Title: Harry Potter and the Insufferable
Part: 1/?
Authors: Daestwen (rogue1221@hotmail.com), Dincirithiel
(donatien_is_sad@yahoo.com), Libby (rainbow_laughter@hotmail.com)
Pairing: We are SO not telling.
Warnings: This is. uh. what one would call. how do we put it? SLASH.
Rating: PG-13 (huzzah)
Summary: Magic boys on a boat.
Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling is god. Period.
Author's note: We actually weren't high when we wrote this, believe it or
not. We just watched about ten hours of Horatio Hornblower. Huzzah
~*~
"This is your chance to learn to work together as a team. For the next ten days, all four houses will eat, sleep, work and play together. This ship will be our tool to make our school work as both a community and a team."
Harry groaned.
Draco groaned.
Snape scowled.
And Peeves, in his joy, danced about the ship singing 'Mutiny! Mutiny! Black bloody Mutiny!' for no apparent reason other than to annoy everyone else.
It was September, and the entire school of Hogwarts were split into two huge ships. All the girls on one, all the men (or people passing as men) were on the other. Dumbledore, at present, was on a broomstick (a very interesting sight) between the two ships as he made his speech. No one knew quite why they were on ships, but everyone figured that in the end it was simply because Dumbledore had a fancy for sailing, and needed an excuse to see his school work on two huge frigates.
"I can't believe this." Draco muttered, glaring at no one in particular, but managing to look nasty all the same.
"Oh, stuff it Malfoy." Ron growled, though he secretly was even less pleased than Draco himself.
"Well, I don't know about you, Weasley, but I'm not looking forward to spending an entire ten days on some blasted muggle ship with you and none of the girls!"
"Why, miss your whore already, do you Malfoy?" Ron sneered, and earned himself a kick in the groin, which consequently sent him into a ball upon the deck.
"Back off, Draco!" Harry said, stepping in front of the moaning Ron to protect his untactful friend.
"Why should I, Potter? Weasley isn't worth anyone's protection, though I'm sure yours comes cheap!"
After this, however, the deck looked more like a fighting ring than a fighting vessel, and bothered Snape to the point that he actually soured his hands enough to pull the two boys apart, before Draco scratched Harry's eyes out.
"Mr. Potter." Snape said dangerously, his eyes narrowing into slits so tiny they almost seemed to disappear, "You will not fight on this ship. Ten points will be taken from Gryffindor. AND-" He added, before Harry could interject, "If you try to speak back to me other than 'aye aye, sir' I will see to it that your life is miserable for the next ten days. Do you understand me, boy?"
"Aye aye, sir." Harry grumbled, hardly noticing that Ron was still busy writhing on deck.
"DISMISSED!" Dumbledore suddenly cried, reminding everyone that he had in fact been speaking up until this point.
Snape hurried down to the Captain's cabin, which he had eagerly claimed, as the boys were led below decks to where they were very quickly appalled by the tiny hammocks that now replaced their usual four-posters.
"This 'ere's the list for your bunks." Hagrid, who had led them below, pulled out the long scroll from his great coat. The fifth year boys, who were all centred in this part of the ship, huddled around Hagrid to try and be the first to see their bunk. The final years all got to be ranked as 'officers', though official positions were given only to the teachers. Harry still found it amusing to have to refer to Hagrid as a 'Lieutenant'. But not quite so amusing when having to address Snape as 'Captain'. That, at least, irked him.
"'Ere you are, Harry." Hagrid said, pointing at one of the bunks, "That's your bunk there."
"Thanks, Hagrid." Harry said, glumly dragging his small bag to the hammock. He swung his leg over one side, pulled himself up, and promptly fell off.
"That was very smooth of you, Potter." Draco's cool voice drifted from the hammock beside Harry's. Harry picked himself up and dusted himself off, trying his hardest not to let his cheeks go red.
"Harry, come on, ignore him, it's dinner and I'm starving." Ron, who took the bunk to the other side of Draco, walked over and literally started to drag Harry away, for which Harry was extremely thankful.
Dinner, however, greatly disappointed Ron when he saw it. He literally groaned as he looked down at it.
"They can't do this to me." Ron said, his spirits sinking as he spoke. Harry ignored him, and looked over as Snape walked into the mess hall, giving every boy present a nasty shock. The potions teacher was completely decked out in a traditional british naval uniform, and didn't look all to pleased about it either. Harry thought he heard a mumbled, 'damn blasted muggle navy', before Snape cleared his throat.
"Because of the nature of this voyage, you will not be served with rations by the house elves. Instead, you will eat these ship rations. Not only that, but you will all clear your dishes after dinner has been finished. Fifth years have first watch. Good day." And with that he stalked out of the mess hall.
Ron stared down at his plate, sobbed, and dropped his entire body onto the table, to lay there motionless. Harry looked at him, looked at his food, looked at the table, and looked back to Ron again, all the meanwhile wondering why Dumbledore would EVER put them on a ship like this in the FIRST place.
Damn those fan fiction writers.
T.B.C.
~*~
"This is your chance to learn to work together as a team. For the next ten days, all four houses will eat, sleep, work and play together. This ship will be our tool to make our school work as both a community and a team."
Harry groaned.
Draco groaned.
Snape scowled.
And Peeves, in his joy, danced about the ship singing 'Mutiny! Mutiny! Black bloody Mutiny!' for no apparent reason other than to annoy everyone else.
It was September, and the entire school of Hogwarts were split into two huge ships. All the girls on one, all the men (or people passing as men) were on the other. Dumbledore, at present, was on a broomstick (a very interesting sight) between the two ships as he made his speech. No one knew quite why they were on ships, but everyone figured that in the end it was simply because Dumbledore had a fancy for sailing, and needed an excuse to see his school work on two huge frigates.
"I can't believe this." Draco muttered, glaring at no one in particular, but managing to look nasty all the same.
"Oh, stuff it Malfoy." Ron growled, though he secretly was even less pleased than Draco himself.
"Well, I don't know about you, Weasley, but I'm not looking forward to spending an entire ten days on some blasted muggle ship with you and none of the girls!"
"Why, miss your whore already, do you Malfoy?" Ron sneered, and earned himself a kick in the groin, which consequently sent him into a ball upon the deck.
"Back off, Draco!" Harry said, stepping in front of the moaning Ron to protect his untactful friend.
"Why should I, Potter? Weasley isn't worth anyone's protection, though I'm sure yours comes cheap!"
After this, however, the deck looked more like a fighting ring than a fighting vessel, and bothered Snape to the point that he actually soured his hands enough to pull the two boys apart, before Draco scratched Harry's eyes out.
"Mr. Potter." Snape said dangerously, his eyes narrowing into slits so tiny they almost seemed to disappear, "You will not fight on this ship. Ten points will be taken from Gryffindor. AND-" He added, before Harry could interject, "If you try to speak back to me other than 'aye aye, sir' I will see to it that your life is miserable for the next ten days. Do you understand me, boy?"
"Aye aye, sir." Harry grumbled, hardly noticing that Ron was still busy writhing on deck.
"DISMISSED!" Dumbledore suddenly cried, reminding everyone that he had in fact been speaking up until this point.
Snape hurried down to the Captain's cabin, which he had eagerly claimed, as the boys were led below decks to where they were very quickly appalled by the tiny hammocks that now replaced their usual four-posters.
"This 'ere's the list for your bunks." Hagrid, who had led them below, pulled out the long scroll from his great coat. The fifth year boys, who were all centred in this part of the ship, huddled around Hagrid to try and be the first to see their bunk. The final years all got to be ranked as 'officers', though official positions were given only to the teachers. Harry still found it amusing to have to refer to Hagrid as a 'Lieutenant'. But not quite so amusing when having to address Snape as 'Captain'. That, at least, irked him.
"'Ere you are, Harry." Hagrid said, pointing at one of the bunks, "That's your bunk there."
"Thanks, Hagrid." Harry said, glumly dragging his small bag to the hammock. He swung his leg over one side, pulled himself up, and promptly fell off.
"That was very smooth of you, Potter." Draco's cool voice drifted from the hammock beside Harry's. Harry picked himself up and dusted himself off, trying his hardest not to let his cheeks go red.
"Harry, come on, ignore him, it's dinner and I'm starving." Ron, who took the bunk to the other side of Draco, walked over and literally started to drag Harry away, for which Harry was extremely thankful.
Dinner, however, greatly disappointed Ron when he saw it. He literally groaned as he looked down at it.
"They can't do this to me." Ron said, his spirits sinking as he spoke. Harry ignored him, and looked over as Snape walked into the mess hall, giving every boy present a nasty shock. The potions teacher was completely decked out in a traditional british naval uniform, and didn't look all to pleased about it either. Harry thought he heard a mumbled, 'damn blasted muggle navy', before Snape cleared his throat.
"Because of the nature of this voyage, you will not be served with rations by the house elves. Instead, you will eat these ship rations. Not only that, but you will all clear your dishes after dinner has been finished. Fifth years have first watch. Good day." And with that he stalked out of the mess hall.
Ron stared down at his plate, sobbed, and dropped his entire body onto the table, to lay there motionless. Harry looked at him, looked at his food, looked at the table, and looked back to Ron again, all the meanwhile wondering why Dumbledore would EVER put them on a ship like this in the FIRST place.
Damn those fan fiction writers.
T.B.C.