A/N: My first Coupling fic :D I simply love Jeff. This is based around the episode "Size Matters."

Disclaimer: I do not own Coupling.

The Loo

Jeff groaned as Sally half dragged him to the loo and shoved him through the door. He did have to pee like crazy, but he wasn't particularly in the mood to give in to all of his crazy friends telling him he had to go to the loo with Patrick. But, there wasn't much he could do as Sally forced him through the door.

He stood awkwardly just inside the room for a few moments, staring at Patrick's back, but then his overfilled bladder got the best of him and he sidled up to the urinal next to Patrick and, finally, took the chance to relieve himself.

As he stood by his friend, he thought over all of the force it had taken to get him in here, and the reasons why Sally and Steve (and Jane?) had wanted him to follow Patrick in…

May as well while I'm here, he thought, carefully shifting his weight to his right leg, getting just a little closer to Patrick. He pushed himself up onto his tiptoes, peering over Patrick's shoulder, and he couldn't keep his eyes from widening at the sight that awaited him there.

He blinked and carefully shook his head, then looked again, thinking that perhaps all of the hype from Sally and Steve had inflated his imagination; but when he looked again, he saw the same thing.

He couldn't shift his gaze after that, he just stared for what seemed like hours. He knew it couldn't be more than a few seconds (less, even), since both he and Patrick were still doing their business; but it just felt so long.

As he came to this realization, he felt his balance start to quaver. He tried to shift his weight back to his heels, but it was too late. He stumbled forward, reaching a hand out to catch himself as he collided with Patrick, pressing them both up against the wall before them.

"Hey, watch it there, Jeff!" Patrick exclaimed.

"Sorry, mate," Jeff mumbled, stepping back. He quickly zipped up his pants, keeping his gaze fixed on the floor as he felt his face heat up. "Bit of an accident, that's all."

"S'all right," Patrick said, and Jeff allowed a glance at him before turning away and crossing quickly to the sinks. He scrubbed furiously at his hands, trying to ignore Patrick's footsteps and the appearance of the other man at the sink beside him.

"What d'you thinks gotten into Sally?" Patrick asked conversationally as he leisurely ran his hands under the water, rubbing the soap in slowly and carefully.

"I…I've no clue," Jeff replied, shutting off his own faucet and reaching for the paper towel dispenser. As he frantically tried to extract some towels, Patrick's hand joined his on the lever and he froze.

"What's the rush?" Patrick asked. He was so close Jeff felt his breath raising the hairs on the back of his neck, and for a moment all he could think about was his comment to Howard, and all he wanted was to get as far from Patrick as he could.

He was, however, frozen in place as Patrick worked the towel dispenser's lever, then pulled the paper from it. He offered it to Jeff, who slowly reached out a shaking hand and took it, then watched as Patrick repeated the action for himself.

"What's up with you, then, mate?" Patrick asked. Jeff turned around, tossing his paper towel in the rubbish bin, and doing his best to meet Patrick's gaze. He shrugged.

"Oh, it's nothing," he said as nonchalantly as he could. "Just a lot on my mind."

Patrick nodded, a soft hum slipping from his lips. Lips which Jeff then glanced at, and quickly away. He swallowed hard, peering over his shoulder at the door and wondering just how quickly he could get out it.

He made up his mind and turned to leave without another word to Patrick, but before he'd even taken one step the door banged open. He jumped back, colliding with Patrick for a second time that awkward evening, and when he realized who it was who'd entered he felt about ready to strangle someone.

"She's insane," Howard announced, striding towards them. "Bloody insane!"

"Yes, well, uh…," Jeff stuttered.

"I'd better get back out there before Sally starts wondering where I am," Patrick announced, stepping away from Jeff and sauntering out the door. Jeff stared after him, wondering what had happened to all of the awkwardness between them only a few moments more.

He glanced at Howard who was staring at him like he was insane, then back at the door, which led to the people who really were insane…

"So, Howard, is it really a piece of piss being gay?" he asked, looking back at Howard.

"D'you want to find out?"