The Devil and Misato Katsuragi

Disclaimer: Don't own either the Simpsons or Evangelion.

If any of you haven't watched the Treehouse of Horror on The Simpsons, you aren't going to get these allusions.

The scene opens up to a fashion show. For some reason though all of the runway models are various alcoholic beverages instead of models. Of course one member of the audience happens to be one Misato Katsuragi.

"Coming up next we have a fine Yesibu brand beer."

"Oooh. Pure genius."

Misato is then woken up from her dream. She quickly looks around her NERV office to realize it was a dreamlike fantasy.

"Well time to make the trip from dreams to reality." Misato leaves her office and goes over to the NERV brand refrigerator. She opens it up to find it empty of beer. "What the hell?!!"

"Sorry Misato but we drank the last few cans of Yesibu while you were asleep," says Ritsuko.

Maya chimes in, "We did have a few left but we chucked them at some minors near the overpass."

(Meanwhile Kensuke and Toji are drunk and stumbling around, blocking traffic somewhere near NERV.)

Running back to her office, Misato panics. "Okay don't panic. Remember your training." She quickly pulls out her training manual. She opens it up to reveal a flask. Misato opens it up to find out that it's empty. "Huh?" She quickly turns the book over to find a note that says: 'Misato you know better. Signed Shinji.'

"Bastard! He's always one step ahead. Oh, I'd give my soul for a beer."

"That can be arranged."

"Wha? Rei you're the devil?"

"It's always the quiet ones."

(Meanwhile at Commander Ikari's office. Gendo and Fuyutsuki are monitoring the situation. "Fuyutsuki is there something different about Rei?"

"Sir I'm affraid that's the Princess of Darkness. You have a meeting with her at four.")

"Now before I give you the beer you need to go over the grave ramafi-"

"You want my soul or not!"

"Very well but remember, the minute you finish that beer I own your soul."

"Wait a minute. If I don't finish this beer, you don't get my soul?"

"Well technically-"

"I'm smarter than the devil. I'm smarter than the devil. I'm smarter than-"

"YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME!!! I'LL SEE YOU IN HELL YET, MISATO KATSURAGI!!!"

"Not likely."

Later that night at the Katsuragi residence, Misato wakes up to get a midnight drink. She opens up the door to find her "special" beer surrounded by various 'DON'T TOUCH' signs. She picks it up regardless. "Mmm. Forbidden beer." Of course she finishes it.

"Finishing something?"

"Aah!" A large vortex opens up on the floor. Kaji walks in and has to steady himself before he gets sucked in.

"Misato did you drink that beer?"

"Um. . . no."

As Misato is being sucked into the portal, she uses her pendant cross to wrap around the refrigerator handle. "Religion won't save you now Katsuragi!"

Asuka and Shinji quietly walk into the room. "Hey Asuka."

"Hey."

"Wait a minute! Doesn't Misato get the right to a fair trial," asks Shinji.

"Oh those blasted Americans and their dual process. Why does everyone insist on rights? So much easier in Mexico. Alright, tomorrow she'll get her trial but until then she spends the day in Hell!" Both the Devil and Misato are sucked through the portal.

So in Hell, Misato is first cut up in bits and used as dog meat. Next she's sent to the 'Ironic Punishments' department of Hell. There she's greeted by a demon. "So you like beer, eh? Well have all the beer in the world! Ha!" Several hours later almost all of the beer is gone and Misato is still drinking. "I don't understand. Dudley Moore went mad in fifteen minutes!"

Meanwhile back at the Katsuragi residence. Kaji is looking for a lawyer in the phonebook. "Let's see lawyers. Here we go. 'Lionel Hutz. Cases won in thirty minutes or your pizza's free.'"

In the next room Asuka is tempting the Devil. "I'd sell my soul for a new red convertable."

"That can be arranged."

"Actually I change my mind."

"Asuka! Quit taunting the Devil!"

The next day comes around and the Devil and Misato pop back into the apartment. Misato is trapped inside a jail cell made of fire and the Devil summons a judge from the underworld. Before the trial begins, Lionel Hutz and the Devil discuss the terms of the trial.

"Before we start we should set some ground rules. One: We get bathroom breaks every thirty minutes."

"Agreed. Two: The jury will be chosen by me."

"Agreed. Wait-"

"Silence. I give you the Jury of the Damned! Blackbeard, Benedict Arnold, John Wilkes Booth, Lizzie Borden, John Dillinger, Richard Nixon, and the SEELE organization."

"But we aren't dead yet. In fact we just completed our master plan to-"

"Quiet. I did a favor for you."

"Yes master."

"Enough! I here hold in my hand a contract between myself and one Misato Katsuragi, pledging me her soul for a can of beer. Which I delivered and it was Scrum-diddly-umschous."

There's much muttering between the jury. "This doesn't look good," says Kaji.

"I'll say. That sounded oddly out of character for Wondergirl."

"Well that was a right, pretty speech sir, but I ask you: What is a contract? Webter's defines it as 'an agreement under the law which is unbreakable'. Which is unbreakable. . . Excuse me I have to use the restroom."

After several minutes, Kaji decides to check on Mr. Hutz. "Mr. Hutz? Are you there?" He opens the door and finds it empty. "That's what I get for hiring someone from another series."

"I've heard enough. Misato Katsuragi, I have no choice but to sentence you to-"

"Wait! I have something to show you. It's our wedding photo." The photo consists of Misato and Kaji getting married in an emergency room.

"Wait a minute. You got married in an emergency room?"

"Well before the wedding, Misato got alcohol poisoning from the mini bar so we had to take her to the hospital."

"Read the back."

"'Kaji, you have made me the happiest woman in the world. All I can give you in return is my soul. Which I pledge to you forever.'" The jury discuss among themselves for about a minute before they answer.

"We've heard enough. Your honor, we here by state that Misato's soul is legally the right of Ryoji Kaji and not of the Devil." The judge bangs his gavel and leaves as well as the jury. Everyone celebrates.

"Alright Katsuragi you get your soul back but let that ill gotten beer be forever on your head!"

"Aaah!"

The next day the people of the Katsuragi residence are having breakfast. Nothing out of the ordinary, except that Misato now has a large beer can stuck to her head. Misato can't resist herself. "Misato stop drinking that!"

"Oh, but I'm so tasty and smooth."

Uuuuh. . . my first fanfiction and I'm not sure it's very funny. Anyway review. More on the way.