A/N Ahh, vocaloids... I've neee done anything with them, they're really my friend Bunny's domain, buuuuuuut, I am in the Christmas spirit so here this is! I've yet to decide if Gakupo gets to live, but I really wanted to post this, finished or not, before Christmas was over. If Gakupo lives, I promise to write a wonderful love scene filled with smutty goodness! Now, who wants todo the disclaimer?
Gakupo: I'll do it! TwistedAngel08 does not own any of the songs she mentions, or vocaloids, nor will she ever. She doesn't even have the software, and in all actuality knows little to nothing about us. However, we are forced to put up with her, so I beg you, please review to save my life! I want to live! I want to make sweet, hot, extremely gay love to my boyfriend, Kaito! Please, please, please review! For the love of-
Alright, Gakupo, that's enough! Ahem, btw, there's gay love, and a lot of mentioned sex below, and while it doesn't go into much detail, it probably will in the future chapter/s, so if you don't like it, push that cute little back arrow. Yeah, that's right, you push that button, you push it REAL good! Lol, please enjoy, and remember, Gakupo's life depends on the responses I get, so R&R! Merry Christmas!
PS! Thanks to the LadyCorrector for helping me out With a couple of mistakes!
Without.
I had held my breath as I came. I don't know why, I just always have, ever since I was a teenager. He had pushed into me one final time, and came as well with a shout of my name. The pleasure had been so intense, and the look on his face was always heavenly when he came. We had kept rocking, riding out our orgasms, and still, I held my breath. When black had started to lick the edges of my vision, he took a deep breath, kissed me, and blew the air into my mouth. He always did that. I don't know why, he just always had, ever since we were teenagers. His breath had always been my first breath after sex. I remember the look he gave me after that particular time though. It was a look of fear, of worry. Panting, I had said, "Hey, what's wrong?" He hadn't answered for a moment, only kissed me again, this time with more fervor. When he pulled away, I had laughed. "Seriously, what's up, you've been all over me since we got home," I had noted. He hadn't smiled.
"Promise me that you won't leave me," he had said. I remember frowning as he shuddered. "Promise me," he had repeated. "Promise me that you'll never leave me for someone else!" This had startled me, and made me a little angry.
"I would never cheat on you, you know that," I had said crossly. He shook his head.
"I know, but that's not what I mean. I mean, I don't want to lose you, I don't want you to leave me," he had said. "I saw the way you looked at my brother, Gakuko. I saw the way he made you laugh, and it scared me. When was the last time I made you laugh?" His voice had started to rise through the octaves as he worried aloud. "But I promise I'll treat you better, just please, don't leave me." I remember looking at him, and feeling love almost overflow in my heart. I had pulled him close to kiss his forehead, and I remember what I said.
"I will never ever leave you." Turns out, we didn't have to worry about me. Not even a week later, he died in a car crash. He had made me promise never to leave him, and then he left me. What kind of asshole does that? I leaned against the doorframe, looking outside at the snowy road. I left the door open to let any fumes from my little propane heater out. The electricity had gone out because of an ice storm hours ago, so now my only source of entertainment was an old crappy radio that ran on batteries.
My cigarette smoke billowed around me, like a fog that refused to leave. I wasn't smoking a real cigarette, no. It was one of the electric kinds. It was supposed to have been my Christmas present so that I could quit smoking. After the... accident... I found it in his drawer. He had been saving it for me, because he knew I had wanted to quit smoking.
All of a sudden, the electricity came back on, and lights flickered on. A slight smile played across my lips for a moment as I looked at the Christmas lights that other people had on the apartment doors. I had lights too, but they just didn't seem to glow as bright as anyone else's did. This is going to be my first Christmas without him, I thought to myself. The radio in my living room buzzed with static as another song came on. The Three Doors Down song, "Without", floated through my ears. I listened for a moment, but soon the lyrics became just a little too appropriate for the situation. With a sigh, I went in to turn the station.
"I'm here without you, baby, but you're still on my lonely mind," the man's voice sang. I froze, cries caught in my throat. Then, with an angry huff, I shook my head and swiped the radio onto the floor. With a loud crack, the radio popped open and out came the batteries. The music quickly faded away without its source of energy, and a smug smirk spread across my lips for a moment. Then I sighed; I had probably broken the radio. Now what am I gonna do? I thought. I couldn't watch TV; I sold that in order to pay the rent of my previous apartment. I hadn't felt the need to buy a new one either. Well, might as well do what I always do, I thought. I waited impatiently, holding the phone to my ear as I listened for my mom to answer the phone.
"Hi, Sweetie," she said. I smiled even though she wasn't there.
"Hi Mom, how are you?" I asked.
"I'm fine, you?"
"I'm good." We sat in an awkward silence for a moment until she cleared her throat.
"Whatcha been up to?" she asked. With a breath of relief I told her all I done that day, which, sadly, wasn't much. Then she told me about her day, which had been much more interesting than mine had. After that, there was another awkward silence until she told me she had to go cook dinner for her and Dad. We said bye, and that was that. The whole conversation lasted little less than ten minutes. It was only six o'clock. I still had two hours before I could go to bed. Lacking anything else to do, I went to the kitchen and grabbed a tub of ice cream and a plastic spoon, then headed to the couch. I flipped through one of the magazines on my coffee table as I slowly demolished the tub of pumpkin spice ice cream. There was lots of smiling women clad in scanty Christmas clothes, so I eventually put down the magazine to focus on my ice cream.
I ate slowly, but still finished the tub thirty minutes before eight. Feeling sick, I headed into the bathroom and took a shower, sighing as the hot water ran over my skin, soothing any knots I had in my back. Once I finished, I turned the water off, wrapped the towel around my waist and came out of the warm air into the cold air of the bathroom. I resisted the urge to puke up the ice cream, even though it was settling with my stomach badly. I went into my room, got dressed for bed, then went and puked up the ice cream. "Oh god, I'll never be able to look at another pumpkin pie ever again," I moaned. After brushing my teeth, I finally was able to lie down in bed, and pull the covers over my head to shut out the remnants of another less than mediocre day. Of course, I couldn't get to sleep and instead thought about how much my life sucked. Ever since Gakupo had died, my life had been reduced to a boring ass schedule that didn't include friends, barely any family, and definitely no love. Sometimes, something would remind me of Gakupo, and I wouldn't be able to do anything but crawl into bed and hug the stuffed dragon he had given me when we first started going out. People always asked if I was okay, and in the true meaning of the word, I think I was. But in a way, that was the problem. I was 'okay' but I had always been 'okay'. I wanted to be better, not okay. I trudged on day after day, and nothing happened, except for the occasional break down. I was broken without Gakupo, able to function, but nothing more. I was miserable in the fact that I was fine, and there was no way to fix it.
Chop Suey.
The alarm clock radio blared in my ear. "Wake up! Grab a brush and put a little make up!" it screeched at me. I groaned, smacked the snooze button, and crawled out of bed to begin another day. I wasn't sure, but I was suspicious of the fact that my life has begun to closely resemble purgatory, in the fact that nothing happened, I just sat there waiting for either something bad or something good to happen. I went about my morning business, getting ready to going to my boring job at my cousin's restaurant. I combed my hair and brushed my teeth and washed my face and all that good stuff. Then, I went outside and got the paper, skimming over it. I almost put it down on the coffee table until I saw the headline. Ten Dead In Soup Kitchen Shooting, Fifteen Injured. I read the article, almost crying by the time I was done. Some man had snapped, taken guns to the soup kitchen he volunteered in and started shooting everyone in sight. When police tried to apprehend him, he shot himself. I gasped when I saw the name of the kitchen: Kitchen of Angels. Gakupo had volunteered there when he was... Immediately I threw the paper down and pulled out my phone. I dialed my cousin's number and waited, fanning myself with my free hand to calm myself down,
"Hey Kaito, what's up?" my cousin answered.
"I can't come into work today, I'm sick," I said, my voice cracking. I could practically feel his serious demeanor through the phone.
"Kaito, what's up with you man?" he asked. I shook my head even though he couldn't see me.
"Nothing, I'm just sick, that's all. I'll make it up to you, alright, but I can't come in today," I insisted. He sighed.
"Alright, just promise me you're okay."
"Yeah, I'm fine, don't worry." As soon as he hung up, I threw my phone down, and followed it to the floor, plopping down heavily onto my ass. I took slow, deep breaths, trying to hold back the panic attack that threatened to take hold. Certain things like this freaked me out and gave me panic attacks, which weren't very pleasant. The song from when I woke up rang through my ears. "I cry when angels deserve to die." It's going to be okay, I thought to myself. I went to my happy place, a big tent pitched on top of a cloud, far from any urban noises. I almost had it until a car screeched down the street, honking as it went. "Fuck this," I muttered as I got up. I rushed to the kitchen, pulling out a tub of strawberry ice cream from the freezer. As I opened it, the idea passed that I might have an eating disorder, but I ignored it, grabbing the closest piece of silverware and digging in. A tub of ice cream later, I was calm, but sick feeling. The ice cream stuck in my stomach like a cold boulder, and not for the first time I found myself cursing my comfort food. I forced myself to stay on the couch, resisting the urge to run to the bathroom and puke. Bored, I picked up the same magazine from last night, trying to occupy myself. After a moment, though, I threw the magazine at the wall with a noise of disgust. Snatching a pillow from beside me, I covered my face and screamed, somehow disappointed with the muffled sound. I kept screaming, attempting to be louder each time until there was a thunk on the wall from next door.
"Shut the fuck up!" someone shouted.
I threw the pillow in the direction of the sound, replying, "Mind your own fucking business, jerkhead!" I clenched my hands into fists, wanting to break something, someone.
"Umm, excuse me? We're not bothering you, are we?" someone asked. I jumped up from the couch, startled to find a small blond headed boy peeking out from my kitchen. He gasped as a second boy, a brunette, pushed him out.
"Quit being a wuss, Gabriel," the second boy said. I was surprised enough that there were kids in my apartment, but when wings sprouted from their backs and they began to float, I jerked back.
"What the flying fuck are you guys?!" The blond one, Gabriel, giggled.
"We're angels, silly, and we're here to give you some wonderful, sunshiny news that will bring you out of your gloom, and turn that frown upside down!" he said, waving his arms up and hugging himself to emphasize. The brunette snorted.
"Gabriel, you gay fuck, knock it off," he said, rolling his eyes. Gabriel huffed, his face turning pink.
"Michael, leave me alone and stop being such a meanie!" Michael only stuck his tongue out at his companion, blowing a raspberry.
"Could you two tell me what the Hell you're doing in my apartment?" I interjected. They both looked at me with frowns.
"Now that's not nice language," Michael said, wrinkling his nose in distaste.
"Shut up you hypocrite," I snapped. "Tell me what you came here to tell me before I decide there's nothing wrong with beating my hallucinations." Gabriel peeped in fear and smiled nervously.
"Well, we're here to tell you that your lover is coming back, and soon," he answered. I cocked my head to the side.
"I have hallucinations and they're only here to taunt me? What the fuck?" Gabriel shook his head, opening his mouth to speak. I cut him off with a glare, saying, "You know what? Even if he really were coming back, I would kick Gakupo's ass as soon as he got here for leaving me. I told him that he shouldn't drive when the road was so icy, but did he listen to me? No, he drove off anyways for hair clips, and got his ass killed, which was practically saying 'fuck you' in big red letters right in my face, so fuck him too!" Gabriel gasped, and Michael huffed.
"Don't you fucking talk to Gabriel like that, he came to bring good fucking news, so don't shoot the fucking messenger, asshole!" he shouted at me. I snorted, crossing my arms and turning around.
"Whatever. Why don't you go back go where you came from and tell Gakupo what I said. And while you're at it, tell him I said he's assfaced bastard with no regard for other people's hearts," I said, trying to ignore the tear that rolled down my cheek.
"Now that's not a very nice thing to say," a chillingly familiar voice quipped.
Flightless Bird, American Mouth.
"Turn around and look at me, Baby," the voice softly commanded. Slowly, I did as I was told, clenching my eyes shut. "Babe, you gotta open your eyes to see me," it chuckled.
"We'll just go," I heard Gabriel whisper. There was a flutter, and I figured that was the end of my hallucination. Heaving a sigh, I cupped my face in my hands, plopping down onto the couch.
"Fuck, I hate my life," I huffed. All of a sudden, the radio flickered on, and the couch dipped as somebody joined me.
"Baby, I'm still here," his voice said over the music. I jerked in fear, then tensed.
"G-Gakupo?" I shuddered, flinching when a pair of familiar hands rested on my shoulders. With a sob, I opened my eyes and saw him, Gakupo, here.
"Have I found you, flightless bird?" the song cooed.
"Gakupo!" I launched myself onto him, squeezing him and holding him to me, kissing every inch of him that I could reach. "You feel real, you smell real, you sound real!" I said in between kisses. He laughed, wrapping his arms around me. I was crying, even though this was the happiest I had ever been, but he didn't seem to mind. He just held me close until I calmed.
Feels Like The First Time.
After I calmed down, Gakupo kissed me softly, squeezing me. "God, I missed doing that," he mumbled happily. I smiled.
"Me too," I whispered. He kissed my nose. Then frowned.
"Baby, I gotta tell you something, he started. I cut him off with a deep kiss, smiling when he groaned and gave in. I knew where were headed when he pulled me into his lap, and sure enough, we ended up making love, right there on the couch. He was sweet, and gentle, just as he always had been, and the radio voiced the thoughts my brain was too jumbled to think.
"It feels like the first time! It feels like the very first time!" Foreigner cheered. And when I came, it felt as if he has never left. I held my breath, and he breathed for me, holing me tightly to him. Afterwords, we laid on the couch, me on top of him. I held my hand on his chest, feeling his heart beat.
"Gakupo, I missed you so much," I said softly. He sighed.
"I missed you too, Baby," he replied.
After a moment, I asked, "Am I too heavy?" He looked genuinely surprised that I asked.
"No, Babe, why?" I blushed.
"I know I've gained weight," I answered. He laughed, shaking his head.
"Baby, you know I don't care about that. Besides, you're not fat, your cute and-" I cut him off with a finger against his lips. "Don't say it," I snapped. "If you say it, I will beat you," he smiled and nodded, so I laid my head down on his bare chest.
"Cute and fluffy!" he said quickly, playfully smacking my butt and catching me off guard. My head snapped up and I glared at him while he grinned cheekily. I smacked his chest, making him grunt.
"Quit being mean to me," I grumbled. He laughed.
"Baby, I still think you're sexy," he said, smacking my butt a little harder. I gasped and he smiled, winking.
"Gakupo, quit being an ass," I huffed. He chuckled, making me frown.
"You're so cute when you pout," he said.
"I'm not pouting."
"Yes you are," he replied.
"No I'm noooooot," I said smacking his chest. He sniggered, shaking his head.
Apologize.
Later on, after we had cleaned up and gotten dressed, Gakupo told me to sit down. He looked nervous, which worried me. "What's wrong, Gakupo?" I asked. He shuffled his feet before clearing his throat.
"Baby, I'm not here to stay," he said guiltily. I cocked my head.
"What do you mean, you're not here to stay? You are alive, right? Your here, where would you go?" I asked. He sighed.
"Yes, I'm here, but I'm not alive. I was allowed to visit, but not to stay for good," he answered. The radio buzzed as another song came on, a song with a sad melody. My view of Gakupo blurred as my eyes filled with tears. I blinked to clear them away.
"I don't get to keep you?" I asked, my voice cracking. He slowly shook his head. "Then why are you here?"
He cleared his throat again, shuffling his feet. "I wanted to spend one last Christmas with you, and I needed to get something off my chest," he answered. I looked at him expectantly, holding back more tears. He took a deep breath, saying, "Baby... Kaito, in the entire time we were together, I only lied once." My breathing hitched; what had he lied about. "When I drove off that last time, I told you I was buying hair clips, but in reality, I was getting this." He pulled a small box from his pocket. He handed it to me, and I looked at him before taking it and opening it. Inside was a simple chain that had a small circular locket. On the face of the locket was a small sapphire that glinted at me. On the inside was a lock of purple hair, Gakupo's. It was tied together with a single strand of blue hair, mine.
My hands shook as I said, "You think I'd rather have a locket than you?" He sighed as the song went into its refrain.
"But it's too late to apologize, it's too late...!" the song insisted.
"Kaito, I know you're upset, and you have every right to be," he muttered. I glared at him before ripping the locket out of the box and yanking it on.
"I hate you right now," I snapped. "If you weren't already dead, I'd hang you with your own hair, you stupid ass bastard." He nodded, unwilling to argue. I stood up from the couch and punched him in the face as hard as I could, pushing him away with the force. It hurt, but I didn't want him to know, so I ignored the pain, instead giving him the angriest look I had ever given anyone. When he looked back at me, his eye shone black for a moment before fading back to a pale peach. I stared him down for a moment before I grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled him into a kiss. He seemed surprised, but didn't pull away. After biting his lips and tongue, I pulled back and he winced, as if wondering what I would do next. "You better tell me something good before I kick your ass," I told him.
He smiled weakly, saying, "I'm here until 12:01 of December twenty-sixth." Two days, I thought. Two more days to spend with the love of my life.
"Alright... Alright, two days is better than nothing," I said, the anger in my voice fading away. He nodded, agreeing. I was fine until he pressed his lips against my forehead, whispering a soft apology. That's when I burst into tears and buried my face in his chest, clinging to him tightly.
"I'm sorry, Baby, I'm so sorry," he sighed, holding onto me.
Again, the song went into refrain, crying "But it's too late to apologize, it's too late...!"