S: I don't own "There, Right There" from the Legally Blonde musical or Persona 3.
SERIOUSLY. I had to do this. Don't kill me! *whimper*
LOL watch out for the end. And I sort of torture Junpei a bit in there, too.
Minato knew something was off when he entered the room. Everybody was huddled in a corner, giving him odd looks. Even Junpei, who tended to talk his ear off, was avoiding his gaze.
He didn't even want to ask.
Until Yukari started singing. Yes, singing.
"Look at that tan, that tinted skin," she said quietly, "look at the killer shape he's in. Look at that slightly stubbly chin. Oh please, he's gay, totally gay!" Oh yeah, Minato thought sarcastically. Act like I'm not even here.
"I'm not about to celebrate," Junpei interrupted Yukari, "every trait could indicate the totally straight expatriate. This guy's not gay, I say. Not gay."
Minato was about to speak up, but then everybody started singing. By the time this was over, the bluenette thought, he was going to die.
"That is the elephant in the room. Well, is it irrelavent to assume that a man who wears perfume is automatically, radically fey?"
"But look at his coiffed and crispy locks," Shinji added.
"Look at his silk transluscent socks," Yukari chimed in.
"There's the eternal paradox. Look what we're seeing," Junpei said.
Yukari asked, "what are we seeing?"
"Is he gay-"
"Of course he's gay!"
"-or European?"
There was a pregnant pause as Minato simultaneously facepalmed and head-desked - a very tricky feat, mind you - and the rest of the people in the room "Ooooh"ed.
"Gay or European?" they sang. "It's hard to guarantee. Is he gay or European?" Everybody stared at the European in the room.
Bebe wheeled across the room, spinning in a spinny office chair with his hands out in an "I don't know" gesture. "Well, hey, don't look at me."
Fuuka sang, "You see they bring their boys up in those charming foreign ports. They play peculiar sports-"
"In tiny shirts and tiny shorts," everybody sang at once. "Gay or foreign fella? The answear could take weeks. They both say things like ciao bella while they kiss you on both cheeks."
"Oh please," Yukari sighed.
"Gay or European, so many shades of gray!" everybody said.
"Depending on the time of day, the French go either way," Bebe sang. Everybody looked at him. "C'est vrai," he shrugged. Minato smirked at the French boy's attitude.
Everybody sang again. "Is he gay or European, or-"
"There, right there!" Aegis said suddenly, pointing at Minato and startling Bebe out of his spinny chair. "Look at that condescending smirk, seen it on every guy at work." Junpei, Shinji and Bebe looked completely offended, and Minato couldn't help but snicker. "That is a metro, hetero jerk. That guy's not gay, I say, no way."
"That is the elephant in the room," everybody sang again, "well, is it irrelevant to assume that a hottie in that costume-"
"-is automatically radically-" continued Yukari.
"-ironically chronically-" Junpei said.
"-certainly pertin'tly-" Fuuka sang.
"-genetically medically-" added Bebe.
"-gay! Officially gay! Officially gay, gay, gay, gay..." They all watched as Minato pulled out a his phone and changed his wallpaper to a picture of a famous female model (whom, ironically, nobody knew the name of). "DAMNIT!" Minato put his phone away, smirking. Anything to get them off of his back.
It didn't work for long, though.
"Gay or European?"
"So stylish and relaxed," Junpei said.
"Is he gay or European?"
Junpei added, "I think his chest is waxed."
"But they bring their boys up different there," Fuuka corrected him, "it's culturally diverse. It's not a fashion curse-"
"-if he wears a kilt or bears a purse," everybody chimed in. "Gay or just exotic? I still can't crack the code!"
"Yet his accent is hypnotic," Metis said, "but his shoes are pointy toed."
"Huh," everybody sighed. "Gay or European? So many shades of gray!"
Aegis said, "But if he turns out straight, I'm free at eight on Saturday." Yukari glared at the android.
"Is he gay or European?" everybody asked themselves. "Gay or European? Gay or Euro-"
"Wait a minute," Shinji interrupted, "Give me a chance to crack this guy. I have an idea I'd like to try."
"The floor's all yours," Junpei said. Shinji walked up to Minato, who had long since fallen asleep.
"Hey, wake up." Minato looked up and slowly blinked at Shinji. "So, Mr. Arisato. How old are you...?"
"Seventeen," Minato answered slowly.
"And your first name again is...?"
"Minato," he answred, confused.
"And your boyfriend's name is...?"
Minato deadpanned. "Shinji. You are my boyfriend." Everybody else gasped.
"No way!" Shinji said defensively. "I am completely straight."
He had enough. First the singing, and now this? "You bastard!" he shouted at Shinji. "You lying bastard! I've had enough of this. Everybody, let's turn our attention here to Shinjiro Aragaki. This man is gay and-"
"Not European," he interrupted. Minato glared at him, causing the other to completely shut up before something bad happen to him *coughdon'tmaxoutsociallinkcough*.
"And European!" Minato said, ignoring Shinji's complaints. "You've got to stop being a complete closet case. No matter what he say, I swear he never, ever, ever swings the other way. You are so gay you big parfait, you flaming boy band cabaret."
"I'm straight!" Shinji protested.
Minato said matter-of-factly, "You were not yesterday." There was a thud as Junpei fainted and fell to the floor. Ignoring him, Minato continued, "So if I may, I'm proud to say he's gay!"
"And European!"
"He's gay!"
"And European!"
"He's gay!"
"And European and gay!"
"Okay, I'm gay!" Shinji shouted.
"Hooray!" everybody cheered.
Shinji and Minato said together, "Fine, okay! We're gay!" Minato, completely out of his mind at that point, decided why the hell not and pulled his boyfriend towards him for a kiss.
Everybody cheered - especially Aegis, who knew she was a closet fangirl - and Junpei slowly sat up, rubbing his head.
"Hey guys, I just had that weirdest dream that-" He stopped mid-sentence, took one look at the couple who were currently on a table making out, and promptly fainted again.
I loved writing the end...
Note: SPOILER WARNING! the don't max out social links part was a reference to the girl's social link for Shinji in Persona 3 Portable. If you don't max it out, he gets shot and killed. IF you do max it out and you give him his watch (pocket watch I think...?) he doesn't die and instead goes into a coma for the rest of the game until he wakes up on graduation day, which is the same day that you die. Yay for happy endings! :D