Emma woke up, shooting pain all through her breasts. She knew they get tender during her period like they had for months now, but this pain really hurt. It was in the middle of the night, and she figured she must have laid in a difficult position, making them more tender than before – the pressure must have hurt her breasts, while she was asleep.
"Ow" She said out loud, cupping her breasts, trying to breathe through her teeth. With all the whimpering and groaning she must have woken Killian up at some point because he was now awake.
"Emma?" He asked alarmed, tensed up with worry for his wife, wondering if she might have caught some stomach bug during the night.
"I'm fine, just tender like usually. It'll pass like the other times" Emma explained, trying her best to fight through the pain and go back to sleep. She didn't want to worry him more than necessary. He furrowed his eyebrows in questioning, but he chose to believe her and went back to sleep. Emma tried to go back to sleep as well, and she managed to get a few sleeps in between waking up once every half an hour.
The next morning Killian stretched his arms out, heavy from sleep. He hadn't slept well because his wife had been uneasy and restless all night. He felt someone jump on him and groaned from the sleep.
"Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!" He heard his daughter shout at him. The little 5 year old bugger kept coming in to wake them every morning, Killian was just glad she had stopped coming in at 4 in the morning and now woke them up at 6 or 7 which was a more decent time.
"Good Morning Eva" Killian addressed as his good hand searched for his brace on the nightstand, and he started strapping on the fake hand. He had retired from the Hook when little Eva had been born, afraid he would hurt her with it, or that she would start playing with it without his knowledge and hurt herself. He rubbed his hand on his eyes, and grabbed a shirt from the floor and put it on, whilst Eva had gone to wake her mother up. Emma winced in pain as Eva jumped on her.
"Ahoy Eva" Killian said, dragging her little feet back towards him, so she wouldn't bother Emma while she was in pain.
"What's wrong with mommy?" She asked when Emma didn't respond as she usually did. Not even when she had the flu or been sick other times had she stopped paying attention to Eva, she had always thought about making her daughter happy, but seeing Emma like this - in pain frightened her.
"Your mother is sick today, and I will be taking her to a hospital to get all better, so you will have to stay with your grandparents today. That will be fun! You can play with Neal" Hook said, as Eva jumped from excitement and already ran to her room where her father would follow to help her get dressed.
Emma clenched her sore breasts as she tried to get dressed to leave. When Hook was back from getting Eva dressed and had given her breakfast they all left in the car. They dropped Eva off at the Charmings, and headed off to the hospital.
"Have you noticed anything different?" Dr. Whale asked as he massaged and felt around her breasts.
"I have been sore and tender on and off the past months, I just thought it was related to my period" Emma answered. Dr. Whale's eyebrows went from confusing to worry.
"Emma, I think we should run some tests" He said as he removed his gloves, and wrote something down on the computer. Killian who had been in the waiting room because Emma asked him too, even though he insisted on coming with her, tapped his fingers restlessly on a table before Emma stepped out.
"Are you alright, love? Did they find out what's wrong?" He asked when Emma approached him. She shook her head.
"No, we're going to run some tests but most likely it's just going to have to go away on its own" Emma replied as they drove home.
Eva ran to her father's arms when they arrived at the Charmings loft. He picked her up happily.
"Oh look at you! Eva, have you had a good time? Have they given you chocolate?" He asked her, as he furrowed his brows playfully mad. Eva looked down and laughed and denied it, but the chocolate on the corner of her lips proved her wrong.
"I supposed you should be allowed on a Saturday" Killian said as he put Eva down again. Emma walked in bent over with her back.
"Oh Dear" Her mother said as she sat Emma down on the couch, giving her a cup of hot chocolate with cinnamon.
"Any news?" Her father asked, and Emma told him what she had told Killian earlier.
The next few days Emma had stayed in bed, too sore to move, but on this particular day she felt quite fine. She had a great long shower and got dressed.
"Look at you, Swan" Killian said as she stepped down the stairs to the kitchen, all dressed for work.
"Hi Eva" Emma said as she crushed her daughter into a hug, who was eating eggs Killian had fried. She had missed interacting with her daughter as she had been stuck in bed.
"Are you sure you want to go to work, love?" Killian asked, noticing she was wearing her work clothes.
"Yeah I'm good, guess it's just related to my period as last few months, because I just got the time of the month this morning" Emma explained as she kissed Killian quick on his lips and grabbed some toast. She kissed the top of Eva's head and went out the door in a rush – eager to get back to work and out of the house.
Eva and Killian was sitting in her room playing with some barbies, and honestly Emma couldn't tell if Eva liked it more or if it was Killian who loved it more. Killian did voices and made up stories that Eva made her own weird version in on the story, and Killian told tales that amused her.
"Then a giant troll came and kidnapped the princess!" Emma said, joining in on the tale, as she went over to pick up her little princess of a daughter and pretended to growl and huff like a troll. The joyful sound of her daughter's screaming laugh filled the room.
The next few days hadn't been different. Emma had felt quite fine and had been at work for the rest of the week, and spending a lot of time with her daughter by making up for the time she was sick and couldn't be with her. In the middle of playing with her daughter with Killian, in Eva's bedroom, her phone rang.
"Hello" She answered, still on her knees on the floor.
"Emma, it's Dr. Whale" He said into the phone as she answered.
"Have the test results come back?" She asked, getting up from the floor and stand outside of Eva's bed room, fearing the worst. Killian turned to look at her in the doorway, but she had her back to him.
"I'm afraid so. Emma we found out you had breast cancer" Dr. Whale said, as she felt her heart drop.
"What am I supposed to do?" She asked. A million questions in her head, and her life flashing before her eyes. Would she be able to see her daughter grow up? Would she be there to send her son away to college?
"Emma, it has spread quite far, we discovered it too late. We can do treatments but there's no guarantee they will work. I think you should come by the hospital to discuss this further" Dr. Whale said, and Emma almost dropped her phone. She made an appointment before she hang up. She took a moment to breathe before she turned back to her daughter and sat down back on the floor. Killian stared at her. He hadn't heard what Dr. Whale had said but the way Emma looked at him he knew it was quite bad – their daughter playing with her toys, oblivious to what was going on.
Over the next few months Emma had been going under treatment. The treatment left her tired, with no energy, and she spent the majority of her time recently in her bed at home. Killian had insisted on taking care of her and Eva by him. Her parents came around once in a while and Henry had been advised to stay at Regina's house, but Killian refused to let a nurse help – he wanted to take care of her himself.
This Monday morning he had walked Eva to her school while Emma was asleep at home, in her bed. When he came home he found Emma in her bed crying. He rushed over to her.
"What is it, love?" He asked her, alarmed and in distress. Was she in pain?
"No, don't sit down!" Emma stopped him, before he had sat down. He looked at her confused when he noticed the bed was dark wet around Emma.
"I thought I could get to the toilet myself" Emma said, embarrassed and ashamed. She looked down, not wanting her husband to look at her this way – weak and sick.
"Come one, love, I'll draw you a bath" He said, as he went into the bathroom to fill up the bath with water. He went over to her and helped her undress, before she weakly clung to him while she had his support walking to the bathroom. While she was laying in the bath he took the time to clean the bed, and change the mattress, before he helped her clean herself. Emma's muscles were weak and everything hurt to move. Her husband had seen her at her most vulnerable and helpless state, and there couldn't possibly be any more secrets from each other anymore.
Neither of them had spoken since the accident occurred and he had put her in the bath. Killian got her in comfortable pajamas and laid her down back in bed. Since Eva was at school he had some time before he had to do errands before picking Eva back up. Right now his wife needed him. He lay down next to her in the clean bed, and hugged her from behind, trailing a few soft kisses along her neckline. Emma silently cried herself to sleep, while Killian still held her.
"Mom!" Henry said as he gave his mother a hug, who was lying in bed. Emma had a sleep and felt a little less tired. She had gone under a different treatment and the responses were looking better. She had decided to watch Netflix with her son, so he had brought his Ipad. Henry brought two cups of hot chocolate with cinnamon for both of them. He cuddled into her shoulders as she rested her head on his shoulders, she drifted in and out of sleep sometimes, but they spent more time talking than watching Netflix as they both knew this time was precious for them both.
For a few days Emma had been responding so well, and things were looking on the bright side. She had managed to get out of being held up on bedrest. She had time to go to Grannys with her family, but unfortunately had to order a salad as her nutrition intake was crucial for the therapy – she missed grilled cheese and onion rings. She had even managed to take time and effort to go to the park with her daughter, even if she watched her daughter play most times with others or herself.
Emma sat by the laptop writing some reports and responding to some emails regarding her work. She had her glasses on and a high ponytail in her hair. Killian thought the look suited her quite well; although he could be bias as he thought his wife looked good in anything.
"Don't tell me you are working, you should rest" Killian said as he stepped to the kitchen where she was working. He had just put Eva to bed, and Henry was with his grandparents. Killian embraced her from behind and gave her a kiss on the cheek, as he looked down on the screen to see what she was doing.
"I'm so tired of everyone telling me to rest. I need to do something, I can't just be in bed anymore it's not fun" Emma said getting a bit worked up. Emma had been so restless to get out of the rooms, sick of staring at the walls, sick of sleeping, sick of not being able to do what she want and guilty for not being able to do what she should be doing.
"I could imagine one other activity that is fun in bed" Killian said as he trailed more kissed down her neck. Emma could feel his lips softly, and his breathe against her skin. She hadn't been able to have any pleasure for herself, or give her husband any. She had felt guilty but she knew he understood. Now that she had been feeling better she could easily imagine "the fun" part of it.
"Then get me to bed, captain" Emma said as he scooped her up in his arms.
"My pleasure, Swan" He said as his eyes glistened with happiness.
Killian woke up to hearing his swan in the bathroom; she was pouring her gut out. He was worried and went in to her.
"Should I get you to a hospital?" Killian asked. He saw the reluctant in her expression but she was sweaty, feeling weak and she nodded faintly, as he quickly called David to come over to stay with Eva so he could take Emma with him.
At the hospital Dr. Whale had run some extra tests. The treatment wouldn't respond anymore and starting another treatment would require her to stay at the hospital 24/7, but even then it was highly unlikely it would work.
"I don't want to start another treatment" Emma said, as Killian looked at her shocked.
"Emma" He said quite firmly. She knew he would be mad about this. Dr. Whale sensing the tension decided to leave them for a moment to themselves.
"Hook" A name she hadn't used in a while for him.
"You can't do this. You can't give up, you have to live for me, for us" Killian half shouted at her. He couldn't lose her, how could she be so selfish?
"I don't want to die, I do want to survive, but you heard what Whale said even if I go under the treatment and stay at the hospital I'm most likely not going to survive any way. I'm not going to spend my last moments unprepared, connected to tubes and away from you all. I want to spend what time I have left with my family, with you and Eva." Emma explained. She started to half cry, and she rested her forehead against his.
"I don't want to die" She repeated, Killian left unspoken just hugged her back. He was upset she didn't want to fight anymore, but he understood where she was coming from. Once he had asked the same of her, when he was dying in Camelot, he had been very mad at her for not respecting his choice and he would not defy Emma her choice.
"Then let's go home" He told her, still holding her in his arms. When the doctor came back but she gloomily told him her decision. Whale brought the papers she had to sign, including the ones to not use any extraordinary measures to save her life if it came to it. She didn't want to stay in a coma or wake up brainless and unresponsive.
Emma's parents had been very sad to hear about her decision when they found out, but they supported their daughter no matter what. Henry she hadn't seen in days. He had been very upset with her when she had told him, and she was sad not having him around.
"Henry" She shouted, quite upset at his reaction. She hadn't expected him to take it well, but she didn't want her son to stay angry at her. "No! I don't want to hear it. You're giving up! You're leaving me" Henry shouted back
"Hi mom" Henry said, as she saw him standing there.
"Henry, I'm glad you came" She said as he stepped inside the office.
"I love you" He said as he rushed over to her giving her a long hug. Taken gladly by surprised she hugged him back forcefully.
"I love you to kid" She said to him.
"I'm sorry" Henry murmured into her neck, and she just patted him on his back.
"Don't be. You had all reason to be upset with me. You know I would never leave you on purpose right?" The question was rhetorical but he nodded anyway.
"What are you doing?" He asked her. She told him about the letters she would give to each and every person in her family. They couldn't read it before she was gone, whenever that would be, if it were in a few weeks to months – if she was lucky she might get years.
A few months later it was Eva's 6th Birthday. Emma had been in bed the majority of the last few weeks before her daughter's birthday, but she decided to move from the bed to the couch so she could join in on the family celebration. Eva had a birthday with a few of her friends from school but the rest of her family had taken Eva and her friends out to Granny's much to Eva's delight – She loved grilled cheese and onions like her mother, and on her birthdays she was allowed to eat anything she wanted. Emma hadn't been able to handle the noise and the stress, so when Eva came home they had a little gathering with all of her closest family joined in.
"Mommy look" Eva said holding up a new Barbie doll which she could add to her collection.
"That's lovely Eva. Will you play with her every day?" Emma asked trying to put on a big smile, even though she felt a little faint.
"No. That's not fair to the other Barbie dolls" Eva told Emma being quite right. Emma gave out a little chuckle.
"Of course it is, Sweetie. I love you, now go play" She said as she gave a long kiss to the top of her daughter's head.
"I love you too, but yuck that kiss was wet" Her daughter proclaimed. Emma laughed a bit. Eva had no idea how precious these moments were and she couldn't blame her child – she just didn't understand the importance of it all or what could potentially happen soon. It was the late afternoon but Emma felt quite tired and told Killian she wanted to go upstairs and have a bath before bed. While the others took care of Eva, Killian helped Emma get up.
In the bathroom she managed to hold herself up with the door before she was getting into the hot bath, Killian went to get a fresh new pair of pajamas for her. As Killian was in the bedroom, Emma felt a sharp pain at her chest, it had been worse than earlier and she couldn't keep herself upright anymore, she felt to her knees, slightly screaming. Hook who heard her ran to the bathroom. When he got to the bathroom he saw her on the floor holding her arms to her chest and stomach.
"Get my dad! I need to get to a hospital" She said through clenched teeth. It hurt to move and her father David had to carry her before he drove her to the hospital.
"Save her!" Killian demanded. He wouldn't give in to losing his Emma. It was just him in the hospital room. It was dark outside, but still late afternoon. Dr. Whale sighed sadly – he would miss her too.
"Emma is gone, mate. The machines are keeping her physical body alive, but she's not there anymore. We can't even let her stay like this, not legally. She signed the papers – no extraordinary measures to keep her alive." Dr. Whale explained. Killian nodded in understanding. He had to give her up and it was probably the hardest thing he would ever have to do. David was outside of the room.
A few moments later a nurse came in, starting to unwire Emma's body. Before she removed the tube on Emma's mouth to allow her to breathe, he stopped her.
"Wait" He said, and she took a step back. He took Emma's hand in his.
"Emma" He whispered. "Emma" He repeated – no reply.
"It's ok. You go, be at peace. Eva and I will be fine" He still whispered. He brought his lips to the temple of her head and leaned in to her ear.
"I love you" He whispered into her ear, before he gave a nod for the nurse to proceed. She unhooked the tube, and Killian put his hand on her chest. He felt her draw a last breath underneath his hand. He sighed loudly, tears forming in his eyes. He heard how the heartbeat machine flat out and the nurse went to shut it off. Killian held her hand before the doctors came to take her away to the morgue. Emma's parents were outside of the room in the hallway, and when Emma was strolled out they cried and said their goodbyes to her as if she was there and could hear it. Killian was still in the hospital room, with tears silently falling down his eyes.
David walked in heartbroken and Killian got up. David went over and they just hugged. Killian let out a loud cry as David still hugged him.
"You'll survive this, son. Mary and I will be there for whatever you and Eva might need" He said, offering his help. Killian needed his family at the moment. He never knew one day he would marry the love of his life and receive a family with all people that have come to care for him. He had never taken it for granted, and he's glad he got the time with Emma before she passed away.
"Where's mommy?" Eva said as Killian came back home with David behind him. He picked up his daughter. He had tried his best to dry his tears and put on a smile.
"She's in a better place now, Sweetheart" Killian replied as he held his daughter in his arms. Eva couldn't understand what was going on, but she felt something was wrong and just hugged her dad, Killian didn't know if it was because she was just tired or understood what had happened, but he appreciated the hug nonetheless – he had needed it.
30 year later. It was Eva's 36 "Mommy" Her little 7 year old daughter addressed when she walked through the doors. She greeted her daughter with a big hug, then went over to her husband Nick and kissed him. "Happy birthday"
Eva sat by the bed in the evening. Nick was still in the living room watching tv. She pulled out the letter and read it one last time, her heart filled with warmness, wishing her mother was there to see how her own life had been filled with happiness. The faint reminder of how her mother used to kiss her head goodbye before she headed off to work, or how she used to let her pick out what she wanted to wear to school – even when it was a horrendous matching outfit, stuck to Eva's mind ever so often. That was the last time Eva picked up the letter before she had grown old and was sick in the hospital herself, her kids all grown up and moved away, and her father and husband both passed away. Henry her brother was still alive, and had been visiting her often as he had stuck in Storybrooke as she had as well. After Henry had visited her, after her kids had before that, she picked up the letter Henry had kindly brought her. That night Eva passed away in her sleep, her letter still in her hands. Even if Eva's mother had been absent most of her life, she had been there for her through the letter in so many ways, even in Eva's last moment she had been there, just like she promised.