So, just saying, I don't own the rights to the comics mentioned in this nor the fictional characters. Obviously this is meant to be silly, don't take it seriously.
Superman was strutting around one day, saying to everyone " Where my bitches at?" all manly and super-like, because he's so hetero like that, when his foot hit a pink rock and flew fabulously through the air, smashing into a car with a child next to it. The child was okay, but paralyzed from the waist down forever because Superman.
Superman stood up and got all mad because that rock made him look like a fool in front of the ladies, and Superman is all about the ladies, He went to go pick up the rock and yell at it, because nobody makes Superman look bad, when suddenly a waze of pink light shot out from said rock and covered Superman most unheroically! "KSJNfkajnfewkaefnalndlanmfd" he exclaimed! The wave of pink of course knocked him out for 120 seconds, because pink takes no crap from no one.
When Superman woke up he continued his quest for his bitches, but he realized he felt a little different. There was a spring in his step, a lift in his voice, and suddenly he was fashionable. " Like, uhmahgah, this is so totally fey! I looooove it!" He squealed, suddenly not caring about bitches, which was totally out of character for him.
Lois Lane ran up out of nowhere and cried " Batman you sexy beast, take me now!" and ripped off her shirt, exposing her double G boobs. " Lol no ewww, bewbs!" Superman laughed, prancing away swaying his hips. Lois cried then went to the store nearbye and bought a new shirt. She soon became a Martha Stewart impersonator.
Batman came outta no where and said " Dude, Superman, I don't know what happened but you need to chill, broski. Want some beer and babes?" Batman has all the babes 'cause holy crapoli it's Batman, he owns everything. Sucks about his parents.
Superman twirled around Batman in pirouettes and Rond de Jambe's because he is a classy hero, then grabbed Batman's hips and grinded them to his, and told him "Aww you know I love a good beer, and I do want you~." Batman fought it and rolled away backwards, screaming "OMFG that was my first hip grinding session you pervert" and began to sob uncontrollably.
Suddenly Thor fell out of the sky and his hammer landed on Superman, squishing him. Because he has superhuman strength he didn't die but the pink rock flew from his hand and suddenly a flash of red, white and blue lights and he was back to normal. " Woah, for a second there I didn't want any bitches. But that's not right, I'm Superman, straight as a rake and proud of it. Time to go get some cheap hoes!" He yelled, walking around the corner to find a Lois Lane impersonator. Superman knew the difference, but he didn't care because he's a BAMF like that.