I didn't know what to do. My whole life up until this moment had shrowded this stranger in mystery. I tried to feel something towards this complete and utter stranger, some one who shouldn't be a stranger. Some one who I should know like I know myself. Some one who should have been there when Dad died. Someone who should have protected me from all the shit that I went through, and was happy for me when I got into the Garrison. And here she was, standing before me, like no time has past, like no wrongs have been made. Like I was just a child and hadn't gone through my whole life, wondering, crying, prying for this moment.
A feel soon came, but it wasn't what anyone thought. It was anger. A familiar feeling, Anger, and walls being raised to not let her in. Why should she be any different from others? Because she was my mother? Because she came to Earth and had Sex with my dad, leaving me with him and a shit ton of questions dad wouldn't even acknowledge?
"You look like your father." She said pleasantly, her arms still outstretched, asking for a hug. A hug I should have been given everyday of my life, and yet... my life was one of hurt. She's the reason I can't properly hold my boyfriend's hand for more than a few minutes with out feeling like I was burning. She's the one who left. And she doesn't seem to get it. She doesn't even know my first name. "Kogane, it has been so long since I've seen you."
Lance was by my side now, probably sensing my conflicting emotions that raged through me. I tried to hold back the tears, but still one slipped down in burning anger.
"It's ok, sweety, I'm here now." She said, mistaking my tears as one of sadness or joy. As if I'd be happy to see the woman that completely took away everything I had. She stepped closer, but I stepped back, making sure she couldn't reach out. I heard Hunk call my name, asking what I was doing. they didn't understand, they had all their family, they always had. Lance only knew, because of that one night I had more or less fell apart in his arms, spilling my ever growing insecruities into his chest. Insecruities that this woman is the reason for me having, indirectly at the very least.
Sure, if Dad hadn't died, I wouldn't be as bad, but no one can control Death. They can control leaving and never coming back. They can control pretending like it didn't hurt me, or like it was just a simple unnoticable mistake. Or like it didn't matter and that I should act like she meant something to me. But she doesn't. She means nothing, less than nothing to me, just a donnor for my making, and that's it. She doesn't even know my NAME! And yet, she has the audacity to look hurt!
"Key word being 'now'." I scoffed, surprised that my voice wasn't shaking. "Where were you before, when I might have actually needed something like you?"
"I had to go, Kogane, war is not the place for a child." Alta finally dropped her arms. She looked at me with a hurt expression.
"Than why did you have one?" I was seething.
"It was unexpected, I didn't mean to -" I felt my heart litterally crumbled. Lance gathered me up into his arms and I just stood there. "I mean -"
"No, I-I get it. You're not the first one to relise I'm just one big mistake. And you won't be the last. Sorry, I'm such a disappointment." I took a shuddering breath. "Oh, and my name is Keith. If you wanted to know."
I turned away and walked out of Lance's arms, out of the room. I could hear Lance's soft footsteps behind me, but didn't ackknowledge him until after we were ways away from everyone else.
"Oh Keith." Lance said softly as I flung myself into his arms, openly crying. His long fingers carding through my hair.
"I-I'm so stupid. I thought that once I meet her, once I saw her, I'd be better, everything would be okay. Should have known." I gritted through clenched, aching jaw. "I'm so stupid."
"No, Mi Amor. Not at all. Anyone would have thought that. It's only natural." He slowly sat down, bringing me with him onto the cool metal of the castle-ship.
We sat there until I calmed down, no one came looking for us, and we didn't care. It felt like hours until it was all over, and finally we got up and went back to the group. My mother was gone by then. I didn't feel that bad about it. I had something better than a mom, I had a Lance.