howling at the moon

by mew-tsubaki

Oneshot, slash, AU. Sirius was born evil, so Regulus wouldn't have to be. Remus thinks there's more to it, though. *rather Sirius-centric* .::GGE '14 entry 5—for Dobby::.

howling at the moon

A HariPo oneshot

by mew-tsubaki

Note: The Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not me. Never really written this kind of AU before, though I've entertained the idea… ;] Read, review, and enjoy! *Written for DobbyLovesSocks for the Gift-Giving Extravaganza 2014 forum with the pairing Remus/Sirius.

- ^-^3

At the station, Sirius humors his parents and wishes them well before he sets foot on the Hogwarts Express. Really, he couldn't care less. He's only eleven, but he knows a lot about the world already. He knows that his parents will never change—nor will their beliefs, or their expectations of him.

When he chances a look back, his eyes seek out Regulus'. Those eyes are knowing but still so innocent.

That is why Sirius swallows his pride once the train car door shuts behind him. That is why he turns off his attitude and seeks out a cabin with some familiar face. Because this first journey, this first school year is all about setting precedents.

Find pureblood friends.

Or stick with extended, pureblooded family.

Go into Slytherin.

There are no other options.

Sirius can be a mediocre student for all his parents care. So long as he follows in their footsteps, all will be well (at the very least for Regulus, and that's all Sirius cares about).

In one cabin, a boy with messy black hair sits with two other boys—one blond and fat, the other brunet with hideous scars all over his face. But behind the glasses of the raven-haired boy, Sirius thinks he spies a familiar face.

"Are you Potter?" he asks. He's seen a photo somewhere before, which makes sense, coming from one pureblood to another.

The boy picks his head up and glares at Sirius. "I'm James Potter, if that's what you mean."

Sirius glances at the other two boys—no doubt they're the crowd of which his parents would disapprove. "This cabin full yet?" he asks anyway, his eyes scrutinizing the other two.

"Maybe. You seem to know me—but who are you?"

"Sirius Black."

James Potter snorts. "Ah, I get it now. I don't care about blood and neither should you, if you know what's good for you." He turns away from Sirius then and picks up an animated conversation with the brunet, and Sirius feels thoroughly affronted.

Well, perhaps it's for the best. Being associated with a blood-traitor is just as bad a crime as hanging out with non-pures, so Sirius goes and tries to find another cabin.

The train starts up, and he's forced to sit with some redheaded witch and a boy by the name of Severus Snape, because Cousin Narcissa wants to hang out with her friends and her friends only. Oh, yes, what a lovely way to begin his Hogwarts career, Sirius muses.

- ^-^3

Everything goes according to plan.

As presumed, Sirius makes it into Slytherin, though the Sorting Hat almost had its way and placed him in Gryffindor. "You're lying to yourself about your own character," the hat had said. "Then again, if you can deceive even yourself, perhaps you do belong in the House of your family."

If only he had known the spell, Sirius would've lit the hat on fire right on the spot.

But otherwise first year goes by fine. Sirius has found he likes to poke fun at Snape for liking this Evans girl, who is a looker despite being Muggle-born. But at least Snape, the greasy git he is, isn't the worst company around.

"You'll like Hogwarts," Sirius tells his little brother over the summer. "There are plenty of people to watch and to befriend. I think you'll do fine there."

Regulus' gray eyes—similar to Sirius', but a tad cooler in hue—sparkle at the thought of starting school in the fall. "I'll join you, Big Brother, in Slytherin," he chirps.

Sirius shakes his head. "You don't have to," he tells Regulus when their parents aren't listening. "I'm in Slytherin, so they should get off your back." He smiles wistfully, thinking about when they were younger and had no care for anything but themselves and each other. But he's twelve now, and he understands that was just the illusion of childhood. "Do what you want, Reg," he whispers, touching their foreheads together and staring back into the Black family eyes.

Regulus' lips form a thin line—it's an almost imperceptible smile, but Sirius catches it.

That's why second year means that much more to Sirius. He gets on the train and rides in a cabin with Mulciber and Evan Rosier and Regulus, and he boasts about his little prince of a brother. Regulus is as red as the outside of the train the whole way.

At the Sorting, Sirius sits with Rosier and Snape, Mulciber across from them. Regulus is one of the first called up, and Sirius' chest swells with pride. And then the hat says:

"Gryffindor!"

Rosier and Mulciber howl with laughter while others at the Slytherin table boo. Even Snape sticks his nose up at Sirius, who feigns horror.

Truly, though, this is exactly what Sirius wanted. If he has to be a Slytherin to satisfy his parents, then let Regulus be the rebellious lion. Let Regulus live the life Sirius knew he could never have.

Let Regulus be Sirius. Sirius will just enjoy the good life vicariously through his little brother.

- ^-^3

Of course, being in two separate Houses begins to impede on their private time. Sirius finds it gets harder and harder to come by his brother with no one else around. It's frustrating, but Sirius never lets his annoyance show when he does get a moment with Regulus. Regulus is the type to come running at the slightest hint of distress, and Sirius can't let him try to solve his problems—Sirius is the elder son, after all.

However, he doesn't take too kindly to those with whom Regulus spends his time. Regulus seems unable to make friends with those in his year. But those older than him? No trouble whatsoever.

James Potter gets a kick out of Regulus. Apparently, Regulus informs Sirius, James thinks Regulus is a dark, more cynical version of their other friend, Remus Lupin. "But I fit right in," Regulus assures Sirius during the times they manage to study together in the library. "Even Peter's not that horrible—Peter Pettigrew," he elaborates as Sirius can only picture the round blob who sits in the back of the room during Defense Against the Dark Arts when the Slytherins and Gryffindors have to learn together.

"It's nice you've made friends, but be careful around Potter," Sirius warns. "He has no problem whatsoever saying what's on his mind, and you don't want to carry his bad habit home."

Regulus shrugs. "It's all right. The Prewett twins like to joke around like James does, too, but Fabian and James are thick as thieves, so I'll be fine." He pauses. "Gideon…is a nice buffer."

Envy creeps into Sirius' heart. He would like to have enough friends to have buffers… In reality, though, those he sees when he returns to the dungeons every night are not his friends. At best, they are his acquaintances.

Maybe it's a shame that Malfoy and Cousin Bella and Cousin Andy were all old enough to have completed school by the time Sirius arrived. Maybe it's a shame that others like Rodolphus and Nott came before him. Rabastan is almost done with school, as well, so the pond from which to select comrades is shrinking.

It also doesn't help that, being Regulus' older brother, Sirius is getting more than his fair share of odd looks from those outside of Slytherin. Sirius has caught Potter glaring at him several times. Pettigrew has nothing better to do than snack, but Lupin likes to cast a curious glance his way, as well.

It infuriates Sirius. He isn't some wild animal on show. Why can't they just leave him alone to hang out with Regulus?

"My friends—they'd like to meet you," Regulus says when the holidays come. The Black brothers have decided to stay at the castle just because, but now Sirius begins to regret making that decision when Regulus adds that the other "Marauders," as they've come to call themselves, are also staying.

"I met them before. I see them in class." Sirius' tone is clipped. He doesn't want to talk about them right now. He wants to take the break to prepare themselves for the verbal abuse that will surely arrive once the school year's over, because Mother has already sent Regulus two Howlers about his choice of House. Sirius needs the time to figure out how to protect his younger brother…

"Yeah, they told me," the younger boy sheepishly admits. The ringlets of his hair bounce when he moves his head; his hair never blocks his face from the rest of the world, as Sirius' shaggy mop is wont to do. "But since we're related, they really want to know you."

Sirius snorts. "They just want to understand how the hell we could be related."

"Well, that's only partly right" comes a voice from behind and to the left of Sirius. It's a voice that is weak and wholly non-reprimanding. Sirius turns and eyes that scarred brunet—Remus Lupin. His brown eyes are warm and wide. Innocent.

Like Regulus'.

Lupin holds out a hand. "Hullo. I'm Remus, Regulus' friend." He stands there and tries not to show his discomfort as Sirius leaves the proffered hand untouched, but he fidgets, his smile wavers, his brow crinkles, and he nervously clears his throat. Eventually he gives in and puts his arm down after tiring it.

"Sirius, be nice," Regulus whines.

Ah, there it is. Regulus really is Sirius' weak spot. Sirius sighs and nods at Lupin. "Oi."

Lupin takes this as an invitation and drops his book on the table for a moment. "Regulus, we were just getting ready to head down to dinner." He points, and Sirius realizes Potter and Pettigrew are not far behind him. "Are you ready?"

"In a sec," Regulus says as he crams everything into his bag. Well, if there's one thing Sirius taught Regulus well, it was sloppiness with personal belongings. He stands and shoulders his bag. "Come with?" he asks his brother.

"You're more than welcome to join us," Lupin adds hopefully.

That seals the deal. "No, thank you," Sirius replies curtly. "I've something to finish, and I'll head down when I feel like it."

Lupin's face falls, and Sirius notes that, despite the scars, Lupin has very feminine expressions. If Regulus weren't there, Sirius would already be teasing Lupin about it. "Have a good night, then," the scarred boy mumbles, and he follows Regulus out of the library.

Sirius returns to his studies, but he can't focus. All he can see is Lupin trailing behind his brother, Regulus and Potter leading the way… So Regulus is beginning to grow comfortable with himself, is all right being a leader…

Well, at least one Black brother has a backbone.

- ^-^3

The summer before third year drags on and on, and Sirius idles around the house. Regulus sneaks out to meet his friends, much to their parents' chagrin, but even Sirius is tempted to join them for lack of entertainment. He never does, though.

Instead he listens to his mother and father talk about Cousin Cissy's impending marriage to Malfoy. Uncle Cygnus is glad to be marrying off his last daughter, and Aunt Druella is having a blast planning things.

It makes Sirius consider. Will such things be expected of him? Will his parents find him a good match, a good pureblooded witch to carry on the line? Or will they have other plans for him?

As far as Sirius believes, other plans must be the case, because the only pureblood witch in his year is Alice Bulstrode, and she's liked Frank Longbottom from day one.

Really, though, Sirius doesn't want to think of witches or romance or anything related. He's thirteen and more interested in Quidditch and jokes and pranks than he is in girls or his future. And he knows his parents prefer it that way, for now.

- ^-^3

"Lucky," Regulus drawls as he fixes his brother's scarf before the older students head out. "I wish I could go to Hogsmeade with you."

Sirius smiles and ruffles Regulus' hair. "I'll tell you all about it when I get back," he promises. "But chin up. We can go together next year."

"Bring me a souvenir," Regulus insists, and Sirius rolls his eyes.

"Is there something else you'd like, Reg?" Lupin asks as he, Potter, and Pettigrew appear as McGonagall leads the march outside.

Sirius stiffens. Reg? Only Sirius can call Regulus that!

"No, I'll leave it up to Brother," the imp asserts, and he waves them goodbye.

Sirius wishes for nothing more than to get as far away as possible from the Marauders, but it's useless. Snape is vying for Evans' attention at the same time Potter is, and Sirius doesn't exactly feel like trying to come between Rosier and Mulciber, or to try and sandwich himself between Avery and Wilkes.

Lupin falls back and falls into step with Sirius, which is only more frustrating. "Nice day out for our first Hogsmeade trip, yeah?" he says.

Sirius grunts.

Lupin frowns but doesn't give up. "Regulus has told us a great deal about you. He admires you a lot."

Sirius shrugs.

"… You're not a bad guy, you know."

Again, Sirius grunts. "And how would you know?"

Lupin smiles a fraction, and Sirius wishes he had never interacted with the smaller boy. "I see you around. You joke and stuff, but you're not really mean, not like Avery or Mulciber."

"Those are my friends you're talking about," the older Black brother spits.

Lupin at least has the decency to blush. "Right, sorry… I just meant, by comparison—" He stops and sighs. "I'm making an utter arse of myself, aren't I?"

How he says it…it's hard not to snicker. But Sirius turns his head so that Lupin doesn't see him crack a smile. "Why don't you run along to watch Potter's antics, Scar Boy?"

The brunet genuinely frowns at the nickname. "That's…cruel. These scars aren't my fault."

"Whatever," Sirius says, convinced that it was a fluke that he was amused—even momentarily—by this bloke. "Smell you later, Scar Boy," he finishes as Hogsmeade finally arrives, and he can lose him in the crowd.

Sirius doesn't really need friends, he decides. And he especially doesn't need his brother's wayward comrades trying to assuage his loneliness.

(Because Sirius Black doesn't get lonely.)

- ^-^3

It comes as no surprise when Regulus gets mad. "I thought better of you, Sirius," he mentions lowly in a corner of the library. He keeps his bag on his shoulder and doesn't move to sit in the carrel back to back with his brother like usual. "'Scar Boy'?"

The elder son heaves a deep sigh and ties back his hair, which is getting long. Hmm. Maybe he should get it cut…no, he should grow it out…that'd be a nice change…

"Sirius!" Regulus hisses. "Are you even listening?"

"Yes, yes, ol' Loopy can't take a joke."

Regulus is red in the face. His fingers tighten around the strap of his bag, he shifts his weight from right foot to left foot, and he draws himself up. But he doesn't yell or anything. That would be very un-Regulus of him to do. "Remus is a good friend, Sirius. As much as you would like to ignore it, he is my friend. So is James. So is Peter. So are Fabian and Gideon. Frank, too. I get along with a lot of people in my House." He narrows his eyes and licks his lips, preparing to deliver the final blow: "Maybe you would understand if you had friends of your own."

Gryffindor has made him too daring. Before, Sirius never would've expected anything of the like to emerge from Regulus' mouth. But Regulus has found bravery where Sirius has not, and Regulus is quite obviously not ashamed of that fact.

Regulus seems ready to say something else, but he thinks better of it and holds his tongue in check. He merely adjusts his bag on his shoulder, turns heel, and leaves.

It's a while before the brothers talk again.

- ^-^3

After the holidays, Sirius tries getting Regulus to talk to him again. Christmas had been a cold affair, and their parents hadn't minded. If their traitor Gryffindor son wanted to stop talking to all of them, then even better.

But that's not what Sirius thinks. Sirius thinks that he grew up with Regulus as his partner in crime. Sirius thinks that he taught Regulus all the ways to annoy their mother and to get their father to chase after them. Sirius thinks that he and his brother are quite alike; the only difference is that Sirius sacrificed his boldness so that Regulus could get a double dose when he was born.

Sirius thinks that he misses his brother.

"Good riddance," Snape remarks during Potions. They're partnered together, and Sirius is letting Snape do all the work. Why not? Snape likes this stuff anyway.

"He's my brother, Snapey. You wouldn't understand" is Sirius' best retort.

Snape raises one slick eyebrow and stares at Sirius. But the look on his face says it all: Actually, I'm glad I don't have a meddlesome sibling as you have.

How infuriating, to be pitied by Snape of all people!

Worse yet, Sirius becomes so desperate that he toys with the idea of asking Regulus' friends for help. Prewetts? No…the twins might screw with him. Pettigrew isn't smart enough; knowing him, he'd muck up any message to be carried to Regulus. Potter—hell no.

But there's Lupin.

Sirius' insides squirm. Oh, sweet Salazar, is Lupin really his best option? Isn't it bad enough that Lupin technically is the cause of their fight?

It's frustrating and bothersome. But it's also Sirius' only hope.

He waits for Lupin at the library entrance in order to ambush him. He doesn't fear that Regulus might be with him; since their fight, Regulus has kept to his classes, to brief meals in the Great Hall, and to Gryffindor Tower. There have been few chances for the Black brothers to run into each other.

Lupin, as expected of the nerdy bookworm, arrives at the library not long after Sirius begins haunting the doorway. He's surprised to see Sirius there, and he's nearly bowled over when Sirius approaches him with the intention of entering with him.

"Oh, don't get your knickers in a bunch," Sirius snaps lowly. "I…I'd like to ask you for a favor."

"That's stunning," Lupin comments, and he narrows his eyes. Argh! Is this where Regulus picked that up? Next thing Sirius knows, Regulus will be sitting like Potter, as though he's the king of the world and owns everything around him.

Lupin sets a quick pace, and Sirius half jogs to keep up. "Look, I just— I'm sure you've noticed that things have been awfully quiet between him and me."

"Why, whatever do you mean, Black?"

Sirius glares at him, embarrassed as hell. "We're in a fight."

"Hmm." Lupin lets some book on a shelf grab his attention. He removes it from the shelf, eyes the cover, cracks it open, makes a show of reading the table of contents, and begins to thumb through the pages. "What," he says at last, "would you like me to do about it? It doesn't sound like my problem."

The taller boy clenches his fists but keeps his arms by his sides. Good Merlin, how he'd love to strangle Lupin…! "I…would like…for you…to carry…a message…to Regulus."

Something glitters in Lupin's eyes. He closes the book and turns to face Sirius. Huh. He's not that much shorter than Sirius, so they almost look each other directly in the eye. "Is that so?"

Sirius reddens. "Yes, you maddening git!"

"Now, now, that's no way to ask a favor, Black."

Lupin is the smart one, all right. Sirius takes a breath and tries to calm down. "Look, you're my only hope."

Finally, Lupin reverts to his usual deflated self as concern appears on his face and his mouth hangs open in a little "o." "Really?"

Sirius nods. "I can't go to the others for help. Be honest," he adds when Lupin moves to correct him, "the only reasonable one is you." Sirius grits his teeth. "Even I've noticed that."

"You…notice me?" There's something funny in Lupin's voice, but Sirius could care less.

"Yeah. It's hard not to notice the Marauders around."

"Oh. Right." His shoulders sag just a fraction. Then he turns puppy eyes on Sirius. "Why should I help you? You called me a mean name."

"What are you, six?! It's just a nickname! Yeah, a nickname. Look, Regulus can be Stick-in-the-Mud, Snape is the Great Black Bat, and you're Scar Boy."

Lupin furrows his brow. "You're a cruel person, Sirius Black."

"No, I'm just impetuous and bored."

"No, you're a…you're a git, Party Boy."

It's…so unexpected, Sirius snorts and tries to hold in his laugh. After all, the last thing he wants is for Pince to come over and ruin things just as he's making progress. "Oh, my Merlin… That's the best you can do? 'Party Boy'? To get back at me for 'Scar Boy'?"

Lupin flushes scarlet almost as deep as his crimson robes. "It's the vibe you give off!"

"I bet that was the first time you've ever called someone a git, too."

"Shut it!" He flounders, and it's amusing.

Sirius laughs.

But it's not a cruel laugh. He's honest-to-goodness entertained.

"You need some help with comebacks," Sirius remarks with a wink.

Lupin attempts to purse his lips into a thin line, but he fails horribly, and in his embarrassment his lips form a hilarious squiggle. With a squiggly frown and big brown doe eyes, Sirius almost forgets why he ever called Lupin "Scar Boy" in the first place.

Sirius catches his breath and sighs, feeling better. "So, will you talk to Regulus for me? I…I love him a lot," he says honestly. "He's the only brother I've got."

Lupin nods; his tongue must be lost somewhere.

"Thank you," Sirius says, and he finds he genuinely means it. "And, Scar Boy, you…you're not that bad." Now it's Sirius' turn to redden, but he leaves before Lupin can lift his head and scrutinize him.

- ^-^3

Whatever Lupin says, it does wonders. It's like a Reparo for the soul, for Regulus is the one to come down to the dungeons the following night. He jumps into his brother's arms, and it's just like when they were four and five and making up after fighting over the same favorite toy, not freshly-thirteen and newly-fourteen and being ridiculous about the people in each other's lives.

"I'm not kidding," he mumbles to his brother, "what the hell did Lupin say to you to elicit the change of heart?"

Regulus just hums to himself and smiles. He shakes his head. "Remus is a quiet guy, I'm sure you've realized."

"Well, yeah, but—"

"But Remus has a way with words." Regulus leans in and drops his voice. "Why else do you think the Marauders get away with so much? It's because the teachers love Remus and his eloquence."

Sirius considers it. And then he finds he has newfound respect for the girly boy. Brains and a silver tongue? That's hard to beat.

"So do you think you might hang out with us now?" Regulus pushes too eagerly.

It's still too early for that, though. Sirius' smile fades. "Oh, Reg… I just…" He feels the dungeons' doors at his back, and it's as if the Slytherin common room has come to life and is breathing down his neck. Sirius winces. "I—I can't."

Regulus' face falls as though Sirius had splashed him with the icy water of the Black Lake. "Oh."

"Reg, it's just—"

"No, no. I understand." Regulus adjusts his robes and pushes his hair behind his ears. Following Sirius' lead like usual, he, too, has been growing his hair out. "That was selfish of me to ask."

"No, it wasn't." Sirius has half a mind to add, "I've got to learn my place so that you'll be forever untethered by Mother and Father."

But he doesn't. And he can read the response in Regulus' stone-colored eyes anyway: "Don't throw your own life away for mine."

Well, at least they're not fighting anymore.

And that makes the rest of third year easier. It's almost as though he and Regulus have been reset, and the name-calling incident never happened. Yet there's one reminder of it.

Namely, Scar Boy himself.

At first, Sirius tried to push Lupin away, and that seemed to be the way Potter preferred it. But Potter and Pettigrew continue to give him the stink eye any time Sirius and Lupin cross paths, and it gets to the point where Lupin begins to come to the library without them and at odd times. And he always seeks out Sirius.

"Shouldn't you get back to your little friends?" Sirius attempts to goad him each and every time Lupin takes the carrel Regulus used to take. It's not that Regulus has stopped altogether, but he doesn't hang out with Sirius as much. "We're depending too much on each other," Regulus had said. "We need some more alone time."

Yes, well, these days Sirius' alone time is spent with Lupin. Not on purpose, though!

"I asked you a question," Sirius points out, raising his voice a little so that he doesn't have to turn and face the entity in the chair at his back.

Lupin smiles sweetly. "No, I know. I'm just relishing the fact that you've begun talking to me."

Sirius rolls his eyes. "Get off your high horse, Scar Boy."

"Maybe later, Party Boy."

Sirius softly snickers, and they study together in companionable silence. Sirius starts to understand why Regulus befriended Lupin at least. There really isn't anything to hate about this bloke.

A dull part of the elder Black aches. Why couldn't he have found this out sooner? Instead, he wasted almost a full three years avoiding this wimpy wizard. As it turns out, Lupin becomes his acquaintance.

Remus Lupin becomes his first true friend.

- ^-^3

"They're not having one yet," their mother tells their father over dinner. "But it's important to start thinking about names already anyway, Orion."

Their father takes his napkin and dabs at the sweat running down his neck. "Whatever you say, Walburga. But, honestly, can't we keep a simple Cooling Charm running when it's this bloody hot out?! For fuck's sake!"

Regulus flinches at the profanity, but Sirius absentmindedly pushes the food around on his plate. As they've gotten older, their parents act more like themselves, become less like examples for their sons to follow day in and day out.

Their mother sighs, yells at their house-elf Kreacher to do something about it, and then resumes talking about Cousin Cissy's someday heir with Malfoy and what they should name it. "I hope they don't choose 'Sirius' or 'Regulus.' That's meant to be found going down one side of the bloodline, not in multiple branches of the tree." Her cold eyes flicker to her sons. "And there will be more Siriuses and Reguluses in the future."

Whatever insanity their mother brings up, they simply nod and shake their heads when appropriate. Sirius pays little more attention than Regulus, since he knows he's the one expected to father another Sirius or Regulus or both when he's older.

But he's already feeling conflicted. Now that Lupin has given him a taste of freedom in their friendship, Sirius wonders what it would be like for both sons to be rebellious.

Those rare times when he thinks that with his parents in the room, their mother's eyes always dart to him, and the manic look in those eyes frightens the idea right out of him.

Sirius Orion Black is a good boy, an obedient boy.

(Liar.)

He volunteers to chaperone Regulus' visits to the Potter residence that summer, because Regulus' trips can't be avoided when he sneaks out against their parents' wishes anyway. Their mother begrudgingly agrees, and their father nods his assent with half a bottle of firewhiskey left in his hand.

It gives Sirius something to do for once during the break between school years, and it turns out that, like Lupin, the visits aren't the worst thing ever. Of course, the first time Sirius shows up with Regulus at Potter's house isn't the best.

Potter almost clocks him. "I didn't think you'd actually show up!" he defends himself.

"Are you out of your bloody mind?!" Sirius howls. He stares incredulously at Potter. "What the hell did you think Regulus meant by, 'By the way, my brother is my chaperone for this summer. Expect him the next time I come by'?!"

Potter huffs.

Sirius huffs.

Potter growls. "I don't trust you, Black."

"Ha! Which one? There are two of us," Sirius points out, jabbing a thumb in Regulus' direction.

"There's only one Black I see," Potter clarifies. "Otherwise, I see Fangtooth standing beside Moony."

The names throw Sirius off kilter. "Huh?" He looks around and finds that, no, it is Regulus standing beside Lupin.

Regulus sends Potter a look, and they have a silent battle for a full thirty seconds before Potter clears his throat. "Nicknames, Black," the bespectacled boy amends.

Sirius snorts. "'Fangtooth'? Oh, good Merlin. I'm going to have to get used to this if I'm to be around you lot, aren't I?"

Regulus grins, and Potter gives in. Potter gestures grandly to the others. "Misters Moony, Wormtail, Fangtooth, and Prongs," he states, pointing to Lupin, Pettigrew, Regulus, and himself in turn, "are proud to permit Mr. Snarky-Pants—"

"James," Regulus warns.

Potter sighs. "—are proud to permit Mr. Sirius Black," he corrects, "to join in their summertime frivolities." He clears his throat again and groans. "Happy now, Reg?"

"Delighted."

"Good, because all this being nice to this git is sucking the fluids out of me." He looks at the others. "Mum's lemonade, anyone?"

The other boys readily nod their head, and Sirius partakes even though he says nothing. Mrs. Potter's lemonade, as it turns out, is history in the making, and Sirius enjoys it each and every time he joins the Marauders at Potter's house.

Mostly they go to Potter's house. Sometimes they go to Pettigrew's, but they always leave there starved because Pettigrew scarfs down any snack placed before the lot of them.

Twice they go to Lupin's, and Sirius enjoys those visits the most. Lupin's parents are like Lupin—kind, sweet, and smart, and they treat their son's friends like adults in that they don't talk down to them.

Lupin's Muggle mum introduces Sirius to Muggle music. Lupin's wizard father talks Wizarding news and Quidditch with Sirius and Potter, the two most involved in the sport. Lupin's parents aren't like Potter; they're like Lupin, and they warm up immediately to Sirius. Lupin, had he been given the chance by Sirius, probably would've warmed up to him right away, too, the elder Black comes to realize.

Lupin doesn't always hang out with them, and Sirius thinks it a curious thing. Three times—three times—their smartarse friend bails on them, and the other three Marauders say nothing. Sirius feels for them (just a smidge), because Lupin never says anything about it.

Eventually by the end of the summer, Sirius' sympathy dries up, because he realizes Regulus, Potter, and Pettigrew are used to it. Well, if they're fine with things the way they are, then Sirius knows he has no room to complain.

After all, these aren't his friends. They belong to Regulus.

Still, Lupin tells him not to worry before the school year begins. "And please don't think poorly of me," he adds fretfully while Potter and Regulus toss a Quaffle in Potter's backyard, a Quaffle which Pettigrew is maybe two-hundred pounds too heavy to ever catch.

Sirius wonders why Lupin cares about his opinion so much. "I don't… I'm sure you have your reasons, especially if Regulus doesn't berate you."

Lupin's smile is one of relief, and Sirius' stomach aches. (Only later does he realize it had flipped around, but heaven knows why.)

When summer ends, Sirius regrets its short length. Or maybe it wasn't that summer was short. He just had fun this time, and fun made the time fly by.

"We'll do this again next summer, yeah?" Lupin tells Sirius as they and Regulus leave Potter's home for the last time in August. Pettigrew's too full of pumpkin pasties to fly home, so he's staying over for the night. But Lupin and the Black brothers have to mount their brooms for the ride home.

"Probably, Lupin," Sirius says, and he pulls his broom from his pants' pocket. Regulus has already kicked off and is hovering above them, waiting for his brother to join him.

"You know, it's all right if you call me 'Remus.'"

Sirius stumbles as he tries to mount his broom. He wasn't expecting Lupin to say that. He opens his mouth and—"F-Fine! So call me 'Sirius'!" Crap. Not at all what he expected to say. His mouth worked before his brain had the chance.

Yet Remus' face lights up, and he laughs so happily, Sirius would almost call it a giggle. The brunet wizard gets on his own broom and kicks off. "See you at school, Sirius!" he calls, and then he's off.

Regulus' eyes are full of mirth the entire ride home. But the most annoying thing is that he says nothing to Sirius about Remus. No doubt he heard the brunet, though.

All the while, Sirius muses on how one summer has changed him, and probably for the better.

Sirius Orion Black is a good boy, an obedient boy.

But Remus John Lupin might just be giving him the courage to be whom he actually wants to be.

- ^-^3

At school, Sirius keeps up appearances. Remus understands that. "It would be too much for your friends to handle if they saw you did a one-eighty."

Sirius goes to correct Remus about the "friends" part—he doesn't have any besides Remus—but he gives up. He knows what Remus means, anyway. Still, he's afraid someone might discover his secret…and all it takes is someone like Mulciber finding out for his secret to reach home.

So Sirius studies with Remus, hangs out with Regulus, and otherwise keeps his distance from those outside of Slytherin. Sirius allows himself to appreciate the good looks he begins to notice he has, and he busies himself with flirting while Regulus takes up the position of Seeker for Gryffindor's team.

At games, Sirius tries not to be verbal about his support for the lions, though he can't help it. His brother is the Seeker and James—No! Potter, Potter, Potter! he reminds himself (they're not friends)—is Chaser, and there's no one in particular on the Slytherin team whom Sirius likes, and he sure as hell won't be joining any time soon. Not after he discovers the fabulous sport of snogging.

Even at Quidditch matches, Sirius always has some witch attached at his hip if not his lips. Mulciber, Avery, Wilkes—they're jealous as all hell. Evan Rosier could care less—the guy's like a cold fish out of water—and Snape, as always, has eyes only for Lily Evans. Sirius mostly keeps to Slytherin House, again, but here and there he lets his eyes wander to Ravenclaw. Gryffindor is out of the question, as is Hufflepuff since historically they've always sided with the lions, and the eagles with the snakes.

Still, at games, when Gryffindor sits next to Slytherin, Sirius gives in just a little bit and joins Snape at the borderline. Snape, if he notices, doesn't care, because Evans is his best friend and she sits at the borderline, too, so that she may enjoy the game with her "Sev." But always, always, always near Evans sit Peter (urgh, Pettigrew! Get it together, Sirius, ol' boy!) and…Remus.

Remus sits as the boundary, too, and sometimes sits right next to Sirius. They don't chat much, because then it would be hard for Sirius to keep up appearances. But Remus tries to make small talk.

"No witch today?" he sometimes asks tightly.

Sirius shakes his head. "No."

"What happened to Vanessa?"

"Who?"

"The fifth-year Ravenclaw from last week."

"Oh. Was that her name?"

"Sirius…"

Remus' tone is reprimanding, but a smile edges into his expression when Sirius continues to stare at him, dumbfounded. "Good Godric, you really have the memory of a Billywig, don't you?"

"Hey!" Sirius' cheeks warm, but he finds he doesn't mind a bit of light teasing from Remus.

And it's not that he has the memory of a Billywig. If anything, there's very little Sirius forgets. For instance, he recalls clear as day that squiggly frown from the previous school year, he remembers the relief in Remus' eyes when Sirius didn't judge him for being a fair-weather friend to the Marauders—

And Sirius has yet to forget that Remus is always unavailable once a month.

Sirius muses about it during their fourth year. He observes Remus like a plant in Herbology during trips to Hogsmeade. He watches Remus when the brunet naps atop his History of Magic notes. He thinks about it when he can't fall asleep at night in his bed in the cold dungeons.

He begins to piece it together at the start of 1975, and his conclusions are very nearly reached after Remus' fifteenth birthday on the tenth of March.

Remus grows haggard and bitchy as the month passes on, and he visits Madam Pomfrey more often than the average person does.

Potter warns him not to be nosy. "It's Moony's business, Black. Just suck it up already," he tells him when he catches Sirius skulking around the Hospital Wing.

Actually, it's thanks to Potter that Sirius figures it out.

On the twenty-seventh, Regulus joins Sirius in the library. It's surprising, because it's Potter's birthday. "We're not celebrating," Regulus states.

"But…you're friends. Don't friends celebrate these things?" Sirius wouldn't know.

Regulus pinches the bridge of his nose and rubs his eyes. He yawns. "Not all the time, Brother."

"Wait a minute… You have bags under your eyes. Why? Why are you so tired?"

"Let it go, Sirius."

"No. Tell me. Did you stay up late?" He grimaces. "Knowing Potter, I'll bet he snuck in some firewhiskey somehow to celebrate after midnight."

Regulus gives him a look. "What the…? No. Moony's just resting up."

"What for?"

Regulus pales—an achievement for one of two fair-skinned Black brothers. "Never mind. He was just tired. From studying too much."

Sirius snorts. "He has no exams today."

Regulus seizes upon the remark. "How would you know?"

Sirius fumbles for the right words. "Well, he told me, obviously."

"Keeping tabs on Remus. Nice."

"And apparently I'm the only once concerned with where he is."

"Whatever… You're not, by the way, but that's all I'll say about it."

Still, Sirius gets it. He sneaks into the Hospital Wing at dinner when the other Marauders are eating and Snape is keeping his abnormally large nose stuck in his Potions book. Madam Pomfrey is having a working dinner in her office, so the place is relatively empty.

Except for one werewolf in a far cot.

Sirius chews on the thought as he tiptoes over to Remus. But he's sure of it when he sees his friend. The cuts are mostly healed and he still has some bruising, but Sirius' eyes go right to Remus' ears.

The left is slightly pointed…as if reverting from a transformation.

Remus stirs, and Sirius pulls up a chair, careful not to scrape the feet on the stone floor. Remus' eyes widen upon seeing Sirius, and he scrambles to sit up. "Sirius."

"Hey." Sirius leans forward with his elbows on his knees. He furrows his brow and takes in the sight. Merlin, has Remus always been so thin? He can't have always been this thin.

"What are you doing here?" the bookworm queries, pulling the sheet up over his shoulders (really, Remus, you're in your school robes—there's nothing to see).

"I came to see how you were."

Remus forces a smile. "Oh, I'm fine. I fell on the stairs this morning. A little banged up, but nothing to worry about."

"Do you often fall on the stairs around the time of a full moon?"

The brunet turns ashen. Five or ten minutes of silence pass. Only the ticking of the clock by the doors can be heard. "How?"

"I figured it out."

Remus glares at him. "No, you can't have. Regulus told you."

Sirius shakes his head. "He didn't. Though something James—Potter…oh, screw it." Really, what's the point in asserting his distance from them when he's trying to be honest with Remus? "Something James said was nicely timed and helped cement the possibility."

"What do you mean?"

"I noted your monthly absences ages ago. When James saw me hanging around here to ask after you, he told me that it's 'Moony's business.'" Sirius leans in so that only Remus could hear him, should Pomfrey suddenly emerge. "I still don't understand their nicknames, but yours makes sense. Actually, I'm sorry I didn't notice before."

Remus' cheeks pink, and he releases an anticipated breath. "You… You're very perceptive, Sirius."

Sirius ignores the compliment. "It has something to do with why Regulus was so tired, too, doesn't it? He and the others—they help you during your transformation somehow, don't they?" A new worry rears its ugly head. "Isn't it dangerous for Reg, for them?"

Something flits in Remus' eyes. "Of course it's dangerous, but they're fine," he states coolly.

"…all right, then. I'm glad they're there to help you."

Remus softens once more. "You mean it?"

"Yes. And I get why you wouldn't've told me." Sirius frowns. "I'm not exactly trustworthy, am I?"

Remus shakes his head, and—shocking Sirius—he leans forward and hugs Sirius, tightly. "No! No, you're trustworthy, Sirius, I know it!" He pulls away, bright red in the face, but defiant. "I know I can trust you to keep my secret."

Sirius grins. "Well, I'm fairly bright, and if it took even me this long to figure it out, I'm sure you're fine otherwise."

Remus' relief is evident on his face. It's evident in his voice, too, when Sirius walks him back to Gryffindor Tower. "Thank you, Sirius."

"No, it's fine. It was nagging me anyway," the elder Black says dismissively.

Remus raises one eyebrow, pulling those puppy eyes on him again. "You're a good guy, Sirius."

"No, I'm not. I'll be cracking many time-of-the-month jokes from now on."

The werewolf groans. "Please don't. James is bad enough, and he even gets Regulus to join in sometimes."

"Great minds think alike, Rem."

Remus reddens at the new endearment, and he rushes out a feverish "G'night" before Sirius begins his descent downstairs.

Only once Sirius is tucked in for the night does he realize Remus' pointed ear had returned to normal by the end of the evening. Huh. There are so many things left to discover about Remus…

- ^-^3

It's a little while before they have the chance to tell Regulus, James, and Peter that Sirius is now in on the secret. In fact, the end of the year flies by before they do, and Regulus and James are angry about that fact.

"What the hell?!" James gripes on the train ride home. "Are you sure this is a good idea, Remus?"

Remus gives James a look. "You're asking me that after what you did in Hogsmeade Station?" he retorts dryly.

It's true. James can be a hypocrite at times. When Snape saw that Sirius was going to sit with the Marauders, he sneered at Sirius and threatened to spread it around that Sirius was a blood-traitor just like his brother. Sirius told Snape to go ogle Evans, Snape glared daggers at him, and James had resolved the situation by hexing Snape and telling him that ogling his Lily Evans was also out of the question. Either James is rubbing off on Sirius in that Sirius finds Snape more and more bothersome these days, or perhaps he and James are a lot more alike than Sirius wishes.

"He's not going to tell anyone, James," Regulus says in defense of his brother. But his voice is flat and he rolls his eyes. In a way, it's like having two Remuses in the cabin.

"But still—" James' eyes dart worriedly to Sirius. "I feel as though we let you in too fast."

"You know," the elder Black begins, "I never said anything particularly bad towards you when we first met."

The cabin is silent for a full ten seconds. Then Remus sighs at James, Regulus shakes his head, Peter stifles a chuckle, and James turns fluorescent red. "All right, so I might've been a bit brash, but still!"

"He's right, you know," Peter says between Chocolate Frogs.

"All he did was notice you were James Potter," Remus recalls.

"And then you jumped all over me, assuming I was all about blood purity," Sirius finishes.

Regulus raises his eyebrows. "That so? You never told me."

"Didn't feel like mentioning it."

James scowls at Sirius, but it's clear that his walls are crumbling. "Yeah, yeah… All right." He holds out his hand for Sirius to shake. "Truce?"

Sirius shakes on it. He hadn't realized a hand could feel so warm, but he supposes this is what it's like, making friends. "Truce."

James automatically perks up. "Did you tell him about the other thing?" he interrogates Remus.

"Well, no… I thought it wasn't exactly my secret to tell," the werewolf mumbles.

James' grin is priceless—meaning, utterly terrifying. "Wonderful. Then we'll have to properly induct you, Sirius."

Sirius glances warily at his brother, who smirks. "Induct me into what?"

"That's for us to know," Regulus supplies, "and for you to find out."

As it turns out, it's not something bad at all, as Sirius suspected. Though the gents could've forgone the theatrics of insisting on staying over at James' house one evening, going on and on about "importance" and "secrets" and "you don't know anything yet."

Frankly, Sirius is more than ready for sleep by the time it's lights out in the Potter residence. The five teens have claimed the living room as their bedroom for the night and Mr. and Mrs. Potter have already gone to bed and Sirius is tucked under the blankets beside Regulus and he's thinking of the brief time when he and his brother shared a room when they were very little, when they would hold hands like twins.

Sirius just closes his eyes when James suddenly says, "Time to get up, mates."

It's an ungodly hour, but James and Regulus are the first up. Remus, on the other side of Sirius, gives him a "What'll we ever do with James?" look and gets Sirius up. It takes all four of them to rouse Peter, who's quite the heavy sleeper.

"This way," James says, leading them out the kitchen door…conveniently the furthest exit from his parents' room.

"What the hell are we doing?" Sirius yawns.

"You'll see," the bespectacled boy replies.

The quintet walk for a while until they're in the woods by James' house. They traipse deeper into the woods, and Sirius grows impatient. "Oh, great. I'm included in your secret and now you're going to murder me in the dead of night. I bet you've picked my plot out and everything, too."

Regulus snorts. "Now, Sirius, the only one who reserves the right to kill or harm you is your sibling. Naturally, me."

"Regulus!" Remus scolds. He falls into step with Sirius. "It's nothing like that Sirius. It's not even Dark magic."

Sirius makes a face, and Remus smiles at him. Well, at least it's a little comforting to know that Sirius gets to see that smile in his last minutes on Earth.

They reach a clearing and James inhales deeply. "Ah, fond memories."

Sirius backs away. "Oh, sweet Salazar—you've not been having orgies out here, have you…?"

"Sirius!" Remus' blush makes him look purple in the moonlight. "Will you just—shut up and watch!"

The elder Black laughs at Remus' admonishment, but he does as told. He stands off to the side and watches the other three. James signals to Peter. "Pete, you first."

Peter whines. "Why me? It's always me…" He takes out his wand and whimpers. "You guys even made fun of me for a week when I messed up…"

"The tail was a nice touch to your uniform," Regulus comments with a grin.

Sirius raises a curious eyebrow but says nothing. Instead, all eyes are on Peter, who says nothing as he grips his wand for dear life. Then, he vanishes.

Sirius gapes at where Peter had been standing, and James relishes in his shock. "That's not all," the ringleader announces. He, too, pulls out his wand as if ready to cast a spell, only this time the spell caster grows larger and larger…

Regulus gives his brother half a smile. "Sorry I didn't tell you sooner…" Just like the others, he grips his wand and concentrates, and he shrinks, but only by a little.

In a matter of moments, a stag stands in James' place, a thin, black wolf in Regulus'. Movement catches Sirius' eye, and he finally spots the rat in Peter's spot.

"Merlin's beard…," Sirius breathes.

"Remarkable, isn't it?" Remus prompts with admiration in his voice. "They have control over their transformations. While they can't communication in this form, they instead still keep their human minds." Remus leans in closer and whispers, "They can hear and understand us even now."

Remus' breath on his earlobe tingles, and Sirius swats him away. "I… What are they?"

"'Animagus' is the term," the werewolf answers. "They learned my secret at the end of second year, and Regulus was the one who found the solution. They didn't want me to be alone in the Shrieking Shack, where I go during the school year. But I also can't roam freely while transformed. So they studied and practiced and now take these forms to look after me." Remus' eyes moves from one beast's face to the next. "They keep me in check."

It makes so much sense now. The extra time Regulus had spent with his friends. How tired Regulus was after the full moon. How tired Regulus had been that night when Sirius had revealed to Remus that he knew about his lycanthropy…

"They did this for me," Remus says, holding a hand out for Regulus, who pads over and sits, regal in his wolfish form. Remus pats Regulus' head and locks eyes with Sirius. "It was their secret to tell, but…it's kind of the rest of my secret."

"What do you mean?"

"This magic is tough, and only a few adults ever manage it. Plus, technically one's supposed to register with the Ministry of Magic…" Remus chuckles, but he's delighted. "But these blokes did this for me. Two years, and they don't look too bad, yeah?"

Sirius nods. Then he notices something…actually, a few somethings… "Where are Peter's whiskers? And James' tail… And Regulus' snout is too short." He laughs when Regulus growls at him.

Remus shrugs and takes note, as well. "The transformations aren't perfect yet. It takes time, Sirius."

"Well, I want in on this, too," he says as the other three return to human form.

Remus gapes at him. "Sirius, I… We didn't mean to show you with the intention of goading you into doing the same."

Regulus also appears not to like the idea. "It's painful in the beginning, Brother. Besides, we stupidly rushed into this. People have died in the process, or—"

Sirius glares at his younger brother. "Are you honestly telling me what to do, Regulus? Something that's safe enough for you but too dangerous for me?"

"That's not what I—"

"Well…why not?" James pipes up. The circle grows quiet, and the Chaser rubs the back of his neck, a little nervous at suddenly having everyone's eyes on him. "I mean, the more, the merrier, Reg. Besides, it might help, having another animal around to tame Remus."

"So long as we don't end up with another useless rat…," Peter adds with a heavy sigh.

James and Regulus snicker a little at that, and Remus looks once more to Sirius. "Are you sure?" the werewolf asks.

"Never been more sure before in my life," Sirius answers.

- ^-^3

It's the truth. Sirius never has been surer about something than he is about becoming an Animagus. To be honest, it rather frightens him.

At home, he senses that his mother has noted a change in him, but he doesn't practice at home. Regulus warns him it'd be too risky. They save practice for when they go to James', to Remus', or to Peter's, and they continue to practice at school, even.

Practicing at school is not the best of ideas this year, however. More witches expect to have their hearts broken by Sirius (though he could care less), and with their fifth year comes the promise of O.W.L.s. Besides, James is doing his damnedest to spend most of his free time dogging Lily Evans' heels, Peter is trying to befriend the house-elves so that they might start giving him midnight snacks, and Regulus begins to spend less time with Sirius.

"Nothing's the matter," Regulus states when Sirius complains about the last fact. "Besides, Remus can keep you company."

Sirius dislikes the remark. What is Remus, his babysitter? Sirius doesn't even get Regulus' attitude—he's too even-tempered for Sirius' tastes, most of the time.

"He's not getting into trouble, if that's what you think," Remus tells him as they lounge in the library. It's their refugee, of sorts, because neither really should be seen entering the other's common room. "He's just spending more time with Gideon."

Sirius gives Remus a funny look. "The Prewetts twins? And how can you say they're not trouble?"

Remus rolls his eyes. "I said Gideon, not Gideon and Fabian."

Whatever Remus implies, Sirius misses it. Oh, well. He'll enjoy all this extra time spent with Remus. Then he'll see how Regulus likes that.

(Vaguely, Sirius is aware how childish being accepted by the Marauders has made him. But that's deep down, and he's not willing to admit it to anyone.)

Remus likes the extra attention, anyway. Remus talks with Sirius about anything and rarely feels as though Sirius puts him down, which makes sense. Sirius never feels like putting Remus down.

"You're also a little better at focusing when I'm talking with you," the werewolf tells him during the first Hogsmeade visit of the year. They're sipping cocoa together at Madam Rosmerta's, because Sirius decided before the year began that it was all right to be seen out and about with at least Remus. Remus is willing to lie and say their interactions are strictly Regulus-related, should any other Slytherins ask.

"You're talking to me—why not focus?"

"Oh, James is so easily distracted by any possible sighting of Lily. But you," Remus says contently, "look at someone when they're talking to you. I like that about you."

Sirius goes to say that it's only right to pay attention when someone's talking to him…but Remus' tone ensnares him. He looks at Remus' face, all right, but he can't look away for other reasons.

Remus' face, as he once noticed years ago, has feminine features, but there are underlying masculine qualities, as well. He's…androgynous, but he's…he's beautiful nevertheless. His irises are brown like their hot cocoa, his lashes are slightly darker than his hair and a little long for a boy, his nose looks straight from the front and crooked from the side because of his scarring, his lips are thin but a deep peach color, and he has high cheekbones that are barely defined but give Sirius a hint of the man Remus will someday look like. And the more Sirius stares, the less glaring Remus' scars are, until Sirius doesn't see them anymore.

Sirius licks his lips and quickly sips his drink. His mouth has gone dry, and it takes a dragon's strength to tear his eyes away.

"Everything all right?" Remus asks.

The Slytherin nervously laughs and waves his friend off. "Oh, yeah, yes, totally fine. You were saying?"

Remus smiles, and it's as though someone turned on the light in the dark room of Sirius' mind. "I wasn't. You were staring at me funny, though."

"Uh, yeah. There was a bug on you."

The werewolf jumps up and swats at his face. "What?! Why didn't you tell me?! Sirius!"

The comedic timing allows for Sirius to laugh and regain his composure. That was a close one.

After all, the witches are lined up for Sirius, and they have O.W.L.s to worry about this year.

(He can't go falling for a werewolf. There are too many problems with that scenario, yessirree.)

- ^-^3

The closer the fifth years get to examination time, the more worn out Sirius feels. Remus' monthly visits to the Shrieking Shack don't help, even though Regulus assured Sirius he didn't have to come since he's only managed to change one arm successfully so far.

"Just leave it to us," his younger brother states.

Sirius looks to the others for assistance, but there's a general consensus. So long as Sirius can't fully transform, he's to keep his nose to his books.

But that means spending more time in the Slytherin common room and in his room studying. And he quickly figures out why he'd stopped getting shit from the other snakes about his brother's company: Simply put, Sirius hasn't been around to hear their snickers. But now he's back in the snake's maw.

Mulciber and Rosier snicker behind his back and never tell him what they say to make fun of him. Avery favors rude gestures, while Wilkes loves the words "blood-traitor," "disgrace," "foul jackoffs," and "Mudblood lovers." Even that younger kid, younger even than Regulus, Barty Crouch, Jr., loves commenting about the shame the Black family must be enduring right now, since it appears that both Black brothers have gone to the "dark side."

Interestingly, Snape says nothing. He simply watches Sirius to the point where Sirius is creeped out, but he never says anything against his roommate. Severus Snape is a character better left ignored (though James thinks otherwise—he's always willing to make Snape the butt of a joke or prank simply because they have the same taste in women).

This carries on for a while, and O.W.L.s are right around the corner when Sirius is at his most tired. He hasn't been going to the Shrieking Shack for months, but the exhaustion finally catches up with him.

"Tired from using your brain so much?" Snape quips one evening.

"No, Snapey," Sirius says, knowing the nickname irks the other teenager. "I'm just off my monthly schedule."

Snape says nothing, so Sirius sleeps, and all is well.

…for a brief moment.

The thing is, in all his being lost in Remus' eyes or caught up in hanging out with Regulus when Gideon wasn't around or practicing becoming an Animagus, Sirius never once stopped to notice the quiet attention Snape was giving him—and it wasn't the good kind of attention.

Looking back on it, Sirius eventually sees that Snape had been studying him as Sirius had been studying Remus, but Snape had put things together faster.

On the night of the last full moon before exams, Sirius has trouble sleeping, so it is easy to be awoken by any sound…say, like that of a fellow Slytherin classmate getting out of bed and leaving the dormitory.

Normally Sirius will ignore such an occurrence, but as it's Snape, he knows that something has to be up. So he gives the greasy git a head start and quickly follows.

It's strange to think that someone who's a relative goody-two-shoes—not that unlike Remus in that regard—is willing to wander the castle at night and risk punishment. But Sirius is learning new things about Severus Snape…and where Snape heads gives Sirius half a mind to let Snape do what he's obviously going to do.

Snape makes his way to the Whomping Willow. He doesn't know how to still the tree's violent branches, but he risks the harm by dashing to the roots anyway. Sirius didn't think it possible, but Snape makes it there in one piece, and he locates the secret passageway underneath.

Sirius runs his hands through his lengthy hair. "Shit, shit, shit…!" He makes a run for it, stilling the tree as Remus once told him how to do, and follows Snape into the passageway.

Snape's a fast little bugger, and Sirius doesn't see him when he emerges on the other side. The shack is already alive with animal noises, but Sirius doesn't see Snape.

The elder Black ducks outside, searching for a silhouette. The wolf or the stag—either will do at this point. As it turns out, James is the one on perimeter patrol tonight, and Sirius rushes to him. "James!"

The stag turns its head. Even in the moonlight, Sirius recognizes those hazel eyes as James Potter's.

"James! You've gotta hurry! Snape found out and now he's somewhere in the shack and—"

Remus howls in the night, and both of them turn. Sirius runs, and James bounds past him.

Back in the shack, four entities occupy the Shrieking Shack's main room. Peter, as his rat self, screeches in Remus' ears, running along his shifting shoulders and biting his neck, trying to calm Remus down by distracting him from the transformation.

On the other side of the room, Regulus the wolf stands in front of Snape protectively, snarling as the werewolf emerges in Remus' place. Snape is horrified, but unfortunately he is also frozen in place.

Regulus and Sirius catch one another's eye, and Sirius dives for Snape at the same time Regulus and James charge the werewolf. It's a tremendous effort, and Sirius gets off a few spells, but Remus' bestial self is controlled.

With Remus transformed, he can't be left alone. Regulus and James look to Sirius for suggestions.

"I'll take him back to the castle. Peter," Sirius calls out for the rat. "You'll come with."

The rat appears and nods even as he turns back into the round boy Sirius knows. They reluctantly leave Regulus and James, but Sirius is glad to have Peter at his back. He doesn't trust Snape at all right now—and he's fairly certain he'll never trust the ruddy bat ever again, House ties or not.

At the castle, Sirius waits with Snape in the Entrance Hall while Peter fetches Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore. "What the hell were you thinking?" Sirius asks, but he's too drained to pour fury into his tone.

"I—I—I—" Snape tries to swallow the lump in his throat. His eyes are wide and glued to the stone floor. "I j-j-just wanted to kn-kn-know what P-P-Potter and the o-o-others g-got up to every m-month… I—I thought I c-c-could use it against h-h-him…"

Go figure only Snape would see the opportunity in such a situation. In a way, Sirius admires Lily Evans' sway over two wizards—one strong, the other smart (…most of the time, because tonight wasn't really earning Snape any points).

Pomfrey checks Snape over and gives him a clean bill of health. Dumbledore asks for the story of the evening, and Sirius and Peter tell him. Snape is asked to accompany the headmaster to his office, and Sirius wonders if that might actually be the last time they see Snape…

The following morning is almost as bad as the previous night. Remus is in no shape to deal with this worst case scenario, but the Marauders and Sirius have to convene in the Hospital Wing.

"I bet you told your fellow snake, didn't you?" James snarls at him.

Sirius scowls at him. "Piss off, Potter. I didn't tell him anything. Snape figured it out for himself."

Remus pales. "Merlin! How many other people have guessed about me?!"

Regulus shakes his head. "I'm sure your secret's actually fine, with Snape's exception." He looks at James. "Be honest, James. Sirius has nothing to do with this. If anything, we probably weren't being very careful about leaving the castle, and…"

James deflates, an apology to Sirius in his eyes. Sirius silently accepts it. "And what?" he weakly prods Regulus.

"It's no secret that you and Snape hate each other and both love Lily."

James furrows his brows. "So he just wanted me to get into trouble and look bad in front of Lily?"

"Smarter men have done a lot worse for less," Regulus states.

One by one, Pomfrey achieves chasing them out, telling them that they must sleep in their own beds. Sirius disagrees—if anything, last night proves that the Marauders and Sirius should stick to Remus like glue when the full moon comes 'round. Stubborn as he is, he's the last one to leave.

Remus has been quiet almost the whole time, and Sirius is glad they have study hall for first period. The elder Black won't leave until the scarred boy speaks.

At last, he does. Poor Remus; his voice comes out squeaky. "Thank you," he breathes.

Sirius raises his eyebrows. "Okay. Not what I was expecting." He gives Remus a half-hearted grin. "Remus, no thanks needed."

"No, you've got to understand. I—" He inhales shakily. "My parents told Dumbledore about the risks. Dumbledore insisted that I should attend Hogwarts. And my worst fear…it almost came true." Remus sighs, and he's on the verge of crying. Sirius' chest twinges at the sight; he's never seen Remus look so vulnerable before. "I don't want to hurt anyone, and I especially don't want to turn them…into…into me."

Sirius reaches out and covers Remus' hand with his. "Hey. There can only be one Remus."

"Sirius, you know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do" is on the tip of the snake's tongue, but he swallows the word. "Is there anything else I can do for you?" Sirius offers. "Besides gallantly save the night?"

Remus laughs, and it's a heartening sound. "No…no. You've done enough." His eyes drop to Sirius' hand. "Actually…" He glances up at Sirius sheepishly from under his girly eyelashes. "Do you mind?"

Sirius begins to take his hand away. "Sorry."

"No, I meant—!" Remus grabs his hand and holds on to it. "I mean, do you mind…staying like this for a little while?"

It's just them and Pomfrey bustling about, and somehow the gesture makes it seem as if they're in a parallel world running alongside the real one, another one in which this isn't happening.

And Sirius is glad he's in this one.

- ^-^3

Exams are a breeze. Granted, Sirius doesn't really know how many, if any, he passes, but he doesn't quite care. He's thrown caution to the wind by throwing his luck into the same pot as the Marauders'.

As their fifth year dies down, the Marauders and Sirius all spend less time together. They know they have another summer coming, anyway. So it's not so bad when James finally calms down and begins to catch Lily's eye (only that Regulus, Remus, and Sirius have witnessed, and they won't tell James yet, otherwise they'll have to put up with a whole summer of "SHE NOTICED ME~!" from James…and that's torture). It's not so bad when Peter's snack connoisseur status allows him to befriend pretty fellow lion Marlene McKinnon, whose voracious appetite is wholly unladylike.

It's not so bad when Sirius spends as much time as possible with Remus.

He tells himself not to worry about what Regulus is getting up to, because he relishes the moments he sits in the dim light or the shadows of the book stacks with Remus. Sometimes they talk, sometimes they don't. But, no matter what, Remus' hand is always linked with Sirius'.

They don't have to say anything. In fact, words might belittle those moments for them.

Besides, Remus is a thoughtful, emotional person. Sirius has become a more introspective one, and neither of them really want to admit just how deep in they are. But it's evident to the two of them.

(Sirius can't wish for the summer to come any faster.)

- ^-^3

Again, Sirius can't wish for the summer to be further away.

After one, only one, trip to James' this summer, Sirius is…for lack of a better word…grounded. He hasn't even had the chance to do anything but hold Remus' hand, and now all his hopes have gone up in smoke.

Sirius and Regulus learn of Sirius' homebound status the second time they leave for the Potters'. The brothers are stopped at the front door by both of their parents, though their mother is the one with murder in her eyes.

"Is something wrong, Mother?" Regulus ventures.

Her eyes flick to him, cooling in an instant. "Nothing of import to you," she drawls, and her words would've cut Regulus like a knife…if he cared anymore.

"Just wait outside for me, Reg," Sirius tells his brother. "I'll be right out."

Regulus looks warily between his brother and mother, unsure of Sirius' words. But, as he listens so well to his role model, he does indeed wait outside. He leaves the door cracked open, but their mother doesn't miss that, and she closes it herself before she returns her attention to Sirius. "You're not going," she says at last.

Sirius gawks at her. "Uh, excuse me? You're the one who wanted Regulus to have a chaperone in the first place!"

His father's eyes are glazed over. Obviously, he has better things to do. He pats his wife on the shoulder, slurs, "I'll leave you to it," and meanders back to his study.

"It's just what I said," she repeats, walking around until she's behind Sirius. It gives him no other options but to walk forward, back into the house, back into the kitchen where he and Regulus had rushed through breakfast in order to leave for James' place sooner rather than later.

"Then what?" Sirius' voice is tight, but he controls his anger. It didn't used to be this hard…ah. That was before he had friends. That was before Remus had been a good influence on him. That was before he'd started being true to himself.

His mother snorts. "You have other plans this summer, Sirius. That traitor can do as he likes." Her eyes always go cold at the simplest reference to Regulus, and Sirius can't believe he hadn't recognized that until now. But then her eyes flicker to life with a frozen fire in them. "But you. You, Sirius… You can still go on to do great things!"

And thus, it begins. The indoctrination of a pureblood's pure world.

(First, isolate the boy. Don't let him have any friends, and don't let him enjoy the few he does have. In fact, keep him housebound. Break his will.

Second, define the superiority of a pureblood every single chance. At breakfast, lunch, and dinner; when studying, when reading news, when doing household chores; and getting up and going to sleep each day. Never give the boy the chance to defy the teachings.

Third, speak of the grand things others in the family are doing. Do not specify their actions yet; the boy is not official and still thinks what they do is a crime. "Death Eaters," he'll call them. Correct him: "The Dark Lord's servants."

Fourth, have him speak with the Dark Lord's servants. Those closest to him in age make sense. They can explain the thrill of obedience to the Dark Lord better than those members who have been with the Dark Lord from the beginning.

Fifth: If all else fails, use intimidation and threats.)

Sirius does his best to endure this, this, the summer of his sixteenth year. He even plans to run away to Remus' or to James', because he knows he'd be safer there, and the Lupins and the Potters would take him in, no doubt about it. And not just because he's Regulus' brother, but because they like him, too.

A few, feeble times, Sirius shifts his limbs, practicing just a little bit more with transforming. He's a black dog, he discovers. And the fact hurts.

Maybe he had become a Marauder and hadn't even known it.

Be that as it may, Sirius has to push all that aside when his mother decides she's getting nowhere with him. Therefore, she resorts to dirty tactics.

"It's you or Regulus," she says icily when Regulus is not home but staying over at James'.

Sirius' blood chills. He doesn't take another bite of his food as his hands shake, and he doesn't want her to see that. So he puts his utensils down and folds his hands on his lap. "What do you mean?" Sweet Salazar, please don't let his voice tremble.

Walburga Black's eyes shine like abysses in the poor, "atmospheric" light of the dining room in Twelve Grimmauld Place. "Don't think I haven't noticed you fighting me all summer, Sirius." For a fraction of a second, her face falls, and Sirius briefly buys that he's been a disappointment. But then her insanity returns, and he sobers up to the fact that, no, the truth is that this is his mother's true personality. "So it's you or Regulus. One of you will join our cause. And if you won't, then perhaps I'll just drag Regulus kicking and screaming—"

"No!" Sirius' tongue moves in his mouth, but he can't control his words. "No, if you need a body, don't take Reg. Take me…take me instead…"

They are the exact words she has been waiting to hear. A most brilliant smile curves her lips, and, the next thing Sirius knows, his world is over.

(Regulus comes home, only to be banished from the house. He goes and begins living with James' family. His face is Blasted off the family tree.

Sirius, broken beyond reluctance, has a date with destiny.

Before the summer is over, Sirius is branded like cattle, and his future is planned out for him.

Sirius Orion Black now belongs to the Dark Lord. After all…

Sirius Orion Black is a good boy, an obedient boy.

And no one's going to change that about him ever again.)

- ^-^3

Sixth year is a mess. But what's to expect, when his life has gone to the dogs?

(Ohh, to the dogs…good one, Sirius.)

But it's true. Having the Dark Mark burned into his skin has changed him. Or, perhaps, he's simply reverted to the boy he used to be. The other Slytherins no longer see him as a laughingstock; those younger and those older than him now fear him and look at him with respect. The older ones, in particular, don't mention his old dealings with Regulus' crowd. Sure, some of the older snakes give him dirty looks, but only because they're jealous.

And they're never jealous for long when Sirius teases them and pushes up his left sleeve a little, giving them a glimpse of what some of them desire. No, they're not jealous because they are either deranged enough to drool over the Mark, or they're scared beyond their wits.

In some ways, the Mark has provided Sirius with the swagger he could've used a year or two ago. The witches flock to his bad boy aura, and he's more of a lothario than ever. No one really seems to care, though.

Well, once or twice, Remus catches Sirius after turning a corner, and the hurt is clear on his fine, scarred features. But he never says anything and just runs away.

Yeah. No one really seems to care at all.

The time Regulus used to spend with Sirius is now spent with James. Regulus barely looks at his brother anymore. Makes sense. He ran away to live with James—James is probably a better big brother than Sirius ever was.

(Which is such a lie. Has James taken the Dark Mark for Regulus? Has he ever given up his life for Regulus? No.)

Snape keeps his distance from Sirius, too, but for other reasons. Snape is careful around him because of the previous school year, no doubt. But Snape seems to be studying him again. Probably taking notes on how to get into the Death Eaters' club, judging by those rumors going around about how he finally slipped up and called his beloved Lily Evans a Mudblood.

Despite his upturned world, Sirius truly believes he can handle it. Hey, if Cousin Bella, "sane" as she is, can get in and not have the remainder of her mind broken, then surely Sirius can do this?

…sometimes, though…

…sometimes, Sirius lies awake at night, running on energy dregs, thinking about how he's essentially thrown his life away, thinking about the happier life he could be enjoying right now, a life with Regulus still in it, a life with the Marauders in it, where the Marauders would take him in just like how the Potters took Regulus in, and Remus will be there, and Sirius will be there with Remus, in the shadows again, the loving, inviting shadows where they can entwine their fingers and talk about everything or nothing at all, nothing at all of course meaning what they have between them—

No. What they had between them.

Always Sirius reaches that point when reality snaps him back. It takes a tremendous effort not to cry himself to sleep on those nights. (Those nights, he thinks, which really are almost every single night.)

Sirius' first bit of good luck arrives in the form of a letter from his parents. As they have been informed by the school that Regulus is coming home (actually, only not staying at the castle—he's not going home, either, but to James' home for the break), they bestow a gift on Sirius and grant him permission to stay at the castle.

Sirius breathes a sigh of relief. He'll have a reprieve from his mental anguish for a short break.

Most others go home for the break. Sirius is one of few. And the other faces he sees at Christmas dinner are mostly unfamiliar—with the exception of Remus'.

It's hard when their eyes meet over dinner. Sirius is stunned, and Remus is shattered. They say nothing to each other. (Dinner is a quiet affair.)

Christmas in the castle is cold this year, colder than Sirius recalls. He gets up and meanders through the halls after midnight, seeking out heat where he knows there is not.

His feet lead him to the portrait hole in Gryffindor Tower.

The elder Black brother stays there for a while, staring at the Fat Lady. She never stirs; she, like everyone else, went to sleep ages ago. She doesn't understand what it's like to stay awake because her skin crawls, because her left forearms itches like bloody murder and she can't get rid of the Mark—

"Sirius?"

Sirius blinks, not realizing that he'd been so lost in his thoughts that Remus had emerged without him knowing. And now he stands before him, bathroom hanging open over his pajamas, faded red slippers that look pink now on his feet.

"Sirius," Remus repeats, and the painting swings shut behind him as he comes down the steps to the same landing as Sirius. He looks into the slightly taller boy's eyes and frowns. "What are you doing here?"

"I—" Sirius shakes his head. "I was cold."

"And you expect me to warm you up?"

Any other time, Sirius might've cracked a joke. But he can't. He doesn't crack jokes anymore. He plays a few cruel pranks these days and says mean things and breaks witches' hearts—that's Sirius Black.

Remus sighs. "Walk with me, Sirius." His tone is overly familiar, and it speaks of an old time when Sirius was just making friends with an adorable boy with scars on his face—that was Sirius, Remus' Sirius.

They end up on the ground floor, at the foot of the moving stairs. The paintings down here enjoy a deep slumber, so there's no fear of waking them.

"Talk to me, Sirius."

Sirius opens his mouth, but no words come out. Instead, the best he can do is lift his left arm and go to push up the sleeve—

"Let me," Remus says, and his tone is timid as he gingerly holds Sirius' wrist and pulls the cuff of Sirius' sleep shirt up just a fraction. Remus' eyes widen, and yet he doesn't drop Sirius' arm like a hot coal. "Oh" is all he says. He stares at Sirius and frowns. "Regulus…had his suspicions. We just never thought that you'd go through with it…"

Sirius shakes his head. "I didn't want to."

Remus purses his lips. "…some part of you had to, Sirius, if you were to survive taking this at all."

Sirius panics. No! Has he really lost Remus, too?!

"And maybe it's for the better," the bookworm continues, backing away and looking at the paintings in the darkness. "You have other priorities these days."

"You know nothing about me!" Sirius snaps. He wants to confess all about protecting Regulus, but he doesn't. He doesn't want the pity he knows he'll get, and he doesn't want his reasons getting back to Regulus ever. Regulus, who'll come running when Sirius calls…Regulus, who'll do whatever it takes to save his brother from throwing his life away.

(Oh, they're so tragically dependent; someone ought to write a story.)

"I…I think I wanted to apologize," the Slytherin mumbles.

Remus softens. He's such a sucker for Sirius' honesty. "For what?"

Sirius looks at him, and he's glad for the darkness. Only in the darkness does Sirius feel a tad like his old self, the self that still wants to hold Remus' hand and join Regulus in the library and aid James in teasing Peter over eating everyone's Honeydukes haul. Only in the darkness does he control any part of himself—most importantly, the part that steps forward and kisses Remus.

It's brief and deep and Remus pushes him away. "Sirius! What are you—" He stops when he understands that Sirius isn't putting up a fight. Remus' voice is wet. "You can't just do that if you have every intent on that being our first and last."

The snake chuckles brokenly. "Why do you have to be such a mind reader, Rem?"

Maybe Remus cries, maybe he doesn't. But he does press himself against Sirius' chest and wraps his arms around the other wizard and holds him there. Even if there's no hope for them as lovers, maybe there's still hope for them as friends.

Maybe.

- ^-^3

Much to the other Marauders' chagrin, Remus has yet to give up on Sirius. That hand seeks out Sirius' again in the shadows, and Sirius always makes sure his shadows are free for Remus and Remus alone—let the witches be damned.

(After all, who knows how much longer Sirius will be able to enjoy such freedom? He's only got one school year left.)

Still, even Remus' companionship isn't enough to make Sirius' bad mood evaporate. His kisses aren't enough to soothe the beast, but Sirius refuses to tell him why.

"You know you can tell me," Remus assures him day in and day out.

But, no, Sirius can't. Because it all comes back to Regulus and letting Regulus lead his own life and letting Regulus be himself and—

"Regulus!" Sirius barks when he and Remus are just walking down past the stone circle on a lovely spring day and find Regulus attached to Gideon Prewett in a more-than-friendly manner.

Regulus rolls his eyes and fixes his robes while Gideon smoothes his own shirt. "Shut up, Sirius," the younger Black gripes.

Sirius turns red in the face and grabs Regulus' upper arm. Remus and Gideon look ready to jump in at any time, but Regulus can defend himself. He smacks Sirius' hand off.

"Oh, don't act like you care," he comments. Then his cheeks flush a healthy crimson. "Besides, I've liked Gideon since day one and have been with him for two years now. It's not my fault you were the last one to notice."

Sirius takes the hint this time and turns back to Remus, who fumbles and shakes his head and groans. "I, well, just… I dropped some hints because Regulus kind of wanted you to know."

The sad thing is, Sirius isn't even angry at them, at any of them. He doesn't view Gideon in a poor light, because Gideon's a good guy and not a jerk like his twin. He doesn't blame Remus, because Remus is a good guy, too, and is a good friend to Regulus. He doesn't even blame Regulus, because, honestly, look at the example he's had to follow all these years.

Sirius is the first to leave, and it takes days and days of cajoling from Remus before he talks again. "Am I to blame for my brother's path?"

Remus doesn't quite know how to answer that. "What? You think you made Regulus the way he is?"

The elder Black tugs on Remus' hand and gives him a sad smile. "Maybe."

"Sirius, Regulus would've fallen for Gideon no matter what. Their personalities mesh that way." Remus smiles for him and leans on his chair in front of him in the library. "About the only thing you did was give Regulus the courage to be himself."

Sirius kisses Remus' hand but doesn't release it. "Honestly…that doesn't make it any better."

Remus has run out of things to say. All he can do is be there for Sirius, even as Sirius begins to slip into the persona his parents are expecting to greet when he goes home.

- ^-^3

The summer before seventh year is a blur.

Sirius goes to his first Death Eater meeting, but nothing sticks with him. He's too terrified of the bone-white face with the ruby-red eyes.

(It's terrifying, really, so terrifying. Sirius goes home and rushes to his room to change his pants. The talk of the crimes He plans to commit made Sirius piss himself.)

He can't see Remus or the others, but he slips missives to Remus when he can. He doesn't have his own owl and he can't use the family owl, but Sirius makes use of the Lupin family owl that knows to meet him in the park across the street from his home.

Remus reports on Regulus' wellbeing for Sirius. He catches him up on their antics. He tries to hide how much he misses Sirius.

He tells Sirius he loves him.

Sirius burns the letters.

(He has each and every one of them burned into his memory.)

- ^-^3

Seventh year is one long goodbye party.

Dumbledore, in his "brilliance," makes James Head Boy alongside Lily as Head Girl. Remus, as a Prefect, fills his friends in on Prefect meetings. It's amusing, but Lily seems to be willing to give James the time of day now. And James isn't jumping for joy over it.

"No," he says with a subtle smile, "I think I tamed that part of myself over the summer."

Peter tries slimming down by dieting for the year. His diet ends by November, which is a new record.

Regulus and Gideon are happy, though Fabian's in the same boat as Sirius and doesn't quite approve. Still, Gideon keeps Regulus out of trouble, which is a pleasant change from the younger Regulus pulling pranks with James.

Remus sticks to Sirius, and it's a sliver of happiness for the doomed Slytherin. It's almost as though this is the natural course of events, as though they were meant to be together despite anything.

It's sweet.

It's love.

(It makes Sirius never want to go home ever again.)

But all good things must come to an end, and the year winds down. The atmosphere over Sirius and those he knows is heavy and foretelling. A storm's coming, and it's a wonder who'll survive it to tell the tale…

As graduation comes closer and closer, Remus becomes more and more desperate. "You should come to my house for the summer," he'll say lightly. But his worry is barely covered. All he wants to do is to get Sirius to his house and never let him go—he wants to hide Sirius away from the world and not let him become…what he's become.

"I can't, Moony," Sirius breathes into the hair near Remus' temple. He loves pressing his lips there. Remus' skin there is unmarred and soft.

(Four weeks left.)

"Maybe there's some way to remove the Mark," Remus thinks aloud as he scours the Restricted Section for help.

"Not unless I claw my skin off, Rem," Sirius corrects, because he doesn't think there's a cure for this madness disease. Everyone else he knows who's taken the Dark Mark doesn't have any intention of removing it.

(Three weeks left.)

"Think of something!" Remus cries. His big brown doe eyes are wet and red.

Sirius smiles sadly and takes his hand and leads him outside on a clear night when they don't have to worry about the moon's presence. "I have something to show you, Moony."

Remus' hopes are up, but all Sirius shows him is that, at last, Sirius perfected his form. He can entirely become a black dog.

Only, these days, the fur is matted on his left foreleg.

Remus hugs Sirius the dog and buries his face in the thick, shaggy fur, crying.

Sirius nuzzles his cheek and sits there patiently. Only when Remus' sobs have stopped does he lift his head and howl at the empty night sky.

(Two weeks left.)

"Sirius, come with me." It's not a suggestion or a question. It's an order from Remus.

It peaks Sirius' curiosity.

Remus leads him deep into the castle, and Sirius wonders where they're going. A door he doesn't recall is there on the fifth floor, and—ah. That makes sense. Only Remus can enter. It's the Prefects' bathroom, spacious and elegant…

…and empty.

Remus, that night, tries to show Sirius what Sirius isn't fighting hard enough for. It works, but it only saddens Sirius more.

(One week left.)

Remus, sly bastard, has known all along, even though he never said anything and he never told the others, especially not Regulus.

But he's known all along why Sirius was so adamant. Why else would he, too, resort to using Regulus against him?

"Regulus wouldn't want this," the bookworm says. They walk alone on the covered bridge, heading towards the Clock Tower's courtyard. They're heading across the campus.

"Please don't say that," Sirius mumbles. It's a warm, humid day in summer, but that doesn't keep him from hiding his and Remus' clasped hands within the folds of his black-and-green robes.

"He wouldn't," Remus pushes with a shrug.

Sirius deflates. "Everything's been for him."

They reenter the castle and walk by the Hospital Wing. Remus looks back at Sirius as he pulls him along; he sees into Sirius' heart. "Not everything's been for him."

Sirius twists his mouth around. He doesn't have a retort.

They go down a few floors until they come to the second, and Remus leads him to a familiar place. They dawdle outside the entrance for a second and then enter, and Sirius is pulled toward a familiar stack. "I love you, Party Boy," the werewolf whispers as he stares at the book he'd searched for on that day they finally connected.

"I love you, Scar Boy," Sirius replies, and he leans his forehead against Remus', and time just seems to stop for a moment. Oh, if only the moment would last forever.

(Zero weeks left. This is the finish line.)

The train ride home is the last-ditch attempt. Remus could've come up with some bizarre, elaborate plan to save Sirius, to keep him from descending any further down this Dark spiral.

He could've confessed everything to his fellow Marauders. He could've brought them in and they could've detained him and not let him go home.

He could've told Dumbledore and gotten Sirius some real help.

He could've…

In reality, Remus, the one Sirius knows and loves, would've done none of these things. Because…Remus gets it. Being a werewolf, Remus understands the fear of hurting himself and others. Being a werewolf, Remus understands Sirius' desire to protect others from a worse fate.

All Remus does in that car that is, thankfully, just the original five of them—James, Peter, Regulus, Remus, and Sirius, without Lily or Gideon—is tell the others one of Sirius' secrets. "He managed it, by the way. Becoming an Animagus."

James claps him on the back. "Nicely done, mate!"

Regulus' eyes hold nothing but approval (it's a picture Sirius will take to his grave, he will treasure it that much). "I never thought you couldn't."

"Liar," Sirius teases. (It hits him. That might be the last teasing he does of his baby brother ever.)

Peter's eyes are all alight. "So, what are you?"

Sirius grins. "A black dog."

James rolls his eyes. "Oh, for Merlin's sake— What is with you Black brothers?! First the wolf and now a dog? Cripes!"

"Ohh, we've got to come up with a name for him, too," Peter quips.

"I've already thought of one," Remus states before the others can brainstorm. He locks eyes with Sirius. "'Padfoot.'"

Sirius' heart swells, and he wishes it would burst. He nods. "Sounds nice."

James and Regulus laugh and chorus, "Misters Moony, Wormtail, Fangtooth, Padfoot, and Prongs—" Regulus stops. "Godric, that's a mouthful."

"Said Gideon last night," James sneaks in.

Regulus turns Gryffindor maroon. "JAMES! He did not!"

The train ride ends before they know it, and Regulus hugs his brother—his real brother—before he and James find the Potters. Peter tips his head to them and waddles off, and then there are two.

"There's a reason why Reg and James clicked so fast, you know," Remus states. Ah, so he can't resist one more rescue mission.

Too bad Sirius has a reply for this one. "I knew it since a long time ago." He blinks before the Potters and Regulus Disapparate. "James is a lot like me. Regulus, maybe somewhere unconsciously, knew he'd have to replace me at some point…"

Remus faces Sirius. "Not replace, Sirius."

Sirius barely manages a smile. "…yeah, yeah, I know."

They walk the length of the station, grateful that their parents haven't arrived yet. Remus opens and closes his mouth a few times, but he shakes his head and reaches for Sirius' hand.

Sirius relishes in the warmth.

Then the Lupins arrive, and they wait patiently for Remus to say his goodbyes. Remus looks into Sirius' eyes, and he surprises his parents by kissing Sirius on the mouth, though it's chaste by anyone's standards. And he says words that mean everything in the world to Sirius: "I don't blame you, Sirius."

It takes all his willpower not to cry and give in. Sirius nods. "Thank you, Remus."

And then Remus has to leave, and it's a final parting, because who knows if they'll ever see each other again?

(Somehow, Sirius knows they will. They will, on the battlefield, on opposite sides, fighting for different causes.

Now Sirius just has to think how he can get away with pleasing his parents by pleasing the Dark Lord while protecting Remus from his fellow Death Eaters.)

…

(Ah, yes, he has just painted a target on his back.)

- ^-^3

Holy cow… I just… The story ran away from me, and it developed so quickly and I just…yeah. o.o Dunno if I'll do a sequel…I like the angsty-ness… I also liked including nods to canon… But Sirius, my baby… I think he and Regulus were that close, and school and history could've been a lot different if Sirius had sacrificed himself for Regulus, but I'll stop commenting there. Note: Regulus/Gideon is an M&MWP. Plus, the title and inspiration for this fic mostly comes from the album, Voices, by Phantogram (the title's even one of the songs). SO GOOD. That's all. TT-TT Hope you appreciated this, Dobby! I've never written anything like this before…though it was pleasant to do after rereading my old Remmius fic, 45 Ways to Make a Werewolf Fall for You.

Thank you for reading until the end (ooh, 15K-plus words~novella~ -w-), and please do review!

-mew-tsubaki :')