"I love him… but I guess I was too late to realize that" :(
Why are there things in life that we realized too late? Why do a lot of efforts are needed and would just be thrown away? What is wrong with people who don't trust easily? Was it really my fault because I put my mind set on thinking that he couldn't really be serious on me? I guess it is. I guess it was really my fault that I decided to leave him. Leave him and then later on regret the path that I've chosen. What's wrong with me then? I've blinded myself with all of the negative things but deep within me I know that I did love him.
The chat with Hotaru really helped me think about some things and seriously speaking I really let out all that I felt and didn't hide a thing. Well, that's why I love her because you wouldn't be able to prevent yourself from telling her things and also because I trust her.
And finally, I decided to text him already.
"Hey"
"Oh hey"
"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry"
"For what?"
"For a lot of things that I realized too late"
"Like what?"
"Things in the past. I know this isn't right especially you're with someone but I just really wanted you to know that"
"It's alright but tell me. Have you ever loved me?"
"To tell you the truth, I was on my way there"
And then he didn't even replied anymore.
Seriously speaking. After that short text message conversation, I felt happy. I felt like I was just ready to face anything. I wasn't afraid to accept and to acknowledge what I've felt. I realize that I can actually face what I've been keeping and letting it all out.
But to still think about it, I can never really have him back. He has her while I have nobody.
Yeah I guess love is such a big word to use but the word like is a bit understatement to what I felt back then so I guess what proper to say is that "I love him more than friends but less than lovers"
And right now, I guess all that I have to say to him is that, I'm hoping for your happiness with her, I hope the way she will love you is like the love that I was really planning on giving you and more. I hope we can be back to normal friends just like we were used to be, just like in the past. I hope you wouldn't feel regret on what I told you. I hope you'd be fine forever. I know I once had you, but I guess I can't have you forever. I'm sorry, sorry because all of the things you've done for me, I wasn't able to repay you back. I'm sorry because I caused you suffering. I'm sorry because of all the moments I just have to barge in, I choose right now. I'm sorry because there are times when I miss you and I would wait for you and there are times when I really wanted to see you. I'm sorry because I let you go but I guess you would really be happier with her than you are to me. I'm sorry and goodbye.
REVISED. REVIEWS PLEASE.