The music boomed from the large black speakers in the corner of the beach house that belonged to my friend Danielle's parents. Everyone who went to our school and even some who didn't, were there at the party. The celebration of the end of the school year and the beginning for freedom, raged through each of the bodies occupying the indoor and outdoor areas. All I wanted was to get out, to get away from everything here. Nothing seemed the same to me anymore. I could hardly remember anything anymore, I rarely did anything except train, and when I wasn't training at the gym I was training at home in the basement and when it was nice in the back yard. Gymnastics was my life, I had nothing outside of that little bubble. Sure I had friends, a boyfriend and family, but all I ever wanted was to be an Olympic Gymnast. I'd started gymnastics for recreation when I was just three years old, because my mother was tired of me doing somersaults all over the house. One night a week for fun, soon turned into two and then three nights a week. By the time I was seven, I was going to the gym Monday thru Friday. And by the time I was ten I had almost completely stopped eating, I needed to be perfect, and the only way to be perfect was to be light and fast. Light and fast encouraged me to train harder, eat less, exercise more, condition more, do what ever it takes. And I did.
Now at fifteen I had just gotten injured bad enough, to probably ruin my gymnastics career, forever. My body was weak from the lack of nutrients, my bones were frail and my skin was chalky and pasty. My rib cage was visible under my skin, not as shocking as the Holocaust Prisoners, but scary looking enough. I sat outside on the ledge of the balcony in my red and white flower bikini looking down on all of my friends having fun, none of them knowing my pain. My physical, emotional or psychological pain. There I sat, alone, a mango martini in my left hand, my right hand held me safely in place on the ledge. Why couldn't I just let loose, and have fun, eat junk food and wash it down with Pepsi? I could, but that would mean giving up everything that I've worked so hard to acquire. Most times I was alone, refusing to leave my training to travel with my parents for my fathers work, they left me in the care of the housekeepers. Naturally with my parents being gone so often and my siblings with them it was quite easy for me to either not eat or throw up what I'd already ingested. Suddenly I felt something grip me tight around the waist. "Hey gorgeous!" My boyfriend Marques yelled as he pulled me off the ledge. "What are you doing up here all alone?"
"Thinking." I said looking up at him. Compared to my slight figure and height, Marques was a giant at 6'3 and 178 pounds. His skin was tanned from the days he spent playing basketball in the sun, he had beautiful sea blue eyes and short curly blond hair.
"Thinking about what?" He asked pulling me onto his lap as he sat down on the iron chair by the balcony doors.
"Lots of things," I shrugged, even I could hear the sadness in my voice.
"Well stop it, this is a party. You're supposed to be having fun, not moping around."
"It's not that easy Marq. You don't understand anything….just…just leave me alone." I yelled pushing myself away from him and storming off into the house.
"Heather! Wait!" I heard him yell as he followed closely behind me.
"Get away from me Marques. I just want you to leave me alone. I want everyone to leave me alone! I don't need anybody's help!" I screamed turning to face him, not caring that everyone at the party had stopped to watch at this point.
"But, Heather…I want to understand, I want to help…"
I wanted to scream back at him, but somehow I had lost my voice and everything in front of me had gone blurry. I hadn't eaten anything in two weeks and I'd consumed at least 5 Mango Martini's since I arrived at the party. I braced myself before I could fall, and everything became clear again, my voice came back to me and I was even more angry than before. My friend Kylie had just walked up to me to make sure everything was ok. "Heather, Hun. Have you eaten anything? You've drank a lot." She said concerned.
"UGH! Will everyone just leave me the fuck alone! Jesus! I am fine! And now I am leaving! Don't follow me, just leave me ALONE!" I screamed as I ripped away from Marques' grip and sprinted out the door.
It hadn't occurred to me until I reached the front steps of the house that I'd driven here with Marques, but I didn't care. It wasn't that far to my house I would just run there, I needed to work off the calories from those martini's anyway. Running made me feel free, like nothing could touch me and the fresh air rushing past my face calmed me down. When I reached my house I raced up the front steps and inside, locking the door behind me. I was sweating, thirsty, hungry, slightly dizzy and I felt sick to my stomach. I walked across the entry way to the kitchen and grabbed a glass from the cabinet above the sink and filled it with cold water. I gulped it down and drank another glass, but I still felt dizzy and sick. The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital, hearing that awful beeping from the machines. I opened my eyes and Marques was sitting on me left, Kylie and Casey, my two best friends on my right. I smiled at Kylie and Casey and apologized. "Get him out of here." I ordered looking at Marques. No one knew, but Marques was part of the problem and I never wanted to see his face again.
"Why?" Kylie asked shocked by my reaction at his presence.
"I just want him out! Get him out of here! I don't ever want to see him again!" I said raising my voice as loud as I could. My voice was harsh and scratchy.
A nurse heard me and came rushing into the room. "Something wrong?" She asked.
"I want him out of here, now!" I yelled pointing my finger at him.
The nurse had security remove Marques from my room and make sure that there was no way he could get back in. My parents, of course, only called to make sure that I was alright. I looked at my two best friends and felt more ashamed than ever, how could I let them see me in the fragile state. I was always the tough one, yet here I am frail as ever, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. I needed to get away, but where could I go that was far enough away that no one could or would come after me? Just at this precise moment I got the most brilliant idea, my aunt Marie. My favorite aunt had moved to London, England when I was ten, and the only time I ever got to see her was when she came around for the holidays. She had always told me I was aloud to come visit and stay with her, but my parents always said no, I'm not exactly sure why. Casey's voice broke my train of thought. "Heather. How long had it been since you had eaten anything?" She asked concerned, a pained look on her face.
I turned my head so I didn't have to look into their eyes and shrugged. "I don't remember. A few weeks, maybe. Who cares." I shrugged again.
"We care!" They both answered raising their voices slightly to show the concern and authority in their voices. Kylie and Casey were twins, though not identical. I'd known them since I moved to California when I was seven.
"I'm sorry guys, I just…I don't know…I'm fat…I can't help it."
"If you're fat Alex, then what the hell does that make me?? A fucking humpbacked whale?" Kylie accused shocked by my matter of fact tone.
"No you are perfect, so is Casey! I on the other hand am far from it! There is something wrong with me." I'd started to cry at this point and I couldn't continue talking about it any longer. "Are they feeding me?" I asked.
Kylie nodded her head. "Yes you have a feeding tube, you need to eat."
"Ugh." I moaned. "I need to leave. When can I check out of here?"
"Why do you need to leave?" Casey asked eying me curiously.
"I've got shit to do. Places to go, people to see."
Just then a nurse walked in to check on me. She was tall and lanky with red hair and pale skin. She had blue eyes and freckles all over her face. Too large black plastic framed glasses sat on her nose as she read over my chart and checked all my vitals. "How are you feeling today? You gave everyone quite a fright." She murmured checking the machine by my bed.
"I'm fine. Um, when may I leave?"
"The doctor will be in shortly and he should be releasing you dear. Take care." She said walking out of the room and closing the door behind her.
The nurse was right, about half an hour after she was in the doctor came through the door. He went over my instructions and my release papers and made me sign all of them. I had to eat lunch before I was able to leave the hospital and the girls were to be driving me home, since I had no car. The drive home was fairly short and the girls insisted on staying with me for a few hours until I finally convinced them they could go home, that I was going to bed and I would call them in the morning. The second I was positive they had left I picked up my cell phone and dialed my aunt Marie's phone number. "Hello?" I heard her ask, her New York accent now had a slight British twist to it.
"Auntie Marie. It's me Heather."
"Darling, are you alright? You sound exhausted."
"No auntie, I'm really not alright. I need a huge favor." my voice breaking slightly. I knew I couldn't hold the tears back for long.
"Anything dear, what's wrong?"
"Can I come stay with you please? I can't stand it anymore. I'm sick, there is something wrong with me! I don't know what to do. I'm all alone. I need someone, I need you…they…they don't care. I was just in the hospital and they couldn't even fly home. They called to see if I was ok. They called!! They called once and that was it! Just once. They don't love me!" I explained in a rush, the tears now flowing freely.
"Oh darling. I wish I could hold you right this moment. Of course you can come here. I don't care what your father says. I'm booking a flight for you right now, you just get your things and go to the airport, dear. Everything will be taken care of. I'll send you a text with your information on it as soon as I can, I promise. I love you. Be careful. I'll see you soon."
"Bye auntie Marie! Thank you so much." I managed to choke out.
I hung up the phone and sprinted up the stairs to my bedroom. I had a stash of cash in a shoebox in my closet. I grabbed it and took all the money out of it. I grabbed two large suitcases, a duffle bag and a carry on backpack. I shoved all of my clothing and favorite shoes into the suitcases, toiletries and everything else including books and movies and things like that went into the duffle bag, while I shoved one book, my smaller CD case, CD player, cell phone, laptop and a tablet and pen into the back pack. I showered and changed into light blue jeans, a baby blue Roxy t-shirt and a matching pair of Roxy flip-flops and headed downstairs. I left my parents a note on the counter of the center island in the kitchen and told the housekeepers not to remove it. Then I called for a cab to take me to the airport.
I arrived at LAX and received a text message from my aunt telling me that my ticket was ready and my flight would be leaving at 9:30 pm. It was now 6:30, I had three hours to kill. I got my ticket at the desk, and went through claims, bag checks and security before seating myself in the uncomfortable row of seats closest to the doors that would lead me to freedom. I pulled out my copy if Dracula and began reading it, again. This was probably my hundredth time reading it, but I loved it so much. The pages were worn, discolored and falling apart, but I loved it and refused to purchase a new copy until this one was illegible. The time passed quickly, quicker than I thought it would. I didn't want to sleep in the airport, I knew I'd have plenty of time to do that on my ten hour flight. I felt horrible for abandoning my friends, but right now this was about me and what I needed. I would email them in the morning explaining everything, but right now I just couldn't do it.
As I boarded the plane I realized that I was booked in first class, I should have known. My aunt never was one to do things half-assed. I settled into my seat and prepared myself for a long flight. I had an entire seat to myself so I could stretch out and sleep. The stewardess gave me a nice fluffy pillow and a blanket, she kept checking on me, I suppose she could tell that I was sick and that something was very wrong with me. I hadn't noticed her giving so much attention to the others on the flight. She offered me food, drink, more pillows and blankets, headphones for the movies, and everything else you could imagine. I politely turned her down for everything except for bottles of water and the occasional Advil for a headache I had acquired around the third hour into the flight. I woke on the last hour of the flight, sitting up in my seat and rubbing my neck. My body had become stiff and sore from sitting for so long and sleeping awkwardly in the seat. I could already feel the freedom flowing through my body, I felt like a different person, like a better person. Something still felt off though, and I couldn't put my finger on it. Probably just nerves or something ridiculous like that I would tell myself. And the second my feet touched the ground in London, the feeling of completeness washed over me, I was filled with happiness and elation and every good emotion I hadn't felt in such a long time. It was at this exact moment I knew, that things were only going to get better, I knew that I made the right decision, all of my fears and doubts were washed away.