The last entry in the Watchers Diary of Matthew Ashfield

My Dearest Cassandra,

I am writing to you, my beautiful wife, instead of my usual journal entry because after tonight I may never see you again. Tonight I will attempt to stop a vampiric group of assassins known as 'The Three'. They plan to travel to the United States to hunt down the Slayer. I must prevent them somehow from leaving these shores. Although, the current Slayer – Buffy Summers – is the strongest and best Slayer ever by my reckoning, she will be no match for these unusually powerful demons.

Typically the Council is of no use in this matter as they will not get involved – they refuse even to allow me to warn Buffy or her Watcher. They say that if she is worthy, she will survive. If not, then the next Slayer will be called. They say we are in a war where individual soldiers do not count. As you know, I feel differently. I believe the experience and skills gained over time by a Slayer are invaluable and should be preserved. Therefore, surely we must work towards protecting the current Slayer at all costs? Surely, this is preferable to a steady stream of young and inexperienced Slayers. And that is before one even stops to think of all this on the personal level.

The Slayer is the Chosen One. The Chosen One - I think about that part a great deal. One girl with the strength and skill to fight vampires and demons. When I think of this one girl – practically a child – and all the sacrifices she must make in order to stand between us and the destruction of the world, it makes me want to weep. However, all the Council thinks about is tradition, internal politics and power. You know better than anyone else, my love, how weary I am growing of their constant failure to give real aid in the battle against evil in which we all must play a part. The Council's lack of respect for the importance of the Slayer makes me ashamed to be a part of it and being ashamed to be a Watcher makes me ashamed of who I am.

The Slayer is not here to serve the Watchers. We exist to serve her, to help her in her war against evil - that is the way it should be. Especially Buffy, the current Slayer – she is so unique. She has friends – something that has previously been unheard of for a Slayer! A circle of friends who are right by her side at all times supporting her in her constant fight. Then there is her brilliant Watcher, Rupert Giles (whom, by the way, I can only ever hope to emulate) who loves his charge like a daughter – something which is frowned upon by the Council as a lack of objectivity – yet something that you and I have always seen as exceptional. It is these things which make Buffy unique and in turn make her so special and so strong.

I am the first to admit that I am no Slayer - although I can hold my own in a fight with a vampire if I am so required and have done so many times. So what chance do I have of defeating 'The Three' when I believe that even the current Slayer (whom I profess to be so incredible) cannot? I will probably not survive the night but this is the cause of action I am forced to take if I am to redeem the name of Watcher to myself.

All my life I have prepared for the sacred duty I was destined to embrace but what does it all mean if I am forced to accept the constant degradation of all for which it was supposed to stand. I can no longer stand by and do so little when so much needs to be done. The Slayer, her Watcher and her friends cannot do it alone forever. I sometimes wonder what I, one man, could do to help them in the long run. But what does that matter really? When it comes down to it, the effort must be made regardless.

That is why I have decided that if, somehow, I live to see the dawn I will leave the Council and England behind to undertake what I have come to see as my purpose. The purpose of a true Watcher. I pray that you will be at my side as we join the Slayer's circle together. Since the moment we met and you left your beloved Australia to join me in England, you and I have been as one in all things and I know you feel the same as I regarding the Council and the need to assist the Slayer.

Cassie, my darling, if you are reading this then I have fallen. I want you to know that you have been my light and my strength these past years and it is because of your love and support that I can now face my destiny without shame knowing that I was true to myself and what I believed in. Even if I fail in my mission to stop 'The Three' no-one can say that I have failed in my sacred duty. If you ever have the chance – and if he still lives following my failure to defeat 'The Three' - will you speak of me to Rupert Giles? I want him to know that at least one member of the Watchers Council always had the best interests of his Slayer foremost in their mind.

My only regret - beyond wishing that I had proposed years sooner than I did - is that I was unable to hold you one last time and kiss you goodbye.

Please forgive me. I had to do this. Know that I will love you forever.

Matthew

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A new entry in Matthew Ashfield's Watchers Diary by Cassandra Ashfield.

A year later.

What the hell am I doing here? What possessed me to get on this plane and fly halfway around the world to a new country where I know no-one? When I left Australia to go to England with Matthew, he was all I needed. Now I am alone.

In less than an hour I'll be in America and on my way to an unobtrusive little town called Sunnydale. An innocuous sounding name for a place where the 'convergence of mystical energies' cause all sorts of weird and wacky things to occur. Lovely place to choose as my new home, don't you think? Only I didn't choose it - it chose me.

I feel like I've been running on supercharged autopilot for the past year. I have certainly only had one thing on my mind - one purpose - that has consumed my entire being since Matthew's death and that has been to continue his work. The only thing that mattered more to Matthew than his work was me and even then only just. It never bothered me because I was at his side constantly supporting and assisting him until the work became ours - his purpose became mine.

Even thought I am writing in a Watchers Diary, I am not a Watcher. I was not 'called to take up the sacred duty' as Matthew was but this is still his story. I am just taking up the reigns in his place so I felt it was fitting to continue his diary where he left it.

God, Matt, how I wish you were with me now. I am embarking on what should have been your adventure. It was your dream but now it has become mine - and it is all I have left of you.

As for the Council, they can go to hell for all I care. I took up Matthew's cause and campaigned furiously and unrelentingly to get more assistance and support for the Slayer and her Watcher. I've done the research - I know in the past the Council were impressed by their sacred duties rather than impressed with themselves. They once aided the Slayer in all things and did everything in their power to make things easier for one whose life was already so hard and so full of sacrifices. No friends, no family, no life plus fighting demons, vampires and other unwordly creatures bent on the destruction of humanity - if you ask me any support the girl can get is the least we can provide.

But how could I expect to succeed where Matthew, a Watcher, had not? They would not listen, they could not understand. They only saw a grieving widow desperate for something to be done to justify her husband's death. They were very sympathetic - and very condescending. How I hate them all. This was not about my grief - it was about fighting to save the world against incredible odds. How can they not see? How can they stand by and do so little? Pompous, arrogant fools!

So finally, they tired of me. They told me that if it meant so much to me they would send aid to the Slayer. I was thinking they meant more books, weapons, perhaps a team of researchers? But no, they sent me. Just me. They were glad to be rid of me.

What good am I? Sure I can research, collate and index with the best of them - after all, Matthew found me doing just that in the library of an Australian University. It was those very skills which were of such use to Matthew and his work so many times - but how much good will just one more research person do for the Slayer and her Watcher? How can I make a difference? But then I remember what Matthew wrote about the effort being what matters. I wanted more for them - the Slayer's circle, as Matt called them - but if all I can offer them is myself then so be it.

I will not fail them, and I will not fail you, Matthew. I miss you, my love.

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