"Daddy. Daddy! DADDYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!"
Screaming Gohan sat up in his bed, bathing in sweat. He had defeated the terrible monster, Cell, just the week before but what did it matter? His dad was dead, and it was his fault. If only he'd done as his father had requested and finished off the monster when he had the chance instead of proclaiming he'd let his opponent suffer. When was he the person who wanted people to suffer? He'd always hated pain and suffering, even when inflicted on the people who enjoyed causing it.
Looking towards the door he considered what to do; his mother must have been sleeping quite soundly otherwise he knew she would have come running the moment she heard his scream. She deserved to sleep, she hadn't slept properly since he returned from the Cell Games and told her Goku wouldn't return. Still, Gohan knew he couldn't stay.
Quickly he got out of bed, got dressed and scribbled a note for his mother before opening the window and flying off without looking back.
When Chichi woke up she quickly went to prepare breakfast for her son, even without Goku in the house the small family still needed plenty of food, and Gohan had proved early on that he had an appetite which could almost rival his father's. Chichi had taught her son proper table manners but after that year he'd spent in the wilderness and all the other crazy stuff those had disappeared.
"Gohan. Breakfast." She called, knowing that her son's Saiyan hearing would be able to detect the calling, not to mention that she sometimes suspected that Saiyans had a special ability when it came to knowing when food was ready. Yet this morning her son didn't come running down for breakfast in his usual manner.
"GOHAN!" She repeated, a hinge of irritation creeping into her mind. Why didn't that boy come? He'd never snuck off without breakfast before.
Slightly worried Chichi went to her son's bedroom. When she opened the door she noticed it was empty and that the window was open. So he had snuck off without breakfast after all. Then Chichi noticed the note on the table and, after casting a quick look on it, felt her blood turn to ice.
Hi mum.
I'm not coming back. It's my fault dad died. I'm sorry…
Grabbing the note Chichi ran outside, feeling the fear and worry well up inside her. Would Gohan really? No, surely he wouldn't. Her sweet little brave Gohan wasn't the person who would consider taking his own life. Or was he?
"PICCOLO!" She screamed as loud as she could. "PICCOLOOO!" She knew he was somewhere close by, he hadn't gone far since Gohan had returned from the Cell Games with the devastating news that Goku would never come back. She didn't like the Namek despite his close bond to Gohan, or maybe it was because of the bond – she still had not forgiven him for abducting Gohan like that back then, but she knew that right now Piccolo was her best, perhaps only, hope of seeing her son again.
A few seconds later he landed in front of her.
"Chichi, what is it?" He said, not even trying to conceal the annoying tone to his voice. "Where's Gohan?"
She didn't answer but simply showed him the note from Gohan. Instantly all the colour drained from his face – Chichi wasn't even aware that was possible for a Namek – and the normally so stout and unreadable person was like an open book. Carefully he put a hand on her shoulder.
"I'll find your boy Chichi. I promise." He hesitated for a moment. "And if you will not accept my promise from the part of me which used to be Piccolo, accept it from the part of me which used to be Kami."
With those words he flew off, leaving Chichi starring after the person who had been her husband's mortal enemy but had grown to an ally, and a sort of second father-figure to her son.
Piccolo could feel the fear rage through his body as he flew away from Goku's house, technically it was Chichi's house now he supposed. Where could that kid be? Was he really so serious about wanting to take his own life that he made sure to conceal his ki?
Not knowing where to begin looking, and hating himself for it – normally he could always sense Gohan, no matter what – Piccolo went to the lookout to ask Dende he had any idea to where Gohan could be.
"Piccolo. It's good to see you." The young Guardian said with a smile when he saw him land. "What the matter?" he quickly added, probably having seen the worried look on Piccolo's face. quickly Piccolo explained the situation to his young race-mate.
"I'm sorry I… I don't know where he is…"
Dende looked at the ground as if feeling guilty about not knowing the whereabouts of his friend.
"It's okay Dende." Piccolo said, placing his hand lightly on the young boy's shoulder. What was it with this world? both its main protector and its guardian were just young boys. Kids who should be playing with their age mates, not burdened with stuff like Cell. "Call me if you find out anything."
"I will." Dende said, looking up. Even though he wasn't saying anything his eyes clearly showed his desire to help Gohan. The two of them had been quite close ever since Gohan had saved Dende's life on old Namek.
Giving Dende a last comforting squeeze on the shoulder Piccolo flew off from the lookout ready to begin something which most normal people would consider impossible. He wasn't like most people though, and he loved that kid as if Gohan had been his own son. He would find him, and he would make him understand that Goku's death was in no way his fault.
"GOHAN!" He yelled as loud as he could. "GOHAAAN!" He kept yelling even though a tiny voice within told him that it was futile and since it seemed like Gohan didn't want to be found he would just hurry away. Still it was the only thing Piccolo could think of doing.
"Piccolo? What the matter?" A voice suddenly said behind him. Turning around he found himself face-to-face with Tenshinhan and Chaozu.
"Gohan's gone missing." He quickly explained the pair. "He left a note saying it was his fault Goku died. I'm afraid he might try taking his own life."
The horror on both their faces where unmistakable. Even though they mostly kept to themselves it was clear that they considered both Goku, and his son as well, as really good friends.
"Don't worry. We'll look around here." Tenshinhan quickly reassured Piccolo.
"Kuririn is still on the Island." Chaozu added. "Maybe you should get him to help as well."
With the knowledge at least this part of Earth was covered Piccolo flew off towards the Island to find Kuririn.
The moment he landed on the shore of the Island Kuririn ran outside to meet him.
"Piccolo." The short man said surprised. "What's the matter?"
Quickly Piccolo explained the situation. When he had heard what was going on Kuririn quickly volunteered to search through the smaller islands in the ocean.
Feeling the sobs rack through his body Gohan landed on a small plateau and instantly fell to his knees. He knew he could end it quickly and painless but he felt as if he deserved to suffer after what he had done. It was only fitting; his dad had died because he had felt the desire to let Cell suffer. Now he could suffer. He would leave this world as slow and painfully as possible.
Noticing a sharp rock in front of him he quickly picked it up and stabbed himself in the abdomen with it. The wound would have been fatal to most people, not to a half human, half Saiyan boy with the ability to go beyond Super Saiyan. Quickly and viciously he stabbed himself again, and again. Over and over again he forced the sharp rock to pierce his skin and flesh. Sometimes in the abdomen, sometimes in the chest. He could feel all the suppressed emotions, all the anger, fear and grief, well up inside him and before he could stop himself he felt his ki explode in a blinding light. Still, even though he knew it would bring all his friends looking for him, he couldn't bring himself to bother. Instead he simply continued stabbing himself with the frail hope that he would be done before they arrived.
What was that? Vegeta felt the violent outburst of powers and raced outside. There was no doubt, that energy could only come from Kakarot's brat, but what was wrong with him? Even though he would never admit it Vegeta liked the young boy quite a lot, and not only for his strength; he had been amazed by how the young boy would take on opponents more than twice his size. Starting back from the battle against Nappa when he, Vegeta, himself had been one of the bad guys the little group was trying to stop. No, he didn't want any sort of harm to come to the young boy.
"Gohan's in trouble." He yelled back inside before flying off, leaving Bulma starring perplexed after him.
What he saw made the blood freeze within his veins. There, kneeling down on a plateau, was Gohan. Stabbing himself in the chest, with something Vegeta couldn't see, over and over again.
"WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU BRAT?" Vegeta roared before flying down in order to try and stop the boy. Even though he was part Saiyan enough of those wounds would be fatal. Surprisingly even though the boy clearly was weakened by his self-inflicted wounds he put up quite a fight, refusing to let Vegeta remove the rock he was holding – which Vegeta now had figured out was the weapon he had used to wound himself with.
"Gohan." He said sternly. "Snap out of it."
No matter what the boy wouldn't stop struggling. Instead he simply continued stabbing himself, sometimes hitting Vegeta's arms by accident.
Piccolo felt Gohan's violent outburst and hurried off towards the source. Hoping with every fibre in his being that he wouldn't be too late. That what he had felt wasn't Gohan finishing himself off.
What he saw made the blood boil within his veins. There on a plateau, was Gohan. Struggling violently against Vegeta. How dared he? How dared Vegeta use Gohan's grief induced weakness to attack?
"PICCOLO." Vegeta suddenly yelled. "Help me, he has lost it."
There was a strange hint of desperation in the Saiyan's voice and now Piccolo realized the truth: Vegeta wasn't trying to hurt Gohan, he was trying to avoid hurting Gohan. And more importantly; he was trying to make Gohan stop hurting himself.
Quickly he flew down and forced the sharp, blood dripping, rock Gohan was holding out of his hands and kicked it as far away as he could before attempting to help Vegeta with stopping the struggling boy.
"LET GO OFF ME!" Gohan screamed on top of his lungs, causing Piccolo's sensitive ears to hurt. "It's my fault dad died. My fault…"
Why wouldn't they understand that? He deserved to die. They weren't supposed to stop him. Why? Why did he have to live with his guilt? Why wouldn't they just let him die?
Suddenly he felt a fist collide violently with his cheek. When he regained the ability to see he found himself starring right into the cold eyes of the Saiyan Prince. So he had been one of the people trying to stop him, now that was a surprise.
"No it's not!" Vegeta said, his teeth gritted."When are you going to get that into that thick head of yours? Damn you boy. I thought you were smart but sometimes you're just as stupid as your father."
Why was Vegeta lying to him? To make him feel better? No way! If there was one thing Gohan had learned about Vegeta in the years he had known him it was that he didn't care how anybody felt. It wasn't true that it wasn't his fault. And he knew Vegeta knew that as well.
"Come on." He suddenly heard a concerned voice saying. Looking up he met the stern gaze of his former mentor looking down at him. "Let's get you to Dende. He can fix you."
Sure, Dende could fix the physical wounds he had inflicted on himself, not the emotional wounds.
"I don't want to be fixed." Gohan cried. "I JUST WANT TO GET THIS OVER WITH!"
"AND ARE YOU REALLY SO COWARDLY YOU'D RUN AWAY LIKE THIS WHEN THINGS GET TOUGH?" Piccolo roared. His eyes literally shooting sparks. "And what about your mother?" He added more softly. "Do you really want her to have another funeral? She just lost her husband, do you want her to lose her son as well?"
Gohan hadn't really thought about it that way. In his tormented mind his mother would simply be glad to be rid of her husband's murderer. Maybe Piccolo was right; Gohan had revealed every painful detail of the battle but his mother hadn't thrown him out, hadn't started hating him. Instead she had pulled him into a firm embrace so long Gohan had begun to worry whether she was going to let go of him.
"I guess you're right." He whispered. "I don't think my mum would want to lose me too."
Slowly he got up and looked around; right in front of him stood Piccolo with a hand on his shoulder, a worried look in his eyes – almost as if he feared Gohan would either drop down or take off. A bit away stood Vegeta, several wounds were adorning his muscular arms.
"Did… I do that?" He asked sheepishly.
"Don't worry about it brat." Came the short reply from Vegeta. "Can you handle this on your own?" He added, turning to Piccolo.
"Sure Vegeta." The Namek replied. "Just go home now."
Vegeta took off and was about to return to Capsule Corporations.
"Hey. Vegeta." Gohan quickly yelled, causing the Saiyan prince to stop. "Say hello to Bulma from me, will you?"
"Of course brat." Came the reply and before neither Gohan nor Piccolo could react he was gone. Leaving only a large sonic roar in his wake.
"Right kid." Piccolo said. "Let's go get you fixed."
With those words he simply wrapped his arm around Gohan's torso and took off towards to lookout.
"I can fly." Gohan protested meekly.
"Not in this state you can't. Besides; even though you say you don't want to kill yourself anymore I'm not quite sure I trust you. And your mother isn't the only person who would grieve if you died, kid."
The last comment from Piccolo made Gohan look up in surprise. Even though his mentor hadn't stated it explicitly Gohan was still sure that what he meant was that he would grieve.
"Would you…" Gohan began, not knowing how to finish the question. Not that it was necessary though, somehow Piccolo knew what he would ask.
"Of course I would grieve. Remember what I told you, back during the fight with the Saiyans, when I was dying? 'You're like the son I never had.' I still mean it, Gohan."
"There they are, Dende." Said Mr. Popo suddenly. Looking up Dende could see that he was right; there was Piccolo and, to Dende's great relief, Gohan was with him. But he looked horrible; his entire front was dripping with blood from several wounds.
"What happened?" he asked worried as Piccolo put Gohan down.
"I tried to kill myself." Gohan murmured, barely audible.
"What?" Dende couldn't believe his own ears. Why would Gohan do something like that? Surely not the Gohan he knew. The Gohan he knew was brave and honest.
"It's okay Dende." Piccolo said softly. "I think he understand how wrong it was."
Nodding Dende quickly began healing Gohan's wounds. Some of them were rather deep, even though he didn't know much about the physiology of regular humans Dende still had a suspicion that such wounds would be lethal.
When he was done Gohan murmured a 'thank you' before sitting up and hugging his knees tightly. After a few moment his body began to shake violently as if he was crying.
Knowing how Piccolo felt about showing emotions Dende put his arms around his friend's weeping form, a thought running through his head; had Gohan cried for his father's dead? Really cried? Knowing Gohan Dende was afraid he knew the answer; Gohan would have been so preoccupied with staying strong for his mother that he wouldn't allow himself to grieve properly, wouldn't allow himself to get the relief tears could bring.
After a while Gohan's crying subsided and he looked up at Dende, tears still streaming from his eyes.
"Gohan." Dende whispered. "There is something I need you to know. You know how I sometimes stand on the edge of this place, looking over Earth? What I saw when I first came here was fear and pain. Everyone was terrified by Cell. Now what I see is happiness, people living their lives as they were meant to. Those people are able to do so because of you. Granted they may all think it was that buffoon to Mr. Satan who did it but we, your friends, know the truth. You are a hero, Gohan."
Slowly a smile crept onto Gohan's face.
"You know, I'm quite glad Mr. Satan took the credit." He whispered, a hint of humour in his voice. "My poor mother would just get stressed if all the journalists decided to camp down outside our house. And I really would hate having to chase them away."
"Let's get you home." Piccolo said, looking down at Gohan. "I'm sure your mother is very worried by now."
Before Gohan had a chance to reply a loud rumble emitted from his belly.
"And I'm sure she has plenty of food ready as well."
The moment they landed outside the house Chichi came running out of the house and caught Gohan in an embrace so tight it would have broken several rips of a regular human.
"Oh, my baby." She whispered, tears running from her eyes. "Don't ever scare me like that again. How can I ever thank you Piccolo?"
"Don't worry about it Chichi." Came Piccolo's reply. "I don't want Gohan to die as much as you don't. There is one thing though; will you give me permission to spend time with your son?"
Gohan couldn't help smiling at the request, surely Piccolo knew that he would do so anyway, regardless of what Chichi would say. Then he noticed something odd about his mother; it was as if there was a second, very faint, ki emitting from her stomach.
"Mum." He whispered. "I think you are…"
He didn't need to finish, looking into his mother's eyes he knew that she understood. Smiling Gohan wrapped his arms around his mother. Dende was right; Earth was safe now and together he and his mother would raise the little one growing inside her in a safe world.