THE WORLDS GREATEST QUIDDITCH MATCH
Quidditch pitch:
Harry Potter:Catches snitch
Draco Malfoy:Kindly let go of my snitch,Potter.
Harry: Oups,sorry.Wrong one.
Draco: That's ok, I like it kinky!Makes whip noise
Harry:Um…Backs away slowly
Hermione:Ron!Stop fondling my quaffles!
Ron:But they're so beau-ti-full! Where did you hide these this past year?
Hermione:Behind my back!Remember when I had a hunch back?And btw,my hair is not the only thing that's bushy!Winks
Ron:Um…
Rita Skeeter: Young love!
Cho arrives and runs quietly into broom shed
Cho:Omg!Yes!That's it!Ahhhh!Tap that!Catch that snitch!
Fred + George:Well,we're off to beat a couple of hard bludgers!
Harry:What the hell are you doing to my firebolt?
Cho:GrowlsI like it fast!
Luna:OMG!Crumple-horned snorkhack!
Neville:No, that's just Cho riding Harry's broomstick!
Draco:Hey, can I have a turn?
Cedric:Ya!Me too!Stop hogging his broomstick!I want some action!
Hermione:Wait…you're dead…
Moaning Myrtle floats in seductively
Myrtle:I always thought you were the handsome one Ced-e-rick!
Cedric:…Um…
Hermione:Get your own broomstick ,Myrtle!
Ron:You can't say anything, Hermione!You won't even ride my broomstick!
Hermione:But it's so small…I can never tell if I'm on…I'm scared to fall off…I can never feel it!
Ron:Shhh…I can never get it up!Watch…up..up…up…up!It won't stay up!
Hermione:Here does this help?Shows him her quaffles
Ron:It's up!Yay!
Crowd:WEASLEY IS OUR KING!HE CAN GET OFF ON ANYTHING!
Ginny:You know Neville,this reminds me of when Riddle captured me and he showed me his snake…it was sooooooo big!
Neville:I know!
Ginny:…I thought I was his first!
Neville:Apparently not ,hehehehe!
Minerva:Presenting, for no reason at all,Viktor Krum!
Viktor walks in dancing in a pink g-string singing I'm too sexy for my hat!
Realizes he's at Hogwarts
Viktor:Oups…wrong place…pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!
Rustling noise in bush
Viktor emerges dressed in Durmstrang uniform
Viktor:There we go!Now,Turbohiney,come we play Quidditch!Wiggles eyebrowsTurbohiney?
In distance
Hermione:Weasley is my king!He always gets that broomstick in!WEASLEY IS MY KING!
Viktor:So…uh…hi Ginny!
Neville:As if!Get your own!
Suddenly Fleur Delacour walks in and tries to seduce Draco
Lucious:Draco!You know better than to meddle with such white trash!
Fleur starts singing to the tune of 'Stacey's mom':Draco's dad is sexy when he's mad!
Lucious:Turns around and growls
Both mysteriously disappear
Lupin walks up to Angelina Johnson and whispers in her ear
Lupin:Mmmm…chocolate!How would you like to make me feel better?
Angelina:But you're a Werewolf!
Lupin:SingingYou and me, baby ,ain't nothing but mammals!So let's do it like they do on the discovery channel!
Angelina:You got a point there!Come on Wolfboy!
Madame Maxime:Zis game ees making me 'ungrree!
Hagrid:SingingYou want my sausages!(A.N don't try and understand this it's an inside joke between a few friends!)
Maxime:Giggles
They disappear into forest
Hagrid:While you're eating my sausages I can explore your forbidden forest!
Dumbledore walks in
Dumbledore:I think I saw a porno like this once!
Someone from crowd:ya turbohiney 3!...Raw!
Dumbledore:Ya!Slavic shit!Hehee!
Ron:What?
Hermione:Yeah!There was this one time me and Viktor made three prono movies!Mmmmm….broomstick!
Snape walks in swishing his wand
Creevey brothers get excited and Collin starts flashing his camera
Collin:If I develop these right, I can get them to move!
Snape checks him out
Snape:SingingI'm too sexy for my potions,too sexy for my dungeon!
Minerva:Place your hand on my left but cheek…
Dumbledore:Where?
Minerva:Just do it ,Damnit!Imperio!
In distance
Snape:Still singingI can do my lil turn on the Quidditch pitch!Cus many things happen on the Quidditch pitch!
Voldemort:Evil laughI shall seduce you all under the imperious curse!
Trelawney:You don't need to use the curse on me my Lord!Growls… and I heard you had a pretty big snake!
Voldemort:Ginny!Who'd you tell?
Ginny:I didn't tell babe!
Neville:WinksI love yo ass in those jeans dahling!
Voldemort:Gay voiceOh, really?You don't think they make me look fat?
Trelawney:Nope it's totally tappable!We should have a go in the broomshed once that slut Cho is done!
Cho:Kiss my big white hairy dick!Oh…I mean ass!
Harry:Oh so that's what keeps on poking me!
Snuffles walks onto pitch
Fang starts licking him
Snuffles:Dude, I don't swing that way!Lupin, help!
Lupin:Shut up, I'm eating chocolate!
Narrator-that-suddenly-appears-at-the-very-end-of-this-porno-ish-story :And thus ends the best Quidditch match at the magical place that is Hogwarts!
Lupin:Arroooooo!
DISCLAIMER:this story does not contain any sexual content except for the fact that it totally does!
Selena:Sam,I think we should've put this at the top of the story…
Sam:shut up it's 2 in the morning ok?...ok ,ya, maybe you were right…
Authors:selena LeBlanc and Samantha goguen