On My Own
- A SportSteph Love Songfic One-shot.
Summary:
17 year old Stephanie can't sleep. Her heard are full of thoughts. Thoughts about him. She can't stop thinking about him. And as always when Stephanie has to pore out her felling she's wandering around in the streets of Lazy Town, at night, singing them out. Just like she have done for a while now. A SportSteph Love Songfic One-shot. My first so be nice!
Story:
First of all: sorry for my awful gramma but English are not my birth language so it's not on purpose if there are some mistakes.
Second: I DON'T OWN LAZY TOWN OR THE SONG. I only own the plot, a laptop and a really twisted mind. Lazy Town belongs to the genius and the actually pretty hot (come on; don't tell me I'm the only one who thinks that?) Magnus Scheving and On My Own belongs to the amazing writers on the Les Misérables Musical.
If the wishing star make my wish come true and I suddenly owns both, this would probably be a part of the series with me playing Stephanie XD (But if the wishing star only can make Magnus become 18 years old as I have wished for, then I won't complain XD)
Well, to quote from one of my favorite comic shows: and now to something complete different….
Dear Diary
I know I haven't write in 3 years but right now I don't know what ells I should do. I'm so confused by this. By this feeling inside of me. It's just weird. It's weird to talk about.
It's not because I don't know the name of the feeling. I'm 17 for crying out loud. It's…. love.
Well, I know it sounds stupid to have all this trouble just because of the fact that I'm in love. But it's not "the love" that are the reason to my frustration or to the trouble. It's the person that I'm in love with that's the cause to it. The problem is that I'm madly in love with him but it kills me to know that he never will fell the same way about me. He only sees me as the 8 year old kid who needs to be saved all the time.
He may have right on the last part; even through I don't want to admit it. If he hadn't been there today it could have end really badly for me. But still. He will never see me as the 17 year old (practically adult) I am now. So I try to forget him. But I can't. He's so perfect and everything I never wanted. And it kills me that I can't have him.
It's getting late now. I think it's time for me to stop thinking about this before I start to cry.
Love
Stephanie
She placed the pencil and her diary on the disk and walked over to the window and opened it. The wind was cold and dark clouds were hovering over the now sleeping city called Lazy Town. She sat herself down in her windowsill and looked up in the sky. She could see the air ship there was hovering over the Town Hall. A smiled appeared across her face and with a voice as softly as a rose she whispered out in the night.
"Sportacus"
She sight and shook her head. She had secretly hoped that it was just loud enough for him to hear it and that he would come down just so she could see him. But he was off coarse already sleeping. He was so concerned about having "A good night sleep". He wouldn't be up this late. And now she thought about it; neither should she.
She looked at her watch; 00:12. She knew it was late. Lucky for her it was Saturday tomorrow, so she didn't had to get up early. Cuz she couldn't sleep. All her thoughts were around what had happened early that day.
Flashback
She walked down the front steps of Lazy Town High, completely in her own thoughts. Her last class had been music and her teacher had praised her after she had sung in front of the entire class so she was totally up on her little "Happy cloud". Thinking of clouds, she looked up and thought about Sportacus. He would be so proud of her when he heard how great it went. She blushed of the thought of him and the butterflies appeared in her stomach. She loved making him proud. He would become totally happy for her and then hugging her. She loved when he hugged her with his strong arms.
Stephanie felt all her blood rushing to her head and she quickly got her IPod up from her pocket. She switched through the songs and suddenly she found jump to the rhythm with Jordin Pruitt. She closed her eyes and started to dance to the song while she walked. She had walked to school and back home so many times now that she didn't even need to look to know the way home. And usually she knew when to open her eyes so she didn't got hit by a car. But today she was so happy that she didn't noticed anything other than the music. She hadn't even noticed that she had walked out on that street she had to cross to get home from school.
Right after the song ended Stephanie heard a car honk. She looked to her left where a car was driving towards her. Stephanie knew that she couldn't get out of its way before it was too late so she just closed her eyes, waiting for the car to hit her. But for some reason it didn't. She suddenly opened her eyes to see that she was on the sidewalk again in someone's arms. She lifted her head and looked into those too familiar Blue Icelandic eyes.
"Are you okay?"
She didn't answer at first. She was too lost in his eyes and the way that he held her.
"Stephanie?"
She snapped out from her little dream world and blushed.
"Yeah, I'm fine Sportacus" she answered him.
"Are you sure?" he said, while helping her up on her feet. "I could help you to the doctor if you want. Or help you home, or…"
"Sportacus!" she interrupted him. "I'm perfectly fine. Nothing happened anyway"
"Nothing happened? You where almost hit by a car!" he said, almost sounding angry. It scared Stephanie a little. She had never heard him angry. Not even mad.
For some reason it made her mad and embarrassed. He talked to her like she was a little kid.
"But I didn't! You saved me, right?" she answered as calm as she could.
"But what if I hadn't? What if you were hit by that car and maybe had died of it?" he asked.
"It's the only thing you can say! What if here and what if there! You always save me Sportacus!" she yelled. She couldn't help it. He was being too stubborn right in the moment.
"But what if I was about to save someone ells and was too late to save you? You're not the only one I have to save Stephanie!" he yelled back, lower than her thought.
She didn't really knew what to say after that. She knew that she wasn't the only one he had to save but the way he said it hurt more than she had expected. She just looked at her feet and started to mumble her answer.
"I'm sorry, I guess… I guess I didn't thought about it…."
"That's the thing Stephanie! You never think!" he said before he could stop himself.
Stephanie just looked at Sportacus. She couldn't believe he just had said that.
"Stephanie, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…." He started but then got cut off by her.
"You don't have to apologize Sportacus. I…" she shook her head. "Thanks for saving me and stuff… I better…"
She walked away from him and started to cross the street, feeling his eyes burning in her neck. She tried to walk slowly but when she had reached the other sidewalk she could feel tears starting to fall from her eyes and began to run.
End of flashback
Tears started to fall from her eyes as she thought about it. She had never fight with Sportacus before today. She knew that she may have taking it to personal. But he still hadn't the right to say that to her, even through he was… Stephanie stopped herself in thinking that. Sportacus hasn't been scared. He saved people every day and wasn't scared of anything. So why should he be scared today?
She looked around in the room and her embrace fell on her copy of Les Misérables that they was reading in her English class. She thought of her favorite character in the book, Eponine.
She and Eponine hadn't really much in comment. Eponine was poor and lived with her parents; Stephanie was wealthy and lived with her uncle because her parents died when she was 11. Eponine had a little brother and barely any friends; Stephanie had no siblings and really many friends. But there were 2 things the both girls had in comment: they were both seventeen and were both in love with a person they never would get.
In some way, Sportacus was Stephanie's Marius. The only different was that it wasn't another girl, which Sportacus was deeply in love with, that kept him away from her. It was the age different. It was the fact that Sportacus only saw her as a child because of the nine and a half year there was between them.
She sight again and tried to convince herself to go to bed, even through she weren't tired. But when she was about to close her window a soft and fresh wind flew into the room. Stephanie didn't like to close the window but she had to. She had promised herself not to do it again. She knew that if her uncle found out that she was gone he would freak out and call the police and of course contact Sportacus and she didn't needed him to rescuing her two times on one day. So she lay down on her bed and closed her eyes. But there only went two minutes before she opened her eyes again and looked out of the window.
"Nothing bad happen. I only go for a little walk" she said to herself. She got of the bed, ran over to the window and opened it and soon she was on her way to the streets of Lazy Town.
Most cities are scary at night time, but Lazy Town was different. Her Uncle had made sure that there were lights on the streets at night so Stephanie didn't thought it was so scary. She just wandered around and tried to get track on her feelings. She was the only one who knew. She hadn't told it to anyone but herself (and her diary) not even her best friend Trixie knew and they usually told each other everything. She knew that Trixie would run over to Sportacus and say it right away. Ziggy would think it was weird, Stingy would just say that the secret was "his" and Pixel (who Stephanie was sure still had a crush on her) would act weird. And if she sad it to her uncle or any other person in the world they would probably laugh and call it a "School girl crush" and she knew it wasn't. It had sure been at first but know she loved him. Stephanie started to think about what she would do if he was there with her. She would maybe have the courage to say something, tell him how she felt.
She suddenly wished that he was here. That he hold her in his arms and kissed her hair. She suddenly thought of that song Eponine sings in musical version of Les Misérables. On My Own was its name. She softly started to hum the melody and soon she started to sing,
"On My Own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him 'till morning
Without him I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me"
She closed her eyes just as she sang it. This song was about her feelings for him. Even through she didn't even have written it herself.
With her eyes closed she felt like two strong arms was holding her. She imagined that he was right there beside her, holding her hand, walking beside her. And suddenly rain started to fall, perfect for the next piece of the song and she walked down to the little lake there was in the middle of the Lazy Town Park.
"In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights
Are misty in the river
In the darkness the tress are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever"
She watched the tries sparkling as if thousands of stars were hiding in there. The rain became heavier and she suddenly stopped and the imagination of Sportacus suddenly disappeared.
"Why do I keep fooling myself?" she asked herself.
"And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself
And not to him
And all through I know that he is blind
Still I say
There's a way for us"
She knew that it was only in her mind. Of course wasn't he here. He was sleeping.
He was blind. Blind for her love. Blind for that she wanted to be his so badly.
She sight for the third time that day. She sight of her silly thoughts. Of her having a little hope that there was a way for her and Sportacus. Which there wasn't.
"I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him the world around me chanced
The tress are bare and every where the streets are full of strangers"
She looked around. In about 9 hours the place would be full of people, going to work, going to school. Even through Lazy Town was a small town there was so many people she didn't knew. So many strangers.
She needed him around. Or ells her world wasn't perfect. It would be a dark place without him. Everything just seemed wrong without him. She could wait the entire school day, just to see him. But he didn't felt the same. He didn't wait all day long to see her. She knew that. She could pretend that he did just like se used to but lately it just felt ridicules to do that.
"I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I'm only been pretending
Without me his world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known"
Did she even mean something to him? He acted like he cared, but wasn't it his job? To care about people and rescuing them? Wasn't it a part of being a hero?
And she knew she had a good life. But without his love, without him her world would just be like a black hole.
Stephanie yawned and suddenly felt tired. She looked in the direction of her house and decided it was too far away right now. And she only needed a little nap. She found a bench and laid herself down.
It was still raining but she didn't care. The rain wouldn't hurt her. She slowly drifted into sleep while she whispered the last words.
"I love him
I love him
I love him
But only
On My Own"