Disclaimer: I do not own Castle.
Summary: There are words to express everything. Until they aren't.
Ifs and Lacks
There are words to express everything. Words tell your happiness, your sadness. They convey thoughts, ideas. There were words that were useless, crazy (), words that were used every day (life, death). There were words that comforted and words which angered, but sometimes they were no words. And that was when the fear set in. Sometimes words could not be spoken; words could not come to your lips. Sometimes you're speechless. Sometimes they are no words to say how you feel.
.
.
.
"Castle."
"Detective."
It was them. And they were the same. And yet they were not. Something was off, different, but she could not figure out what. Her stomach rolled within her nervously. She felt sick. What had happened to the comfortability that had developed between them? What happened to all the progress that they had made?
He swallowed nervously.
She breathed.
"Here's your coffee." He shifted from side to side before handing the cup to her.
"Thanks."
She accepted the coffee. She had to get away from the awkwardness encasing them before it killed her. So she moved away from him and to her desk as she gave up on trying to disregard the feeling that ran through her as their hands brushed. She drank the coffee, hoping that it would make her relax. It didn't. Minutes passed. Hours passed. She was not sure how long. She just knew that the coffee cup that he had given to her had been drained, and the small amount of paperwork that she had to finish had been completed. Now she just sat there, pretending to do something so the awkwardness would not resume. She felt his eyes on her, and her throat closed. She couldn't breathe. Goosebumps covered her body. She almost wished for a murder. What had happened to her? What had happened to them?
Then she felt his warm breath on her neck. How had she not noticed his proximity to her? But now she did. Oh, yes she did. Her muscles froze, and she wished that he could not hear the pounding of her heart in her chest. The small amount of breath that would reach her lungs disappeared, and she was suffocating. "What happened to us?" He whispered the words that had completed the only though in her mind, but that was earlier. The only thing that she knew was that he was dangerously close to her, but why was it dangerously?
As he continued to loom over her, dirty thoughts filled her mind. What if he leaned in a little closer? What if she tilted her head just as bit as her turned to face her? And in a moment, she knew. She was sure what was wrong. And then she got the familiar feeling that she was being watched. That they were being watched. She breathed deeply before regretting it instantly. What if he thought the coffee on her breath smelled badly, but she didn't have much time to fret over that. After all, people were watching them, and theories that would soon turn into rumors were developing in their minds.
"Castle," she warned. He understood, returning to his normal seat, but not before speaking. He always seemed to be able to read her mind. The thought made her queasy. How horrible would it be if he really could?
He would know. Everything.
"We need to talk." He stated.
And although she agreed she did not want to.
"No, we don't."
She informed him, grabbing her items before fleeing the precinct. Them talking may have been the best decision. It could have resolved everything. But she couldn't. Because then her feelings would get out. She knew they would. Somehow they would make their way to the surface.
And that couldn't happen. Because what if he did not reciprocate?
And even worse, what if he did?
.
.
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And sometimes being wordless wasn't the worst thing that could happen.
I was going through folders and discovered this. Please enjoy. (: