post 2x07 fic- an attempt at filling in the crucial development between 2x07 and 2x08 that we should have got to see!
hope you like it!
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That night after Maggie left, Alex lay in bed, sleepless, unable to get Maggie's words out of her head. They kept playing over and over in her mind.
I don't want to imagine my life without you in it.
Alex tried to fight the way it pinched her heart to hear those words in the way that Maggie meant them. But she couldn't turn Maggie away or ignore her anymore. Not when she had seen the sincerity in Maggie's eyes and words. And not when Alex felt the same way. Even if it was just as friends as Maggie meant.
Because as much as Maggie's rejection had hurt, Alex couldn't bear the thought of losing her friendship. Maggie had become so important to her so quickly. They had connected with each other in a way that Alex hadn't connected with anyone else before. And Alex wasn't going to let her pride get in the way of that anymore. Especially since she knew how important it was to Maggie too now.
The words replayed in her mind again.
I hope one day you and I could be friends.
Alex sighed and closed her eyes, pulling the cover over her head, willing her mind to shut down.
Friends, Alex thought. She could do that. She could. Starting with pool tomorrow night.
The next evening after work, Alex's nerves were coming back to her again. How was she going to go back to casually playing pool with Maggie as if nothing had happened? It was going to be so awkward and Alex hated putting herself in awkward situations.
She thought about sending Maggie a text saying that something had come up at work. But then she thought back to what Maggie had said to her last night, she thought back to Maggie's vulnerability and the sincerity in her eyes. She thought about Maggie sitting at the bar waiting for her, and Alex couldn't do it. She couldn't blow her off.
She got dressed and had a small drink to ease her nerves before finally making her way.
She got to the bar a little bit late and when she did, Maggie was already there. She was by the pool table, cue in hand, lining up her shot. Her jacket was off and her sleeves already rolled up as if she had been there for a while. And Alex tried hard to ignore the flutter in her stomach that she always felt when she saw Maggie. And it didn't help that she looked so good.
Alex waited for Maggie to make her shot before she walked up to her and when Maggie finally looked up and saw Alex, she smiled wide, dimples deep.
"Alex, hey," she said and Alex could hear the slight surprise in Maggie's voice.
Alex blew out a little breath, her shoulders moving up and down with it to release her nerves. "Hey."
There was a moment of silence where Alex didn't know what to say but Maggie filled it.
"I wasn't sure if you'd actually come," she said, only half-joking.
Alex looked down, not admitting that she almost hadn't. "I said I would," she said, internally grimacing at the lingering guardedness still there.
But Maggie took it on the chin. She had only known Alex for a little while but she had gotten to know her quite well during that time. From how Alex had been with her the past week, Maggie knew that shutting herself off was clearly one of Alex's coping mechanisms. But Maggie hoped that her honesty last night would have earned her a second chance. And the fact that Alex was here meant that it had. Maggie knew she just needed to give Alex time to settle, and Maggie was willing to do that if it meant that she could keep her in her life.
"Well, I'll take your word from now on then," Maggie said with a soft playfulness, and Alex found it hard not to soften in reply. At Maggie's familiar easy manner that always made Alex feel more at ease.
There were two bottles of beer on the side of the table which Maggie must have bought for them before. Maggie picked one up and handed it to Alex, raising her own bottle to her with a small smile.
They both knew why they were here- to start fresh, to try and be friends- it didn't need to be said out loud.
Maggie took a sip of beer to ease her own nerves. She wanted this to go well and she hoped this wasn't too much too soon for Alex. But Alex was the one who had suggested pool so Maggie didn't want to question it.
She put her beer down and nodded towards the table. "You want a game?"
Alex looked up at Maggie's soft expression, reminding herself why she had come here. She could see that Maggie was nervous too and she could also see how hard Maggie was trying to get past that, and it helped to ease Alex's guardedness.
She nodded at Maggie with a small smile and Maggie grinned before racking up the table again.
They decided to just play for drinks for now. And Alex's cold and distant exterior and her nerves faded away pretty quickly once they got playing, and the playful, competitiveness came back to them.
Alex had missed hanging out with Maggie. And Maggie had missed hanging out with Alex too.
They talked about work and the usual small things. But they hadn't spoken properly to each other since that night that Alex had told her that she had come out to Kara, and Maggie wanted to know how Alex was doing. And she hoped Alex wouldn't mind her asking about it.
Part-way through the game, when Alex seemed more relaxed and they had been talking comfortably, Maggie asked her about it.
"So…how have things been with Kara?"
Alex looked at Maggie at the question and saw Maggie's genuine concern and she softened. She wanted to tell Maggie. She missed having someone to talk to and confide in about these sorts of things who wasn't Kara. She valued Maggie's opinion and she knew Maggie really cared.
"They're good," she said with a little smile, as she thought of Kara. "I mean- they were awkward for a while you know, but now they're…getting there."
Maggie nodded at her with a soft smile. She knew how close Kara and Alex were to each other and she couldn't imagine how hard it must have been for Kara to realise that there was this whole important part of Alex that she didn't know about. And how hard all that must have been for Alex. But she was glad to hear that they were getting past that.
"Well," Maggie said softly, "the hardest part is over."
Alex sighed. That was true when it came to Kara but there were still others she had yet to come out to. "I still have to tell my mom," she said quietly. The idea of telling her mom was even more daunting than telling Kara.
Maggie's expression softened, and she gave Alex a sympathetic look. She knew how difficult that was. She remembered how disappointed her own mother had been when she found out, her look of utter disgust. And how her parents reaction had changed Maggie's entire life.
She wondered exactly how hard coming out to her mom would be for Alex but Alex continued without Maggie having to ask.
"I mean- she's not homophobic or anything, it's just…the thought of telling her is so scary." Alex was so fragile when it came to her mom's opinion of her. "I don't want to disappoint her—I mean, I know there's nothing about it to be disappointed about-" Alex rambled. "I just-"
"I get it," Maggie said softly. It sounded like Alex obviously had some issues when it came to her mom. But Maggie was just glad to hear that it wasn't something more. She knew from what Alex had told her about her mom, and from Kara's reaction, that Alex's family weren't like hers. She knew that they would accept Alex.
And she wanted to help Alex be as brave as Maggie knew she could be. And she knew that all Alex needed was just that support and so that's what she gave her.
"Whenever you're ready to tell her, you know you've got Kara's support… and mine."
Alex looked up to see Maggie's soft smile and her heart fluttered a little. She felt so grateful in that moment to have Maggie still in her life.
"Thank you," she said and Maggie's smile just deepened, her head tilting with a nod.
Alex tried not to let her gaze linger too long because Maggie's smile still affected her just as it always had.
Instead, she lowered her head with a little laugh, changing the subject. "You know, Kara always reminds me at every opportunity how proud she is of me." She rolled her eyes jokingly and Maggie laughed.
"That's cute," Maggie said. She was so glad Alex had someone to tell her that.
"Yeah," Alex said as her laughter softened and then, after a second, turned into a frown as she remembered Kara's over-involvement this past week. "But she keeps trying to set me up on a date with one of her friends at work."
Maggie raised an eyebrow, trying her best to hide the little flare of whatever it was that settled in her stomach. Alex was bound to start going out with women and Maggie was happy for her.
"Well, what's so bad about that?" Maggie asked more casually than she felt.
Alex looked up at Maggie, feeling awkward again talking to Maggie about this. Maggie- the one who she wanted to date. She didn't know if she could do this but she had said that she would try, just as she could see that Maggie was trying to.
Alex shrugged, looking down at her drink. "I just… don't like blind dates I guess." And Maggie just nodded, listening. "If I like someone, I like them," Alex continued. "But I want to figure that out myself, you know, not with Kara or anyone pushing someone on me."
Maggie nodded again, she got that. Alex didn't seem like the type who liked people pushed on her, or people deciding things for her- even if they were just trying to help.
"Well…then tell her that," Maggie offered simply. And Alex just gave her a look and shook her head with a laugh.
"You clearly don't know Kara that well. She's not the listening type." Maggie laughed and Alex continued. "Seriously, when she gets excited there's no getting through to her. And she's more excited about the idea of me dating than I am." And the sad thing was that that was the truth.
Maggie let out a little laugh at Alex's words and then softened at the underlying look in Alex's eyes. She could see that Alex was worried. That she was feeling pressure from Kara to start dating and find someone, however well-meant her help was.
"Hey, you don't have anything to worry about," Maggie started softly- and she truly believed it. Because Alex was so amazing, there was no way she wouldn't find someone just as amazing, who deserved her. "You're gonna find someone, with or without Kara's meddling," she smiled. She didn't go into how amazing she truly believed Alex was because she didn't want to confuse her, she kept it simple and honest. She just wanted Alex to calm down and to ease the pressure that she knew that Alex was feeling. "When it happens, it happens."
It was strange for Alex to hear all these things from Maggie. Alex didn't know exactly how she felt about having Maggie assure her that she would find someone when they both knew the person she wanted was standing across from her. But when she looked up at Maggie, she could only feel grateful to Maggie for caring so genuinely and for knowing what to say to make her feel as good as she could given the situation.
Maggie was trying so hard and Alex found it hard to control how her heart reacted to Maggie's care and attention, to Maggie's soft smile.
"Thank you," Alex said, looking down, away from Maggie, before looking back up. "And you too- for you too- I mean," she added. She knew the subject of dating was a sore one for Maggie too. It hadn't been that long since Maggie had been dumped, and Alex knew how badly she had taken it and she wanted to console Maggie too. And she wanted to prove to Maggie and herself that she was okay with having Maggie as a friend. "You know- w-whoever that may be with," Alex added awkwardly, and she fought her embarrassment at how obvious she knew she sounded.
Maggie let out a little laugh and looked down, endeared by Alex's rambling. This whole situation was awkward and she knew it would be. She had never been in a situation like this before and she wasn't used to feeling so out of her depth.
"Thank you," she said softly, and then she took a deep breath and pointed at the table where she had lost, changing the subject. "Guess drinks are on me again," she said playfully. And Alex smiled, grateful for the change of subject too.
The game had actually finished a while ago, but they hadn't started another one yet because they were busy talking.
Maggie handed Alex the cue and Alex watched as Maggie walked up to the bar.
Alex sighed as she watched Maggie order their drinks.
She appreciated Maggie trying to make her feel better but, truth be told for Alex, she didn't want to look for someone to date right now. She still liked Maggie and she didn't want to go and look for someone who would pale in comparison just for the sake of it. If someone came into her life who she liked then that would be amazing, but right now dating around sounded just as bad as it always had.
And it took a lot for Alex to like someone- as she had done with Maggie. That was one of the main reasons Alex had been so crushed.
It wasn't like Alex was going to find someone else she liked as much as Maggie so easily. But she had to accept that this was the way things were. And that she would find someone else.
But it was hard.
What with work and everything, the thought of looking for other women to date made Alex feel like she was dragging a heavy weight around- she didn't have the time or energy for it. Her feelings for Maggie had been so seamless, and Maggie fit into her life so easily.
Everything about her was just perfect. They had so much in common, they had similar senses of humour and they shared the same values, and Alex respected and admired her, which Alex couldn't say about very many people. And most importantly, Alex trusted her- Maggie was someone Alex could imagine telling everything to.
And Maggie was…so beautiful. In a way that Alex couldn't get out of her head. Even now, standing here, across from her, trying to be friends- Alex couldn't help how her mind noted Maggie's eyes and her soft smile and her dimples. How her stomach fluttered whenever Maggie laughed. It was just something that Alex couldn't ignore. Maggie just had an aura that Alex found unbelievably attractive- that she wanted to be around and get closer to- and that feeling didn't just switch off just because she knew they couldn't be together.
But she tried to ignore it as best as she could, and she felt like she was doing a good job. The evening was going better than she thought it would. And she knew that had a lot to do with Maggie and how good she was at making Alex feel comfortable. And it made Alex want to try even harder.
Maggie came back with their drinks, and Alex smiled at her as she took her drink.
"Alright, how about we make this a little more interesting?"
Maggie gave her a look and tried to fight her smile at the question. "What do you wanna play for?"
Alex grinned. "If you win…" Alex put her hand in her jacket pocket and took out the keys to her bike and put them on the table pointedly.
And Maggie laughed, shaking her head- but pleased as the familiar teasing. When they had played before, Alex had started betting outrageous things- like the keys to her apartment, or her bike- in the hopes that it would give Maggie the incentive to finally win, or more probably because she just liked teasing Maggie so much, because they both knew Maggie couldn't beat her. But Maggie warmed, glad that Alex was feeling easy enough to be so playful. If Maggie was being honest, she found Alex's competitiveness and silly teasing cute.
"And if you win?" she asked, eyebrow raised, interested in whatever Alex came up with. Because the last few times they had played, Alex had made a game out of asking for the silliest things- like that one time a couple of weeks ago when she had asked Maggie to bring her a box of donuts at work. And Maggie had got them for her but, Maggie being Maggie, had got Alex a box of vegan donuts. She still remembered the look of digust on Alex's face when she had taken the first bite. Maggie still laughed at the memory.
She looked to Alex and fought her smile as Alex's lips pursed in thought.
"If I win…" Alex said slowly. "….I'm gonna tell my mom."
Maggie's eyebrows lifted and she tilted her head, looking at Alex- that had been a little out of nowhere. "Uh…"
But Alex laughed. "No, I'm serious." She had said the words as soon as she thought them- they had surprised her too. But now that she had said them she couldn't take them back. She straightened, looking at Maggie as she became more sure of it. "I've been talking to her a lot lately, and I've come so close to telling her, but I just haven't… .and I just need to do it you know." She knew the sooner she did it the better it would be. She just wanted to get it finally off her shoulders.
And Maggie smiled, wanting nothing but to support her. "Okay," she nodded in encouragement. She supposed Alex just needed this little excuse to give her that final push.
And so Maggie racked up the table again, this time not caring if she loses.
Before they could finish their game, however, Alex got a call from J'onn. She sighed as she saw who it was from. It was a quick call, there was some emergency at the DEO and J'onn needed Alex.
Maggie watched as Alex took the call, as her eyebrows furrowed and her voice turned serious. It was such a stark contrast to the awkward, soft, nerdy Alex that Maggie had been lucky enough to get to know. But Maggie liked this side of her too, she loved seeing Alex go into Agent Danvers mode. There was just something about it.
Maggie quickly shook herself out of her thoughts before they went too far. She didn't let herself think about Alex like that.
She could tell from the conversation that Alex would have to go- it wasn't the first time one of their games had been interrupted.
"Emergency?" Maggie asked knowingly once Alex got off the phone and gave her a regretful look.
Alex nodded. "Unfortunately, yeah."
"Need a hand?" Maggie asked with a grin, as she always did.
And Alex looked at her and fought her smile. "I think we can handle it."
Maggie's smile softened and she nodded. And Alex didn't really want to say goodbye. They were just beginning to get back to normal almost and Alex felt bad leaving Maggie on her own again, even though she knew Maggie understood.
Alex put her phone back in her pocket and looked back at Maggie with a smile. They hadn't finished the game so Alex could tell herself that she had some imaginary excuse for delaying telling her mom if she called tonight. Alex patted the pool table, a little nervous but asking anyway. "So…same time tomorrow?" She looked at Maggie soft and hopeful and her nerves eased at Maggie's answering surprised smile and soft nod.
Alex grinned. "Drinks on me, win or lose," she said, more out of happiness than teasing, and Maggie laughed, trying to control the flutter she felt in her heart at Alex's smile.
Alex lingered for just a second and, against her better judgement, closed the distance between them and gave Maggie a quick hug. She wanted to do it and she forgot about all the reasons for why she shouldn't. She was feeling happy about how well the evening had gone and she just wanted Maggie to know how grateful she was, and how sincere she was about working things out between them. And she didn't feel right just leaving like that.
And Maggie was obviously surprised by the hug. Alex pulled back before Maggie could even properly hug her back.
They both looked down, letting out small laughs, and Alex left with a soft "bye", not missing Maggie's smile.
She felt the familiar flutterings in her heart and she couldn't even resent them. If she was going to do this she would have to get used to them, because she knew that they wouldn't ever go away.
Back at the bar, Maggie sat there, long after Alex had gone, torn between her emotions. On the one hand, she was feeling the buzz of happiness she did whenever she hung out with Alex. The night had gone far better than she had expected, and she couldn't wait to see Alex again tomorrow. But on the other hand, she was scared. Scared that she would end up hurting them both more with what she was trying to do. Because she knew she had feelings for Alex. Feelings that she had been trying to keep at bay but came rushing to the surface every time she was with Alex.
A big part of Maggie was telling her to stay away from Alex because it was too dangerous. But something inside her wouldn't let her. Maggie didn't have many people in her life and Alex had become one of the most important people in it, and it was so hard to walk away from that. She didn't want to. She knew that the situation was complicated, but she desperately hoped that by some miracle she could make it work.
She tried her best to fight that voice inside her heart that told her she was fooling herself.
xxxxxx
I miss these fools:(
#sanversendgame always 3