Help

I'm so sorry, for posting this as a story when it isn't but I just really need an advice. I know Fanfiction isn't the place to post something and get help but I just don't know any other place to ask for help, I already post something on yahoo question but I haven't receive any answers yet.

So here is my story.

Well I have never been in a relationship and I have only kissed one person. I have liked the same guy since freshman year (I am a junior now) everything starts last summer. During the summer we went somewhere...and there he kissed me (that was my very first kiss) ...two days later a friend of his and I were talking and that person tells me he has a girlfriend, but I thought it was a lie, I mean his friend always jokes around with those stuff. Anyway I didn't stop thinking about it and I send him a message directly asking him if he was in a relationship. He never answered it. I sent him another saying if I should take it as a yes and he just say answered he doesn't now what I'm talking about and he never received anything. I didn't ask it again and that day we just had a normal conversation... around 3 days after I went to his house where we kissed and made out again. Somehow when we were talking the topic changed to the question that he supposedly didn't received, anyways I didn't ask it, I thought he wouldn't do something like that and the topic about the question didn't rise up again. After we made out he told me that he did received the question, he just didn't want to answer it, but yeah they were in a relationship and then he just told me he was sorry about what happened but their relationship was suppose to be secret and that's why he didn't want to tell me. So after that I guess people can imagine how I felt. I got home and locked myself in the bathroom crying, I felt as if just couldn't stop my tears. He messaged me saying he was really sorry and that he didn't mean to hurt me. I do love him so I just forgave him and thought we could still be friends, school started 2 weeks later after that, at the beginning I just avoided him because after that I just felt like I couldn't see him straight in the face. However by being in school I realize that everyone did know about their relationship so he lied to me when he said it was supposed to be a secret and it was why he didn't tell me. Two month after that we became really close friends, it was nice, it did hurt because they kissed right in front of me but I got used to it in a while. Okay...so, two days before the thanksgivings break we casualty bumped into each other while going out of the school, when we go to the bus stop his girlfriend had left already and I felt like walking so I just told him if he wants to go to the other bus stop with me. We started walking but instead of going to the bus stop he asked if we could go to the park, and so we did. Along the way he took and was holding my hand all the time, in the park we were just talking we just didn't want to go home because it was really early and the weather wasn't bad. Somehow we started talking about what happened during the summer, and he just told me again he was deeply sorry and started to hug me, I felt good, in our way home I got off the bus with him and we start talking while hugging in front of the building he lives in, next thing I knew his face was all the way down to my height and he kissed me again, I do know it was wrong, it was the first thing I thought but then he told me he liked me and kissed me again so this time I kissed back, yes again I did know it was bad but at that level of happiness I didn't really think or care too much about what could happened next. So we made out for a little while and then he walked me home and asked me for a goodbye kiss. The next day all the guilt crash into me and I tried to avoid him, he tried to talk with me about it but I rushed to class. I saw him and his GF kissing and it hurt me really bad. After that we just continued to be close friends and not do anything at all. Early in January I went to the band room and he was there, he asked me to take a sit next to him. we were talking and I felt like we were in a bubble, really we were just talking but he was looking straight at me and we were so concentrated not even talking anymore just smiling that he didn't even notice when his girlfriend came in. We didn't do anything but I felt so dirty that I tear a bit. One week after the after school activities started I left my stuff in drama club and started walking around the school building, (The school was over at 2:30 and drama didn't start until 3:30) around 3 o clock he saw me walking around and we went to the band room, no one was around there and the door opening thingy was messed up so we went in there without any problem and started talking...we were just fooling around and I told him I love him so he told me he loved me too, and I say but no in the same way, I say it just fooling around but his face change to a serious one and then he just said shut up... he hugged me, we just sat there in complete silent and hugging. We kissed again, started making out... around 4 I just had to go to drama because my stuff were there and I was already late, he wasn't staying in any club that day. He kissed me again when he was leaving the school, so he left and I went to drama, then I notice a note that someone left, drama was cancelled and I took my stuff and catch him on the bus stop there we walked to the other one together and he told me that he did love me in the same way that I did, I really didn't know how to answer to it so I just hold his hand and we got on the bus and we went home. The next day he acted as if nothing had happened and I was really confuse I felt bad about it, but if the guy you love tells you he loves you back there is no guilt or anything that can compete with the happiness it gave you. Around a week later I asked him if we could do something on valentines day, I'm not much into it but I thought it would be cute, and he said he wasn't sure but he didn't say it in a nice way I don't remember how he did but there was something about it that made me mad. 2 days later I told him to forget about it that it might have been a little stupid to ask and he said "Well I do have a girlfriend Thank you"

When he replied with that I felt so used and dirty that I cried the whole entire weekend. I am not exaggerating. I answer to him "Well I do have feelings, thank you too" and from there he just started apologizing to me again. He was saying the same stuff he said every time we kissed, and I feel if he is so sorry why does he keep hurting me? I felt so used that I told him I don't believe him anymore. That was a week ago, last Saturday. I really love him, I do with all my heart, but last Saturday I just felt as if he doesn't even care. I see him everyday at school but we don't talk anymore. I feel as he doesn't care about our friendship either. Even as I'm writing this I can't control my tears from flowing. I want to be his friend again, at least that, but should I? At the same time I have been feeling that all my love is starting to turn into hate and I don't want that Is like burning anger every time I see him. What should I do?