Breakdown
When I was younger the people in the town of junrinan, a town located in the western part of Rukongai was all the same. Suspicious and foolish… well at least in the neighborhood where I came from, it was most likely the event that occurred during the time that made them like that, not sure.
When something or someone wasn't "normal" after that event they instantly began to fear and detest it. I was such a person that had turned abnormal, not only to their eyes but to my own too.
When I was just a little girl a monster roamed the forests and streets of junrinan. They devoured the souls and spread fear amongst the townspeople unlike never seen before. I don't remember anything about it but the things I´ve read and seen in the records from that period is enough to send chills down my spine.
My neighborhood was in a state of a breakdown. After several mysteriously disappearing's without a sight of the monster they began to believe that the monster, had the power to transform into looking like us, looking normal. People began to distrust everything and everyone, especially things that were close to them, scared that the monster could be anywhere just waiting for a chance to strike. People only left their houses to buy food or other essential supplies, of course there where a few that refused to live like that and tried to live just like normal, but the fear and distrust towards others was always hiding behind facades of brave smiles. The slightest noise made them jump and sometimes made them run in fear of the fact that it might be the monster just about to attack them, then as usual they laughed nervously and came up with a best lie they could come up with like "I thought I saw something" or "oh look at the time, I´m not really as late as I thought… might as well stay a bit lobger".
After some time living in fear people turned crazy, they didn't hesitate to kill their best friends, wife/husband or children if they thought that the person had said or done something suspicious. Some even committed suicide saying that they rather die by their own hands than some monsters. I can't even imagine what a sight this must have been to the children, seeing people that had been a part of their lives for so long, one after the other die or eventually go crazy.
One day the townspeople all reached their breaking point and desperately tried to come up with a plan. If the soul reapers hadn't yet been able to kill the monster then would they ever come up with a way? They thought as it suddenly hit them, killing isn't the only way to get rid of something like that. The townspeople searched for a member from the squad that patrolled the city of junrinan and presented their plan, to seal the monster within a body. The captain liked the idea and ordered the subordinates to find the person with the largest amount of spiritual pressure in Junrinan. That person was me; a young girl who probably didn't even fully understand what was happening was alone taken to a distant mountain escorted by people I never met. Since I don't remember any of this I can't exactly know how I must've felt but I guess that like any other child I was terribly scared and I must´ve been feeling alone and left out to forces that I wasn't even near able to control.
A couple of days later I woke up, alone, in pain and confused in a little house near the forest. I had no idea of who I were and everything seemed new to me. I don't remember anything after the day they took me away from my family, I was a blank page and no one wanted to fill it in for me. When I walked down the streets they ignored me, I wasn't there and I never had been. It was like my entire existence had been erased and I had turned invisible. At first I remember being so angry, I knew they could hear and see me for they always twitched if I by mistake surprised them and their eyes began to wander off somewhere in the distance as soon as I came near. Then after a about month all that anger I had been building up inside of me suddenly changed to grief and frustration. Why wouldn't they talk to me? Why wouldn't they look at me? Why wouldn't they laugh with me? Why didn't they want me to a part of them? I remember crying wondering what I ever done to them to deserve being left out alone. For as far as I knew I didn't even know them.
It didn't take the kids long enough to catch on to the grownups hatred though kids weren't as nice as most of the adults where. I remember one day when I finally began to accept that this was how I was going to live my life, the first in a countless series of molesting would start. Some of the kids from the village had come over and knocked on my door. Overwhelmed by happiness that someone would actually want to see me I opened the door and for the first time in long time I smiled from ear to ear, though after that day it would take me a long time before I ever smiled again. The kids that had knocked on my door looked at me with wicked smiles and dragged me out and after what felt like minutes of hits, kicks and cursing they left me on the ground with blood spilling from my nose and mouth. I remember like it was just yesterday, the pain and the difficulty I had to breathe after that attack but the pain that was the worst was to know that now they were walking to a place they called home, to place where the food was on the table and the possible parents and siblings smiled and greeted them when they saw them coming in.
I remember tears streaming uncontrollably down my face as I thought of what the kids had called me and as I added it together with how everyone had been acting towards me during all this time, it was impossible not to realize that I was a vessel of a hated and feared monster that was more than ruthless and horrible. After that day I can without a doubt say that it didn't matter how much they hated or feared me, for I would always fear myself more.
That day was the beginning of my own breakdown that I many years later would be saved from and eventually be the person I am today.
Captain of squad 9. Wife of Hitsugaya Tōshirō and a trusted and loved friend of many.