Letters from Jane
All characters belong to Charlotte Brontë.
Dear Diana, dear Mary, my dear cousins, as dear to me as sisters could be,
I trust my letter will find you well and healthy as I left you. I do hope you have not thought me dead or missing, since my trip has taken longer than the four days I initially foresaw. I am in very good health, and have some important news to share with you.
When I left Moor House in such a hurry, I did not reveal the full extent of my plans to you, and I am afraid a long explanation is due. St John is aware of some parts of my history, but he thought it prudent not to reveal them to anyone, for which I'm grateful. Some things you should hear from me, and from me only.
After spending eight years at Lowood School, I took the position of governess at the home of a Mr. Rochester. He was rarely home, and I only met him after I had spent a full season at Thornfield teaching my young pupil. Our relationship was a strange one, but despite our difference in age and social standing, we fell in love, and he proposed marriage to me. I accepted, and was on the verge of becoming his wife when it was discovered that Mr. Rochester was married fifteen years prior, and that his wife was still living. Her mental health, however, had waned many years before, and she lived at Thornfield locked in a tower. Please, do not be scandalized at this, and believe me when I say that, as hard as it was for me to leave Mr. Rochester, it was the right thing to do. I came to you but a few days after that, starved and miserable, and you so kindly took me in.
I aimed to put it all behind me, but I am sure you must have noticed I harboured feelings for someone all this time. That partly made me hesitate to marry St John, for how could I give him my heart, when I had already given it away? I tried to disengage myself from my feelings, and was quite ready to accept St John, when I heard Mr. Rochester's voice in my heart, as incredible as that may sound. I knew then that I had to be satisfied, and learn what had become of him. Had he been consumed by despair? Had he acted rashly at my desertion? Had he left this world?
I swear to you, what I found was not what I had expected. I found Thornfield Hall in ruins, and for a despairing moment I thought Mr. Rochester had died. My heart broke at the mere thought, but my fears were quickly reassured. Mrs. Rochester, however, had died in the fire, which she herself had set, that had destroyed the hall. Mr. Rochester himself had been blinded and lost a hand. My heart broke again at that.
I made my way to Fearndean, where I was told Mr. Rochester now resided, and found him in low spirits and much wasted. You will understand, of course, how my heart yearned to be of service to him. I promised myself there and then that I would take care of him if he'd allow me.
He seemed much affronted by the fact that St John had proposed to me, and thought me indifferent of him. But Mary, Diana, you know full well that a true feeling cannot be taken away by time, and so, when Mr. Rochester asked me to be his wife, I accepted. Yes, I accepted once more to marry him, now in the knowledge that he is fully free to do so, and he would bear no delay, not when we had been apart for so long. We applied for the licence straight away, the day after my arrival, and were married just this morning, not two hours ago.
Yes, my dears. I write to you now as Mrs. Rochester of Ferndean. I hope you will find it in your hearts to accept my decision and my actions, and come to love Mr. Rochester as a brother, for he is as dear to me as life itself. I believe I have been his since the moment we met, and I look forward to spending the rest of my life at his side.
I would very much like to introduce him to you, and so, propose to travel to Moor House in a fortnight, or receive you both here in a month. The house needs some work, neglected as it has been for some time. Mr. Rochester resides here with only two servants. Do let me know what you prefer.
I wish with all my heart to see you both again soon.
Your loving cousin,
Jane
P.S.: I have written to St John as well. I hope when you see him in a week he will be understanding and kind. I never meant to hurt him.
x-x-x
Dear St John,
I trust my letter will find you well. The sorrow of saying goodbye to friends is great, but I hope the good Lord will give you solace and strength.
If you've not yet been told, I left Moor House but a few hours after you. I think you could see it in my eyes, the night before, the restlessness of my soul, the thirst for news I could no longer contain. I suspect you guessed correctly, that my heart was, in those moments, filled with thoughts and worry over Mr. Rochester, whatever sins he may have committed.
To be sure, I rushed back to Thornfield, and I clarified the mystery of the unanswered letters. Instead of the grand house I had once inhabited, I found a sad ruin. Fire had ravaged the place, and I feared for my former acquaintances so. I was soon put at ease by the inn keeper, who assured me that the only life lost in the fire, had been that of Mrs. Rochester, God rest her soul, who had started the fire herself. I was told, however, that Mr. Rochester had been severely crippled, and had thus retired from society.
Having acquired the pertaining information, I rushed over to Mr. Rochester's new residence, to satisfy myself on his current situation. I know I may wholeheartedly confess to you, dear St John, how my heart ached at the sight of him. I could not help remembering how once he had been such a strong man, and seeing him so cast down and hurt was like a blow to me. I knew there and then that my place was not with you as a missionary, but at Mr. Rochester's side.
Surely you won't negate the Christian duty I feel in caring for this man? Surely you see that God has intended me to stay with him? I am convinced that God put me in his path long ago so that, when this misfortune happened, I'd be strong and kind enough to step up to my real calling. You said it yourself, I am built for work, for sacrifice, and you are right. I will work and sacrifice myself for this man.
But that is not all. No, you are too dear to me to trifle with you. I must tell you that, as I write these lines, I have renounced the name of Eyre. Mr. Rochester and I were married this morning. He loves me still, and as you well know, my love for him never left. I cannot express how glad I am to be at his side again, and this time, no human law can be against it. He came to me a free man, and I went to him a free woman.
Please, do not resent me, for I do not regret the choice I've made. My only regret is that I will not be at Moor House to see you off. My heart goes out to you, and my best wishes are upon you. I will never forget your great kindness, St John. You saved me when I was almost starved. You took me in. You taught me things. You gave me the means to support myself. You saw potential in me. Yes, you have been very kind to me, and I do not wish to repay your kindness with contempt.
Be safe, my beloved brother. May the Lord grand you serenity, peace, and the necessary strength to fulfill your dreams.
Your loving cousin,
Jane Rochester
x-x-x
Dearest Jane,
I can scarcely write with so much emotion! Diana won't let me write two words together without telling me to write something else. You may quite imagine the state she is in.
I confess we were both deeply shocked by your news. Hannah herself had to make us each a cup of tea to calm our nerves! For all the world, we would have never imagined that your delayed return was caused by such a thing as marriage! Marriage! When here we thought you'd marry St John and run off to India and die a premature death!
How surprised we were to read you'd married such a character! Do not take that the wrong way. We will be very happy to make his acquaintance, and are quite determined to love him as a brother. If our sweet Jane has given him her love, then so will we, so do not fear on that account.
We are quite determined to visit you as soon as you are able to receive us. Diana would have wished you here tomorrow, but Hannah was able to convince her that travelling might be difficult for your Mr. Rochester at the moment, so we shall patiently wait until we can visit. We shall pack our bags and be ready for a month's time, ready to depart the moment your letter summoning us arrives.
St John arrives in a few days. I do wonder how he has taken the news! Diana insists he is probably devastated, but I know him well. He might be disappointed that he is to go alone, but he will not be discouraged.
Please, summon us soon, and give our love to your Mr. Rochester.
Your loving cousins,
Mary and Diana
P.S.: Hannah sends her most sincere congratulations on your marriage!
x-x-x
Dear formerly Miss Eyre,
I received your letter, and I confess myself disappointed at your change of heart. I am bound for India in a few days. Please, do visit my sisters when I am gone.
I shall pray for you every day.
St John E. Rivers