This is a song fic to Pink's song "Fuckin' Perfect"
And thanks to Wounded Hearts for betaing.
…
Perfect
Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that's alright
Welcome to my silly life
She finds herself surrounded by all the faces, the cameras, and all the attention she could want. Not a step she takes gets by without the press recording it for the world to see. Every movement of her mouth is written down, any words she musters up the courage to say is bound to be twisted and distorted in ways she doesn't want to imagine.
But through it all, she's alone.
Physically that can't be further from the truth, but emotionally she's a million miles away.
All the blinding lights and microphones fill the air around her as she stumbles, her feet unable to hold her up as she falls to the ground with no hand to help her up.
She grits her teeth to hold back the tears, not allowing her finely drawn face to be washed away.
She gets back up, ignoring the scrape on her arm and the tear in her dress and walks away, though they continue to hound her. Asking for a quote, another picture, and most of all an answer to the question.
"Why?"
She wishes she knew herself.
No.
She wishes she could take it back. Take it all back.
But time has a funny way of only marching forward, leaving her to suffer through the wake of the devastation she created.
Still, she can't let them see her crack, finally fall apart, so she continues the long march. Through the doors of the place she calls home, even if it contains all the good times she wishes she could erase from her memory.
The manager calls out to her, asking if she is okay. She ignores him. Garnering a few worried glances, she sprints toward the elevator and slams on the up button.
She doesn't deserve for him to care about her, she never did. So the doors to her steel sanctuary close. The chaos of his job allowing her to ride up the many floors, away from the wasted compassion she doesn't deserve.
Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss "no way, it's all good", it didn't slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing
Under estimated, Look, I'm still around
She stands at the counter of her minimum wage paying job holding the tears back as London is forced to flee from the media she once loved. She knows the mistakes she made, the way her friend's heart was pulled apart driven by fear, but she also knows the kind soul that lies beneath.
She knows about mistakes as well, having her share of regrets. Words, actions, silence, so many of those she wishes she could take back. But she carries on through them, and she's not about to give into silence now.
She slips away from her work, thinking that the chaos of the media swarm will make Moseby forget about her, and knowing that she had to be somewhere else now.
As she rides the elevator up she notices it seems to pause for longer than normal at the 23rd floor. And she can't help but think of the time she spent in suite 2330, merely a few days before.
How she tried piecing together the various parts of their broken hearts. Failing miserably as she realized the jigsaw puzzle could never be restored to its original glory.
She did all she could to help, but eventually was only able to offer shoulders to cry on.
Her heart still broke at the image of twins who acted as if the other didn't exist.
She knows that eventually they will be okay. It may take some time and a few fights for them to move on, but they hadn't let a girl come between them so far.
She can only hope this won't be an exception.
But then she moves further up in the hotel and her heart once more goes out to her best friend. She loved seeing the joy hidden beneath the shallow exterior of her friend, but now she begins to wonder if she'll ever see that side of her again.
She knows if London can just get past this, move on, then she will be okay. Everyone makes mistakes, just some cause more damage than others do. And even if everyone hated London, even if she hated herself, Maddie would make sure she knew that someone was still there for her.
Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than fuckin' perfect.
London falls into her chair, her vision still spinning form the flashes of all those cameras. And she knows that tomorrow will just be the same. Ever since she started dating him they've been all over her even worse than normal. She used to love all the attention, being the center of the poor people's lives, but she hates what it did to him. How every facet of his life became a spectacle for the gossip sharks, how each frustration, each swear word became the center of the world's attention. She can't forget all the headlines he caused.
She wishes she could have protected him, from them, from herself.
She was born into this life. She understood it came with the Tipton title.
He wasn't. In no way was this close to being fair for him. He didn't deserve to be picked apart inch by inch until there was nothing left but emptiness and sadness. Until the light she had so loved flickered out and there was nothing left of the boy she'd fallen in love with.
She hates herself for being the cause of that.
London notices a strange, warm sensation running down her arm. She looks and sees the blood gently flowing like a stream and staining her white couch. Part of her wants to jump up, to call the cleaners and demand that they remove this stain from something so perfect.
But she doesn't.
She just sits there and smiles.
Even laughs a bit.
She presses her fingers against the thick substance, surprised that it isn't as cold as her heart feels.
As she moves her hands up to the scrape, she examines it, the sting growing, giving her something to feel. To remember she's human. It hurts, but it hurts oh so good.
She presses harder, wanting to scream, hoping it will release the pain. Kill the longing, the regret she tried to bury long ago.
But it's not enough and in desperation she sighs.
No, she has to go deeper, strangle the pain within her body, let out all the bad within.
And then she sees it.
The glistening blade of a knife sitting on the table beside her, a welcoming friend to her hurting soul.
She grabs it, not quite remembering where it came from, and not caring in the least, only knowing that she can use it.
She holds it against her skin, right above where the scrape was, and pulls it across, the blood flowing much faster this time. Within seconds it flows down her arm. The excruciating pain alerts her to the fact that this is wrong. Still she listens to her broken heart telling her it's oh so right.
She makes two more cuts, recognizing that this is dangerous (she isn't that stupid) but truthfully doesn't care.
Maybe it would kill her, though that might not even be a bad thing. She couldn't hurt anyone ever again. And it's not like anyone would miss her, hell they'd probably throw a party as soon as she was gone.
Besides after all she'd done to those twins…maybe her demise could set things right.
The door gently swings open.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.
Maddie stands there for a moment letting the image sink in.
London.
Sitting on the couch,
Blood staining her clothes,
And crying.
She runs over to her, the shock that originally froze her in place melting away as it's overcome by a love for her friend.
"What are you doing?"
London looks up, not noticing that the door had opened. She wants to put her mask back up, though knows it's too late for her to hide.
"Go away," she screams.
"Why?"
"Because I want to be alone." Her voice shakes.
"No." Maddie sits beside her and gently grabs her bloody arm, her gaze firm despite the red covering her own hand. "Why?"
You're so mean,
When you talk about yourself. You are wrong.
Change the voices, in your head
Make them like you Instead.
"I deserve this."
"No," Maddie says gazing into London's eyes free from the judgment everyone else had for her. "Why would you think that?" She knows the answer, she knows the hatred they have for her, and she knows why.
"I'm worthless. I just screw things up." She tries to hold back the tears but they just come stronger and stronger. Why can't Maddie just leave her alone? She doesn't deserve friends at a time like this. Maddie does all she can to hold her heart together, hating to see her once confident friend reduced to hating herself. She used to be so confident, so sure of herself. But now…
She gets up, taking the knife from London, thankful she isn't resisting, and searches for something to cover of the wounds. She finds an old shirt that London had thrown away (likely after only being worn for an hour) and tears it into bandages.
"Let's get you cleaned up."
"You don't have to."
"I want to. I'm your friend."
"But how could anyone not hate me after what I did?"
So complicated,
Look happy, You'll make it!
Filled with so much hatred
Such a tired game.
It's enough, I've done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons, I've seen you do the same.
Maddie shakes her head and looks into London's eyes tears clouding her own while wrapping the wounds on her friend's arm. She found herself wishing she could show London the beautiful person she was. Show her that, that part of her wasn't lost. "I don't hate you, London."
"But I-"
"I don't care what happened. You're my best friend and a couple little mistakes won't change that."
"But, Zack and Cody…"
"They've gotten over bad break up's before."
London gazes up at Maddie, still in awe not quite believing she could stand to be in the same room as her. She's such a broken mess and yet despite that, still wants to be her friend.
Maddie wasn't here to judge her. London knew she should have been working, or with her family, or with the twins. There were a thousand better places for her to be than here comforting a messed up selfish bitch.
London reaches out, physically grabbing onto Maddie, the only rock in the quicksand of her life. She holds her tight, afraid that she would fade away along with all the others.
"London, you're stronger than this. I know you. You're not one to let a small mistake slow you down."
"Yeah right," she responds with a roll of her eyes. She wants to believe what her friend says, but she knows the truth. Why shouldn't she be like that?
"You've been an encouragement to me, to have the courage to go after what you want and not let fear consume you. Don't give up London."
The heiress takes a heavy breath.
Maybe this isn't quite the end.
Looking at herself, she knows some things will never be the same.
Oh, Pretty, pretty please
Don't you ever, ever feel
Like your less than fuckin' perfect.
Pretty, pretty please
If you ever, ever feel
Like your nothing
You're fuckin' perfect to me.
"I'm such a mess Maddie," London cries, her mascara blurred, her arm covered with blood which was now dripping all over her clothes.
Nothing like the perfectly constructed person the world thought they knew.
Any other time Maddie would laugh and agree, but this isn't the time. Because, despite the exterior that showed every aspect of London's wounded heart, she can see the beauty within, a strong and kind woman that wants to redeem herself.
"No London, you're beautiful."
"Tell that to the cameras out there."
"I don't need to, because you're beautiful to me."
And for the first time in an eternity, she smiles. Not that fake 'smile for the camera' but a real one. One showing joy, hope, and maybe even love. Not a big one, but she lets herself fall into Maddie's embrace, seeing that no matter the chaos life throws her way or how much things change, she isn't alone.
She soars through the sky though she falls
For what beautiful bird could fly the first time?
Lifted up on the wings of an angel
The birds can't help but to follow.
Dedicated to those who forget how lovely they truly are.