A/N:
Fair warning: It's sad and angsty, but (at least no one dies, and it gets happy at the end). If you need me to explain the beginning a bit more: I have a head-canon where Jason's torture didn't 'break' Kaneki, rather just sort-of made a 'new' one. Ghoul Kaneki is another persona that was created to protect the human Kaneki, since he couldn't do it himself. It's like a multiple personality disorder.
The checkered tiles.
SNAP.
The sound of the blood splashing the floor.
SNAP.
The feeling of the chains carving up his skin.
SNAP.
The lack of pain, despite the missing limbs that just kept. Growing. Back.
SNAP.
The centipede in his brain twitched, and it sent a barrage of shivers down Kaneki's body. Jason's maniacal laughter faded away, and that hideous room melted into oblivion, replaced by a field of pure, pristine white roses and a clear blue sky.
"H- Hello?" Kaneki called out shakily. He tried to stand up, and nearly fell over with shock at the discovery that he could. The chains blew away in the soft breeze, ash to his fingertips. "Where am I...?"
"We're in your head."
Kaneki whipped around at the voice behind him. What he saw was... well... him. Only this version of himself was leaner, a bit taller, and had hair nearly as white as the flowers they were currently standing on. One of his eyes was solid black, with a single beacon of crimson breaking through it. "Who are you?"
"I'm you."
"No... I'm me. What's going on?!"
"You're broken, Kaneki."
"Broken? What do you mean?"
"You couldn't handle it. You snapped in two."
"Then you're...?"
"I'm your other half. I'm stronger. I can help, if only you'd let me."
"Let you help...? How do I do that?"
"You have to stop holding me back."
Kaneki shook his head rapidly. "I can't! I don't want to be a monster!"
"Then you'll die."
"There's no other way? There's no other way for me to survive?"
The other Kaneki stepped forward, and wherever his foot met the ground, the flowers became blood-red, matching his eye. He placed a hand on Kaneki's shoulder, gentle despite his appearance. "Come with me."
Kaneki reluctantly stepped forward alongside his other self, and the field soon darkened. Walls rose up around them, and Kaneki soon found himself standing in Anteiku. He saw his friends all crowded around the sitting room, looking worried sick. Worried for him. He tried to go to them, but found the way blocked by a wall of glass. No matter how hard he punched, it wouldn't break. No matter how loud he called for them, they couldn't hear him. His other self just watched, expressionless, until Kaneki had tired himself out. "Why... am I here?" He panted.
"I wanted to show you. You can't protect them. You can't even protect yourself."
Kaneki looked back at his friends, only to find the room covered in blood, their lifeless bodies strewn about the room. "WHY?" He screamed.
"You're too weak to protect them as you are."
Kaneki's surroundings melted away again, and Kaneki was standing on a rooftop. Over in the corner, dangerously close to the edge, was Hide. He was looking through a pair of binoculars, at what Kaneki recognized as where he was currently being held back in his real body. "Hide? What's he doing here?! It's not safe!" As much as Kaneki wanted to, he knew better than to try and talk to his friend this time around.
"He worries about you, too."
"But why... I pushed him away...I never told him the truth, so why would he be here?"
"You should know you can't keep anything from him."
"I never wanted to drag Hide into this. He deserves better than me."
"He does, and yet he'd follow you anywhere. Even six feet under."
Suddenly, Hide fell forward off the rooftop, as if in a daze. The building fell from underneath Kaneki, and he hit the ground with a hard thud. When he sat up, he was in a cemetery, in front of a tombstone with the inscription Hideyoshi Nagachika, gone too soon.
Kaneki screamed. "Make it stop! Please!"
"This is what's going to happen, Kaneki! This is what your life will be, if you don't get stronger!" The other Kaneki raised his voice, nearly shouting.
"But I can't! It's not that simple!" Kaneki fell to his knees, tears streaking his face and his hands clutching his hair.
Kaneki felt kind, gentle hands caress his head. The other him was crouched in front of his face, with a gentle look in his mismatched eyes and a soft smile. "I know."
"Then... what am I supposed to do? How do I protect everyone?" Kaneki sobbed.
Walls rose around the pair once again, but this time they were adorned with shelves filled with hundreds and hundreds of books. There was a single recliner in the middle of the room, with a small coffee table next to it. The room was very cozy, and the coffee on the table smelled so inviting. It was a place befitting Kaneki.
"You can stay here," The other one said. "This place is a safe haven, just for you."
"But they need me-"
"Shh." The other Kaneki pet his head softly. "You've done so much already, Kaneki. All on your own, you've gotten so far, grown so much. Let me handle it from here, okay?"
"You'll protect them?"
"With my life."
"You'll protect me?"
"Of course, I will." The other Kaneki rose and pressed a gentle kiss on Kaneki's forehead. "Rest now. You deserve it."
Kaneki watched as his other self walked through the only set of doors in the room. As they shut behind him, the handles melted off the wooden surface and the whole panel flattened out. Gradually, it became more and more transparent, until Kaneki could see through it like a window. What he saw was the same checkered tiles, the same blood on the same floor, and the same chains around his ankles. Yet he felt none of it.
Hesitantly, he took a seat on the recliner. It felt worn and broken in, but it conformed to his body perfectly as if it was made for him. Though, he supposed, it was made for him.
Kaneki watched through the 'window' as Yamori entered the room again. He shivered and shrank away in fear, but then he realized he wasn't the one out there, not really. It was that other him. Kaneki heard Jason's voice ring throughout the room.
"It seems the Doves are about to swoop down on us. I'm afraid it's my job to go and clip their wings-"
Kaneki put his hands over his ears; he couldn't stand that monsters voice. Suddenly, the entire room went quiet. He slowly pulled his hands away. Yamori's mouth was still moving, but no words were coming out. Kaneki tried to hear what he was saying again.
"...Anteiku, that's the one."
Kaneki flinched. He tuned out the sounds, and they disappeared again. This time, he merely watched the scene play out in front of him. He didn't want to hear Yamori anymore.
He watched as Yamori continued talking, presumably taunting him. As Yamori leaned in closer and his kagune ripped out of his suit, Kaneki saw the image jerk around violently. Despite his fear, he let the sound come through again.
Kaneki heard the chains clatter, as he soon realized he'd sprung up from the chair and onto Yamori's shoulders. He saw his own hands wrap the chain around Yamori's neck.
"Chew on this."
That voice couldn't be his, could it?" It was, but it was so much colder. It gave him chills.
After he'd flipped off Yamori's back (since when could he do so many acrobatics?) Kaneki saw his hand wipe at his mouth, followed shortly by blood streaming down Yamori's face.
He didn't really just take a bite out of his torturer, did he? Oh god he did. Kaneki briefly wondered what it tasted like, then immediately regretted it when he actually could taste it.
"You taste foul."
Agreed, other me.
After understanding that he couldn't be harmed anymore, Kaneki leaned back in the chair and watched with morbid fascination as his other self fought Yamori (Though he did turn away when his leg was twisted several times around.) He was far more agile than Kaneki thought he was; he was able to dodge nearly all of Yamori's attacks with a well-timed jump or flip. He thought the other Kaneki was showing off on purpose. After being thrown into the wall hard enough to shake the building (Kaneki tried very hard not to wonder what that felt like), the other him stood and stared down Yamori.
"Not too bad, but I can do better!"
Kaneki heard the sound of bones cracking, and was confused when nothing happened. If he focused on the corners of the image though, he could see bits of red. Oh, was that his kagune? Since when were there four of them?
The other Kaneki charged Yamori, and Kaneki could think of no other word to describe the scene than utter domination. It was soon evident who had the upper hand during the fight, and made even more clear when Yamori was thrown face down on the ground, unable to get up. Even though he hadn't done anything, Kaneki felt proud.
Kaneki saw one of his kagune pierce Yamori's right wrist, and heard the ghoul's tortured screams.
"What's one thousand minus seven?" He heard himself ask. When the other ghoul didn't answer, he saw another kagune punch through Yamori's left wrist.
This was too much. He couldn't watch this. He thought about not wanting to see it anymore, and the 'window' immediately blacked out, and the sounds were muted.
Now what do I do? Kaneki thought aimlessly. There weren't any doors, as far as he could tell. He couldn't just leave. He decided he might as well take a look at some of the books. Upon closer inspection, he found the books to have no titles on their spines. Instead, they were dates. Seeing as they were all sorted in order, he quickly found one with a date that was very dear to him. It was from his childhood, and he remembered it like it was yesterday. Or so he thought.
Kaneki hesitantly opened the book.
Blank pages? He thought, puzzled.
Suddenly, the library melted away, and he saw a young child with dark hair sitting alone on a hill overlooking a river, reading a book. Kaneki was just thinking about how sad the child looked when he realized the child was him and he was watching his memory.
The scene was frozen before him. Seeing as he was still holding the book, Kaneki turned the page. All of a sudden, another child with the most obnoxious hair he'd ever seen at the time came running up to the first one.
Hide, Kaneki thought. Was your hair always so bright?
The scene froze again, and Kaneki walked up to look closer at the younger version of his best friend.
You really were wild back then, weren't you? I wonder if you still are, even after I left.
Kaneki continued turning the pages, and watched with tears in his eyes as Hide asked to be his friend. He was so surprised! No one wanted to be friends with him, especially someone as bright as Hide. He laughed as his younger self shakily took Hide's hand, accepting the new friendship. That was the best decision he'd ever made.
Once the last page was turned, and the memory was over, Kaneki closed the book. The library rose around him again, and now he understood what filled the shelves surrounding him. It was his entire life, and he could revisit any memory he wanted at his leisure.
Kaneki looked back at the table. Ignoring the white ceramic plate (he didn't know why an empty plate was there, but didn't think too much on it) he eyed the matching coffee cup. It was a light, milky brown, not the black he was used to. He brought it to his lips and tasted it, expecting it to be disgusting. He spat it out quickly. It wasn't bad, he was just surprised. It tasted how he used to drink his coffee, back when he was human. Nearly half was cream, and there was just a little sugar. He never thought he'd be able to drink it like that again.
Slowly, he brought the cup to his mouth one more time, reveling in how nostalgic it was. When he drank the whole thing, he smiled as it refilled itself. He wondered if, since he could have his old coffee, if he could have the hamburger steak he loved from Big Girl, too. He looked at the empty plate, only to find it was no longer empty. It had the hamburger steak on it, just like how he remembered, even with the same fork and knife as the ones Big Girl carried.
Kaneki hesitantly took a bite, remembering what happened the last time he tried to eat one of those steaks. Surprisingly, it tasted delicious. After he ate the whole thing, the utensils along with the remnants of the crumbs and juices vanished from the plate.
Taking his coffee with him, Kaneki perused the shelves of his memories. Picking another childhood one, he found himself in his old bedroom. His mother was reading him a bedtime story. Kaneki's knees felt weak at the sight of her, having missed her for so long. He watched that memory with the eyes of a hawk, afraid to miss even a single detail.
When it was over, he watched it again.
A/N times two:
I know Hide isn't here yet, but don't worry. I'm just setting the scene! Unlike my first story, this one's planned out.