what are we doing here?"

"go get a room." I said a little less then steady. The swarm/heard of butterflies had come back full force. "we can chill here and… talk. Okay? Is that okay?"

"yeah…. Caroline are you sure about this?" I couldn't reply. So I simply nodded. Danny got out of my truck and walked through the door a head that read 'office.' after a few minutes he came back and handed me a key, attached the key ring was a red tag reading '6.'

I stood looking at myself in the merrier. the bathroom was small, and I was sure I had seen a few cockroaches scatter when I had flipped on the light. Right now I was so nervous I was shaking. Pull yourself together! I thought. I slipped off my coat, shirt, and jeans. I took one last look at my half naked body. The black bra I wore made my boobs look decent, and the lacy black panties where adorable, but I'm not sure if I liked the way most of my ass was hanging out. Over the top maybe? Oh well, Danny was waiting.

I found Danny sitting on the bed, he was completely undressed. At my approach he stood and I couldn't help but gaze at his body. All of his body. I took a deep breath and tired to calm myself.

He took me in his arms and begin kissing me. There was no talking about it, no discussion. We just kissed as he laid me down softly and ran his hands over my chest and down my body. I softly bit down on his lip.

It was increasable. Better then I thought sex would be. The way he touched me had made me feel sexy and powerful. Two things I had never felt before. Right now he was laying on the bed, smoking. I stood looking out the window at the blinking red Motel sign, thinking. All I had bothered to put back on was my bra and panties. Fuck it. I'd had my fun, it was time to get down to the real reason I was here. But how was I suppose to go about it? What if he screamed? He was a lot stronger then I was. Fuck it.

"I'll be right back." I told Danny as I stepped outside. I walked to my truck and opened the passenger side door, laying under the seat was a crow bar. I snatched it up and trotted back to the door of our room, hoping no one had noticed me in my undies.

As I locked the door behind me Danny raised up, "what's that for?" I replied by swinging the crow bar like a baseball bat. It hit Danny in the head knocking him down on the bed. He gave a soft moan, and I climbed on top of him, straddling him. I laid the crow bar across his throat, placed a hand on either side, and shoved down as hard as I could, crushing his larynx. He wouldn't be able to scream for help, the only sound he could make was a sad goggling nose.

"what happen just now, in this bed," I told Danny as I climbed down off the bed "that wasn't love. This… This is love. And I will always love you Danny. In my own special way." I slammed the crow bar down on his face. Again, and again, and again.