FIC: CHRISTMAS RESOLUTIONS

A/N: My first posted story... Thank you very much to my beta gusx217 for commenting and correcting my mistakes.

Toby was holding a steamy cup of coffee in his hands while standing in front of the window, looking out at the city. The colourful sight of lights was a little blurred because it was snowing outside. New York City was receiving the best Christmas gift with an innocently white fluffy covering on the streets and buildings as well as everything moving along the streets.

Usually Toby would have been glad seeing such a beautiful sight on Christmas Day, but now he didn't have it in him. He was spending his Christmas Day alone in his apartment, where he had planned to spend it with Elliot. Toby had dreamed of having Elliot all to himself for the day, cuddling on the sofa, listening to some good music, and having a delicious dinner together. Toby had planned on cooking, watching tv or some of the movies he had bought a couple of weeks ago, and spending the night together as always, making love to each other in his comfy king-sized bed.

Instead, Toby was worrying about Elliot and his whereabouts. He hadn't heard from Elliot in a week now, not after Elliot had stormed out of Toby's apartment after a fight. Well, not exactly a fight, now that Toby thought about it. Toby had just tried to reason with Elliot, and things had got a little out of hand.

Toby and Elliot had met 8 months earlier in the court house, where their eyes had met across the room. After an hour and countless long looks toward each other, they had met in the hall after the hearing, and since then they had been together. As tentative friends at first, but then the mutual attraction had pulled them together in a sexual manner, too. They had been keeping it a secret thus far, because Elliot wasn't ready to come out yet. He was a father of five kids and a good Catholic man as well as a respectable detective in the NYPD. He had been guilt-ridden right from the start of their sexual relationship, being a sinner in the eyes of the church, even though he had been officially divorced for a year now. He didn't want his children to suffer for his own choices. Toby also knew it wouldn't be easy to come out to his colleagues either, even though Elliot wasn't afraid for himself at all. The kids were the main concern for him and Toby respected that.

Their fragile balance had been shaken to the core a week ago when Elliot and Toby had been out having dinner in a small restaurant. They had enjoyed the evening together, chatting quietly and occasionally even holding hands, which was a rare show of affection in public for Elliot. As they had prepared to leave, Elliot had helped Toby with his coat and leaned to give him a quick kiss on the lips. When they had turned to leave, they had faced a stunned, wide-eyed Olivia – Elliot's partner – staring at them. She had just arrived at the restaurant with her date and had seen the affectionate kiss. She was speechless, not even able to greet them, and Elliot had rushed out of the restaurant, Toby at his heels.

They had escaped to the safety of Toby's apartment, but Elliot's panic hadn't lessened. He had been anxious about being forced to come out now, before he was ready. Toby had tried to reason with him, encouraging him to talk to Olivia about it, to talk to the kids, to his ex-wife, and see how they reacted to it. Toby was sure the truth would come out eventually. If they continued their relationship, he wanted Elliot to be the first to tell the important people in his life before they heard it elsewhere. Elliot had looked so unsure and confused, that Toby had to ask him if he wanted to continue with their relationship at all. Elliot had answered the question by dashing out, and Toby hadn't heard from him since.

Toby sighed and sipped the last of the coffee in his mug before taking it back to the kitchen. On his way back to the living room he paused in front of the Christmas tree to admire it's beauty. His own kids had come to spend the night with him and he had bought a tree for their joy. They had decorated it together last night and this morning they had opened the presents together under the tree. It had been wonderful to spend some special time with the kids, because they lived mainly with their grandparents. His kids hadn't been traumatized when they learned that their dad was gay, but that didn't mean Elliot's kids would be the same.

Suddenly Toby's phone rang and he reached the coffee table for it. He stared at the phone screen, a caller id "Maureen" staring back at him. Why was Elliot's daughter calling him? Something happened to Elliot? Elliot's kids have all met Toby, but they thought he was only Elliot's friend. They had spent some time together going to the movies or dinner or whatever, and they had all been comfortable with each other, but never before had any of them called Toby, not once.

"Hello, Maureen?" Toby finally answered the phone.

"Hey Toby, I just wanted to call you and wish you a happy Christmas! Why didn't you come today for dinner with dad?" Maureen's chirpy voice sounded so carefree that it made Toby's heart ache.

"I'm sorry I missed the dinner, Maureen, I had my kids here today. How are you?" Toby answered carefully, because he hadn't known that he'd been invited to the dinner.

"I'm fine, though I missed you today. Listen, Toby, is everything alright with you and dad?"

"I think so, but I haven't seen him since last week. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know, he's been acting weird lately, as if he's upset or something. Probably he just misses you if you haven't seen in a week. Have you been fighting?" Maureen kept asking, having obviously learned some interrogation techinques from her dad.

"Curious, are you? Well, we had a disagreement, but nothing too serious. Is he really so upset that it made you so worried?" Toby asked, beginning to worry about Elliot himself.

"It's just... he's been so happy these past few months when he's been with you, and now he looks like a lost puppy, unhappy and upset. He doesn't talk much, but I know it has something to do with you. He loves you a lot, you know," Maureen sighed.

"What? What... are you talking about?" Toby stuttered very surprised.

"Come on, Toby, I've seen you two together and I know my dad. I've known him a bit longer than you have and he's in love with you. By the way, I think it's cool, so don't worry about it," Maureen giggled quietly.

"But... but I thought, we thought, that nobody knew about us," Toby tried to sound normal.

"Well, I think Dickie and Lizzie don't know, and Eli, if it matters, but I think mum knows and so does Kathleen. We don't talk about it, though," Maureen explained. "We all know dad pretty well and he'll come around, eventually. Just don't let his stubbornness get in the way too much."

"What exactly are you, his daughter or his mother? You sound so grown up, Maureen," Toby chuckled.

"I am a grown up, if you haven't noticed yet, you moron," Maureen said fondly. "Anyways, I just wanted to wish you a happy Christmas. I have to go now, but I hope to see you soon again. Ok?"

"Ok, I'll see you soon. Have a happy Christmas too, Maureen, and thank you for calling me. It was a nice surprise," Toby said and they ended the call.

Toby spent the rest of the evening lounging on the sofa watching some indifferent television show and thinking about Elliot. Maureen's call had made him see the situation differently. Elliot had probably bolted because he felt torn apart between his family and his love life. The decision had been too hard at that moment and Toby had insisted too much too soon.

Toby rubbed his face tiredly and decided that if Elliot ever gave him another chance, he'd definitely keep his mouth shut and let him make his own decisions at his own pace. Elliot had enough problems in his life as it was and he didn't need any more pushing around.

Toby's eyes caught an unopened present under the tree. It was Toby's present for Elliot, left alone under the tree, not knowing if it's receiver was ever coming back to open it. Toby felt like crying, not that he'd cried in years, but suddenly he felt so tired and utterly alone. He missed Elliot more than he had realized and the thought of not seeing him again struck him painfully. He let out a deep sigh and decided to take his misery to bed. Maybe some sleep would help and he'd wake up in a better mood next morning.

Toby undressed and curled under the covers. The bed felt so empty and he desperately missed Elliot's warm strong body snuggling against him. He always slept well with Elliot sleeping with him, and the sleep he had managed during the last week had been fitful at best. Toby tossed and turned, growing impatient and anxious, more restless with every passing minute. He was just about giving up on sleep when he heard a quiet knock on the door. He glanced at the clock on his nightstand, it was almost midnight.

Cautiously he approached the door.

"Yeah? Who is it?"

"Toby, it's me," a familiar voice muffled by the door answered him, and Toby opened the door quickly. A tall figure was leaning on the wall beside the door.

"Elliot! Why didn't you use your keys?" Toby asked worriedly.

"I didn't know if I was welcome anymore," a tired voice muttered from the shadows.

"Why wouldn't you be welcome? Come in," Toby ushered the other man inside. "I was worried about you."

Elliot just stood there, hanging his head dejectedly. He didn't answer, just stared at his feet. Toby sighed and moved closer, wrapped his arms around Elliot's waist and pulled him into a hug.

"Hey, it's alright." He tried to comfort him.

Elliot shook his head and held him tighter, "I'm sorry, Tobe, I shouldn't have ran off like that. I panicked, alright? We were caught red-handed and by Olivia, of all people. Still, I should've stayed and let you yell at me as you usually do when I'm being an idiot."

"This is hardly an issue for yelling, Ell. It's your call when and how you'll come out, if you ever will. I'm fine with that, I really am," Toby assured Elliot and nuzzled his neck. It felt so good to hold him again.

"I love you, Toby, and I refuse to hide it anymore. You deserve better. Hell, we deserve better," Elliot whispered and nibbled Toby's bottom lip before claiming his lips in a gentle kiss. All of their longing was poured into that kiss and soon it turned into a frantic, possessive kiss as they devoured each other.

Eventually Toby moved his lips from Elliot's for a moment and after gaining his breath, whispered heatedly, "I love you too, Ell, but don't you dare run off like that again, or I will definitely kick your ass! Not even a phone call for a week, you fucking idiot, I was worried sick!"

Elliot shut him up with a deep kiss, and that was the end of any talking for a long long time.

The End