Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin.
Her laughter stopped him.
It was the oddest thing. He was just walking along, minding his own business when he heard it. It was Gwen. Merlin had heard her laugh a thousand times before but on this particular day, in this particular moment, it broke the young warlock's heart in two.
He stopped dead in his tracks. He closed his eyes tightly to fight a tear seeking escape. It had been years since her death but he still ached for the girl with long dark hair and a deep secret as black as Uther's heart. His eyes fluttered open. I must see her.
Gwen had been walking behind him with Arthur and when she reached him, a look of concern was stretched across her pretty features. "Merlin? Are you alright?"
"Oh, come on Guinevere. Honestly." Arthur rolled his eyes.
Gwen paid no heed to her husband, quite used to his ignorant remarks. She stared into Merlin's eyes, forehead creasing in concern. It took Merlin a second to recover and soon he was smiling like his usual self. "I'm fine and how are you on this beautiful day My Queen?"
Gwen frowned. This was very unlike Merlin. "Merlin, I'm here if you need me."
His smile faltered for a brief second. "I think Gaius wanted me to…uh- go collect some herbs. Yes, yes that's what he- uh needed me for."He took a couple steps away then paused. Maybe later Gwen?"
Gwen nodded. Arthur's expression had changed during their brief exchange. His superior air had diminished and he was assessing Merlin out of the corner of his eye. Merlin turned to go but Arthur stopped him, clamping a hand down on his shoulder. "Merlin. If you ever feel…" he trailed off, seeming uncomfortable. The king cleared his throat. "Um, if you ever need to…"
Merlin nodded a little too eagerly. "I do believe I understand Sire."
Arthur straightened. "Good…good. Carry on then Merlin. Go… polish my armor."
Merlin gave a curt nod. "Already done, Sire." He then dashed down the hall, lanky form disappearing around the corner.
In truth, he retired to his chambers. Gaius was out, actually collecting herbs. Lying on his small cot, Merlin thought about her. Freya. He smiled faintly at her name. She was so beautiful.
He wished he had been able to hear Freya laugh more. To grow old with her in a little house up by a lake with a few fields and a couple cows. And strawberries. Where no one could ever find them.
His reminiscing did not last long as he was soon interrupted by a certain blonde-haired prat. Who also happened to be a king. "Merlin!"
He sat up on his cot just as Arthur slammed open the door. Assuming a regal pose in the doorway, he cocked an eyebrow. "Gaius needs you, eh Merlin?" he stepped into the room. "Guinevere seems to think you are ill." His nose quirked. "Or just feeling down about something. She sent me to pry I tout of you. But- I think you are just a lazy, good-for-nothing servant, trying to get out of his chores for the day."
If Merlin hadn't actually been feeling under the weather he would have laughed at Arthur's swift turn around. But as the king rattled on about Merlin's incompetence, the warlock thought he saw a flash of real concern in his eyes. Merlin slid of his bed and stood. "Well then, I better get moving along, Sire. I believe Gaius wanted me to meet him in the forest to assist with his herb collecting after I finished my chores for you." He rocked back on his heels as his spoke, and then added seemingly as an afterthought; "Sire."
Merlin darted around Arthur to grab his bag off of the back of a chair. Arthur followed him into the room. "Merlin."
Merlin stopped in the entranceway to the physician's chambers. "Yes, Sire?'
Arthur opened his mouth then shut it. He sighed. "Never mind. Carry on, Merlin."
Merlin nodded and flew down the corridor like the hounds of the underworld were nipping at his heels.
Sunset came and found the broken-hearted boy by the edge of the Lake of Avalon. He sat chest-to-knees in a patch of grass near the shoreline. He knew that he shouldn't have stayed out so late but what was done was done. The cool breeze blew a wisp of his dark hair across his forehead. He ran his hands over his face and stood. He moved like a dead man to the edge of lake. The fading sunlight glinted across the quiet lake. The water touched the edge of his boots and he almost fell to his knees as the druid girl's absence hit him like a ton of bricks. He shambled forward until he was knee-deep in the water. He closed his eyes and the sunset turned his lids red. Red like the anger he should have felt when Arthur killed- murdered the girl he loved. But he hadn't hated the man for doing it. He cared for Arthur too, and he knew if Arthur could understand magic, then he wouldn't have done it. Arthur was a good man. Unlike his father.
Merlin stayed with Freya for a while longer. Or at least that's how he thought of it. That she hadn't truly left him. In the blink of an eye she would be beside him. But he could never be with her. Suddenly he didn't want to be Emrys, the warlock destined for greatness. Emrys, so powerful yet he could not save her. He just wanted to be Merlin, a normal serving boy who didn't have to worry about the fate of Camelot on his shoulders. He just wanted to be alone and to grieve for the girl he lost so long ago.
The moon lit a way back to the castle for Merlin, but he didn't need it. He had walked the same path a hundred times before. In the shadows of the night, he slipped back into his room, expecting a lecture or two the following morning.
Thanks so much for reading! Chapter 2 is already underway! (review if you want more)