Authors Note: Hello! It's me again, some of you may remember from my little Christmas fic, The Christmas Tree, well it is just another one-shot by your truly. This time it is Susan dealing with the loss of Narnia and her family, I hope you like it. Also it is taken in a slightly different direction. Also I thought this song Masquerade and Faces suited Susan and how she felt about Narnia perfectly
Disclaimer: I do not own Susan Pevensie or Narnia…. wish I did though. Also nor do I own the lyrics to this song or the title of the one-shot.
We all have our ways of dealing with loss.
Will you bear my everlasting sorrow?
Will you suppress my indifference?
Holy nail in my coffin
Holy queen of my illusions
18 year old Susan Pevensie feels utterly grown up as she walks into the fancy ballroom, the handsome young man's arm linked with her own, all eyes on her, just the way she liked it.
Her silk dress fitted her curvy body perfectly, her dark hair was done up in the latest fashion, her lips bright red, stark against her snowy white skin that held the occasional freckle.
Susan smiled brightly as the young man twirled her gently around the room, never once taking his green eyes off her, he pulled her body into his lightly as the music slowed, he smiled warmly at her.
"How are you feeling tonight?" He whispered and Susan smiled happily at him.
"I'm having the most wonderful time, thank-you." She replied, flashing him yet another a winning smile.
"Anything for a Queen." He whispered and Susan swallowed the lump in her throat, if only he knew, if only he could understand.
Feeling pale like the moon above me
Here I am nude and immortal
Leave a tear on my pillow
My final resting place, my comfort
Talk to me, lie to me
Comfort me, lie to me
19 year old Susan hurriedly applied her ruby wax lipstick, ignoring Lucy who sat on the bed, clutching a fantasy book to her chest, watching Susan sadly.
"Why do you do it Su?" Lucy asked quietly, causing Susan to turn around and face her baby sister. A perfectly plucked eyebrow raised, why would her sister ask such a foolish question? She did it because this is what she had to do.
"I haven't the faintest idea what you mean Lucy." Susan replied simply and Lucy shook her head sadly, placing the book on her bedside table, she rose from the bed and started to walk out of the room but turned to face Susan.
"Aslan would be disappointed in you." Was all she uttered before walking down the hall to her brothers room, what young Lucy Pevensie didn't see were tears hiding behind Susan's mascara and eye shadow, or the darker shade of red she applied to her lips.
Still I'm dying to believe
That I have lost the air to breathe
Beloved failure has left
A thousand scars forevermore
Behind these masquerades and faces
Faith is longing for forgiveness
And is the truth
Another fiction for you?
20 year old Susan rode quietly next to her latest suitor, her red dress clinging to her body, her hair perfect and up in the latest twist, deep red applied to her lips. She was 20 minutes past the time she was meant to be home, but she saw no point in attempting to being close to her family anymore, they didn't understand, they wouldn't understand.
Lucy still held that blind obedience to that foolish lion Aslan, Edmund and Peter always encouraged it (which Susan was even more cross about, Peter should be on her side), even her silly younger cousin Eustace and his new friend Jill Pole were in on it.
Susan often wondered if Narnia had just been a game that they had created in their young, foolish minds. If she had created Queen Susan, The Gentle on her own and not some lion and country full of magical creatures.
"Are you alright Susan?" Her suitor asked, turning to face her, fake concern written across his face, Susan merely smiled and nodded her head.
"What are you thinking about?" He asked as they rounded Susan's corner, she merely shrugged and turned away from him, he would think her mad if she told him.
"You can just drop me off here, my home is only up that street." Susan replied coldly, which surprised not only her suitor but herself, she wasn't known for cold tones and her standoffish behavior, she was known for her beauty and grace.
"Are you sure? It's rather dark."
"Just drop me off, please. My brothers would beat you to a pulp if they saw you." Susan replied simply as the car stopped outside a darkened house. She smiled at him, kissing him lightly upon the cheek before stepping out of the car.
Susan tried her hardest to be quiet as she stepped inside the house, not noticing Peter sitting on the steps.
"Your late." He replied simply, Susan jumped in the dark before turning and glaring at Peter.
"Peter your frightened me to death! What are you doing in the dark?" Susan snapped angrily, Peter rose from the step and shook his head sadly at her.
"What would Aslan think?" He muttered quietly before walking up the stairs, Susan merely shook her head, honestly a 21 year old still thinking childish games or maybe, just maybe, she was the one playing a foolish game.
Can you sing, can you raise the dead?
Shall I live for a hazy silhouette
Fill my eyes with your splendor
Like glassy jewels falling down on you?
Your divinity tastes like perjury
And deception means the end
Can you feel, can you feel the burden
A sacred heart is longing for?
21 year old Susan is now the only remaining Pevensie, all of them were gone, they had been taken away from her. Her mother, her father, her sister and her brothers, everyone killed in that horrid crash that would haunt London for many years.
She is the only one at the funeral who isn't crying and dabbing their eyes with a tissue, her fiancé is clutching her hand reassuringly. He is a very wealthy businessman and treats Susan like the Queen she is.
"Are you alright precious?" Are the words he utters for comfort, Susan merely nods and bites her glossy lips, she can't cry, not now. She couldn't let the people see her crumble, she was sick of everyone saying they will pray for her, why? It won't bring her family back.
"Do you want to make your final farewell?" He asks and Susan nods, stepping from the crowd and standing in front of her three siblings coffins, all the same size, Peter and Edmund dressed in their best suits, they eyes shut peacefully and little Lucy in her prettiest dress and her favourite book resting on her stomach.
Susan merely stares at them, she wants nothing more than to be lying in a coffin next to them but she wasn't on that train, she refused to go with her siblings chasing a foolish fancy, what was the point? To be disappointed and heartbroken all over again?
"I'm not disappointed." Susan muttered before walking away, leaving the mourners and her fiancé behind, she needed to be alone, for now.
Will you bear my everlasting sorrow?
Will you suppress my indifference?
Holy nail in my coffin
Holy queen of my illusions
Susan is 24 years old when she finally lets that tears fall lightly down her cheeks, her twin daughters were playing with their father in the next room, Susan needed her rest, she needed her quiet time.
She sat facing the beautiful country scenery as she lets the tears fall silently down her cheek, her icy blue eyes sparkling with fresh droplets of bitter tears, her hands are clutching the rocking chair so tightly she can feel the blood rush, she is biting her lip so harshly she can taste the salty blood seep into her mouth.
The country reminded her so much of somewhere, somewhere that meant so much to her, somewhere that she knew she was once happy and carefree, a real Queen.
Yet somehow she could not remember that land, she could not remembers its name, she knew it was buried somewhere in the back of her monotonous mind, she had buried all the pain it held with it there too.
"Someday," she muttered quietly as she shut her eyes.
Someday.
So did you like it? I know it may appear a little depressing and all, but not all stories end happily and joyfully, life isn't like that. Anyway don't forget if you have the time review, they are really appreciated.