"I'm not a bad girl! I'm a good girl, right? ... Wait a second, I'm a guy."
Nineteen, by the way.
* * * * * * * * * *
And now, from the not-quite-drained pen of the not-quite-
washed-up although spectatularly sunburned...
Tuxedo Jack
~and~
Craptacularly Spignifcant Productions
~present~
Over-Violent Student Double Hail Hina:
A Second Crossover that Should Never Be:
Shinseiki Hinagelion!
* * * * * * * * * *
Keitaro sighed.
He was walking down a street in the town of Hinata, sketchbook
in hand, with a beautiful sunset as his backdrop. He poked said
backdrop, and it crumbled.
Keitaro sweatdropped, and the author whacked him in the head via
author powers so he'd forget the whole thing and restarted the fic.
The author also then peeled off his massive amount of deeply sunburned
skin and sat for a second to absorb the delicious agony, then pressed the
"Start" button on his arm and powered up his "W" Groove.
* * * * *
Keitaro sighed... again.
He was _still_ walking down that street, and he stopped at a red light.
Reaching into his backpack, he pulled out a photograph, and stared at it.
"I'll be at Main and Godai to pick you up tomorrow," he read off the picture.
"You'll know me when you see me. In the meantime, take a look at these!"
He did, and Keitaro blinked at the astonishing amount of cleavage the
photo showed.
Just then, a Renault pulled up to the corner, tipping up on two wheels,
and landed - nearly on him. "Hurry up, get in!"
Keitaro leapt into the car, and the woman inside pulled the door shut
and drove off. "You're late," the woman said, to which Keitaro could only
sputter at the sight of her.
The woman sighed in response. "Yeah, yeah, quit staring. I _know_ my top's
too small." She took another turn on two wheels, and Keitaro's face fell
into her chest.
She pulled him loose, pushed him back in his seat, and buckled him up - all
with one hand still on the wheel. "The name's Mitsune, by the way. Mitsune
Konno."
"Um... Keitaro Urashima."
The foxy lady grinned. "Call me Kitsune."
* * * * *
After a lengthy trip, several near-wrecks, and a crapload of scares (Keitaro's
case. Kitsune was way too calm and collected, and she seemed to laugh at him),
the Renault screeched to a stop just outside of a train station. While the two
passengers calmed their nerves, the car was loaded onto the tracks, and they
were promptly shooting off towards their ultimate destination.
Kitsune was rather busy - she wasn't just sitting around. She was talking on
a cellular phone with some unknown party. Keitaro... well, he was still panicking.
"Uh-huh, he's on his way... The commander's there? And so's the UN committee...
Damn, they must be more worried than ever... WHAT?" Kitsune's eyes opened for a
second, and Keitaro turned to stare. "It's ATTACKING?"
She turned and jabbed a few buttons on her cellphone, and the tracks started
moving the car faster. "Hurry up, hurry up!"
"Why are we moving so fast, Kitsune-san?"
"Something's attacking Hinata, and we've got to get you to ONSEN quick so you
can defeat it!"
"Me?" Keitaro blinked in surprise. "What could I do against something so powerful
that it's attacking a whole city?"
"Don't worry. We've got something special cooked up for you," Ktisune said with a
grin.
A few moments later, the car shuddered to a stop, and Kitsune grabbed Keitaro
and pulled him out of said car behind her. "Come on, come on! We've got to
get you to the storage cages!"
They ran down the corridor, passing several windows to the outside world,
and Keitaro boggled in astonishment at what he saw outside.
A giant Liddo-kun was going berserk on Hinata, wrecking everything in sight,
and it was doing a dance at the same time.
Keitaro shook his head.
* * * * *
"It's not going to work," the commander of ONSEN said from her spot in the shadows.
"Conventional arms are useless against the Angel."
"We'll give it one last try, and then you can play with your dolls," one of the
elders sitting at a table in front of the commander said. "Launch the NP^2 Fist!"
Outside, a giant fist-missile came up from the ground, and it flew straight for
the Liddo-kun. When it hit the Angel, it knocked the thing into orbit, which was
relayed back via the video cameras targeted on it to the elders.
They broke into boisterous cheers.
The commander just smiled.
Just then, the giant Liddo-kun landed on top of the missile silo, shattered it
with the impact, and stood up. It brushed itself off, then turned to the nearest
camera and rumbled at it.
"That wasn't very nice! Now Liddel's going to have to be mean to you!"
It continued wrecking the city, and the elders sighed.
"Fine! Send out your toy, Commander!" The elders rose and left as one.
"So, ma'am, do you think he'll be able to pilot it?" a second feminine voice
from the shadows asked.
"Oh, he'll do it," the commander said, lighting another cigarette. "After all,
my nephew is under my thumb." Haruka smirked and pushed her sunglasses up, giving
the three bridge bunnies on the command deck below a reason to fear her.
Subcommander Otohime Mutsumi sighed. "Ara ara, you know that scares them so
much, Urashima-san."
"Of course, but they work harder, and I don't pay them to slack off."
* * * * *
"Man, that woman's creepy," Shirai said from his position manning the fuse
readouts. "And that damn SOU system's scary as hell."
"But she's so beautiful!" Haitani replied. "How could anything so beautiful be
so utterly evil? It's an irresistable combination!"
"Be quiet!" Shinobu said, then blushed. "We're the designated extras here... er,
bridge bunnies... er, technicians, so we'd better get to work!" She blushed an
even deeper red. "Besides, Sempai's going to be here soon!" Shinobu busied herself
with the printouts spewing from the SOU supercomputers, and all was quiet for a
moment.
* * * * *
Kitsune and Keitaro entered a room containing one giant black dome, which seemed
to be suspended in a solid mixture of cement and dry ice.
"You took your sweet time getting here," a sweet voice said from the other side of
the room. The pair turned to see the adult Kaolla Su walk in, dressed in her customary
black leather skirt with a blue bikini underneath it. She wrapped herself in a
lab coat and walked over to them. "I see you didn't bring me bananas, either. Damn."
"Su, you always were crazy as hell," Kitsune said through her grin. "This is the pilot
of that thing." She jerked a thumb at the black dome.
"Him? You've got to be kidding me," Su muttered. "The girl didn't do too well, and you
know she was practically made for this." A clattering sounded from one end of the room,
and the three stood aside to allow two nurses and a stretcher by.
Keitaro took a look at the stretcher as it passed, and he saw a raven-haired girl
with well-cut bangs and dark eyes - well, one eye, the other was covered over - pass
by in heavy bandages.
"Is he ready?" Haruka's voice cut in from above.
"Aunt Haruka!"
The woman twitched, then adjusted her sunglasses and struck fear into Keitaro. "_Don't_
call me that. Call me Commander."
"Not what she gets me to call her," Su whispered to Kitsune under her breath. Kitsune
nearly burst out laughing, then calmed herself.
"Yes, Commander, Keitaro's ready to pilot the unit." Su gestured to a technician
lounging against a nearby wall. "Drain the bakelite and let the unit loose!"
As the liquid surrounding the unit drained, Keitaro stared in shock.
The unit appeared to be a forty-foot-tall human woman, with long black hair, a hakama,
gi, and katana, and with strikingly beautiful features.
"I'm supposed to pilot THAT?!?"
"Yes. The unit is called Motoko. You'll enter the unit via a special Entry Plug
and you'll have to wear a plugsuit the whole time. It won't be as easy or as quick
as going in on your own, but you'll get far better synchronization with her, and
she'll respond better to your commands," Su said to him.
"Oh, no! No way in HELL am I going to go inside that!" Keitaro said, stepping
back and waving his hands. "I ain't doing it!"
Haruka sighed. "Fine. Then call Kanako out here, and she'll do it. I'm sure
she'd love to go into this unit more than you would."
"Kanako..." Keitaro thought for a second. "The wounded girl?"
Haruka merely nodded.
"That bitch!" Kitsune muttered under her breath. "She'd do that to an injured girl?"
"Don't worry," Su said quietly. "She can take far worse than that."
"If it's to save Kanako's life, I'll do it," Keitaro muttered.
"Suit up, then!" Haruka said, pushing up her glasses.
* * * * * * * * *
Jikai, Shinseiki Hinagelion!
KEITARO: The danger is all around us.
KANAKO: And yet in the midst of it all, we find a refuge.
KITSUNE: But it is not truly safe.
SU: Nor is it a refuge.
HARUKA: Next episode...
SETA: "White Sheets."
SHINOBU: Or "Don't Spooge Up the Bedroom."
* * * * * * * * *
AUTHOR'S NOTES
Yeah, you got it in one.
This is a _second_ bastardized Love Hina fusion, and
in no way is it related to OVSDHH:ACTSNB except by the
subtitle.
However, this time I _swear_ it's going to be short - just two
more chapters, since I've not seen enough Evangelion to write it
well, and it's too good a series to fuck with in that respect -
and it's only going to be the equivalents of episodes 1, 2, and
the End of Evangelion.
I do apologize for my absence from the world of fiction for such
a time - it's just that I've been nursing a _VERY_ bad sunburn for
a week, and it's not started to peel yet. As soon as the pain subsides
and I can move my legs again, I'll start to write more, and this'll
be done.
Lastly, I'm announcing that a contest is open. The first person to
send me an e-mail containing the number of fics archived at the
God-Awful archive on my site wins a fic!
I'll be more specific. I'll write a fic at their request on any
subject of any anime that I know of, and I'll even do a lemon for them,
if that's what they so desire. I don't do snuff or NC, though, so that's
right out. Other than that, though, it's free and clear. Just shoot me
a message with the subject header: "OVSDHH:ACTSNB Contest Thingy" and you're
automatically entered.
And no, multi-part stories count as one story.
Hell, you don't have to go far to look, even... *Evil wink*
And so, ja!
Tuxedo Jack
June 18th, 2003
"Ouch!" *Rips off some more skin* "Damn sunburn!"
Nineteen, by the way.
* * * * * * * * * *
And now, from the not-quite-drained pen of the not-quite-
washed-up although spectatularly sunburned...
Tuxedo Jack
~and~
Craptacularly Spignifcant Productions
~present~
Over-Violent Student Double Hail Hina:
A Second Crossover that Should Never Be:
Shinseiki Hinagelion!
* * * * * * * * * *
Keitaro sighed.
He was walking down a street in the town of Hinata, sketchbook
in hand, with a beautiful sunset as his backdrop. He poked said
backdrop, and it crumbled.
Keitaro sweatdropped, and the author whacked him in the head via
author powers so he'd forget the whole thing and restarted the fic.
The author also then peeled off his massive amount of deeply sunburned
skin and sat for a second to absorb the delicious agony, then pressed the
"Start" button on his arm and powered up his "W" Groove.
* * * * *
Keitaro sighed... again.
He was _still_ walking down that street, and he stopped at a red light.
Reaching into his backpack, he pulled out a photograph, and stared at it.
"I'll be at Main and Godai to pick you up tomorrow," he read off the picture.
"You'll know me when you see me. In the meantime, take a look at these!"
He did, and Keitaro blinked at the astonishing amount of cleavage the
photo showed.
Just then, a Renault pulled up to the corner, tipping up on two wheels,
and landed - nearly on him. "Hurry up, get in!"
Keitaro leapt into the car, and the woman inside pulled the door shut
and drove off. "You're late," the woman said, to which Keitaro could only
sputter at the sight of her.
The woman sighed in response. "Yeah, yeah, quit staring. I _know_ my top's
too small." She took another turn on two wheels, and Keitaro's face fell
into her chest.
She pulled him loose, pushed him back in his seat, and buckled him up - all
with one hand still on the wheel. "The name's Mitsune, by the way. Mitsune
Konno."
"Um... Keitaro Urashima."
The foxy lady grinned. "Call me Kitsune."
* * * * *
After a lengthy trip, several near-wrecks, and a crapload of scares (Keitaro's
case. Kitsune was way too calm and collected, and she seemed to laugh at him),
the Renault screeched to a stop just outside of a train station. While the two
passengers calmed their nerves, the car was loaded onto the tracks, and they
were promptly shooting off towards their ultimate destination.
Kitsune was rather busy - she wasn't just sitting around. She was talking on
a cellular phone with some unknown party. Keitaro... well, he was still panicking.
"Uh-huh, he's on his way... The commander's there? And so's the UN committee...
Damn, they must be more worried than ever... WHAT?" Kitsune's eyes opened for a
second, and Keitaro turned to stare. "It's ATTACKING?"
She turned and jabbed a few buttons on her cellphone, and the tracks started
moving the car faster. "Hurry up, hurry up!"
"Why are we moving so fast, Kitsune-san?"
"Something's attacking Hinata, and we've got to get you to ONSEN quick so you
can defeat it!"
"Me?" Keitaro blinked in surprise. "What could I do against something so powerful
that it's attacking a whole city?"
"Don't worry. We've got something special cooked up for you," Ktisune said with a
grin.
A few moments later, the car shuddered to a stop, and Kitsune grabbed Keitaro
and pulled him out of said car behind her. "Come on, come on! We've got to
get you to the storage cages!"
They ran down the corridor, passing several windows to the outside world,
and Keitaro boggled in astonishment at what he saw outside.
A giant Liddo-kun was going berserk on Hinata, wrecking everything in sight,
and it was doing a dance at the same time.
Keitaro shook his head.
* * * * *
"It's not going to work," the commander of ONSEN said from her spot in the shadows.
"Conventional arms are useless against the Angel."
"We'll give it one last try, and then you can play with your dolls," one of the
elders sitting at a table in front of the commander said. "Launch the NP^2 Fist!"
Outside, a giant fist-missile came up from the ground, and it flew straight for
the Liddo-kun. When it hit the Angel, it knocked the thing into orbit, which was
relayed back via the video cameras targeted on it to the elders.
They broke into boisterous cheers.
The commander just smiled.
Just then, the giant Liddo-kun landed on top of the missile silo, shattered it
with the impact, and stood up. It brushed itself off, then turned to the nearest
camera and rumbled at it.
"That wasn't very nice! Now Liddel's going to have to be mean to you!"
It continued wrecking the city, and the elders sighed.
"Fine! Send out your toy, Commander!" The elders rose and left as one.
"So, ma'am, do you think he'll be able to pilot it?" a second feminine voice
from the shadows asked.
"Oh, he'll do it," the commander said, lighting another cigarette. "After all,
my nephew is under my thumb." Haruka smirked and pushed her sunglasses up, giving
the three bridge bunnies on the command deck below a reason to fear her.
Subcommander Otohime Mutsumi sighed. "Ara ara, you know that scares them so
much, Urashima-san."
"Of course, but they work harder, and I don't pay them to slack off."
* * * * *
"Man, that woman's creepy," Shirai said from his position manning the fuse
readouts. "And that damn SOU system's scary as hell."
"But she's so beautiful!" Haitani replied. "How could anything so beautiful be
so utterly evil? It's an irresistable combination!"
"Be quiet!" Shinobu said, then blushed. "We're the designated extras here... er,
bridge bunnies... er, technicians, so we'd better get to work!" She blushed an
even deeper red. "Besides, Sempai's going to be here soon!" Shinobu busied herself
with the printouts spewing from the SOU supercomputers, and all was quiet for a
moment.
* * * * *
Kitsune and Keitaro entered a room containing one giant black dome, which seemed
to be suspended in a solid mixture of cement and dry ice.
"You took your sweet time getting here," a sweet voice said from the other side of
the room. The pair turned to see the adult Kaolla Su walk in, dressed in her customary
black leather skirt with a blue bikini underneath it. She wrapped herself in a
lab coat and walked over to them. "I see you didn't bring me bananas, either. Damn."
"Su, you always were crazy as hell," Kitsune said through her grin. "This is the pilot
of that thing." She jerked a thumb at the black dome.
"Him? You've got to be kidding me," Su muttered. "The girl didn't do too well, and you
know she was practically made for this." A clattering sounded from one end of the room,
and the three stood aside to allow two nurses and a stretcher by.
Keitaro took a look at the stretcher as it passed, and he saw a raven-haired girl
with well-cut bangs and dark eyes - well, one eye, the other was covered over - pass
by in heavy bandages.
"Is he ready?" Haruka's voice cut in from above.
"Aunt Haruka!"
The woman twitched, then adjusted her sunglasses and struck fear into Keitaro. "_Don't_
call me that. Call me Commander."
"Not what she gets me to call her," Su whispered to Kitsune under her breath. Kitsune
nearly burst out laughing, then calmed herself.
"Yes, Commander, Keitaro's ready to pilot the unit." Su gestured to a technician
lounging against a nearby wall. "Drain the bakelite and let the unit loose!"
As the liquid surrounding the unit drained, Keitaro stared in shock.
The unit appeared to be a forty-foot-tall human woman, with long black hair, a hakama,
gi, and katana, and with strikingly beautiful features.
"I'm supposed to pilot THAT?!?"
"Yes. The unit is called Motoko. You'll enter the unit via a special Entry Plug
and you'll have to wear a plugsuit the whole time. It won't be as easy or as quick
as going in on your own, but you'll get far better synchronization with her, and
she'll respond better to your commands," Su said to him.
"Oh, no! No way in HELL am I going to go inside that!" Keitaro said, stepping
back and waving his hands. "I ain't doing it!"
Haruka sighed. "Fine. Then call Kanako out here, and she'll do it. I'm sure
she'd love to go into this unit more than you would."
"Kanako..." Keitaro thought for a second. "The wounded girl?"
Haruka merely nodded.
"That bitch!" Kitsune muttered under her breath. "She'd do that to an injured girl?"
"Don't worry," Su said quietly. "She can take far worse than that."
"If it's to save Kanako's life, I'll do it," Keitaro muttered.
"Suit up, then!" Haruka said, pushing up her glasses.
* * * * * * * * *
Jikai, Shinseiki Hinagelion!
KEITARO: The danger is all around us.
KANAKO: And yet in the midst of it all, we find a refuge.
KITSUNE: But it is not truly safe.
SU: Nor is it a refuge.
HARUKA: Next episode...
SETA: "White Sheets."
SHINOBU: Or "Don't Spooge Up the Bedroom."
* * * * * * * * *
AUTHOR'S NOTES
Yeah, you got it in one.
This is a _second_ bastardized Love Hina fusion, and
in no way is it related to OVSDHH:ACTSNB except by the
subtitle.
However, this time I _swear_ it's going to be short - just two
more chapters, since I've not seen enough Evangelion to write it
well, and it's too good a series to fuck with in that respect -
and it's only going to be the equivalents of episodes 1, 2, and
the End of Evangelion.
I do apologize for my absence from the world of fiction for such
a time - it's just that I've been nursing a _VERY_ bad sunburn for
a week, and it's not started to peel yet. As soon as the pain subsides
and I can move my legs again, I'll start to write more, and this'll
be done.
Lastly, I'm announcing that a contest is open. The first person to
send me an e-mail containing the number of fics archived at the
God-Awful archive on my site wins a fic!
I'll be more specific. I'll write a fic at their request on any
subject of any anime that I know of, and I'll even do a lemon for them,
if that's what they so desire. I don't do snuff or NC, though, so that's
right out. Other than that, though, it's free and clear. Just shoot me
a message with the subject header: "OVSDHH:ACTSNB Contest Thingy" and you're
automatically entered.
And no, multi-part stories count as one story.
Hell, you don't have to go far to look, even... *Evil wink*
And so, ja!
Tuxedo Jack
June 18th, 2003
"Ouch!" *Rips off some more skin* "Damn sunburn!"