hey everybody! i'm here with a new story... this first chapter came to me in bits and pieces - literally... just took me awhile to put down... I hope you all enjoy it! and hope you enjoy the chapters to come!

Oh, and this is officially classified as a midnight story. Although not wild or nutty, it may not be totally coherent! lol... enjoy!

Anything that can go wrong, will. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Good old Rodney McKay to the rescue. Sheppard knew it was McKay without even looking. Who else would be screaming hysterically as if he had an entire angry village behind him? Oh right, Rodney! He managed to royally piss off the wrong Elders. So now he was running back to the Jumper, full blast, to escape the crazed townspeople who where intent on eating him.

Literally.

These people weren't normally cannibals; they saved that for fools like Rodney that pissed them off. It cut down on the population so the Wraith wouldn't return. Effective, if not gruesome.

See, Sheppard and company had returned to the puddlejumper to retrieve some stuff to trade, leaving Rodney behind and alone with the villagers. They had thought that Rodney would be a good boy and not insult anyone. As it turned out, he didn't really – just a snap remark, but just as soon as they had reached the jumper, Rodney's frantic scream rang out.

As McKay crested the hill separating the jumper from the village, Sheppard, Teyla, and Ronon brought up their weapons and tried to halt the frenzy – or at least protect Rodney…

The good doctor had paint smeared all over him – it was very… sacrificial looking. Rodney did not like it one bit.

Back in the village, the townspeople had hoisted him up onto a stake and burnt kindling at his feet. Rodney had then suddenly gotten a very important insight – he was going to be grilled and eaten! Luckily, when the villagers found him, he had been working with a pocket knife and had secreted it up his jacket sleeve. So he cut the rope binding him to the pole and took off screaming.

Sheppard shook his head as Rodney neared the jumper. 'Go figure,' he thought. 'All we want is some freaking coffee beans and what do we get? A whole herd of angry people! Way to go Rodney!' John knew that the other two were thinking much the same thoughts.

McKay slammed into Sheppard and hid behind him. John looked annoyed at the distraction and the two 'aliens' gave Rodney some very scathing looks. Rodney pulled his handgun in an effort to look strong.

"HA! Now you can't get me!" he shouted at the people.

"Rodney… not now!" John hissed back.

"But… but they tried to kill me!" the scientist whimpered indignantly.

"Too bad they failed." Both Teyla and Ronon smirked while Rodney harrumphed. Their smirks faded as they all realized just how many people Rodney had managed to bring out of town. Many of the people were bearing bows, swords, and spears. Those who didn't have such things had knives, sewing needles, and other sharp paraphernalia that lay around the house.

"Look folks, we're really sorry that McKay here offended you all, but is eating him really going to do anything? I mean look at him; he's got a lot of fat on him – not very good meat if you ask me." Rodney looked all proud at the fact that Sheppard was defending his life.

"Yeah, I'm not good meat, see all this… hey! I'm not that fat!" John tried to keep a smile on his face as he whispered at Rodney.

"Do you want to be eaten?"

"Well… no."

"Then you're as fat as I say you are, got it?" Rodney nodded.

"We were just trying to be friendly," Teyla added. "We just wanted a trade with you good people."

"Then trade. We'll have him for anything in our village!" the Head Elder growled fiercely. Sheppard lowered his weapon slightly and looked at Rodney speculatively.

"What? Hey, wait, you can't trade me! I'm a human being! You need me to work Atlantis! I'm the only one who can…" He was interrupted to the delight of many ears.

Sheppard raised his eyebrows. "A tempting offer… but sorry."

John herded the rest of AT-1 into the back of the puddlejumper and scrambled to the front. McKay quickly closed the rear hatch for the villagers weren't that far away. Everyone took a seat and John started up the engines.

The jumper lifted off, but started to sputter. Everyone suddenly looked very worried again.

"What the…? McKay!" Sheppard shouted. Rodney scurried to the crystals and pulled them out.

"I'm on it. Just give me a second…" He slipped a few crystals in and out of their holding places and grinned. "That should do it!"

Yeah… maybe a bit.

Sheppard only had enough control to keep them from crashing nose first into the dirt of the planet. Instead, the craft skipped along the ground like a rock on water. This time it was Ronon that hissed at the scientist.

"McKay…!" Rodney scurried back to the crystals.

"I don't get it! This shouldn't be happening!"

"Yet it is Rodney! Get this jumper flying!" Sheppard yelled at the man. Rodney held on tight as another impact happened. The hull couldn't withstand that sort of pressure that long and everyone knew it.

"Why is nothing working today… first my coffee, then my sandwich, then I'm roasted alive by cannibals, and now this!"

"McKay!" the other three shouted. The named got right to work.

"Aha!" Rodney said two minutes later. "I got it… now go!" McKay could see the villagers coming to swarm outside the ship. They hadn't gone far from the encounter sight and those people could move fast.

Once in space, Sheppard set the jumper on auto to the gate and wheeled around to face Rodney.

"What happened?"

"Before or after I was smoked?" Rodney replied in his usual way.

"McKay…" That tone held warning.

"I might have mentioned something about the Elders being senile…" he mumbled back. What were they going to do with McKay?

Ronon entered their IDC as the jumper got near the stargate and waited for the all clear that said the iris was deactivated. When nothing happened, Ronon alerted Sheppard to the problem.

"Well I guess we'll just have to ask Atlantis," John responded and tapped his earpiece. "Atlantis? This is Sheppard."

"This is Atlantis, come in."

"Is the iris down?"

"No sir… we've been having problems with our electric systems for a couple hours. The iris went up and won't come down," Atlantis responded.

"So that means…?" Ronon asked, wary.

"I'm sorry Jumper 1, but you're going to have to sit tight."

"That's alright. Sheppard out." John was irritated. Rodney had been right; this day had just gone from bad to worse. "Rodney, how long will this take?" he pondered.

"Without me, at least three hours." Everybody stared at Rodney with dislike or disbelief. Rodney, oblivious to this, added, "Better get comfortable. Sandwich anyone?"

So, how'd ya like it? Good, bad, medium? Does it deserve to live on? Again, sorry if it's not totally coherent in thought process... the other chapters will be totally coherent, I promise!

First off, you gotta tell me how it is!