1
Merlin sighed wistfully as he watched the boy bustle around the room.
"You know," he said, "I used to be a manservant like you, but then I took an arrow in the knee."
2
"MERLIN! HELP ME, MERLIN!"
Merlin gritted his teeth and looked up to find that the King's son had been surrounded by zealots, again.
Oh, well. At least the suit of armor meant they weren't going anywhere.
3
Arthur cursed his luck. Of course the only human to be found in this town would be a complete nutter.
"I knew you'd come. It was foretold by gyromancy!"
What. The fuck. Was gyromancy?
4
Arthur removed his eye patch. "That's an order, Merlin."
Merlin gracefully fell to one knee, and pulled off his glove with his teeth. "As you wish, young master."
5
Arthur laboriously pulled himself over the rim of the well and began frantically pushing at the lid.
"Daddy!" Mordred's voice echoed from far below.
"I'm not your fucking Daddy," he hissed, and the lid slid shut.
6
"Ye King's olde English, foul defiler of matrons!" Arthur screeched. "Dost thou speak it?"
Merlin rolled his eyes.
7
"You know, I don't want there to be any hard feelings between us, Arthur. When you and, uh—"
"MERLIN!"
"Merlin were being abducted, I was sitting in Uther's cage."
8
Merlin smiled sadly as he spied the wetness on Arthur's cheeks.
"Maybe somewhere out there," he began softly, "even a Prince may cry when he loses a loved one."
9
"What's your strategy?" Gwen hissed anxiously, watching as Arthur readied his sword.
"I told you!" Merlin yelled. "A fist in his face!"
10
"These men died for their country," Arthur said solemnly, looking over the corpse-strewn battlefield. "Send flowers to their bitches and hos."
11
"I've been terribly busy!" Arthur declared.
"Doing what?" Merlin demanded.
" . . . Kinging!"
12
"What've I missed?"
Arthur looked uncomfortable. "Well, basically, Father's been telling everyone that, uh . . . you're the devil."
"Oh . . . nice."
13
Gaius gestured at the object on the table. "I could no more explain this than explain to you why the Earth goes around the Sun!"
Arthur frowned. "You mean the Sun around the Earth?"
14
Merlin shook his head as the knights went over Arthur's battle strategy. "Arthur here is a newbie king! When he fails, he's going to fail big! You got that?"
15
Arthur spared a glance at the very sly and satisfied looking Gwen, and suddenly felt extremely relieved the marriage hadn't happened.
He paused by Lancelot. "After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical . . . but it is often true."
16
Arthur gestured at the mounted hunting trophies. "But would you notice them the moment you came into the room?"
Merlin shrugged. "It's no good asking me. I mean, you know me—I didn't even notice when your father was on fire."
17
"A little fear will control the minds of the common people," said Uther with a sinister smile. "There's no reason to waste money on them."
Arthur cringed.
18
"Magic is a pathway to many abilities some consider to be . . . unnatural," said Merlin gravely.
19
Merlin gripped Arthur's shoulders. "I am not the Prince—I am the man behind the Prince."
20
Arthur stood at the balcony, looking down at the filth-encrusted peasants scurrying around the village below.
"This world is a rotten mess . . ."
21
Merlin couldn't look at what was left of Morgana.
"He cut off her nose . . ." Gaius said, swallowing heavily.
"To spite her face," murmured Arthur.
22
"Do you think me wicked?"
Arthur shook his head. "No. But perhaps there is a little bit of witch in you, Merlin."
"Why do you say that?"
"Because you have bewitched me."
23
"Merlin! MERLIN!"
"Your Highness?"
"Wha-wha-what time is it?"
"Three o'clock in the afternoon, Your Highness."
"Oh, thank God for that. I thought I'd overslept."
.
.
Author's Note: I've seen a few Merlin fics around with super short crossovers like this and I really, really enjoyed them, so of course I had to write my own. I think the other fics were part of a challenge of some sort, so credit goes to whoever came up with it!