Like I've said to a few people, this fic is different from all my others, mainly only because of the characters I'm playing with. I've looked through all my fics and realised that one character always gets left out. So here's his chapter...
Chapter One: Chris
He had messed everything up. It was his fault. He thought she had to have the best, and he made sure she had the best. And he had gone corrupt trying to pay off what he thought she needed. He had disappointed the Guv. He had disappointed DI Drake. He had disappointed Ray. But most of all he had disappointed her. She didn't talk to him for days afterward, and then it wasn't the same. Their love had changed. She had seemed to distance herself from him. She had gone to her dress fitting, but then when DI Drake had nearly died, she had cut herself off from him completely.
He had gone to her flat, but she refused to answer the door. He had tried to talk to her at work, but she hardly said a word. Her temper had increased tenfold. He didn't know how to deal with it, and when she had given him back the ring that had caused all the trouble in the first place, it had been somewhat of a relief. It had only been a relief because he hadn't been hanging in limbo anymore. He had a closure. But he still loved her, and when she had broken it off, his heart felt like it was breaking. He had always thought the expression 'heartbroken' was just an expression. Now he realised, that one could actually feel their heart break. He could feel it in his chest. When she had broken it off, he felt a pain so deep, so powerful, that every bone in his body hurt. It was different from physical pain. It was the pain of complete anguish and sorrow.
She didn't know, but he still had the ring. She didn't know, but he kept it on a chain around his neck, hidden behind his tie and shirt. He knew she knew his one desire. He knew she knew he wanted her back.
When they had separated, a mere two weeks after DI Drake had been shot and was still in her coma; she had told him she wanted to remain friends. He knew that he never wanted to only be friends with her, but it would let him still communicate with her. He knew that it was either be friends or never talk to her again. So he had chosen the former. He had agreed half-heartedly, and since then, she had been true to her word. She had started treating him as though they had only ever been mates, nothing more. She had been careful around him in Luigi's, making sure she was never on her own with him. She had recommended him books to read and he had read them in an attempt to impress her.
It hadn't worked. She was unreachable. She had closed herself off completely from him, and he couldn't get her back.
He closed his eyes. She was forever lost to him.
Forever. It was a whisper in his head, a reminder of what happened. A reminder of how long he would have to deal with the consequences of stopping at nothing to give her the best.
Forever. It was a promise of how long he would suffer. A promise of how long he would remember what he had lost.
Forever. A threat. A threat of what he would have to deal with for the rest of his life. A threat of the people who would still see him as corrupt, no matter how clean he became.
The phone rang. He picked it up. He knew it wouldn't be the people he had been involved with. They were all in prison, and when they had tried to name him as an accomplice, the Guv had stepped in.
Protected. He was like a little boy, always protected. He swore to himself. Because he had been such a twonk, he was watched. Maybe not under orders, but he was always watched. The Guv was watching him. DI Drake was watching him. Ray was watching him. She didn't watch him. She didn't even look at him.
The person was talking, and he nodded along to what they were saying, before realising that the other person couldn't hear him nod his head. He started to give a verbal affirmation of the fact that he understood what was going on, and wrote down that the person said. The person on the other end finished what they were saying and rang off. He called out to the Guv, and the Guv rounded up DI Drake, Ray, and her, taking them out to the spot where the blag was supposed to be. He had started letting her onto cases more. He knew she would soon be a DC, just like him. It was an uncomfortable ride in the car with her wedged between him and Ray, but luckily the location was close.
There was no one there. The Guv was angry. The Guv yelled at him, calling him every name in the book. He just stared silently and did not say a word. He was too used to people calling him names. It didn't matter anymore. He had always known he wasn't the brightest in CID. It wasn't his fault. Things just didn't add up sometimes. Still he had made it to CID, so he had to be alright. He continued to tell himself this as the Guv berated him, DI Drake and Ray looking on in sympathy and frustration and her, just looking away. It was his defence mechanism. He had started to tune out when the Guv called him a twat, when Ray called him a poof. He used to fill his head with thoughts of her, but he couldn't do that anymore. She wasn't his anymore.
He never realised how lonely he was before she came into his life. He was so happy when she had said yes, and devastated when she had walked out on him in CID. It was his fault that this all had happened. Possibly even that DI Drake was shot. They wouldn't have found out about the robbery if he hadn't been corrupt. Then her and the Guv wouldn't have gotten into such a huge fight. She wouldn't have been suspended, and in turn, not been shot.
He wished the Guv would have just let him resign from the force after he had been found out. The Guv was right. It truly was a punishment that he had to face CID every day. They had welcomed him back, but it was cautious, careful. They didn't let him know things; they left him out on things.
The Guv's voice was reaching its peak now and he looked down at the ground, something he knew he should be doing. The Guv liked to be in control of everything and if he had to crush a few spirits along the way, he certainly would. He didn't not like the Guv. He respected the Guv like a father. The Guv had welcomed him into CID with open arms, had taught him the basics of how to work in the police force. Sam had taken over from there, but it was the Guv who had laid the foundation for him. It was just that sometimes he wished that it wasn't him that was the butt of every joke or him that was the target of every curious stare. He wished that he was smarter, like DI Drake was, like Sam was. Then maybe one day he would get a 'good job' from someone, instead of a 'twonk' or 'poof'.
He had tried to learn from the DIs but apparently it hadn't rubbed off too much. He had tried reading the literature, but it was difficult to understand, and he didn't want to ask anyone for help. It was times like this when he wished Sam hadn't died. Sam would have helped him. Sam had always helped him. Sam was like a big brother, always taking care of him, but not being protective, cautious, like everyone else was. He wondered how Sam would react if he heard he went corrupt.
The Guv fell silent, and he took this as his cue to leave and clamber back into the Quattro. He looked back up at his companions. They were all staring at him in shock. Even she was, though she hadn't looked at him directly for the past several weeks. He wanted to say her name, but he couldn't, and before he knew it, he was tumbling to the ground.
It was then that the pain had registered in his brain. A searing, burning pain, close to the muscle that pumped his life into him. Too close. He knew it was too close. She was sitting over him, like he had done to her when she had been stabbed. He couldn't say her name. He wanted to say her name, but he couldn't. He grabbed at his neck, though his body was slowly going numb. He pulled the chain off his neck and pressed it to her hand. She looked down, and the tears that had formed in her eyes started falling in earnest. She was calling his name, telling him to stay. She told him she loved him.
He smiled. She had loved him. Maybe, just maybe it could have worked out. But it wouldn't now. His life was seeping onto the ground beneath him. Sounds started to fade, the constant pleas of his colleagues turning into a buzz, and then to nothing. He could still see them, looking at him, worried. He could still watch as their mouths moved. A haze settled over him, and it was harder to see them.
Then, out of nowhere, a voice rang out crystal clear in the haze.
"Chris."
Chris sat up and looked around. Behind the blurring figures of his colleagues, Sam stood, watching him. "It's time to leave, Chris."
Chris nodded and stood, walking away from the people he had loved the most, from the woman he had lost. He looked down. There was no blood on his chest.
He looked back over at where his colleagues were. DI Drake and Ray were both standing around him. The Guv was nowhere to be seen. He could not hear what DI Drake and Ray were saying, but it looked like they were trying to get him to fight. She kneeled over him, pressing her hands to his chest, like DI Drake had done to her when she had nearly died two years previously. He remembered that night vividly. He had refused to believe she could die. The Guv had told him it was over. The Guv wasn't there now. He had run off somewhere. Who was going to tell her it was over? Who was going to console her? Who would help her through this? He looked at her. Tears were running down her face. Her mouth moved, and though no sound emerged, he read her lips.
"You can't Chris. Come back. Please." Chris looked at Sam. Sam just shook his head sadly.
"You've already crossed over, Chris. I know it's going to be hard, but you can't go back." Chris nodded, surprisingly at peace.
"She'll be alright?" he asked Sam. Shaz had to be okay. He had to make sure she would be. If she wasn't, it would eat at him.
"It'll take her some time, but yes, eventually, she will be okay. She'll never get over it all the way, but she will move on with her life."
Chris nodded and looked back on where he lay on the ground, everyone looking on sadly as she tried to revive him. He walked over to her, and looked directly in her worried face. She had stopped CPR, her face stained in tears and more pouring out of her eyes. He reached out and held her face in his hand, wiping a tear from her eye. She looked directly at him in shock, excitement, and overwhelming sadness.
"It's over, Shaz," he whispered to her. "But you'll always be my Shazza. I'll always love you. Forever."
TBC