AUTHOR: Marie
E-MAIL: Lovesbitch84@yahoo.com
FEEDBACK: Please, please, please
DISTRIBUTION: Please email me with a link and it's yours
SPOILERS: The Gift
CONTENT: Dawn POV
RATING: R
DISCLAIMER: I do not own or have any rights to Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I am only a fan
Humans don't like to be alone.
I mean, sure there are moments when they can't stand anyone else around. So they lock themselves in their room or their house and they play a little game. But they always come out. (Red roover, red roover, let Dawn come over)
Because human's don't like to be alone.
But, unlike humans, I like being the emptiness that being alone brings.
Maybe it's because I'm not really human. I mean, at least I didn't start out that way. But Spike says it doesn't matter how you start out. It what you become that matters. Maybe he's right. (right, wrong, right, wrong)
It would be easier to believe that. I mean, then I could believe Joyce was really my mother and Buffy had been my sister. But it doesn't matter anymore.
Because their dead and I'm alive. (bones in the ground, turning white)
But I don't want to talk about them. I cried, I grieved and I never thought the pain would end. But finally I stopped hurting. Who knows, maybe I just numbed myself to it; like a toothache you get used to. Or maybe I just lost my mind.
Nah, that would be to movie of the week. Like this story isn't already.
It's not like I expected to have a happily ever after. Those aren't real. The only ever after's that exist are in the books my mother read to me when I was a child. But those weren't even real. Because I wasn't real. At least not at that point. (pretty key, glowing light)
But I'm not making sense. More proof I'm slowly driving myself to the nuthouse. But don't worry; that won't happen. To movie of the week; remember. (yeap, yeap, yeap)
So here I am, staring at the glowing computer screen in the dark of night and talking about going crazy. And this is being human. A crazy human, none the less, but human.
Buffy gave her life so I could live this moment. Seems a waste now. But I'm not talking about Buffy. I don't know what I'm talking about.
Xander and Anya. (sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G)
They got married. A few weeks after Buffy...a few months ago.
Riley came back. He was the best man in the wedding. I laughed when Xander told me.
Willow was the maid of honor. Tara and I got to be bride's maid. I hated the dress.
Giles gave Anya away.
And she cried alot. (tears fell down he dress)
Willow and Tara.
There still together. Not much to tell.
Spike.
He's still here. I'm glad. (happy, happy, sad, sad)
He's seems to be the only one I can depend on. The others; they look out for me but not the way Spike does.
They asked him why he stayed here, with me. Like I was some diease that you should run away from if you get the chance. He told them he had promised Buffy he would protect me.
Later he told me it was because I was like his little sister. But it would ruin his big bad attitude if anyone found out and I laughed. (hahahaha)
I like Spike.
He doesn't talk about...her either.
He hurt. Like me. He cried when he saw her body. (tears are sad, tears are happy, tears fall down your face)
I saw him, there are the ground, in tears. I had never seen him cry before. It wasn't sad really, more strange. But maybe that's because I'm a borderline nutcase.
Wait; am I getting to sappy for you.
Anyways, I'm not crazy yet and Spike stopped crying. (no more tears, no more nuthouse)
And you're probably thinking I'm nothing like the Dawn you knew and loved.
To bad. People die, people hurt, people go insane.
I'm checked off one and I'm about to add another to the list.
Although I'm not sure which one will happen first. (death or insantiy, make the choice, tick tock tick tock)
But we're getting to movie of the week again.
And I'm not crazy yet and I'm breathing just fine. (one's the truth, and one's a lie)
I bought a new CD the other day. I think it was the backstreet boys.
I hate them.
I don't know why i bought it. I was at the store with Anya. (shop shop shop)
She's pregnant.
Anyways, she was talking in her usual weirdness that is becoming more and more normal to me (Crazy, crazy, Dawn is going crazy) and I slipped away.
I couldn't take all the baby cloths and toys. Maybe I was jealous. I was never a baby.
So I went to the music store. I wanted to be a normal teenager. (no such thing, no such thing)
Because that's what "she" wanted and I didn't want her death to be in vain. But everyone was laughing and talking about what concerts were coming up and I couldn't take it.
So I grabbed the first CD I saw and left.
Ok; so I didn't buy it. I stole it. Heaven forbid.
It's under my bed unopened. It's laughing at me, I can hear it (Crazy, crazy, Dawn is going crazy).
I asked Spike if he thought I was insane the other day. He told me all humans were insane. I told him I wasn't human. He told me I was.
And than I went home to this empty house.
Well, it's not really empty. Willow and Tara live here now. (downstairs in never never land)
But it's empty to me. I'm alone here. Human's wouldn't like it. But I'm not fully human, am I?
It's quiet here to. No noise, no footsteps, nothing. (shhhhhh)
Just the hum of the computer and clack of keys as I type this.
I have a question for you, because I really don't know the answer and it's bugging me. Drivng me closer and closer to going bye-bye (Crazy, crazy, Dawn is going crazy).
Who are you? Who am I typing this to?
Ok, that's two, but who's counting? (Me)
Giles told me I was fully human after Buffy's death (I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THAT!). I told him it was bullshit, I would never be fully human. And you know what? (Three questions)
I think I'm falling apart. I think whatever the monks made me out of is dissappearing.
I think Buffy was what held me together and I can fell myself becoming less and less (going bye-bye).
At first was my feelings and I didn't care about those but now I think I'm losing my mind.
I'm going to dissappear one of thse days (POOF) and no one will see me again.
And I'll be with Buffy and Joyce (I SAID I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT THEM!!!!!!!!) and I'll be happy.
But I have to go now. I'd love to stay and talk some more but the voices in my head are screaming again (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and they won't go away until I sleep.
But I'll be back later. I'll always be here, more or less (LESS, LESS, LESS)
STOP SCREAMING (!!!!!!!!!!!)
Please be quiet :'( (SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)
Ok, their gone for now (................)
What was I saying? (Question number four!)
SHUT UP! (sorry)
Oh yeah, I was telling you I'd be back because I'm normal.
Because I'm not insane yet.
Bye bye (bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye)
-Dawn
The End