Tess took a long sip from the bottle of wine between them on the table. "Don't drink too much. We've got a drop to make in the morning." Something had been hanging over their heads since the minute they'd walked through the door. There was no joking banter, no usual antics, just both of them, strangely solemn and too focused on the wine they were sharing to actually lighten the mood.
He grunted, snatching the bottle from her hands and taking an even longer drag than she had. "Don't remind me," he mumbled, putting the bottle back at its place on the coffee table and leaning back into the couch. "I thought we agreed to not talk business on our nights in."
"Not much else to talk about," she shrugged. They both fell silent, Joel staring at the ceiling while she glanced around the room. Joel was a fan of comfortable silences. She sighed, leaning forward and taking the bottle by the neck to break the long quiet. "You feeling alright?"
"Long day," he replied bluntly, hands folded over his stomach, still staring at the ceiling. She studied the defined lines of his neck, appreciating the small shadow of an old hickey. "Just thinkin'."
"About what?"
"Don't matter," he muttered, sitting up. "Gimme that." He took the bottle from her and took two too-long gulps. She studied him as he drank the slightly overpowering wine without flinching a bit. The lines in his face seemed a little deeper, the circles under his eyes darker, his hair just a little more grey than usual. Time was starting to take its toll on him. On both of them. Her mind wandered as the wine was placed down between them again, left there by his hand, big and rough and washed of the blood of the day. Most times she didn't bat a lash at the things that they did to survive. But today was not one of those days.
"It was a close call out there, with those goddamned clickers…" she muttered, catching his eye. His brow furrowed.
"You, worryin'? That's a new one."
She pursed her lips, looking away. "Not worrying. Just thinking, I guess."
He stretched and put his arms behind his head, kicking his feet up on the coffee table. His boots made the bottle jump on the table from the impact, nearly spilling the remaining wine. He half-sighed and half-laughed. "Tess thinkin'. You don't hear that one every day."
He'd succeeded in getting a laugh out of her. "Shut the fuck up," she shook her head, looking up at him once more. Her smile faded quickly. "Really, you need to be more careful. You scared the shit outta me back there."
"I was fine—"
"You were not fine. I had to shoot the thing before it got you… you could have…"
He sat up and leaned forward slowly, closing the space between them as she glanced away. "Is that what this is about?" Still, she didn't look at him. "Hey—" he took her chin in his hand and pulled her gaze back to his. "You don't have to worry about that, alright? Not here."
"Our luck is going to run out eventually." She wasn't sure if it was the wine, the close proximity of him, or the thought of something going wrong that was making her feel so dizzy. "It's only a matter of time."
"We'll worry about that when the time comes."
"Goddammit, Joel. I'm worried about it now!" she exclaimed harshly, taking herself out of his grasp and standing to her feet. He stood slowly, taking the bottle of wine and following her as she began to pace the small apartment. "We're not careful enough. We need to be more responsible, take more precautions, we can't afford to—"
"Tess…"
"—lose either of us, both of us, now. I'm not going to let one deal gone south- or even worse, one of those things- fuck this up."
He placed the bottle in her hand, watching her as she locked eyes with him, then shut them tightly as she gulped down the majority of what was left. She was flustered. She never let him see her like this, so panicked, so… vulnerable. It had happened to quickly for her to put a stop to it. She shook her head and tried to shove him away with her free hand, but he grabbed her wrist in the one moment that she lingered there.
"You've lost people," he stated bluntly, without any intention of continuing the thought. But it was out there, filling the silence between them with enough unanswered questions she thought she might explode. She looked up at him, her wrist still in his hand, the bottle of wine still clutched by her side.
"It doesn't fucking matter now." She gritted her teeth, mad because he'd seen right through her. It was so unlike him to bring up something like that, but it wasn't unlike him to know it from the look on her face.
"You're right, it doesn't," he said, his voice dropping a little so he was speaking quieter. Calmer. "But what does matter is that if you get all hopped up on worryin', you'll fuck something up out there that you wouldn't have before. You just have to stay focused, be in control, and be aware."
"And what the fuck do I do when a clicker jumps you and you nearly get yourself—"
He pulled on her wrist, getting her to take a breath and settle herself once more. "You handle it. We handled it fine."
"I want you to promise me something," she exhaled, suddenly aware of the closeness of their bodies. She reached back and put the bottle down on the counter, laying her freed hand on his waist. Her voice dropped to a near-whisper. "If anything ever happens, and I get bitten—"
"That's not going to happen, Tess. Not if I have one goddamned thing to do with—"
"Listen…" she begged him with her eyes, bringing his focus back to her. He pursed his lips and nodded slowly. "If I ever get bitten, I want you to do it."
He shook his head immediately. "You know I can't promise you that."
"I want you to be the one to do it. I will not turn into one of those things." She was begging him with her eyes. He shook his head still, but she pulled him into her, her ass against the counter and his chest suddenly pressed to hers. "Make this easy for me. Just tell me you will," she breathed, right at his ear.
"I can't. You can't ask that from me," he murmured, burying his face in the crook of her neck. There was something so intensely…sensual about having her in so vulnerable a state with his body so close. It was unlike anything they'd had before. "I couldn't pull the trigger. You know that."
"Just promise me."
"Tess…"
She didn't wait for another long silence or a shake of his head. Her fists took two greedy handfuls of his shirt and jerked him in close, her mouth crashing against his immediately. He tasted of wine and blood and dust and something bittersweet, and as her tongue slipped past his teeth and gained entrance to explore, he groaned. She would have smiled had it been any other situation, but she felt heavy as a stone. One of her arms wrapped bravely around the back of his neck, pulling her so close to him that her mouth pressed almost painfully to his. The pace quickened instantly. He hoisted her up and sat her on the counter, where he pushed her knees apart with one hand and pressed his palm to the heated inside of her thigh. He moved down from her mouth to her jaw, where his teeth traced along the sharp lines of her face, then moved down to her neck. With his face buried in the crook of her neck, she dragged her nails down his back, then returned to his shoulders and up to his head where she buried her hands in his hair. She gripped him closer as he kissed and bit the skin of her collarbone, leaving marks that would linger there in the days to come.
There was something different in the way they moved against each other. There was no laughter, no comments about the ache in Joel's back or the popping of his tired joints, no playful kisses or beard tickles or smiles against the other's skin. They were buzzed and urgent and filled up with worry. It was new for her, feeling like that while he was touching her. She wasn't so sure that she liked it. She pulled him back up to meet her mouth, where he kissed her all the more aggressively. Her fingers fumbled with the buttons of his flannel as he brought a moan involuntarily from her mouth. Failing to undo more than three of the buttons on her own, he groaned and pulled away from her, lifting the shirt over his head and discarding it hastily somewhere across the kitchen floor.
She leaned back a bit, taking in the sight of him. Hair covered his chest and slowly tapered off to a trail that led to the waist of his jeans. His skin was tanned by the summer sun and scarred by too many confrontations that left her stitching him up. He reached out and pulled her shirt off, their bodies meeting once more with the new friction of skin on skin, mouth on mouth, the taste of wine and the smell of sweat. She dragged both of her palms over the planes of his chest, feeling the slight ripple of movement in the muscles underneath his skin. Every inch of him was a miracle, it seemed. Breathing proof that maybe there was a hope they could call themselves survivors. He was unclipping her bra when she arched her back and pressed herself to him.
"Take me to bed," she whispered against his open mouth, barely brushing her bottom lip against his. Wordlessly, he nodded and wrapped his arms around her waist, just as she clung to him with her legs, and he carried her across the kitchen. Kissing the whole way over, he stumbled and pressed her to the closest wall. They sunk down together for a moment, their kiss deepening, then receding as they both came up to breathe. He caught his breath as she went to work on his neck and shoulder, kissing and biting, her nails clinging to his back and her thighs clinging tightly around his waist. He could just barely feel the heat through the crotch of her pants against his stomach.
Wasting little time, he kicked open the bedroom door, stepped through, and kicked it back shut behind him. He nearly tossed her down on the bed, watching as she landed with a small thud and bounced back against the pillows. He drank in the sight of her for a moment, then reached down and unbuttoned her pants, yanking them away from her skin hungrily. When her eyes met his again in the near-silence, his gaze was dripping with need. She could see him visibly swallow and his teeth grinding behind his lips. It was taking all of his will to restrain himself.
She said nothing, but only beckoned to him with her eyes. He stood over her, wrapping a hand around each calf and dragging her down the bed so her legs hung off the bed up to her knees. He unbuckled his belt and discarded his pants. Before he could reach for the waistband of her panties, she stopped him with one hand, wrapped carefully around his wrist, right over his watch.
"Wait," she breathed, unsmiling. "Not yet."
He waited for her to make the next move. She slid down off of the bed, reaching to kiss a path straight down the center of his chest, to his abdomen, down to the trail of hair that led to the waistband of his briefs. She palmed the object making itself clear through the thin fabric that covered him. His immediate groan was enough of a reaction for her to know she was headed in the right direction.
She pulled away the remaining article of clothing and left him entirely naked, standing there over her. It wasn't very often that she used her mouth on him, but she knew that it drove him wild. He knotted a hand into her hair and pulled a little bit. "Tess—" his voice trembled, like a weakened warning that was somehow going to convince her to go easy on him.
Without delay, she grabbed him by the hilt and began to work him, carefully and closely, taking time to make sure she got deep into every nerve and every tissue there was to pleasure. He tried to steady himself, but ended up sitting back on the edge of the bed, which in turn allowed her better access to him. She slipped her mouth over the tip easily, her tongue making small, delicate circles around him that elicited several loud moans for mercy. Her head bobbed slightly against his gripping fingers. She opened her mouth and released him, only to return to run her tongue along the underside of him, just barely grazing her teeth when she neared the end once more. He moaned loudly, some combination of unintelligible nonsense and her name that just came out as a cry. She sucked harder, then slower, then harder once more, her hand never stopping as it worked the base and massaged him, milking every last drop of his pleasure. He was nearing the edge fast, she could feel it, and she wasn't sure if she wanted to proceed.
"No," he groaned, pulling her away a little bit. "It ain't happenin' like that tonight."
She stood to her feet, keeping him in the palm of her hand. His fingers slipped beneath the thin fabric separating him from her, gliding carefully between the slick folds there. She shivered, losing her focus and her footing. He pushed her to the bed and pulled off the panties with one hand. A smirk touched his lips as he looked at her, locking eyes with her as he crawled into position over her, his hand still exploring and pulsing rhythmically between her thighs. He slipped two fingers inside of her, buried just past his knuckles, bringing a sharp gasp from her mouth. He used his thumb to make circles around her clit. A loud moan tore from her, sending one hand reaching for the edge of the bed to hang on for mercy. His hand pumped rhythmically, bringing her hips up and down with him as he worked her. He bent down and nipped at her neck, kissing. She reached one of her hands to his back to hold onto him as he pleasured her.
"Joel," she exhaled, trying to mask the trembling in her voice. "Please…"
"Please what?" he said with mock confusion, slipping a third finger into her. She clawed at his back as she arched wildly.
"I need you—" she managed to choke out before another wave of pleasure crashed over her. "Joel, please." It wasn't often that she used the word please with Joel, and he visibly took note. His mouth crashed against hers once more, his thumb swirling once more around the nub of flesh before slipping his fingers out. Her hips fell back to the mattress and she closed her legs, shivering and trying to get herself together before he took her over entirely. She looked up at him, hovering over her, waiting for her to say the word. He leaned down and placed a small kiss on her forehead, then the tip of her nose, then gently on her lips. She opened her eyes languidly, staring at him, waiting. Thinking.
"Promise me," she whispered. He opened his mouth to protest, but she reached up and cupped his cheek in her hand. "Promise me you won't let me turn into one of those things."
"I'll keep you safe," he murmured, just over her lips. He reached down and parted her legs with one hand.
"Joel." Her voice was so quiet she thought he might not have heard it.
"That's all I can promise you."
Without another word, he spread her legs and positioned himself over her, leaning back to run his hands over the swell of her chest, all the way down to the valley of her hips. She watched as he lowered himself down, feeling him waiting right at her entrance. She nodded slightly, and he slipped slowly into her. Time seemed to slow, the room quiet, the world dark and sleeping through the curfew into the night. He waited for her to adjust to him, then eased in a little deeper. They'd done this dozens of times before, but somehow every time it was still new. She inhaled deeply as he buried himself to the hilt, his teeth catching on his bottom lip.
Finally inside of her, he began to pump slowly, creating a careful rhythm between the two of them that she settled into immediately. His movements were abnormally careful. Tess was used to the Joel that would assault her with his mouth and fuck her senseless, not these tender kisses and gentle thrusts. Still, there was something so oddly appropriate about the way he was touching her. Like he was afraid that at any moment she could slip away. And maybe it was the wine, or the weight of the day, but she felt something similar pulsing just beneath her breast.
He increased his pace as she began to mirror his movements with her hips. Rising to meet him, he slipped just a small bit deeper and sent a sharp wave of pleasure through her body. His hands made their way to her hips, where he pinned them down to the bed and adjusted his position so he could move even faster as he fucked her. She begged for mercy in the form of his name, but he paid the cries no mind. She felt that she was already so close she might explode.
"Come here," she murmured, lifting herself up onto her elbow to meet his mouth halfway. She kissed him and sat up, quickly maneuvering herself to roll him onto his back so she could have her turn. She settled down over his hips, starting to roll with precise and slow movements, stirring him in such a way that his head lolled back against the pillows below. She arched her back, still grinding away while she listened to the small sounds of his pleasure with a smirk. Feeling his rough hands slipping over her hips to bring her closer to him, she increased her pace and leaned forward, drawing out every movement, every action, every second.
She continued on top of him for what felt like a long time, exchanging looks and moans and random kisses in the half-darkness of the bedroom. It wasn't until they neared the edge that she pulled away from him, just to draw it out a bit longer before they reached their peak. "Joel," she whispered as he sat himself up and pulled her into his lap. "Joel, I…" but she couldn't remember what she wanted to say. Instead, she covered him in a kiss and straddled him, vertically pressed chest to chest, slightly taller than him from her elevation on his lap.
He wasted no time, thrusting into her and groaning nearly every time his skin met hers. Her skin slipped against his easily, the sheen of sweat that covered them guiding her as her breasts pressed against him as she clung tightly to his body. The heat and tension pooling in her hips was mounting; there wasn't much time. She took his face between both of her hands and pulled his gaze to hers once more, then took him into a rough kiss. His fingers reached down and found her clit, rubbing harder than he had before as her hips bucked wildly into his thrusts.
"Oh, Tess," he panted, trying to stay composed but losing control quickly. "Oh, Christ—" She stifled his sentence with another kiss, nearing the edge quickly.
She clung to him as warmth flooded through her, her release so close that she could feel it coming up fast. His name spilled from her lips, over and over, trying to get some kind of foothold before he finished her off. He laid her down on her back and instead of going faster, dialed back his pace until he was moving slowly enough for her to start begging.
"Joel," she hissed. "Please, Joel, I just want to— oh!" He chuckled as her eyes opened in simultaneous shock and pleasure as he hit just the right spot. "There, God, there…"
It didn't take long after that. He craned his neck and kissed her collarbone as she reached out to hold him closer. With a cry, her spine arched into his and her release followed after. His name was the only thing that came to her mind, aside from a few choice expletives. Hurdling over the edge with him still thrusting, she convulsed slightly and saw stars as the white-hot oblivion of her orgasm completely took her over. She started to come down right as he pulled away, shaking and groaning out her name through his gritted teeth. She laid there gasping for breath as he finished, the last of the tremors of her high cycling through her.
Completely out of breath, he returned to her body and collapses next to her on the bed. His hands found hers and he pulled her into him, pressing himself to her back from her shoulders to her legs. She took a deep and satisfied breath in. She felt his tracing lazy circles over her arm as the very last of her orgasm left her. "Was that the wine, or were you actually not hindered by the aching of your back?"
That was the Tess he knew. She felt him smiling against her neck, despite the shot against him. "Probably the wine."
They were quiet for a long time, sleepy but not sleeping, cuddling but not resting, breathing but not speaking. Just enjoying the other's presence. Appreciating that neither of them were dead.
"Did you mean what you said?" she murmured sleepily, staring down at his hands, which were now placed on top of her stomach.
He was quiet for a long time. "Mmm. I meant it."
"But you wouldn't do it, if the time came."
"Do we have to—"
"Joel…" she said, suddenly serious. He was silent.
One hand reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear. "How could I put a bullet through this," he murmured. "I don't think even I could have the heart to hurt you."
She closed her eyes in some vain attempt to stop thinking. "Is it so awful, to think that I could?"
"You would kill me?"
"No." She exhaled through her nose, quickly putting up the walls she'd been so foolish to take down in his presence. "But it wouldn't be the first time."
"Tess—"
"We should get some rest."
"Look at me," he breathed, pulling her by the shoulder to face him. He had nothing to say. A long silence passed, her eyes serious, before he finally pressed a rough kiss to her mouth. She pressed her face to his chest and pulled the blankets up around her shoulders. The words he wanted to say ended up lost somewhere in the silence, never to be brought up again. He kissed the top of her head as she slowly drifted off to sleep.