When the Lights Come On

"I don't want any trouble."

I kiss you, relishing the sweet taste of your lips,

the one that has been missed far too long.

You send a questioning glance my way, inquisitive.

"The lights are out," I reply.

And I recall those faithful words spoken;

spoken by such an average being.

"The lights are down. You can be anyone you want."

And I am;

I am being the only person I want to be.

I had given you up.

My mistake disturbed me, so back I came;

crawling to you in forgiveness,

yet walking tall and asking nothing of you.

I had to come back to you in a regal way,

such is my nature.

If I had not such pride, I would tell you what is in my heart;

that I missed you,

more than the gold and power and luxuries that I had hesitantly traded you for,

that I needed you,

more than the air we breathe now, side by side,

and that I love you,

more than my materialistic love for the riches and power that I was unfortunately born into.

But my dignity stilled my mouth,

instead residing in the silence and darkness,

with our fingers intertwined.

Oh how I have yearned for that warmth that you instill in my core.

I have been a glacier of dismal undoing in your absence.

Or rather, my absence from you.

"Is this real?" you ask,

but not afraid.

It scares and saddens me that you no longer fear my answer.

I breathe deeply, pondering how to phrase a reply to such a delicate question.

"You are the only real thing I ever touch."

And my lips speak the truth.

There are few things in this world that have been real to me.

And of those few, I dare not come close to one,

for I know that it will shatter, leaving only brokenness.

But you are different;

I tried to distance myself, in body and in mind,

for the both of us, though mainly I.

But I just could not abandon you, my clandestine love.

I tore through the barriers that protected me, rebelling against all logic.

And I came back to you.

I came back when the lights were out.

I hold your warm, innocent body,

to feel your chest rise and fall,

in perfect harmony with my own.

I know the consequences, the penalty of loving you.

But I have finally ended that war; I have chosen my fate.

And so I lean to you, and whisper,

"I will be here when the lights come on."