free·dom
ˈfrēdəm/Submit
noun
1.
the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.
It had been three years.
Three incredibly long years spent away from the Pack.
And yet to Leah it seemed like only yesterday that she had broken away to join Jacob's impromptu "pack" to save the leech lover and her leech's family. Well they were Jacob's family now too. Her lips curled into a thin smile. As twisted as it was, she couldn't help but laugh at the irony of Jacob's imprint.
Fate wasn't fair.
That was a lesson Leah knew well.
As the years had inched by; she had discovered a love for painting. Her therapist had applauded her at finding a proper outlet for her anger. Unrestricted by being in a pack, Leah had felt the ropes that had once bound her slipping away as time went by. However there was one rope that still remained, the only link to the past that had tortured her so.
Sam.
Six times she had tried to write him a letter. Admittedly she was too much of a coward to try calling him. The only time she had called anyone on the reservation was when she had called to wish Seth a happy birthday. Frustrated with her attempts at writing Sam, what had she decided to do? Nothing. Yet -
She found herself standing in front of his home.
Or rather – their home.
"Can I talk to you?"
It had taken exactly two minutes and fifty-three seconds for him to come to the door after she had rung the doorbell. She had been counting the whole time; a part of her hoping that he wasn't home. Or that they were out of town. Or in an even better situation that they had moved.
Her gaze ran over his form; waiting for his response.
"Same old Sam." Leah murmured. He must have been still shifting; seeing as he had hardly aged. His black hair was still cropped in a messy yet utterly controlled way. Sam's outfit of a jersey and cutoff jeans hardly surprised her. They were the easiest clothing to wear when on patrol. God knows how many times she had worn the same thing.
She was fully enjoying her feminine expression with the clothing she wore now.
And his eyes; they had changed. The liquid brown pools had lost their harsh edge; having softened. It must have been Emily's influence after the blows his ego had taken with the abandonment of members of his pack. Hell, what was she now? A poet? Taking a step back the wooden floor panel groaned in protest underneath her feet.
"Leah…" Sam trailed off as their eyes met. She couldn't help but wonder how he saw her now. Was she still the same in his eyes as he was in hers? Did she still seem like his jaded ex-lover who couldn't move on? The woman who acted more like a little girl, always on the edge, always ready to prick at scars?
She could see the anxiety flash in his eyes before his wall was placed back in place once more. The last time they had spoken was during the meeting to discuss how to deal with the Cullens. She could understand him being a bit nervous, especially having a talk alone with her.
He didn't have any power over her now that she wasn't part of his pack.
He was no longer her Alpha.
Quietly he nodded his head in agreement. Slowly he walked to the wooden bench that decorated the porch. How many times had they sat together on that same bench; Leah resting her head against Sam's shoulder? There hadn't been any doubt in her mind that they would spend the rest of their lives together. It had been a simple, sweet sort of love, the type that always comes with naïve people.
Naïve people always believe that they have control over their own destinies.
"You've stopped phasing." He observed shortly; shock tingling in his tone. Dryly Leah swallowed. Sam always knew how to take her by surprise, no matter how well she thought she knew him.
"Yeah. I have." Sliding into place next to him, Leah carefully kept three inches between them. Studying the snow-covered lawn before them; Leah smiled wryly at the sight of eight snow angels. It must have been Emily – or Quil, tagged along with Claire, who had convinced some of the pack members to make them. Every member could be like a little kid sometimes.
She shivered underneath her thick winter jacket. No matter how much time passed, Leah had yet to grow used to being a normal human temperature. She wasn't furiously warm anymore. Nor did she need to eat her way across the country or attempt to control her anger because she would physically harm another person, risking even killing them.
For once in her life, she was normal.
Just like everyone else.
"Why?"
"I'm a different person now, Sam. That side of me…we were never together. The wolf and the human were always at odds."
I wanted to cut away all ties to my past.
Those were the words that she longed to speak. How the wolf in her had howled, desperately, ever so desperately to be released! And yet night after night Leah had refused until the wolf's cries had turned to whimpers that had faded into silence. That had marked her breaking all connection with the wolf.
"We are one with our wolf, Leah. They are a part of you as we are a part of them. Together we are one." Crossing his arms over his chest; Sam shifted to lean back against the bench. It felt odd sitting next to him. This was the same spot where countless memories were shared between them. Now all that remained was – nothing. That was it.
There was nothing between them now.
"Look Sam, I didn't come here for a therapy session. I-"Glancing towards him, Leah took a deep breath. She wouldn't lose her calm. She wasn't the bewildered and hurt girl that she used to be. "I want…"
"What do you want?" Sam's tone held a harsh edge to it. Inwardly flinching, Leah pressed one mitten covered hand against her cheek.
"I want closure. I want closure with you, with this place, with everything. I'm not that girl who loved you and you aren't the boy who loved me. We aren't those silly, childish people who thought the world would be fair to us." The words were falling from her lips as if they were like water broken free from a dam. "People change. The pack changed. You've changed. But I'm the one person who hasn't changed."
Warmth.
Blinking, Leah looked down to where Sam's hand rested on her knee.
The last time he had touched her had been when he had imprinted on Emily. He had held her in order to restrain her from hitting him; fearing that she would hurt herself.
But now he was touching her.
"I understand." Sam whispered solemnly. Gone was the facade that he had in place as the ordained Alpha. Gone was the facade of a man who knew everything and could do anything. This was her Sam, the Sam that she had always known and had spent countless hours mourning for. "It's time for us both to move on. God knows…God knows how sorry I am for this." His voice broke on the last sentence; his hand dropping from its place on her knee.
"I forgive you, Sam."
Leah could have cried at those three words that amounted to freeing herself from everything that she had been holding on to. Imagine – three words constricting you to a world of pain. Three words. Even she had thought that she was stronger than that. But now, now she had said them.
"This life wasn't one that any of us chose. Emily…" Leah bent her head causing her hair to slip into place against her cheeks; effectively hiding the pink that was tinting her cheeks. Even now she couldn't help but cringe at how she had treated her cousin. Emily had less a role in what had happened to her than Sam had. None of them had control over the roles they had been forced to play. "Emily is your imprint. I shouldn't have been a barrier for your happiness with her."
Her therapist would have given her a gold star for those words.
"Lea-"
Holding her hand up, she closed her eyes. He wouldn't stop her this time. This was something that she needed to do. This was something that she had to do.
"I forgive you but - do you forgive me?"
There was an old saying - an eye for an eye.
It was the saying that she had started to live her life by ever since Sam had imprinted on Emily. All the times Seth had tried to console her, all the times Paul had wound her up, all the times Embry had looked at her with sympathetic eyes – she had hated them all. She had blamed them.
But it hadn't been their fault.
She knew that now. But back then, wrapped up in her feelings, it had been too easy to strike out at others. She hadn't cared; she hadn't thought. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right how she had acted.
Now she was making things right.
"I forgive you, Leah."
Hearing those words; it was as if the last puzzle piece that had been missing slid into place. This was the conversation that both of them had been unwilling to have with each other. It was a merry go round that they had been living on, she with her bitterness, Sam with his conflicted guilt, torn between the woman he adored and the woman who belonged in the past.
Now they could live in the present.
But just for a single precious moment, they could live in the past. Closing her eyes, Leah rested her head against the crook of his shoulder. Sam's arm slowly slid about her shoulder; their simple actions speaking far louder than words ever could. It was the dream of their personal paradise that could never be.
In that moment, she could only feel one thing.
She felt free.