Why Do We Wait?
Samantha Carter walked into the infirmary, knowing that she had to sit by her friend's bedside. It killed her inside to see him as he was, but she knew that he deserved to know what had been going on. "Just so you know, Jonas had a change of heart," she began as she sat down beside him. "He stole some naquadria for us. He took a big risk; he said it was because of what you did. I think it could be important and I… I wanted you to know that."
"You have an effect on people Daniel," Sam continued, knowing that she was rambling. "The way you look at things, it changed me too…" she let her voice trail off. Suddenly the full force of what was happening hit her and she began to cry.
"I see what really matters, now… I don't know why we wait to tell people how we really feel," Sam lamented. She wasn't sure if he could hear her, but she was not about to let her best friend die without telling him what she had been trying to tell him for ages. "I love you," she choked out. "I know that I have rotten timing. I've been trying to work up the courage for months now, waiting for the right moment."
Sam paused and shook her head, laughing slightly at the ironic nature of her situation. "This isn't the right moment either but I just had to say what I feel, even if it doesn't make a difference in the long run…" Sam paused and gripped Daniel's hand tighter. "I guess I hoped that you always knew."
…
It was a year and a bit later. Daniel had died, and had shown himself to Jack and Teal'c in visions and had led them on a quest to stop Anubis from getting the location of the lost city of the ancients. Now he was back, without his memory and he wasn't sure if he was going to come back to the SGC with them. Jack had 'tagged' Sam. It was her turn to talk to him. And she had, only to run up against the same brick wall. She was just about to leave the tent when Daniel asked her a startling question.
"Was there anything between us?"
Her heart stopped when he said that. What could she say to it? How could she answer it? At first Sam wondered if he had heard her when he lay dying. The deathbed confession had been something she had felt compelled to do and she had grieved a long time for the loss of her friend and the man that she loved— but a year later she wasn't sure exactly how she felt for him and now he was asking that very question.
Then Sam realized that she was being ridiculous. Daniel couldn't remember his name let alone what she said to him while he had been unconscious. So she said the only thing that she could say. That they were only really good friends.
…
It was amazing how quickly time could pass. One minute Daniel was dead, the next he was ascended and then he was descended. Almost two years had passed since he regained his human form, and while he had faced death on many occasion, he had a sneaking suspicion that his luck would run out on this one. Repli-Carter was probing his mind, searching for the secrets that had been buried there by the ancients when he descended.
Daniel was amazed at the scope of what he knew, or rather what he had known at one time and he was saddened by the thought that he would die without ever really comprehending the vast knowledge ever again. Still despite that sadness, Daniel knew that the probing of his mind provided an excellent opportunity. While Repli-Carter was scanning his mind, he was scanning hers searching for a way to control her replicator brethren which he knew were attacking the galaxy at large— including his friends.
It was the thought of his friends which had brought up a half remembered memory. Repli-Carter did not care for it and tossed it aside but Daniel held on to it. It was a fragment of a memory, nothing more than audio and based on the feelings associated with it, Daniel realized that it was from the time when he had been dying.
Someone had been speaking to him in the memory, a woman and she was sad— no heartbroken. I love you, the memory of Sam's choked up voice rang out through his head. Daniel realized with a start that she loved him; or rather she had done three years previous when he had been dying.
Suddenly, things from those first few moments with SG1, when they had found him made sense. He remembered how on some level he knew that Sam cared for him more than the rest. He knew that he cared greatly for her too, but it wasn't until his memories returned that he realized that around the time he died he had begun falling for his best friend and she had fallen for him too.
As quickly as Daniel's heart inflated at the thought of Sam loving him, it deflated again. She was with Pete now. They were getting married. Pete had confided in him the last time that they had all been together that he was going to buy her a house. Sam was happy with Pete. Sam had moved on. Sam no longer loved Daniel even though he was more in love with her then he had been three years previous when he had died. Daniel's heart broke as he realized that he had lost Sam.
"Everyone's going to lose unless I do something," he thought to himself, thankful that Repli-Carter was too absorbed in her searching to pay him much attention. And so, Daniel put Sam and his heartbreak out of his mind and got down to work.
…
Daniel couldn't believe it. He had a third chance at life. Oma Desala had saved him once again, and instead of continuing his journey he returned to Earth. In some respect, continuing on would have been easier. He wouldn't have to face the daily heartbreak of loving Sam, but at the same time he couldn't imagine eternity NOT seeing her and so he had returned— naked in the SGC to boot but with his memory intact.
They had taken him to the infirmary and after being given a clean bill of health and some clothes Jack, Teal'c and Sam came to visit him. "So," he asked expectantly looking to all his friends. "What did I miss?"
"A hell of a battle," Jack replied.
"The Jaffa are now free," Teal'c added
"Yeah and there's no Anubis or little buggers hanging around," Jack added.
"Did you have anything to do with them stopping?" Sam asked, looking curious.
Daniel shrugged. "My memory of that is a little fuzzy but yeah, I think so."
"Adda-boy,"
"Thanks Jack."
He shook his head. "Don't mention it."
"So," Daniel began after a moment of silence. "Anything else?"
Jack and Teal'c exchanged looks, something that Daniel could not help but notice. "Uh T— don't we have a sparring session this afternoon."
"We do not," Teal'c replied in his usual stoic tone.
"Well I want to spar," Jack replied ushering Teal'c out. "Let's go."
Once they were gone Daniel turned to Sam. "What was that all about?"
"They wanted to give me some privacy," she replied.
"Oh?" Daniel asked. "Why?"
Sam shifted uncomfortably at the edge of his bed where she had been sitting. "There are other things that you missed when you were gone," she said at last.
"Like?" he promoted.
"Like my Dad dying for one."
"Oh Sam," Daniel said, taking her hand at once. "I'm so sorry."
"Thanks," she said with a smile, though there were tears in her eyes. "I'm trying to think of all the years that I got with him, and all the adventures that he had and all the good things that he did but I… it helps a little."
"Does it?" Daniel asked, feeling like she was lying to him
"No," she admitted. "It doesn't."
"Didn't think so," he replied. "So, uh… what was the other?"
"Huh?" Sam asked looking up at him.
"You said for one… I assumed that there was something else."
"Oh! Uh, yeah," Sam confirmed. "I uh, broke up with Pete."
"What?" Daniel exclaimed in surprise. "Why?"
"Lots of reasons."
"I thought you loved him." Daniel asked, trying to understand.
"I thought so too," she admitted. "But uh it's complicated."
"I've got time."
Sam sighed. "I just realized that I didn't love Pete the way he wanted me to. It just wouldn't be fair on him when, when I just couldn't be that invested in the relationship anymore."
"Oh," Daniel said quietly. "Was it because of Jack?"
Sam was taken aback by his blunt question. "What?"
"Well you did—"
"That was ages ago Daniel," she snapped angry at him for even bringing that up. When she had first joined the SGC and SG1 she had fallen for her commanding officer. Jack O'Neill was a safe place to put her emotions. He couldn't return them and so a real relationship would never hurt her. But her heart hadn't gotten the memo and she had fallen in love with Daniel. She eventually moved on from that and when she was freaking out about marrying Pete, Sam had gone to Jack but that was more as a friend— she would have gone to Daniel if he had been around but he hadn't— and then her Dad had died just compounding everything.
"I can't believe you brought that up," she added curtly.
"So that's a no?"
"That's a no," she confirmed.
Daniel sighed. "So—"
"I'm sorry Daniel," she apologized as she sat up. "But I really don't want to talk about it."
"Alright," Daniel replied quietly as she stormed off to the door.
She paused and turned to face him. "I'm glad your back Daniel," she said with a half smile before leaving Daniel to his thoughts.
…
Daniel was released to his quarters to sleep and he slumped down onto his bed with a sigh. Within moments he was asleep and almost instantly fell into a nightmare where he was facing Repli-Carter. But then her face morphed into the real Samantha Carter as she had looked three years previous, and Sam cried out. "I love you."
Daniel awoke with a start and realized that Sam loved him— or had done. He had forgotten that momentarily and after quickly putting on some clothes he raced to her room on base. Determined to tell her how he really felt. "Sam!" he called out banging on her door. "Sam!"
When there was no answer, he raced to her lab and arrived breathless. "Sam."
"What?" she asked sharper then she meant to. "What is it?"
"I remember."
"Remember what?" she asked.
"This," Daniel said as he strode into her office
Before Sam could say anything, Daniel was kissing her. When they finally broke apart, Sam was just as breathless as he was. "What?" she asked, trying to figure out what had just happened.
"I love you," Daniel replied. "I love you Sam. I have ever since I descended, hell, maybe a little bit longer than that."
"But I—"
"I know that you love me too, or you did when I was dying. I remember you telling me. You said why—"
"—why we wait to tell people how we really feel."
"Yeah," Daniel agreed. "Why do we wait?"
Sam shrugged her shoulders, trying to process what was happening. "I don't know."
"Well I didn't want to wait anymore," Daniel said, suddenly worried that whatever feelings Sam had three years ago were gone now. "Do you?"
"No Daniel," Sam said with a small smile as she reached up to caress his face. "I don't."
Before Daniel could say anything, Sam leaned up and kissed him.
-END-
Author's Note: I can't believe that I've never written a Samantha / Daniel story! They were my first OTP on SG1 and while I adore Daniel & Vala and Sam & Jack and Sam & Cameron, Sam & Daniel hold this very special place in my heart. I hope that you guys will review this story, a little AU take on a couple moments :) I love hearing what you all think!