These are the conversations that the little voices in my head has (the voices sound a lot like the characters of Twilight) while I'm watching the Soccer World Cup final...I wrote this during the game...WHICH IS STILL GOING ON AND NO ONE HAS SCORED ANYTHING!

Thanks mom for helping me be crazy and laughing at my randomness and also being quite random. Some of you're idea's sucked, so I warped them into my own use (evil laugh) LOVE YA!

Enjoy the story!

Why can't people use teeth while playing soccer? I couldn't see why not so I tried it!

...1 hour later...

Edward - EMMETT!

Emmett – What? (innocently)

Edward – I AM TIRED OF BUYING NEW SOCCER BALLS!

Emmett – It does not stand in the official rules of soccer that teeth are disallowed.

Edward – It doesn't need to be written down! It's obvious! Its common sense!

Emmett – You mean the same kind of obvious that makes it obvious that you are gay?

Edward – I. Am. Not. Gay. (calmly)

Emmett – Sure you are! Bella's just a cover up! You're in love with Mike aren't you?

Edward – I AM NOT GAY!

Emmett – Sure you aren't... *wink*

Edward – UGH!... Anyway! Stop biting the soccer balls!

Emmett – No! I keep on losing!

Edward – You're kicking the ball against a wall. Alone. Nobody to win you.

Emmett – I blame the balls...

Edward – Okay then...

Emmett – YOURE IN LOVE WITH JACOB!

Edward – What?

Emmett – That's why you won't let Bella date him, YOU want him all for yourself!

Edward – EMMETT!

Emmett - *grabs a pen and paper and starts drawing, a few minutes later he holds up a paper that has got a picture of Jacob and Edward kissing with the caption "Screw Bella"*

Edward – EMMETT!

Emmett – I'm bored. I'm leaving.

Edward – Where to?

Emmett - ...

Edward – Why in the hell do you want to go to South Africa!

Emmett – Well...DUH!...*scoffs* You stupid 109 year old virgin! The Soccer World Cup, it's done and dusted now so they ought to have LOTS of left over, chewable soccer balls!

Edward – Remember the last time you went alone to Madagascar?

Emmett - ...

Edward – No, that was Hawaii.

Emmett - ...

Edward – Oh for goodness sake Emmett, you killed off the Dodo's.

Emmett – No, way! You can't pin that one on me! I did not eat them all! There was 1 left!

Edward - ... You know what? I can feel the intelligence being sucked out of me.

Emmett – I ain't sucking anything.

Edward – Your train of thought is mentally scarring my brain.

Emmett – I don't know what that means. Anyhoo, if you don't trust me going on my own, I'll force someone to go with me!

Edward – Good luck with that.

Emmett – Do you want to...you know what? Never mind. ROSALIE!

Rosalie - *from upstairs* WHAT!

Emmett – No matter how difficult the situation there is NO need to shout. I can hear you perfectly well, my sweetie.

Rosalie - *comes down stairs* Why are you talking in a British accent?

Emmett - *shrugs*

Rosalie -... Why did you want me to come downstairs?

Emmett – OH LOOK A SQUIRREL! ... Where was I? Oh yeah! ROSALIE!

Rosalie – IM ALLREADY HERE YOU IDIOT!

Emmett – Oh, hi.

Rosalie – Why. Did. You. Want. Me. To. Come. Downstairs?

Emmett – Oh yeah! Pack our bags!

Rosalie – Why?

Emmett – Because...Were swimming to Africa!

Rosalie – (pretending to be interested) Why?

Emmett – Never mind the details! Pack our bags—make them waterproof if you don't mind. Put on waterproof make-up too. We don't want you to look ugly in Africa. The people there might think you're a demon, coming to kill them all!

Rosalie - *slaps Emmett and goes upstairs and slams her door*

Emmett – I blame PMS.

Edward - *gets up and leaves*

Emmett – Why is it so quiet? *looks around* Where is everybody.

...5 minutes later...

Emmett – Hello? Why aren't you answering me!

...10 minutes later...

Emmett – Echo! Echo! Darn it! Why didn't it Echo!

...15 minutes later...

Emmett – *singing to himself* There was a farmer had a dog and Bingo was his name-o! B-I-N-G-O!

...20 minutes later...

Emmett - Okay! The stove is now officially talking to me! Run! *runs in circles with hands in the air screaming in terror until the front door opens and Alice and Jasper comes in*

Alice – Emmett? Why are you and Jasper going to Africa?

Emmett – Oh yeah forgot about that... WERE GOING TO AFRICA, JASPER!

Jasper – I'm glad you think so.

Emmett – O please...Jasper please...I'm begging!

Jasper – How are you planning to get to Africa?

Emmett – WE are going to swim!

Jasper – Why in the name of all that is holy would I want to go to Africa.

Emmett – They. Have. Elephants! Soccer World Cups Full Of Blood!

Jasper - *points finger in air* TO AFRICA!

Emmett - *Is now dancing a un-shameful victory dance*

Jasper – Lets go, RIGHT NOW!

Emmett – LADUMA!

*Carlisle comes in through the door*

Emmett – Guess what, Pops?

Carlisle - *sighs* what is this time?

Emmett – Me. Jasper. Go. Africa! Elephants! Biting! Soccer balls! Swimming! Atlantic Ocean! Whale! Africa! Sunny! Shit! We! Wear! HATS! Protect! From! Sunlight! Stupid! Sun! What! Where? Am? I? Um! OH YEAH! Africa!

*Carlisle looks confused and calls Edward, Edward comes down stairs*

Edward – Yes Carlisle.

Carlisle – What's going on in that brain of his?

Edward - *sighs* He wants to swim to Africa to bite innocent soccer balls and hunt elephants.

Carlisle – No.

Emmett – What...? *on the edge of crying*

Carlisle – You're not going to Africa.

Emmett - *sobbing* Why!

Carlisle – You have school tomorrow.

Emmett – A school can easily be burned to ASH! *evil grin*

Jasper – I'll help

Carlisle – No you won't.

Jasper – Darn it

Emmett – PLEASE DADDY! !

Carlisle – No, and that's final.

Edward – You know he won't let this go!

Carlisle – Yes but at least it bought us some time.

Emmett - *sobbing* What am I supposed to do know!

Edward – Go talk to the magic stove.

...

Esme had to buy a new stove after it told Emmett it wanted to marry Rosalie.

Edward is now in therapy to recover from over exposure to Emmet's mind.

Alice is planning to actually take the family to Africa

Carlisle is pissed because Emmett keeps nagging him to buy him a scuba gear outfit so that he can swim to Africa. He refuses to tell Emmett that he doesn't need one.

Jasper is in jail after burning down Forks High School

Rosalie has bought an extensive range of waterproof make-up because she doesn't want to be ugly after crying about being "ugly"

Bella has refused to take part in any of this.

A drawing of Jacob and Edward kissing is now circling the worldwide internet.

Jacob is pissed.

Edward is pissed.

Bella is pissed.

REVIEW!

Or I'll turn you into a soccer ball and give you to Emmett!

Anyway...THANKS FOR READING! REVIEW!

Or else...(dramatic music)

This story may be continued. Is categorized as complete, but chapters may be added.