I love love love the Infernal Devices. Probably honestly my favorite book series ever. Cassandra Clare has created such amazing deep characters that I just can't get out of my mind.
Clockwork Prince literally broke my heart. This is what I think could have happened with Will and Jem right after CP ends (SPOILERS of CP, so if you haven't read it don't read this, unless you want to be confused and ruin the book for yourself) Review Please if you like! :)
Will shoved his hands deep in his pockets as he paced back and forth in front of Jem's bedroom door, struggling back and forth between whether or not he wanted to enter. He came here out of habit mostly. He always came to Jem in times of turmoil, times when he felt that life was spinning out of control and really just needed to talk. Jem was his rock, the sensible one, his brother. The only problem with this time was that Jem was partly to blame for Will's inner anxiety. Will instantly cringed at himself for thinking that Jem was at fault for anything he was feeling at the moment. It wasn't Jem's fault that Will had been so stupid to believe the demon all those years ago. It wasn't Jem who made Will push people away to the point that he pushed the one girl he had ever had strong feelings for right into Jem's arms. Will threw his hands against his face and hung his head as he involuntary pictured Tessa, sweet beautiful Tess, wrapped up in Jem's embrace. Had they even kissed yet? He didn't know. He rubbed his eyes and pushed his hair back from his face quickly, forcing the image from his mind. Will knew that this situation that they were in was entirely one-hundred percent his fault. But he had to talk to someone, so before he could change his mind he placed his hand on the doorknob and turned it, opening the door quietly.
Jem's room was dark, the soft glow of a single witchlight attempted to illuminate the large space. That and the moonlight were the only sources of light. Jem sat at the window leaning against the casing, bow in hand, gazing at the moon. The silent clouds fluttered translucently past the moon taking on a clear blue sheen. Jem absentmindedly twisted the bow in his hands, rosin dust clinging where it hit the dark curtain. He seemed to be in a trance. Will had never seen Jem seem so at peace. His face was relaxed, almost a dreamlike stare coming from his eyes. He knew exactly what had come over his friend and, while it might make him a terrible friend, Will knew that he couldn't listen to what was on Jem's mind. Slowly he started backing up out the door when his weight rested upon a creaky floorboard, instantly pulling Jem out of his hypnosis. Jem turned quickly and his face fell slightly for the smallest of moments when he realized it was Will, but quickly lightened again. Will assumed that he would have been the only person to notice the change in Jem's expression. Will stood in the doorway awkwardly. He felt exposed, as if for some odd reason that he was caught doing something very bad.
"Will!" Jem exclaimed. "Come in." Will shuffled in and closed the door. Why was he feeling this tight feeling of insecurity? It was as if all of his confidence had been stolen from him, bundled up and tied with bricks only to be tossed into the Thames. He hated this feeling, but most of all he hated that Jem was making him feel it.
"Hello Jem," He said, cringing inwardly at how formal and stiff the words came out. He stood there awkwardly wondering how, for the first time in five years, he had no idea what to say to his best friend. Luckly Jem seemed not to notice any of this. He was back to looking out the window. Slowly Will made his way over to sit with him.
"You know what I love?" Jem asked, eyes still locked on the moon. Please don't say Tessa Will thought to himself. Instead he just made a mumbling sound that encouraged Jem to continue.
"I love the moon," Jem explained. "I love that although it changes constantly, one can always predict that it will eventually go back full circle and become, well, just that, a full circle again. It makes me think that there is never an end. When there's a new moon the unknowing soul might think that it is gone forever, when in reality it is just a small part of its grand cycle." Wills heart tightened in his chest for his friend. Funny how although they were part angel they all still questioned whether or not there was life after this one, Jem hoped most of all since he was closer to the end than any of the others. Will didn't know what to say. He was in a way so relieved that Jem was talking about the moon instead of Tessa, that he said nothing. Jem continued: "the cycle goes on, uninterrupted for a while, making one sure to be able to predict it. When it will be brightest, when it will…end" he choked out the last word, "but then, unexpectedly, something will happen" here it comes, "such as a lunar eclipse, where it takes the viewer back and makes one realize that nothing is certain. That just when you're certain of the path the moon something amazing and beautiful comes about." Again Will didn't know what to say. He just stared out at the moon, as entranced as Jem was moments before.
Jem looked at Will looking at the night sky, "You know I'm not really talking about the moon don't you?"
"You're not?" Will asked as lightly as he could forcing a smile on his face.
Jem smiled and wacked Will's knee with the tip of his bow. He sobered quickly and sighed, "I thought I knew what my life was going to be. You and I both know I only have a few good years left at best." Will tried to control his face, but failed to conceal the hurt that crossed it. He hated to think of Jems timeline, but knew it was an ever ticking clock that couldn't be wound. "Marriage was never in my plan. My cycle was to fight until I couldn't fight anymore, and that would be it. I never thought I would find someone who I would feel this way about. Not only that, but someone who, despite my illness, would have me back. She's so good Will…She's the best thing that has happened to me in a long while."
Will choked down his heartache and used up all the energy he could muster to sound cheerfully hurt "And what am I then? Chopped demon parts?"
"Well, hard as it may be for you to believe William, she is much prettier than you. And not quite so whiney"
"I'm hurt. I shant be the same again!" Will sighed as he dramatically put a hand to his head and threw it back. Jem chuckled and became solem again. Apparently this was going to be a serious conversation no matter what Will did. They both sat in silence for who know's how long deep in thought. He still was unsure how he hadn't seen this coming, Jem and Tessa's engagement. Were there really no clues as he thought, or was he so caught up in himself and his own love for Tessa that he was oblivious to the signs.
Before he knew he was speaking he asked "Why did you never tell me your feelings for Tessa? I'm sure I'm not the only one who would say that this engagement was quite a surprise."
Jem averted his eyes before looking at Will sheepishly, "I thought you would make light of the situation. Or worse, that you would be angry and try to talk me out of my feelings."
Did Jem know about him and Tessa? About the kisses he stole? In the attic, the balcony…Will's cheeks flamed in the darkness as he remembered the masquerade, his hands wrapped around Tessa's small waist, her body pushed against his, clinging to each other for dear life. Her hair tickling his cheek as he kissed her neck…he quickly pushed back to the present "Now what makes you think that I would do something like that?" He asked seriousuly.
"Well, you're not exactly the most lovey person Will. You treat women as if they are play things, not treasures to be treated with upmost care. Plus, with Tessa's heritage still unsure, and her not being entirely human and not a shadowhunter, well, I thought you might think she not worthy of me. Silly I know…"
Will's chest tightened "of all the people worthy of you, I couldn't think of a single other person than Tessa Gray. She is, as you stated, the best thing to come along this institute in a long while"
"On the risk of sounding utterly dramatic, I finally feel as if I have something to live for," Jem said quietly, "besides saving you're neck day in and day out that is." Will gave a weak smile. The boys sat in silence for another moment before Jem continued, "In a small way I have you to thank for it."
"Come again?" Will sputtered. Jem couldn't possibly know that role that Will played into pushing Tessa to him.
"Well," Jem said slightly blushing, "Do you remember the night that Tessa and I brought you home from the opium den?"
"Vuagely," Will said, his tone light, but panicking slightly, not knowing where this was leading.
"Well," Jem went on, "I was so angry with you that I couldn't stand it. I was playing my violin, well, a little harshly, and Tessa came to see what was the matter. She was so kind Will. I had known of my feelings for her for some time now. I think I realized them the night that Mortiman attacked the institute, but never thought she would return them. I thought, silly of me, that maybe you had feelings for her, the way you rushed off to get back to the institute once we figured out what was really going on. But then you were so cold to her the following weeks I figured it must have been your instincts to protect that drove you to such urgency.
"Anyhow, I've gone off, where was I? Oh yes, that night Tessa came in. I'll admit looking back I'm ashamed with myself for acting out in such a manner infront of her, but in a way my anger is what got me to admit my feelings to her."
"And she returned them that night?" Will asked, calculating that this would have taken place before, not after the ball.
Jems pale cheeks inflamed almost instantly as an answer. "I see…" Will whispered. He hadn't the strength to play this charade any longer and stumbled into a chair. He had to tell Jem about what this was doing to him.
"Are you alright?" Jem asked, concerned.
"I…" Will started, but stopped, not sure where to start.
A look of enlightment flashed on Jem's face. "By the Angel, I think I know what this is about." he whispered.
"You do?" Will asked astonished. How could he know? He had tried so hard to conceal it from him!
"How could I be so uncaring and go on and on about Tessa when it's so obvious!" Jem went on. "You like to pretend that you don't care for anyone and I've always known that it couldn't be true. Someday, Will, if you will only let that wall you have built crumble a little I promise you will find someone as truly amazing as Tessa to love."
So he didn't know. He just thought that Will was jealous that Jem had found a girl to love. He didn't realize that Will was jealous that he had found Tessa to love. Oh Tess.
Will couldn't tell Jem, not with Jem so happy. He gave Jem a small smile and without saying anything rose out of the chair to leave. He loved Jem, but he couldn't be near him right now. As he reached for the doorknob Jems voice caused him to pause, "I hope, Will, that someday you can be as happy as I am when I'm with Tessa."
Will just opened the door and left quietly without looking back. Me too. He thought to himself. Me too.
So, what did you think? Comments anyone?