Author's Note: Allen x Chid fan fiction even though Chid will not make an entrance until chap 3; there is much involvement with the other main characters of the series. This story takes place quite some time after the fall of Zaibach.
Warning: If you don't like beatings, adultery, rape, mild incest and things of the darker nature this story is not for you.
Disclaimer: All Escaflowne Rights Reserved and do not belong to me.
Chapter one:
I hitched a ride on a passing convoy. They took a look at me and questioned each other before allowing me aboard. I was as scraggly as they were and worse. They showed me to a small room with only a bed which I accepted graciously. I dropped my few necessary belongings from my back and sat upon the bed with a sigh. It was a ways to Asturia so I had some time to think and recap.
If it's one thing I've learned in my life, it's that it is uncertain; unlike death which is nothing but thus. For the past thirty years of my life I have found that not a day goes by that I let myself dwell upon the past and all that has happened. That was a long time ago. Things have become a lot calmer since the fall of the Zaibach Empire and the slow recovery of the Gaea we once knew.
All those I love have grown and prospered so well, blossoming into beautiful adults. I smile when I think on how juvenile and careless they all were; especially Van. My mind lingers only a moment upon the young man when my thoughts change to my sister, Celena. It seems she has found love in Van, or so she has confessed to me. I can't help but worry, any one would in my position.
I still remember the first time I had seen Celena still dressed in the red armor we had all come to know and loathe. It was like a dream, no a nightmare. Yet she and I have come a long way since then and part of me would like to believe she has let the man within her die with the Empire that created him. However, the other part of me is reluctant to trust; but I suppose that is just the knight in me.
Celena no longer confides in me the way she used to. She no longer seeks my counsel or so much as my company. I never did understand women, even though they seemed to flock to me in my youth; I never managed to figure them out.
Van has returned the love Celena has shown him by asking me for her hand in marriage. A part of me was a little surprised in the fact that he asked me for permission. I had to laugh though, that was very much like Van; trying to keep much of the old chivalry intact.
Of course I consented, how could I refuse? I myself was a victim of forbidden love and still regret to this day the severity of the outcome. I would never dream of keeping Van from being happy. Of course I do think about the love he held long ago in a certain woman from the Mystic Moon. I have to smile, my façade can't disguise it. We had all found love within Hitomi. I loved Hitomi.
A jerk in the skiff and I am thrown forward and almost off the bed. I stand and move to the small window pulling back the cloth that acts as a shade to see that we have come to port. I must have been thinking harder than I thought.
I thanked the captain and removed myself from the ship without haste. As much as I traveled nowadays, I preferred to do it either by foot or horseback. I had spent too much of my younger days on a ship.
The instant I stepped unto the golden paved streets of Asturia I knew I was at home. The sea air swept through my hair cooling the sweat from the back of my neck. It smelled of salt and fish, but also of women's perfume; I had to smirk, after all I was a boy here.
Little had changed in the way of the city since Dreiden became king. It was his wish to keep it as much the way it was before the wars as possible. He believed it gave the people a sense of the past, a way for them to never forget those who fought so bravely to save their home. I was never too keen on the thought but then again I always believe that change is sometimes necessary. For Asturia it was more than necessary.Nobody wanted to remember those days when their king made a pact with the enemy and bartered their neighboring countries off to protect themselves. I shook my head and counted silently, calming my temper. If it's one thing I am acquiring as I age it's a short fuse.
I walk the streets randomly gathering my bearings. People pass me as they please and I hardly recognize anyone nor do they recognize me. These were my people, the ones I threw my life away for. I lowered my gaze and watched my own feet as I walked. I couldn't exactly be upset with it; after all I wasn't exactly the gallant knight I used to be.
The castle stood luminous before me as I stood upon the stone steps. It took me quite a while but I decided it would only be right of me to pay some old friends a visit before I made my way out of the country. I sighed and brushed a hand through my hair. Of course it would do no good, I needed a bath and a good grooming to be presented as the gentleman I once was. There I go again, dwelling on the past.
The royal guard gives me a strange look when I ask to see their Highnesses Dreiden and Millerna. He asks me who I am and doesn't hesitate a single moment after I reveal myself.
Not a moment later and I am asked to wait to be summoned and handed a glass of Vino. I peer deep into the pinkish liquid before raising it to my lips and taking in a small sip. I hadn't had such in a long time.
"Allen…" I didn't so much as lower the glass before I heard her soft voice traced with surprise. I set the glass on a nearby table and peered to the doorway where the voice had come. I was taken aback by the sight I was greeted with.
"Millerna-Hime…" She had to laugh at the 'hime' and I blushed. I had momentarily forgotten that she was a queen. She rushed me in an instant and enveloped me around the shoulders, crushing our bodies together. I was shocked but wrapped my arms around her waist in return.
"I don't believe this behavior is appropriate for a queen…" Her grip on me only tightened. I ran a hand down her gorgeous blonde hair that was so straight and golden that it took my breath away. I swallowed the mass that had formed in my throat and had to dismiss the thought of Marlene from my mind.
I let her embrace me as long as she wished which was for quite a while. When she did pull back she peered up into my eyes. Her own were still the beautiful azure that I had come to love, but now they were glassy with tears.
"Why are you crying?" I asked her gently, my hands still upon her waist which were now more curvaceous with her maturity.
"Because I am so happy to see you again…" She answered with the same softness. I removed my hands from her waist and dropped them to my sides. I had to remember my place, I couldn't just go about embracing her as I pleased; not any longer.
"Come, you must be exhausted!" She ushered me inside further by taking hold of my arm. I allowed her to move me as she wished. My heart skipped a beat for a moment as she turned her head in a way causing her hair to flow about her face and shoulders so delicately; then a momentary pang of regret.
"What's the matter?" She questioned giving me those eyes of her youth. A smirk curled across my lips.
"Nothing, just thinking about the past…" I left it at that.
Millerna showed me rooms where I could properly bathe and found me one of the knight uniforms from my own generation having a handmaiden leave it on the bed for me. A bath seemed so foreign now. I chuckled to myself; hygiene was one of the things that were of utmost importance in the past. I always had to look my best and be the best. Now things had become a little bewildered and my priorities weren't what they used to be.
Once I was good and clean I wrapped myself in a robe and dried my hair that now hung only to my shoulders. It had become so long that I just couldn't bear myself with it any longer so one day I took it and hacked it with one clean swipe of my sword. Now that I look at it in the large mirror I realize that some strands weren't quite even with the rest.
I sighed and exited the bathroom into the spacious room provided. I took a moment to look around, even the architecture brought back such memories, and after all I had spent much of my fondest on my back staring up at the ceiling.
I took up the uniform that had been properly laid out for me and gave a sneer. Whoever came up with the style surely wasn't thinking of fashion; I see this now. I put it on however for courtesy's sake and look into the mirror. I was a bit flabbergasted at the sight. Now I know why Millerna had chosen this particular outfit; I smirked; the little fiend.
When I had finished my personal grooming a handmaiden offered to escort me to the hall where I would dine with her Majesty. When I inquired about her husband, the King, she only confessed that he was away on business. How convenient, I thought, that I should show up at a time like this; when the queen is alone, not to mention I was her childhood sweetheart. I shook my head of such thoughts, when had I become so dastardly? Then I remembered Marlene and quickly bit my tongue.
The hall was well lit with gas lamps and candles; the table was decorated with fine white linen that was starched and pressed crisp. Upon the table cloth was a small yet grand feast more than suitable for four or more. This was of course Asturia's style, large and grand.
I seated myself at one of the many chairs and helped myself to a glass of Vino while I waited for Millerna. One glass turned into two, two into three. It was either the way I was drinking or Millerna was taking her cautious time getting prepared for a simple dinner.
Finally when I felt the slight dizziness of a buzz I set my glass down. No sooner had I done so did the door to the hall open and there within the entryway stood Millerna looking more radiant than I had ever seen her.
She was garbed in a brilliant white dress that was hand embroidered and was held at the waist by a light lavender corset that tied in the back. Her sleeves were off her shoulders, I couldn't tell if they were supposed to be that way or if she fashioned them to be. Her arms would have usually been wrapped by white gloves just below the shoulder but tonight they were bare and vulnerable. Her hair was pulled up yet still seemed soft, only a few strands of hair were tolerable to fall gently about her face.
I stood instantly despite the weakness in my knees. She offered a hand to me in a feminine manner. I responded by striding surely to her unhurriedly and swept it up into my gloved hand and kissed the knuckles with soft tenderness. She was wearing perfume, I could smell it instantly; it smelled of wild roses, I would know. It took me a moment to stand again, for some reason or another; I enjoyed being there upon my knees before her in that moment.
"Were you waiting long?" Her voice was as soft and delicate as her appearance. I stood, gazing down into her eyes.
"Not at all…"
Dinner was more than pleasant. Millerna told me of all that has happened since I had last seen her. How she has taken a more active role in ruling the kingdom, instead of taking a backseat to the king like a normal queen should. She also confessed to me with such pride that she had become a certified doctor. I folded my hands in my lap and listened to her with a smile on my face. This was all such wonderful news she was sharing with me. I had always known in my heart that she was a strong willed woman. Even if she did use it with immaturity in her youth, she was now putting her wonderful qualities to better use; to benefit her people.
When she questioned me on my whereabouts and what I had done and seen I didn't disclose much, simply that I had been on a long journey; a sort of self discovery traveling. I was surprised when she smiled gently and leaned forward putting her chin on her hand, gazing at me with those eyes.
"You will never change, Allen…" I gave her a curious look and she chuckled softly. "You're always moving, whether you are running or searching. You can never stay in one place." If anyone had ever accused me of running I always became irate but for some reason, when she said it, it made me want to listen.
"Go on…" I ushered her taking up my glass and finishing it, losing count. Millerna leaned back as well and folded her arms upon the table top.
"I thought that Hitomi would be someone to make you settle, but then when she left I thought it would be Celena… but now even she is on her own path without you…" I sighed loudly and she hesitated, waiting for me to chime in.
"It's true that I thought there could have been a future with Hitomi and me, but she chose a different path that simply didn't cross with mine. As for Celena, she is my sister and I will always love her, but she has undergone so much; I cannot even begin to identify with her and her pain. I believe Van is someone she can confide in and someone whom she can really open up to." I hoped my tone hadn't become forceful or in any way annoyed because I wasn't. Judging by the look on Millerna's face, my tone must have remained calm and conversational.
"I too believe Van will be good to Celena. He will love her in his fashion and provide well for her." I nodded. "Still, part of me believes his love for Hitomi is still present."
"Of course," I added, "Van's love for Hitomi could never fade. Fate just pulled them apart for now, I have no doubt we will see her again." Millerna smiled brightly at this which made me smile.
"I am so glad you feel that way."
After dinner Millerna invited me for a walk about the grounds to continue talking about things past. Of course I was in no position to refuse nor did I want to. I was more than willing to get to know this strong woman whom I only remember as a younger irrationally willful teenager.
The Mystic Moon had risen to be seen in its entirety as we walked, her hand taking my arm gently. The first part was spent in silence; simply the two of us enjoying one another's company. She held her dress up in her left hand lightly as she stepped on the couple of stepping stones that decorated the grass, for some reason I liked how she did this. She laughed a moment.
"Remember how I used to wear pants and how you would always inquire why I would wear such clothes?" I blushed lightly. She had put me on the spot. I chuckled despite the fact.
"Yes, I do. You were always a little rebellious."
"A little? Come now, Allen, I was a regular tom-boy!" I laughed aloud. This was true; however I didn't say it aloud.
"You always knew what you wanted." She was silent at this. I cast a sideways glance and she was smiling gently, clearly she was thinking about something. The conversation had fallen to silence once again, yet it was comfortable.
I seized the opportunity and took a yellow rose from a large bed of mixed colored roses and slid it gently behind her ear. She raised a hand and gently touched the bud and smiled at me her eyes softening. I returned her affectionate gaze. Suddenly a small frown replaced her smile and her eyes looked almost pained. A concerned expression crossed my face as a pang of worry flooded my stomach.
She turned from me and held her fingertips gently to her lips. I approached her from behind and made my presence known by touching her gently upon her elbow. She turned to me fluidly. We were close, so close that I was sure I could hear her heart pounding. Her gaze fell upon my lips as she placed a hand upon my chest gently. I slid my hands along her waist line and captured her in my arms, pulling her into me.
She was warm and almost weightless in my embrace. She rested her head gently beneath my chin and I rested mine softly atop hers. Her breathing became heavier; I knew she was trying to hold back her emotions. I wanted to comfort her. I drew back and gently placed a kiss atop her head. Slowly her gaze lifted and our eyes met. There was only a moment to breath before our lips found one another and the embrace became amazingly tight.
I felt her height shift as she lifted on her tip toes to better reach me. I responded by tightening my hold around her waist, holding her to me as close as I could bring her. To my dismay she pulled away from me completely. I was confused at her actions but my expression softened as I saw the tears falling down her cheeks. She made no effort to hide them and I knew it was because she wanted me to see them.
She raised her hand and in one swift motion slapped me across the cheek. My head turned to the side with the impact the sound echoing in my ears. My eyes were wide with shock and it took me a good long moment before I gathered my senses.
"How dare you come back here and act as if everything is alright! You left me! You left me alone here…" She was crying openly now. My eyes went wide with surprise; I had never before seen her cry openly. "Are you so selfish as to think the world will wait for you? As if others' feelings don't matter? You're cruel, Allen Shezar!" Now I understood.
She stormed past me lifting her dress into her arms and began to jog back to the palace. I thought a moment, wondering if I should let her go. In an instant I sprinted after her. She was almost to the palace stairs when I caught up to her. She made a slight noise of distress as I caught her arm and turned her around to face me; taking her shoulders with slight force.
"Millerna, I never wanted to hurt you…I never meant to make you suffer, you have to believe me. I beg your forgiveness." Her expression was almost dangerous as she glared up at me, then it melted away and she collapsed into my chest. I took her to me as I had done before; closing any space left that separated us.
Her hair had come out of its tie and I smoothed the wavy tresses with my gloved hand. I yearned to be free of the cloth glove and to touch it with my bare skin. She breathed heavily although she wasn't crying anymore. I was silent listening to her.
"I was so worried about you; I was afraid you had somehow gotten yourself into trouble or even killed. Then I became so angry that I had come to hate you. I told myself that I would hate you for leaving everyone… me, leaving me alone!" I sighed closing my eyes and moved my hand from her hair to the small of her back.
"I can understand why you feel that way, but please understand that I am not the man I used to be. I am finding my own path, the way you did. Please pity me, Millerna, pity me and love me…love me as I am…" With the last words I pulled away taking her by the arms and peering into her eyes that seemed only to be illuminated as the Mystic Moon rose higher and higher in the night sky. She stared up at me this way and me at her for a good while before she looked down and smiled gently.
"…I think you're more the man you were than you are willing to believe…"
Her skin was hot against my lips as I ravished the space between her neck and shoulder. She laid her head back and allowed me to do as I pleased, gripping my shirt beneath my jacket tightly with her delicate fingers. She gasped suddenly out of surprise and pulled away, rushing to the door opening it gently. She took a quick look down both sides of the hallway before closing the door again and bolting it.
I took the opportunity and shed my jacket and boots. When she turned again she had a new air about her. I felt the passion swell in my abdomen as I approached her with long strides that made her quiver outwardly. My mouth found hers and kissed her hard. She made a noise of pleasure as she began to unbutton my shirt. I began at her corset and after fumbling with the ties I became frustrated and ripped the very garment free from her. She looked up at me as I dropped it to the floor and gave a laugh before we consumed each other once again.
Somehow we had found the bed with me atop her. We had both come to a stop and stared at each other. She raised her hand and gently smoothed a few stray strands of hair out of my eyes and tucked them behind my ear. I gently caressed the area between her breasts, delighted by the smoothness.
"Tonight, it is only us…" She whispered.
We made love. We made love until we both collapsed. When I awoke again I found it wasn't a dream. We were both naked in the large bed, and I with a beautiful queen sleeping peacefully upon my chest. I ushered her gently and she responded by turning upon her side, never waking from her slumber. I moved to her back and crossed an arm over her, pulling her into me. She still smelled like wild roses. I gently kissed the back of her shoulder; she responded with a cooing noise of sleep. I smiled and laid my head behind hers, burying my face in her soft hair, my hand caressing her bare stomach making circles around her belly button.
My senses were much too sharp now to fall back asleep. After about an hour of simply relishing her presence I got up slowly, not to disturb her and tossed a robe about my shoulders. I pulled the sheets up and over her and gently kissed her cheek as I made my way to the balcony adjacent the room. The sun was beginning to rise yet it had not yet shown itself over the horizon. The cool morning air felt good against my sensitive skin. I breathed deep and let it out slowly through my mouth with a sigh.
I frowned as I sat down on one of the chairs gazing out over the city. A pang of guilt welled itself up in my stomach. I swallowed hard. What had I done? What was wrong with me? She is a married woman. She is a queen with a duty to her country. True there was something between us, but that was so long ago; even she put it behind her. Now I've come and messed everything up. It's just like Marlene. I'm treating Millerna like Marlene.
I sighed long and heavily gripping my hair in my hands. When I raised my gaze to the rising sun I had only one conclusion: I am dastardly.
Author's final note: Chapter one complete. If you enjoyed it, please review, flame if you want. A review is a review and for people who read and don't review, there cannot be a guarantee the author will update without delay.