AN: This is something I had to write for an English assignment: take a generic sentence and rewrite it as something descriptive and cool. I ended up doing a USxUK drabble... Ha.
Goes to show that I'M NOT DEAD WHAT.
Arthur Kirkland staggered into his apartment, his tie loose and his suit wrinkled, leaning on the shoulder of his friend Alfred Jones. "Jeez, you really drank a lot," Alfred complained. Arthur made a strange gurgling noise in response.
"Shaddup!" he slurred into the darkness of the apartment, "I can to'lly hol' my locker better than you!"
Alfred sighed. "Let's get you into bed before you fall, okay?" It was useless to argue with Arthur when inebriated. The poor man could hardly string together a coherent sentence.
Together, they stumbled through the dark. Alfred, with all his attention focused on getting his friend home safely, had neglected to turn on the lights. Jesus Christ! thought Alfred, drunk people are so much dead weight... He was half-tempted to drop Arthur on the floor and leave.
"Hey, unicorn..." Arthur mumbled, waving to an empty space down the hall, "and Flying Mint Bunny! Ahaha, you guys came to visit me!" He pulled away from Alfred, threatening to tumble the two of them over.
"God dammit!" Alfred caught himself on the doorway to Alfred's bedroom, struggling to regain their balance. "Talking to your imaginary friends isn't gonna help anything!" he yelled at his drunken buddy. Gritting his teeth, he pushed along, Arthur in tow. Just a few more steps to the bed...
"BLUUUUUARGH."
"What the hell?" Alfred felt something warm and wet spill over his shoulder. It smelled terrible and burned his nose when he inhaled it. "God dammit, did you puke all over me?"
"Haaaah... Al, I feel so much better now..." Arthur wiped his mouth on his sleeve and collapsed on his bed, sound asleep. Alfred stood still for a second, staring at his friend's sleeping face; his mouth was wide open in a foolish grin, and a steady stream of drool dribbled from the corner of his mouth down the side of his face.
"...You useless guy... Why do I keep coming back every time you're drunk?" he wondered aloud, leaving to wash the vomit off his clothing.