A/N: So, this little thing is - will be - a collected series of twelve vaguely Christmas-themed oneshots, set to the theme of a "Gothamized" Twelve Days of Chrismas. I've got the song written out (except for eleven - I can't think of anything for that, so suggestions would be wonderful, thanks very much). I'm aware that this idea is probably older than sand and has likely been done many times before, but I don't think it's been done quite like this, so I'm hoping that you'll enjoy it anyway. If the song ends up seeming similar to anyone else's version, it's probably a coincidence 'cause I likely haven't read their version. So yeah.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Wish I did, but if there's one thing I'm mostly not, it's a liar, so I don't own it.
On the first day of Christmas, the Joker gave to me...
A clown mask under a tree!
Bruce was having fun at the Christmas party, which was an odd occurrence. Usually, he hated parties, but those were usually with stuffy high-class Gotham citizens, rather than the people who worked for him.
Bruce was relaxed, but kind of nervous. No one had seen hide nor hair of the Joker in almost two weeks, which Bruce found really strange. The Joker wasn't the type to hide in the shadows. He was more of a center-stage kind of person.
It was about eleven, and Bruce had just started thinking that nothing was going to go wrong when his phone started buzzing. Seeing that it was Alfred, Bruce stifled a groan and answered it.
"What's going on?"
"It's the Joker, master Wayne. He's left a message for the Batman. It's all over the news."
Bruce sighed. "I'll be at the cave in a few minutes."
He excused himself from the party and drove down to the docks to meet Alfred. In the vault, Bruce turned on the news to find the newscasters going over the Joker's latest threats.
"There is reportedly a bomb hidden under the Christmas tree in the centre square. Police have evacuated the area and citizens are urged to keep as far away from the square as possible."
Bruce, hearing Alfred's footsteps behind him, asked his friend, "There's something they're leaving out, isn't there?"
"He said that if anyone but the Batman came near the square after ten-thirty, the bomb would detonate." Bruce could hear the frown in his butler's voice.
"But how would he know that?" Bruce queried confusedly. "He can't be in the square."
"I don't know, master Wayne. But it seems like this is a job for the Batman to do."
"I think you're right. But I have to tell you, I'm really getting tired of cleaning up after that clown."
A few minutes later, the Tumbler was roaring down the street in the direction of the square. Batman abandoned the Tumbler about two blocks away from the square and approached it on the rooftops.
Looking down, Batman could see the silhouette of someone standing beside the Christmas tree, but couldn't tell from his distance whether or not it was the Joker. Batman approached the edge of the square, and warily stepped out of the shadows. The figure didn't move, and didn't speak.
What's the clown's game? thought Batman as he came even closer. In the light from the Christmas garlands gracing the boughs of the huge holiday tree standing in the square, Batman realized that the figure was a mannequin from a nearby clothing store, and that it had a small piece of paper pinned to it. The paper was a Joker card, which read "MERRY CHRISTMAS GOTHAM HA HA HA" in small letters.
Growling incoherently under his breath, Batman noticed a wrapped package under the tree. Very carefully, fully aware that this package was likely the bomb, the Batman touched the paper on the package. Nothing happened.
Delicately, using one of his Batarangs, Batman cut the paper off of the parcel. A plain brown cardboard box was underneath the paper. Just as carefully, Batman opened the box. The only thing inside the box was a mask that was painted to look like a clown's face, with red outlining the eyes, and blue five-o'clock shadow around the mouth. Batman angrily clenched the mask in his fist and threw it to the ground.
A/N: Merry slightly-late Christmas! See you later! And review, as a late Christmas present!