This is a one-shot until I decide to continue it, so review if you want me to continue!
Enjoy!
Sirius
They *cough*Remus*cough* said I would fail. Miserably. But I never give up until the job's done. So, I was going to act like my snotty, pure-blood mother, stick my nose in the air, and get Lily Evans to fall in love with James Potter.
Third Person
Sirius Black was what some would call delinquent, arrogant, and trouble.
They are right.
But, things are not always as they seem.
Sirius Black was loyal, determined, and brave. And stupid.
So, why are we discussing this?
Oh, right, because he somehow concocted a plan that was making his two friends, Remus J. Lupin and Peter E. Pettigrew stare at him like he was mad.
Mad. Let's add that onto the list.
Grinning at them stupidly, Sirius was waiting for them to drop down onto the ground, praising his 'brilliant' mind.
Instead they said, "You really are a lost cause."
"What?" Sirius was indignant. When he had brought them down to the Three Broomsticks- without James- he was under the impression that Remus and Peter would finally recognize his talent.
"You do know that Lily Evans is never going to consider even looking at Prongs in that way, especially if you go through with that idea," Remus said.
"But it will work," Sirius whined.
"I'm sorry, but this just will not," Peter said.
"Not you, too, Wormtail," Sirius gasped, and crouched below the table they were sharing so that all but his eyes were out of sight, "Don't go into the dark Moony World!"
"God forbid that you ever go into Padfoot Loony World, Wormtail," Remus glared at Sirius.
"Can we at least try?" Sirius pleaded, sitting back on his chair.
"And ruin Prongs' love life and make a fool of ourselves?" Remus raised his eyebrows, "No."
"But why?" he asked.
"Because it will crash and burn, like all your other plans," Peter answered.
"I'll bug you until you agree," Sirius threatened, raising a finger, while glaring at both of them.
"No, Padfoot," Remus went pale.
"Please," Peter was shaking his head vigorously, while trembling.
"Not until you agree," Sirius sung.
"Never!" Peter claimed.
"Very well," smiling wickedly, Sirius moved over to sit between Remus and Peter, both of whom attempted to stand up and walk away.
Sirius grabbed them and sat them back down.
Taking a deep breath, Sirius let loose, "!"
This went on for about half an hour until Remus and Peter were twitching and as stiff as a board.
"Alright, alright we'll do it!" Remus almost screamed, catching the attention of almost everyone in the pub.
"Oh, goodie," Sirius smiled doggishly, "Let's get started."
"I will make sure you die a very painful and very slow death," Remus threatened as Sirius hummed.
He was busy pulling out every wig and fake hair he owned, and then making Remus and Peter try it on.
They were in their dormitory, and Peter was surprised by the amount of costumes and disguises Sirius had under his bed.
"What if Prongs comes in?" Peter asked.
"Don't worry your little head about that," Sirius smiled.
"What did you do, Padfoot?" Remus groaned.
"Oh, nothing," Sirius said angelically.
"Tell me," Remus demanded.
"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Moony," Sirius said, "By the way, should I wear the knickers? You know, as part as the disguise?"
"Don't change the subject, Padfoot," Remus said.
"Fine," Sirius sighed dramatically, "I have locked Prongsie in a cupboard." He announced as though it were a major accomplishment.
"You did what?" Remus said loudly.
"I locked him in a cupboard," Sirius said slowly, "A broom cupboard."
"How did you do that?" Peter asked with wonder. Not many people could get James' guard down, so not many people could manage it.
"I told him that Evans wanted a little snog. I said she was too embarrassed to ask him herself, so I obligingly took the message to him. It's not like he won't be happy. I put up loads of pictures of his dearly beloved, so he can't complain," Sirius finished proudly.
"Who's thick enough to believe that?" Remus was actually intrigued.
"Apparently Prongs is when it comes to a certain red-head," Sirius snorted, and held up a red haired wig up to Remus.
"Do you think Lily's dad is the red-head, or do you think it's her mum?" Sirius asked.
"I don't know, but you better get it right, Dumbledore has met her parents before," Remus said.
"Peter," Sirius said, "You've seen Evans' sister before, haven't you?'
"Yeah," Peter said, "She was blond."
"Good," Sirius grinned, "I've got a blond one right here. Come on, Peter," Rolling his eyes, Peter grudgingly dragged himself over to Sirius.
"Come on, Padfoot," Remus said loudly up the stairs to the boys dormitory.
"It's not Padfoot anymore, Harold dear," Sirius attempted to sound like an elderly woman, but ended up reminding Remus of a parrot.
"Rose, then!" Peter shouted exasperatedly, "Get your pale, now womanly, bottom down here now!" To say he was irritated was an understatement. Dressed in itchy woman's clothes, and a blond wig, he was posing as Lily's sister, Petunia.
It was Sirius' 'brilliant' idea that they dressed as Lily's family, and tell the headmaster that they thought their 'daughter', Lily, would benefit from staying with a pure-blood family to get used to the idea that she would someday have a magical house.
Remus was Lily's dad, Harold, and Sirius was Lily's mum, Rose. Earlier, they had cornered Lily and demanded she tell them what her immediate family's names are.
Stammering from being towered over by three muscly (In Sirius' and Remus' case), she gave them their names in bewilderment, all the while thinking that it's not like they can do anything about it.
The three boys then dragged her kicking and screaming to the nearest cupboard, stole her wand, and locked her in. Remus sent her an apologetic look, but she glared at him anyway.
Sirius finally strutted down the stairs, and Remus and Peter had to fight to keep their laughter in.
He was dressed in high heels and a frilly pink dress, that he swore made him look thinner. In an attempt to make himself more womanly, he had also bundled up tissues for his upper, er, woman parts.
Swinging a handbag around, Sirius said in a high, girly voice, "Shall we go?"
"Only if you stop using that tone," Peter said.
"Not a chance," Sirius said, still using that same, annoying voice.
He turned on his heel, and Remus and Peter shared one look before following.
They passed nobody in the hallway, just a few ghosts who stared at them disbelievingly.
Remus chanted in his head, 'It's all going to be over soon. It's all going to be over soon.'.
They finally reached the headmaster's office and Sirius said in that high voice, "Fizzing Whizbees."
As the gargoyles stepped aside, Peter asked, "How did you know that?"
"Me and Prongsie visited it yesterday, with dear Minnie," Sirius explained.
Dumbledore looked up as he heard a knock on the door.
"Come in," he said, and the sight that met him was a truly horrifying one.
Sirius Black, in a dress and high heels, wearing smudged eye-shadow and bright red lipstick. Peter Pettigrew, dressed similarly, and Remus Lupin, who looked like he would rather be anywhere but here, was sporting a doctor's suit and a bright red beard.
"Mr. Dumbledore," Sirius simpered in a high, soprano voice that hurt his ears, "We would like to inform you that we think it would benefit our dear Lily's transition into the wizarding world if she would like to stay with the Potters. We already have the letter from the Potters and they are willing to do it," here Sirius dug in his little purse, and took out with a flourish, a letter they had forged, "We just wanted your opinion on the matter."
Dumbledore's eyes glittered in amusement, and he finally got whiff of what the three Marauders were doing, "Well, Mr. Black, I am flattered you asked my opinion, though I am wondering, where have you put Miss. Evans and Mr. Potter."
Sirius' eyes widened in shock, "How did you know it was us?"
"It is not very hard to guess," Dumbledore said, "Miss. Evans and Mr. Potter?" he prompted.
"Broom cupboards," Remus answered dully, sitting down and pulling off the ridiculous disguise.
"Ah," Dumbledore expressed no shock, but he was surprised that planning had gone into this scheme, "Now, would you be as so kind as to unlock my two students."
"Yes, Professor," they chorused.
On their way out, they heard him say, "And let us never speak of this again."
Remus and Peter muttered sounds of agreement, but Sirius just huffed.
"On the count of three," Peter said. The three boys were back in their normal dress, though Sirius still had some lipstick on, standing outside of the broom cupboard they had locked James in.
"How about ten?" Sirius suggested.
"No," Remus said. Their plan was to free James, then tell him that Lily was still locked up somewhere, so they'd leave him alone and go after his true love.
"1…2…3," Peter flung open the door, but it seems bad luck was shining on them today.
Lily Evans was behind the door.
"IDIOTS!" she screeched, and made lunged at them. They ran away, with Lily close behind them shooting spells at their backs.
They ducked behind a tapestry and waited until she ran past them to go get James.
"James?" They opened the door.
"IDIOTS!" he yelled and he too, ran after his fellow Marauders.
It seemed James and Lily had something in common, and that was screaming names at their captors, while cheerfully skipping after them with stunning spells.
Sirius
Attempt #1- fail
But I will be back! And I will be victorious!
You just wait…
Like it? Hate it? If you tell me to continue, then I'm sure Sirius will think of something that includes the most powerful love potion in the world!
Review!