Excerpts from Mr. Bennet's Journal
Entry 547No matter what that woman claims, my health is most certainly not failing. I am entitled to, and have a quite good chance of, living for another decade before senility impairs my health. It is much more likely my ears fall off and I bleed to death from her nagging than any other misfortune to befall me. She need not remain so insistent about finding a husband for the girls so quickly. They are barely older than children! I dearly wish to give that woman my opinion, but I see no purpose, she won't listen, neither will the girls. Perhaps Mary might, and possibly agree, but they pay even less attention to her despite her intelligence, so I assume it means little.
I pity Mr. Bingley. The moment he steps foot out of Netherfield Park he will not have a moment of reprieve for all the girls vying for his attention, my own included. I dearly wish the man is a hermit, if only to save him from the voice of my wife. Perhaps if he was, Mary could finally find a quiet place away from all the screeching voices. Alas, a man of the fortune necessary to purchase that particular house could not me a hermit if he wished to retain his fortune for long. I suppose it would only be polite to visit him in welcome, only when Mrs. Bennet discovers his arrival. Though, pretending I have no intention of it will certainly annoy her. That woman certainly deserves it for all the annoyance she causes me.
Entry 548That woman has absolutely no respect for the privacy of others. If she is so insistent on knowing the color of his suit, she can visit herself, not that I would inflict her voice on anyone in their own home. Her I can easily deny, but I find it much more difficult to deny the curiosity of the girls. Teasing them distracts them quite nicely, though I admit it to be petty. Even so, it is much more interesting to listen to their quite creative reasons for why the information is so necessary, much more so than to hear them gossip over his favorite color.
I admit, the man is quite pleasant and charming, though still a stranger, so I shall reserve any judgement until a later date. He is kind enough that I would not find myself the least bit surprised of one of the girls finds herself hopelessly in love with him. I hope they at least have the sensibility to discover what kind of man he is before they begin to wax eloquent about some obscure attribute. I wonder how long it will take for them to notice the young man's fellow, Mr. Darcy I believe his name is.
Entry 550I am quite glad to have abstained from the ball this past evening. Such a tedious event. I suppose I'll have relived it a few dozen times before Sunday so I find myself missing nothing in exchange for a quiet evening. I feel obliged to comment on the fact of the ungrateful 'Americans' leading such horrifying, disorderly lives, but I find many of their writings to be positively exhilarating, if misguided and corrupt, when I can find copies of their unpopular works. As long as I am sure to put away the pamphlets before Mrs. Bennet returns, I find the evenings of balls to be quite enjoyable. Perhaps Elizabeth or Mary would appreciate reading some of these works.
No, I think I'll keep them to myself, though I am inclined to believe that someone has been going through my papers recently. I am certain it is not Mrs. Bennet, she does turn apoplectic when she is required to read my handwriting. Apparently, she finds it 'unintelligible' and 'uneducated.' I suppose I should slip in a few loose pages with some choice insults for my dear daughters and wait to see which child glowers at me over the dinner table. Perhaps Mrs. Bennet will give me some ideas in a few days when one of the girls annoys her past her limit.
Entry 563I find it quite odd to discover Elizabeth brooding in the miniscule garden the girls made their hideaway before they 'grew up' and became obsessed with nothing but culture and matrimony. Maybe something happened during her visit to the neighbors'? I asked why she seemed so out of character and she responded 'Mr. Darcy' and proceeded to ignore my presence for the remainder of the day. It is only fair that she is entitled to act oddly on occasion. I would like to dismiss the event, but I feel as if there is something going on I am unaware of. I suppose it best that I not jump to conclusions too quickly. Hopefully Elizabeth hasn't become overly infatuated with the man. Jane's obsession is one obsession too much for me to handle. I can't express how unnerving it is to be looked at and know the girl isn't seeing me or hearing a word of what I say. I know she's thinking about that Mr. Bingley, though what about me could possibly remind her of him is far beyond my comprehension. I'll leave the courtship arrangements in Mrs. Bennet's capable hands.
Entry 570I do not wish to understand what foolishness had overtaken Jane to ride to her friend's on horseback rather than take the coach. They were not so desperately needed that the child needed to risk sickness! Sometimes I feel it would do me well to listen to the girls' conversations so I do not inadvertently condone their harebrained schemes. I suspect that woman had something to do with the scheme that will surely leave Jane bedridden for days. Perhaps that woman has a point when she—repeatedly—claims my health is failing for I feel quite uncharacteristically exhausted and have an impressive headache. Jane should be tucked safely away at the neighbors' house and most likely inside, untouched by the rain, to be home in the morning.
Entry 571I find myself to be quite impressed with my self-control. I should have demanded to have known where Jane had gone the night before and gone after her with the carriage. It is quite improper for her to remain at Mr. Bingley's house without a chaperone. The entire country knows of their infatuation with each other. I wish the two would just marry so an incident like this is not repeated. Perhaps I should send one or two of them to spend some time with the relatives and hopefully have a bit more peace and quiet. Yes, that seems like a wonderful idea. At the first excuse, I will send them off, Elizabeth being the first. I thought she had better sense than to walk three miles only hours after the rain ceases. Thankfully, they will return soon and I will do my best not to think of this situation again.
Entry 584I find myself to be quite attentive to the conversations of others as of late, for obvious reasons. It is exceptionally tedious, though writing my thoughts on the conversation is adequate entertainment, if expensive, I am nearly finished with this bottle of ink. I am expecting a guest to stay for a rather long time and he seems quite unpleasant, though I am trying to reserve judgement until I actually meet the man who is destined to inherit my house and livelihood.
I will never claim the girls' conversations to be exciting, but they are rather enlightening, if troublesome and tedious. Elizabeth has taken up the habit if complaining to anyone who will listen about the horridness of Mr. Darcy. If I'm properly filtering her contempt from her description of the man, I believe him to be infatuated with her. Actually, I'm going to return to ignoring their conversations. Some conclusions I will leave to Mrs. Bennet to draw and act upon.
Entry 589I find it odd to have run into Mr. Darcy in town. His company was quite invigorating after speaking to no one but the dull, irksome Mr. Collins for several days. I quickly found myself to be incapable of understanding Elizabeth's hatred of the man. He was quite intelligent and did not speak overly much. I suppose his silence could have been considered somewhat rude, but as we parted ways with refreshingly brief niceties, I noted how he only spoke when he possessed something of import to share and remained silent rather than exchanging the meaningless drabble many of my acquaintances insisted upon, especially Mr. Collins.
I dared not mention it to anyone, but Mr. Darcy's almost hopeful expression as he looked around me and inquired after my daughters, specifically Elizabeth, led me to confirm that he was quite infatuated with the girl. I wasn't exactly sure what to do about that information, but made a mental note of it. Trespassing on Mrs. Bennet's social territory was undeniably not a place I wanted to find myself in. Hopefully, the man would speak up himself. I was not going to have anything to do with the dramatic fallout of the situation.
Entry 592I have discovered that even Mrs. Bennet is rarely more irritating than a guest who won't leave, even for a few hours. It feels like it has been weeks since I last spoke to anyone other than Mr. Collins. I am unsure if he ever ceases speaking. I haven't napped in the hayloft since I was a boy avoiding chores, but I found myself nestled between stacks of hay and a barrel of horse oats more than once since my encounter with Mr. Darcy.
In the rare moment I was not cursed with the man's presence, he proposed to poor Elizabeth. Or at least I thought he did. I assume she had denied him, judging by the way that woman was screeching at me to fix the situation. I am unsure as to why she thinks any of my daughters heeds a word I say since she herself does nothing of the sort. Since I would much rather listen to that woman screeching incessantly than tolerate Mr. Collins' presence for another minute, I have come to the conclusion that my daughters will be choosing their own husbands under any and all circumstances.
Entry 601I pity poor Jane and her circumstances, now that I am able to think with Mr. Collins off irritating some other individuals. Even so, I find myself unable to assist in the situation other than to offer my condolences, especially since I am firm in my desire to leave issues of marriage to the women of the family. At the same time, I am thrilled that two of my daughters will somewhere else for the immediate time being. I very much enjoy their presence, but I would dearly enjoy the peace and quiet I will receive when Mrs. Bennet need only to take three daughters out with her rather than five. Visits to town and the neighbors have become increasingly frequent.
I have noticed Mary to be quite cold to me these past few days as well as a clever response to the insult planted in my private papers. I suppose she has been the culprit rustling through my things. Perhaps I will share with her the American documents I have scavenged, though she has most likely already read them. At least I keep this journal on my person or the girl might never forgive me, though perhaps that might not be the worst of scenarios. Mary does play the piano quite beautifully and nearly constantly when she is upset. I think I shall add a response to her retaliatory insult. Her music is much more enjoyable than the idle gossip of her sisters.
Entry 644I am glad to have Jane and Elizabeth return home. The lack of voices other than Mrs. Bennet and the two youngest has begun to turn dull. I know there to be something irritating them all, but I have not the slightest idea of what it may be, nor do I desire to inquire after the fact. I am not the slightest bit interested, but I suppose I will be hearing about the entire issue soon, alongside the rest of the town. Elizabeth seems to be especially bothered by the issue. I dearly hope Mr. Darcy has come around to straightening things out with her. It takes more self-control than I am comfortable with to refrain from asking Elizabeth directly. The girls' gossip is much more entertaining when it is recounted out of irritation or anger than obsession. I suppose it will only be a matter of time.
Entry 648I should be horrified that one of my daughters has just eloped with a stranger, but I am more inclined to a slight annoyance. I care little for the social situation of the family, it is mostly a vicarious experience anyways, but I dislike the idea of one of my daughters vanishing into nowhere on a whim. I think I was convincing enough while I was leaving as to assure Mrs. Bennet that I mean to search for the wayward child. Unfortunately, it only took a few hours to track down the girl, thanks to a note from Mr. Darcy, but Mrs. Bennet need not know the fact. I find myself enjoying a vacation in London. The theater is quite pleasant, their performances much more accomplished than those at home. I quite enjoy my time during the day at the library. Perhaps I should move the family to London, if only for the diversity of literature offered. Someone is soon to be sent after me for news. I hope it to be someone who won't object to my little vacation since Mr. Darcy has so graciously offered to fix the situation warranting my trip.
Entry 650Mr. Gardiner laughed when I admitted to my activities contrary to the task I was sent out to fulfill, yet he graciously joined me in touring the city. I suppose the vacation I received from the dratted girl's elopement is what prevented me from disowning her in the end. Unfortunately, I am soon to return home. Mrs. Bennet should not suspect a thing, but I have a feeling Mary will somehow figure out the details of the entire incident in the next week by rustling through my papers.
Entry 673
I am pleased that Elizabeth has finally taken positive notice of Mr. Darcy. Of all the men associated with the family, I find him to be the most pleasant and agreeable. The remaining space in this particular journal is quickly diminishing and I fear the last entry will conclude on the back cover.
Dear Mary,
I hope you enjoy this journal, Mary, and I will endeavor to presently collect new reading material for you since you have quite obviously read the entire Longbourn library and are desperate enough to peruse my private papers for entertainment.
Yours,
Mr. Bennet