So here it is. Chapter one. The first couple of chapters are just going to act as an introduction to the characters before the story really takes off, so please be patient, and review. I hope you like it. Any trigger warnings will be posted at the beginning of the chapters for future reference.
Flashbacks in Italics.
The sleek back Chevy SUV sat stationed right across the street, silently hovering near the building as cars whizzed past, its occupant keeping a watchful eye on the door just off to the side, patiently waiting for any sign of movement. A couple of feet away, a Latina dressed in a black fitted suit with a pastel blue satin shirt checked the time on her watch and rolled her eyes as she glanced towards the vehicle. The street vendor handed her the two cups of take away coffee she had ordered and she pulled a crisp ten dollar bill from her pocket and handed it over before picking up the cups and walking away.
Inside the SUV the blonde sitting behind the driver's seat kept her gaze focused on the door, her concentration only breaking momentarily as a shadow passed by in the rear view mirror, her muscles tensing briefly until the shadow emerged to reveal a blind man and his guide dog stepping out from behind the car to cross the street. Watching intently, she waited until the man was safely across the street, her eyes conducting a brief scan of the surrounding area before returning to its original location and holding focus. The sound of the passenger door opening caused her ear to twitch in recognition that she had been listening, but she never turned to face the new arrival, knowing exactly who it was.
"Eight bucks, the guy charges me eight bucks for a couple of coffees from a street cart. I mean who the hell does that? I know its NYC but a street cart ain't no Starbucks is all I'm sayin'," Santana ranted as she placed her coffee in the cup holder and then closed the door, her other arm holding out the second coffee towards the blonde who had yet to acknowledge her presence. "Yo, earth to Quinn. I bring you coffee and you can't even be bothered to look at me? Unbelievable," the dark haired woman exclaimed, passing the cup off to her right hand and swatting Quinn across the arm with her left.
"Ow, what the hell was that for?" Quinn shouted, rubbing at her stinging arm. Santana's eyes narrowed as she looked at the other woman handing her off the coffee. "Oh I dunno, let me see, ignoring me maybe?" the Latina responded sarcastically, tapping her chin before turning back to look at the blonde. "You know I was used to you getting all lost inside your head when we're working, 'cause I've learned over the years that that's just how you operate, but since you started dating the singing dwarf I've had to put up with you ignoring me outside of work too and it's becoming a real pain in my ass." Santana slumped back in her seat, arms folded across her chest as she gazed straight ahead out of the front windscreen.
"Are you done?" Quinn asked with her eyebrow raised, used to Santana throwing strops whenever she was annoyed. They usually occurred or coincided with late night stake outs as it interfered with the Latina's sleep time. Honestly she couldn't figure out why the other woman bothered joining up for the FBI in the first place. All she did was complain about how much it got in the way of her social life, or lack thereof as was often the case in the lives of most FBI agents. Working for the Behavioural Analysis Unit, as both women did was even more intense as they were quite frequently called out to help in cases all over the country, sometimes working side by side with the team based at headquarters in Quantico.
Now Quinn, she knew exactly why she wanted to work for the FBI, ever since she was a little girl, she always knew that working in some sort of law enforcement was what she wanted to do, to work for the greater good, to put away all the bad guys who purposely set out to hurt innocent people. Quinn wanted to follow in the footsteps of her father, a man who had dedicated his life to fighting for the greater good, who had helped in apprehending some of the country's most notorious criminals. Russell Fabray was Quinn's hero, her very own Superman, the man who put criminals away by day and read bedtime stories to her at night when she was a small child.
So, Quinn worked hard, she put in the effort at school, getting straight A's and making honour roll, graduating as valedictorian and accepting a place at Georgetown University where she majored in psychology before finishing top of her class and moving on to FBI training. With her degree in hand and several recommendations, she was hired to the BAU based in NYC where she has been ever since, earning praise for her commitment to her job from her superiors. Though some would say that maybe, just maybe, Quinn's life was too wrapped up in her job, her mother, her sister and a string of ex-girlfriends among them, although that had changed considerably in recent months.
"What's wrong Q? Trouble in paradise already?" Santana teased, a sly grin creeping across her face. Quinn knew her partner well enough to know that Santana was just trying to lighten things up, but the blonde couldn't help sighing at how accurate the statement actually was. It wasn't so much trouble in paradise that was plaguing Quinn's mind, more a lack of progression in terms of where she thought she would be almost five months into a relationship.
It wasn't like Quinn never saw her other half regularly, quite the opposite in fact. They saw each other constantly, aside from the couple of times Quinn had to spend more than a day or two away to help solve a case. Which was exactly why she couldn't understand why her relationship wasn't moving forward, and that frustrated her even more since it was her job to be able to read people and understand how their minds work, it was literally what she was paid to do and yet she couldn't figure this particular situation out to save her life.
It sort of scared Quinn to be honest, in almost all of her past relationships Quinn's lovers had been quick to offer up every single detail of their lives to the agent. They were open books, even if they didn't share aspects of their lives it didn't matter, because Quinn knew anyways. It was in the slight tremble of their lower lip when they spoke, the quick flick of their hair when they were trying to act nonchalant. But not this time, this relationship was different, it was, a mystery. Like an unsolved case that Quinn couldn't crack because she didn't yet have all the pieces of the puzzle. But that's what excited Quinn, the air of mystery. It was what first drew her to the woman she called her girlfriend.
Coffee. Quinn needed coffee and she needed it as soon as possible. In fact as far as she was concerned forget about the cup just set up an IV line and send it straight into her bloodstream. She wanted it, she needed it and by God if she didn't get her fix soon somebody would find themselves suffering the wrath of an un-caffeinated Agent Fabray and that was not something anyone wanted to witness. Stupid ex-girlfriend and her stupid need to move things out of Quinn's apartment at an ungodly hour of the morning, Quinn thought as she jumped out of the SUV and locked the doors.
You know, things probably would have been fine, if it weren't for the small fact that the blonde had never actually lived with her ex. In fact, they had never discussed moving in together, or at least it never crossed Quinn's mind, even though they had been dating for close to two year. That's where the problems had started. Jess, her ex, had slowly but surely been moving things into Quinn's apartment, dropping hints, just small things like a couple of clothes, DVD's, just leaving little reminders of herself here and there.
What started off as a few things soon turned into one of Quinn's drawers being commandeered, as well as some of her closet space, but she never said anything because she didn't want to entertain the idea that Jess wanted to move in officially. Eventually though her ex got fed up and gave Quinn an ultimatum, either they moved in together or they broke up, all or nothing, simple as that. From the sound of Jess slamming doors and tossing things about the apartment that morning as she collected her belongings, the relationship was well and truly over and Quinn couldn't help but feel relieved. Sure Quinn loved Jess, but after her ex had delivered the ultimatum, she realised she had never actually been IN love with her.
It wasn't that Jess had been unlovable, she was an incredible woman, but something was always missing in all of Quinn's relationships, something important, something, something she couldn't explain. She could date women and she could love them, but there was always something that kept her from falling deeply in love. A connection, an invisible link that tethered her to that special someone, someone she would gladly put before her career, just like her mother had always wanted for her. Quinn tried, she tried so hard to find that special person who would complete her, she could see herself settling down with and having a family, a happy loving family and a beautiful just like the one she had grown up in.
God she sounded like such a sap. Quinn blamed her mother and sister for always going on about falling in love and all that jazz. Easy for them to say, they were straight, they were wooed by men who swept them off their feet. Quinn, well, it wasn't as easy for her, being gay meant that either she had to woo a lady, or she had to wait in the hopes that a confident, dominant type would come along and woo her, which didn't happen too often. Still though, Quinn was only 27, she was young, she had plenty of time to settle down, even if her mother kept talking about her love life like it was a ticking clock on the brink of running out.
Huffing out a breath, Quinn continued down the busy sidewalk towards her usual Starbucks when some guy knocked into her almost sending her into a tailspin. "Hey watch it asshole," Quinn shouted after him. Fucking New York City, people always walking around like they owned every square inch of the sidewalk, loved and loathed the city in equal measures. Turning around she walked up to the door and pushed it open with force out of frustration, watching in horror as it collided with a young woman who was about to exit through it at the exact same time.
Quinn raised both her hands to her mouth covering that escaped, her eyes roaming over the now coffee stained clothes of the brunette she accidentally just assaulted with a door. "OH MY GOD! I am so, so sorry," Quinn rushed out, her hands reaching out in front of her trying to figure out what they were supposed to do to help this person she had probably just scorched with piping hot coffee. The woman in front of her stood with her two arms bent at the elbows, as she glanced down at her body. When she noticed Quinn grab tissues from a nearby container and attempt to dab at her clothes, she placed a hand on the blondes forearm to stop her.
"It's fine I should have been paying more attention to other people using the door," she said. Quinn just shook her head no and dumped the damp tissues in the bin. "No it's my fault I was pissed at some guy on the sidewalk and I took it out on the door. Please let me buy you another coffee as an apology," Quinn said gesturing to the counter just behind them. "You don't have to do that, it's fine, really ," the brunette responded, brown eyes showing nothing but understanding, Quinn couldn't help but get lost in how beautiful they were.
"Please, let me buy you another coffee, it would make me feel better," she replied a cheeky grin crossing her face. The shorter woman couldn't help but smile at her and eventually conceded to the blondes wishes. "Okay, if it means that much to you then by all means," she said gesturing with her hands towards the counter. Quinn chuckled glancing down briefly before looking back up at those brown eyes there was something about them, something intriguing. They were so honest yet they seemed to hold so many secrets, secrets Quinn couldn't help but want to unlock. "I'm Quinn Fabray," she finally said as she extended her hand for the other woman to shake. Rachel smiled at her as she accepted the hand into her own. "Rachel, Rachel Berry."
"Come on Q spill what's going on that's got you all brooding and shit like some character from one of those crappy angsty teen dramas who can't get laid?" Santana asked as she reached for her coffee, removing the lid and using a pen she found in the pocket of the car door to stir it a little. Quinn, who had been in the middle of taking a sip of coffee choked a little at what her partner had said. If it weren't for the fact that the Latina wasn't even looking at Quinn as she spoke, she would have thought Santana was reading her body language or something.
Taking another sip of her coffee, Quinn toyed with the idea of discussing her predicament with her partner, I mean it's not like Santana was a stranger, she and Quinn had been best friends since they first met at FBI training camp several years ago. But should she really be sharing such intimate details about her love life when half of it wasn't hers to share? Maybe there was a roundabout way she could talk about it without giving too much away. She really did need another person's perspective and Santana was sitting right there. It was worth a shot.
"Different relationships move at different speeds, and timing can be different for everyone, but, do you think there's an average time at which it's appropriate to move forward to the next level?" Quinn asked. When she looked at her friend, Santana was sitting with her eyes narrowed, her mouth bobbing up and down as she tried to figure out how the hell she was supposed to answer that. Shaking her head Santana held up a hand, "Wait, what?" she asked. Quinn rolled her eyes, she should have known her thoughts would be too confusing for the brunette to decipher, so she decided she would just have to break it down and hope for the best.
"I've been in a relationship for like, five months now, and don't get me wrong it's been amazing and it's been so different from any relationship I've been in before, but it's just, it's weird," Quinn said scrunching up her nose at her choice of words. Was it really weird? Santana seemed to sense this so she turned sideways in her seat and looked at the blonde. "What do you mean weird? Weird how?" she asked, picking up her coffee and taking a sip, gagging in disgust at the black tar that was supposed to be an actual consumable liquid.
"Maybe I'm just over thinking things maybe this is normal, but, I feel like things are at a standstill, like we're just coasting along and not really going anywhere, you know what I mean," Quinn replied, rubbing the back of her neck. Suddenly things seemed to click for Santana and she snorted in amusement. It appeared to her that her friends' problem wasn't that she was confused about her relationship, but more she was experiencing a type of relationship that was new to her and she was drifting in unfamiliar territory.
"You know what the problem is Q, it's not the relationship you're in now, it's the relationships you've had in the past," Santana said, Quinn looking at her like she was completely lost in where the conversation was supposed to be going. "Let me explain. In the past you've been with girls who have been happy to push ahead and practically run from one step in a relationship to the next, girls who wanted it all and wanted it as soon as they could get it. Hell you've slept with girls after one night." Quinn's eyes narrowed and her eyebrows furrowed, "Are you calling me a slut?" Santana scoffed and waved off the comment.
"The point is, you've never had to take it slow in relationships, you always just sat back and let them dictate the speed and usually they wanted to move at the speed of light. But now, now you're in a relationship where everything is nice and relaxed, there's no pressure, no expectations. You can just take your time, and it freaks you out 'cause you've never done that before, even though that's all you've ever wanted out of a relationship. To take it slow and really learn everything you can about the other person, and oh my God I'm starting to sound like Dr. Phil," Santana exclaimed as she sat back in her seat and shook her head.
Quinn on the other hand was busy processing what the Latina had said. She was right. This was new for Quinn, maybe slow was what she needed right now. The problem was, she didn't know how much longer she could do slow. She was developing feelings, deep feelings and she wasn't sure how much longer she could hold off on saying the 'L' word. I mean, she'd yet to have sex with her girlfriend and she was ready to declare her love for her. But how could she tell someone she loved them when they hadn't even been intimate together. Or maybe that's how it worked this time, maybe this wasn't the type of relationship where sex came before love. She just couldn't help feeling the flutter of butterflies when she thought of those brown eyes.
Walking down the sidewalk Quinn and Rachel laughed as the blonde shared stories of her time in FBI boot camp, Rachel taking particular enjoyment out of the story where Santana lost a bet and streaked around the entire drill circuit before finally being caught by one of the on duty security guards and being sent to her superiors' office. The sound of the brunettes' laughter made Quinn smile. Their first date had been perfect, from the easy conversation they had shared over dinner to the ice cream they had opted to have for dessert from the gelato stand Rachel had recommended. It had all been fun and easy, just as Quinn liked it.
"So, I've told you everything there is to know about me, my family, my job and you still haven't run away. I'll take that as a win. What about you, what's your story?" Quinn asked as they continued to stroll through the streets, making sure to avoid jay walkers. Rachel just jutted out her lower lip and shook her head, looking straight ahead. "No story. I moved here from Lima Ohio for college and I've been here ever since. I compose music for musicals with my writing partner Blaine, he's my best friend, we went to high school together and he came with me after graduation," Rachel explained as she wrapped her coat tighter around her. Quinn couldn't help but notice the gesture, to the brunette it probably meant nothing, but to the blonde agent, it was a sign of someone closing themselves off, of discomfort.
"What about your family, you know mom, dad, siblings?" Quinn asked, genuinely curious about where this woman came from. Rachel seemed to stiffen at the question glancing off to the side for a moment and inhaling a deep breath. "My parents are uh, they're dead. They died when I was kid, I, I don't have any siblings." Quinn tensed at what Rachel had said, her heart clenching in pain for the brunette walking next to her. Reaching out a hand she placed it on the shorter woman's arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Rachel, I'm so sorry," Quinn spoke softly, feeling like an ass for bringing up something that was obviously quite painful for her date.
"It's not your fault you didn't know," Rachel said as she kept walking, her eyes never looking at the blonde walking next to her. "Just, please don't ask me how it happened. It's not something I'm comfortable talking about," Rachel stated and Quinn just nodded her head quickly. "Of course," she replied. "I'm sorry I don't mean to pry, I guess being an agent, I'm naturally inquisitive. You probably know it as foot in mouth syndrome," she joked and it seemed to ease some of the tension as Rachel giggled, just as they reached the brunette's apartment. Rachel moved to stand on the step and Quinn stood there, hands in her coat pockets.
"I hope I haven't ruined any chance of a second date?" she asked, her cheeks flushing a little with nerves. Rachel glanced down the street and smiled before turning back to glance down at Quinn. "No, you haven't," she said through a small smile, ducking her head as she became somewhat bashful under the intense gaze of the hazel eyes that were watching her almost in admiration. The answer made Quinn beam with a smile, reaching up her hand she placed it under Rachel's chin and lifted it so the brunettes' eyes were locked with hers.
Moving to stand on the step she closed the gap between herself and the smaller woman, inching closer and closer, carefully studying Rachel's face for any sign of hesitance. She saw something in those brown eyes, she just wasn't sure what it was it wasn't resistance, but it wasn't excitement either. Again those secrets where swirling around in brown irises mocking Quinn, coaxing her to unlock them and she wanted to, badly. She wanted to know everything there was to know about Rachel Berry. When they were sharing the same breath, Quinn leaned in and pressed her lips to Rachel's and it was, amazing, better than she could have ever imagined. Once they separated, Rachel bid her a goodnight and when she was safely inside, Quinn moved to leave, a smile almost splitting her face in two. She couldn't wait for that second date.
"You know what, you're right. I need to chill out. Things are going great, I should just enjoy it and let things happen naturally," Quinn said as she sat back in her seat feeling a lot lighter now that she had a bit more clarity. This relationship was different, there was no need to rush anything and she would never pressure her girlfriend, she just needed to be patient. Besides her relationship was relatively new and they still had a lot to learn about each other. Unlike her previous girlfriends, who were open books, Rachel was like a locked diary. The only way it could be opened was with a key. In this case the key was trust.
She needed to allow Rachel the time to learn to trust Quinn completely, maybe then she would open up. Maybe then, they could move forward and the blonde would be able to say 'I love you' without feeling like it was too much too soon. Rachel knew everything there was to know about Quinn, now it was the brunette's turn to place her cards down and show Quinn her hand. Good or bad she didn't care, she just wanted to know Rachel, that wasn't a crime was it? It wasn't like this was just about sex, Quinn was happy to wait until her girlfriend was ready, she just couldn't help the curiosity that had been instilled within her since they first met.
Before she could get lost inside her head again, she could see movement from across the street out of the corner of her eye. The door just to the side of the building opened and that was enough to put Quinn into motion. Stepping out of the SUV she closed the door behind her and did a visual swoop of the surrounding area, making sure there wasn't any sign of shady characters hanging around the place late at night. When she was sure that things were fine she glanced back at the door and smiled when a petite brunette stepped outside, giving a hug to the doorman.
Rachel sensed eyes watching her from across the street and when she looked up she smiled back, glancing up and down at traffic, before making her way across the road when there was a lull and enough time to make it across safely. When she was in reaching distance, Quinn pulled Rachel into her arms and then leaned in, giving the brunette a soft chaste kiss. "Hey gorgeous," she said when they pulled apart. Rachel giggled, "Hey Superwoman," she replied making Quinn blush at the nickname the brunette had coined for her. The sound of gagging caught their attention and they both glanced into the car at the Latina, "Make me hurl," the Latina cried out in mock annoyance. Both women just laughed before they climbed into the car and they all headed for home.
So what did you think, any good? I look forward to reading what you have to say.