Authors Note: Ok, so some of you might have read the prologue to this story called Too Late To Save Myself. If you haven't, that's ok too! This is a rewrite of A Dream In A Nightmare, which I decided was really bad. So I finally got around to rewriting it! YAYNESS! I hope everyone enjoys it!

Disclaimer: I am not J.K. Rowling so I do not own anything from the World of Harry Potter.

Warnings: depression, thoughts of suicide, self-harm, mentions of abuse. All of these are very serious issues that should not be taken lightly.

Chapter 1

" Harry mate, wake up!"

Harry opened his eyes slightly. He cried out in shock when he saw Ron's face mere inches above his own.

"RON!"

Ron turned red, and hastily moved away from Harry saying, "Sorry mate. But you wouldn't wake up! You were having one of those nightmare things again."

"Oh," was the only response Harry was able to think of. He did indeed have another Voldemort nightmare, just like the one he had the night before, and the night before, and the night before. In fact, Harry had been having Voldemort related nightmares ever since he left Hogwarts two months ago. He was growing more troubled by them every day.

"I didn't wake you up again, did I?" Harry asked, dreading the answer. He felt guilty every time Ron admitted Harry woke him in the middle of the night with his screaming.

"No, blimey Harry, you know I can sleep through almost anything. Though, you might have woken 'Mione. She came in about ten minutes ago to tell us breakfast was ready. I dunno." Ron said, "Now get up or mum'll have a fit! You know what she gets like."

Harry nodded slightly as he slowly untangled himself from the sheets. He dressed quickly and rushed after Ron.

Just as Ron had predicted, Mrs. Weasley immediately informed the two everyone had been waiting to eat. Harry muttered a quick apology, while Ron turned bright red once again. They all but ran to a seat around the table.

"Are you feeling alright, Harry?" asked Hermione, looking concerned, "You look pale." Harry raised his eyebrows. Hermione pointed this fact out at every opportunity.

"I'm fine Hermione." Harry said, "Ginny, could you pass the eggs?" Ginny nodded and handed Harry a large dish filled with scrambled eggs.

"Harry, don't try to change the subject. You're much more pale than normal, you have enormous bags under your eyes, and you look exhausted!" Hermione said

"I said I'm fine. Could we maybe talk about this later?" Harry said, through clenched teeth. He knew Hermione would never let him drop the conversation. However, Harry did not want to talk about this around Mrs. Weasley or Ginny.

Hermione pursed her lips but grudgingly agreed. After that, breakfast went about as normal. Though, there was obvious tension in the kitchen of the burrow. Time went by much too fast for Harry's liking. He was dreading his talk with Hermione. He didn't exactly know the real reason why he dreaded the promise of unloading his problems, but he did. He knew he should talk about his dreams, about why he was filled with such self-doubt. Yet he didn't think he could bring himself to sharing his feelings. Some things need to be dealt with without outside help. So it was not without much reluctance that Harry found himself being led up to Ron's room by Hermione and a sheepish looking Ron.

"Muffliato." Hermione said, pointing her want at the door she just closed.

"I thought you didn't like that spell?" asked Harry, trying to avoid the reason they were there.

"Times change. Now Harry, what is bothering you? Don't even try to claim that you're perfectly fine, everyone's noticed a change in you." Hermione said. When Harry didn't answer she rolled her eyes. "You know you can tell us anything Harry. If there's something troubling you, we can help you! Ron and I have always been there for you and always will. We love you Harry and we hate to see you in pain. And yes we can tell you are in mental pain! We aren't as thick as you think Harry! We may not have confronted you about this, but we know something has been bothering you ever since school ended."

"Well Hermione, what do you think is bothering me? Maybe it's that Dumbledore is dead and I couldn't do anything to stop it! Maybe it's because I have to try to find the rest of the horcruxes! OR MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE WHILE I SIT HERE DOING NOTHING, VOLDEMORT IS OUT THERE KILLING MORE AND MORE PEOPLE!" by the end of his speech Harry was shouting. Ron looked a bit shocked, but Hermione didn't. She only nodded her head in understanding and pulled Harry into a tight hug.

"It's ok Harry. It's not your fault. I know it's only natural that you place all the blame on your shoulders, but that's not right! Oh Harry, we'll find the horcruxes. Together, me you and Ron! It'll all be fine Harry! We'll always be here to help you." Hermione said, tears forming in her eyes, "Right, Ron?"

"Yea, mate. We've always got your back!" Ron added, grinning.

"Thanks guys. I feel better now." Harry said, putting as much emotion he could into those words, "How about we do some more research?"

"Oh, great idea Harry! We still have 3 books that mention horcruxes we haven't read yet!" said Hermione rushing out of the room, only to return a few seconds later carrying an armful of books.

"Let me just find the right ones!" She said, sorting through the pile until finding three extremely old looking books. "Here, Harry you read 'The Darkest Arts and Their Darkest History'" she handed Harry the shabbiest book with a stain that looked like blood on the cover, "Ron, you read 'The Dark Arts For the Dark Mind'" Ron took the book with a disgusted look on his face, "And I'll read this one, 'Practical Dark Arts and Their Uses."

"This sounds fun." Harry said sarcastically as he opened to the first page of the warn book. His eyes were immediately assaulted with an image of a tortured person whose eyes were melting out of her head. Harry rolled his eyes and refrained from snapping the book closed as he began to read the grotesque book.

Three hours later, Harry firmly shut 'The Darkest Arts and Their Darkest History' and flung it across the room.

"Finished." He said. Hermione, who had finished an hour ago, was sitting on Ron's bed with a look of shock plastered on her face. Ron looked up from 'Dark Arts For the Dark Mind' and burst into a fit of laughter.

"Harry! Don't throw a book!" Hermione scolded.

"'Mione, you can't count this crap as books!" Ron said, gesturing to the pile of Dark Arts books.

"Of course I count them as books Ronald!" Hermione snapped, "They are still books no matter what vile spell the author has written in them!"

"I gotta agree with Ron. That trash belongs in the fire." Harry said

"It's important to learn about all aspects of magic and you know it!" Hermione said, jumping off the bed and stalking out of the room.

"Does this mean I don't have to read this anymore?" Ron asked, although he already knew the answer.

"You know Hermione would have a fit if you didn't finish." Harry said, exasperated, "How can you be only halfway through! We've been reading for hours!"

"I get distracted." Ron said, his ears turning a faint red. Harry snorted, attempting to hold back his laughter. He knew exactly what Ron was distracted by. Harry shook his head.

"I'll go and get her. You keep reading." Harry said. He walked out of the room leaving a disappointed Ron behind.

When Harry walked into the living room, he found Hermione curled up on the couch, arms crossed, and talking to Ginny in hushed tones. Harry cleared his throat to make his presence known. Hermione and Ginny nearly jumped off the couch and quit their conversation.

Hermione glared at Harry.

"Hey, I'm sorry Hermione, ok? That book just freaked me out." Harry said, not going into details in front of Ginny.

"Harry, I know you guys have been reading books on the Dark Arts. Hermione and I do share a room." Ginny said in her 'I'm not that stupid' voice.

"Harry, it's fine. Reading those books puts me in a foul mood as well." Hermione said, "The one I read detailed the affects of this really foul potion that boils the drinker's blood until it evaporates, eventually killing the drinker."

"Mine had pictures of everything, and I mean everything!" Harry said, looking disgusted. Hermione and Ginny both shuddered at this.

"Where's Ron?" asked Hermione

"I told him you'd probably kill him if he didn't finish reading his book." Harry said

"He wasn't done? We've been reading for hours!" Hermione said, looking concerned.

"Hey, you know how thick my brother is. I'd be surprised if he was a quarter of the way through." Ginny said, snickering.

"OY! I heard that!" said Ron, his voice coming from somewhere behind them. Harry turned around first and started laughing.

"I'm more than halfway through the book by the way. And it only took that long because it was hard to read through the bloodstains!" Ron said, glaring at Ginny. Hermione shuddered.

"It's ok Ron, it's almost lunch time. Why don't we stop for a bit?" Hermione said.

"Yea, that sounds good." Ron said. Harry barely held back his laughter. The two already acted like a married couple! One glance at Ginny told Harry she was thinking the same thing.

"Harry, can I talk to you?" Ginny asked as Ron and Hermione went to the kitchen to inquire about lunch.

"Er, sure." Harry said as his mouth instantly became dry. He followed Ginny back up the stairs and into her bedroom. Before he could get a good look at her room, Ginny turned around and pulled Harry forward and kissed him. Harry instantly froze. He had no idea what was going on. He felt Ginny's arm around his neck and her other arm encircling his waist. She didn't seem to notice his lack of response. His mouth fell open slightly from shock and Ginny took that as an invitation to enter. Harry inwardly panicked as Ginny's warm tongue massaged his own. He finally pulled away and tried not to let his emotions show on his face.

"Er, Ginny . . . eeeeeerrrrrrrr, what was that for?" Harry asked, trying to regain his composure.

"That was for you. I'm not stupid, I know you plan to leave soon with Hermione and my brother. I want to have something to remember me by, in case you meet some beautiful girl in your travels." Ginny said, smiling cheekily.

"Ginny, we're trying to defeat Voldemort, which doesn't involve going to a strip club." Harry laughed. He instantly regretted his words when he saw Ginny's eyes widen.

"So that is what you're doing! I knew it!" She said. Punching the air with her fists in triumph.

"Ginny, I was joking." Harry said quickly, trying to cover up his mistake.

"Sure you were. Let's go get some lunch, I'm starved." Ginny said as she skipped out of the room, dragging Harry behind her.

Lunch was not as awkward as breakfast, but fairly close. Hermione kept giving Harry and Ginny odd looks and Mrs. Weasley kept going on about how peakish Harry looked. Harry was more than relieved to leave the table and retreat to the upstairs floors with Ron and Hermione. However, when they reached Ron's bedroom, Harry found himself once again being interrogated by Hermione.

"What did Ginny want to talk to you about?" She asked

"She just wanted to know what we're going to do when we leave." Harry said, as calmly as he could.

"That's not all and you know it!" Hermione said, piercing Harry with a look that made her look similar to Professor McGonnagal.

"Is there something I'm missing here?" Ron asked, looking from Harry to Hermione with a look of utter bewilderment.

"Harry, what else happened? I know she wouldn't pull you into her room just to ask you where we're going!" Hermione said

"You were in Ginny's room?! What?!" Ron nearly shouted.

"Nothing, I mean she kissed me but--"

"YOU KISSED GINNY! After you DUMPED HER!" Ron yelled, trying to move towards Harry, but Hermione grabbed him by the shoulder.

"No, I said she kissed me. There's a difference." Harry said coolly

"THERE'S NO DIF--"

"RONALD!" Hermione shouted, cutting Ron off mid-sentence. When he made no move to continue talking, Hermione continued, "Harry, but you must see that there really is hardly a difference!"

"Hermione . . ." Harry started

"Let me finish Harry," Hermione said, then continued with, "As I was saying, there really isn't much of a difference in her mind! There may be a difference in yours, but not in Ginny's. She may take this as a sign that you want to get back together with her."

"YEA--" Ron started

Hermione smacked the back of his head and said, "Let me finish!" When assured of Ron's silence, she continued, "Harry do you want to get back together with Ginny?"

"Now's not the best time." Harry said.

"Do you want to get back together with her in the future?" Hermione asked slowly, as if choosing her words carefully.

"Maybe." Harry said, looking at his feet.

"Harry I know you, and I know that you don't use maybe unless your stalling using the word 'no'. That's it, isn't it?" Hermione said, softly.

Harry didn't say anything; he merely shook his head and ran out of the room. He ran until he was in the bathroom. He closed the door and muttered several locking spells, thankful that he was of age and didn't have to worry about the ministry catching him. Harry collapsed to the floor, and as an after thought, cast Muffliato on the door as well. He broke down to near sobs. Harry felt as if he betrayed Ginny by not loving her. That he somehow owed it to Ginny after the years of love she had for him. He looked down at his hands for the longest time. He thought about everything from his parents to Voldemort to Hogwarts to Horcruxes. Fresh tears welled up in Harry's eyes. He couldn't stand it! The emotional pain Voldemort had caused all his life. The physical pain the Dursley's caused for most of his life. Then finally, he thought of the pain, physical and emotional he caused those who loved him. Everyone he loved had been hurt because of him! His parents, Cedric, Sirius, and Dumbledore had paid the heaviest price. They all died to protect him, the "chosen one". The one chosen to let his friends and family die for him! Harry was sickened by this thought. His whole body trembled with fresh sobs. He vowed right there to let people die for him no longer! The thoughts wouldn't leave Harry's head. The pain refused to disappear or lessen in the least! Harry looked down at his pale flesh. He didn't deserve to live. He thought this over and over until the thought consumed his very heart and soul.

"I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve to live. I deserve to feel pain. I deserve to feel pain. I don't deserve to live. I've caused so much suffering. I should die right now. I don't deserve life. My parents deserve life. So do Cedric, Sirius, Dumbledore and everyone else who has died in the war because I'm too weak to stop Voldemort!" Harry muttered to himself.

He let the despair and self-loathing consume him until he couldn't handle it anymore. He couldn't handle the emotions he felt with such a passion. Harry put his head between his knees in a desperate attempt to calm himself. It was then he saw that rusted nail on the floor. Harry tentatively picked it up. He looked at the nail for what seemed like an eternity. It was around 3 inches long, and rusty, no doubt it had come from the sink or some other appliance in the room and recently, Mrs. Weasley wouldn't allow nails on the floor. He pressed his thumb against the tip and was shocked when he felt blood trickle down his finger. Harry stared at the blood for a moment, mesmerized by the artistic contrast of his crimson blood on his pale skin. And yet, he was captivated for another reason. Harry could feel all the emotions he trapped inside him slipping away in that small drop of blood. He felt a type of release he had never dreamed of feeling. Harry felt as if all the burdens of the world had been lifted off his shoulders. He felt like a normal teenager for the first time in his life. Harry eyed the nail for a moment longer before pricking another finger on its sharp point. Again, Harry felt as if his emotions were dripping away with the blood. Leaving his body for good. Harry smiled ever so slightly. He thought of what Hermione would say to what he was thinking of doing. However, that only motivated him further. Harry took the nail in his right hand and pressed it against the soft flesh of his left forearm. He pressed down and watched as little pinpricks of blood began to form around the nail. He dragged the nail across his flesh, but to his disappointment, only a few drops of blood were released. Harry pulled out his wand and transfigured the nail into a small knife, not longer than his middle finger. He smiled as he put the knife against his skin and pressed down. This time, Harry achieved the affect he wanted. He dragged the knife across his skin and watched in morbid fascination as blood began to drip from the cut and onto his lap and with it, all the horrible pain Harry felt. He felt free. Harry quickly made another cut next to the one already made on his left forearm. Again he felt his emotions drain away, again he felt free of his terrible burden. Harry sighed and continued to drag the knife across his pale flesh. He felt whole in a way he never had before. He felt as if everything could work out all right. Harry felt as if he weren't a man marked for death as he had seen himself ever since he heard the prophecy. Somehow, inflicting this sort of pain upon himself had given Harry control, and control was all he really needed. Harry made a few more cuts, and then decided he was decent enough to face Ron and Hermione.

"Tergeo." He whispered, and siphoned all the dried blood off his cloths and the floor. He cast a glamour charm on his arm to hide the newly formed scabs for a few hours.

"I need to buy some new clothes." Harry said to himself. He then pocketed his knife and opened the bathroom door.

Authors Note: Love it? Hate it? Please tell me! I always appreciate reviews! Oh, and thank you SO SO much to my beta Jo Claire. You are AMAZING!